Finding Solace (The Finding Series Book 4)

by C. J. Allison

  “Holy shit! Who the fuck are you and why did you have to scare the ever living shit out of me?” she yells, leaning over and holding her chest.

  I can’t control my laughter. Until she looks up and I almost swallow my tongue. The most beautiful face is looking up at me with the most striking sky blue eyes.

  “Well? Are you going to just stand up there and stare at me? Do you like scaring women and horses first thing in the morning?”

  I finally find my voice and say, “Sorry, ma’am, just wanted to say good morning.”

  “Good Lord, you must be Zeke. Your father is the only other man who has ever called me ma’am. You look like him, too. Except you’re bald and have a beard. Oh, shut up, Gracie, you are rambling.”

  “I’m assuming you are talking to yourself, so you would be Gracie, correct?” I ask as I run my hand over my head, feeling the morning stubble.

  “Grace, Gracie, Gracie Lynn depending on who is talking to me, yes.”

  “Squeak,” I say smiling.

  “Excuse me?” Grace responds.

  “I think I’ll call you Squeak.”

  GRACiE

  I love mornings. It’s so peaceful on the farm. I’m holding an empty bucket that I need to drop off by the pen. Leading Lilly, my favorite mare, out to be walked, I’m hit with a booming voice. It seems to bounce off the barn and hit me right in the back of my head.

  The bucket goes flying and Lilly takes off while I spew obscenities. Holding my chest and looking up to where I think the voice came from, I met with the softest set of brown eyes. He’s unbelievably gorgeous. Standing on the balcony of the apartment above the garage, he’s leaning over the railing, resting on his forearms that are covered with tattoos. He has a full beard and what looks like a normally smooth head. I can see the morning light bounce off some stubble.

  This must be Zeke. Holy baby Jesus, why didn’t anyone tell me he looked like that now? He looks nothing like the kid that was a year behind me in high school.

  I had gone to my dad’s last night and missed his homecoming party. I’m not family and felt uncomfortable in going anyway.

  There’s no recognition on his face. He has no clue who I am. I don’t look the same either. I grew up and filled out. Little Miss Grace Lynn Myers. The gangly girl with braces and mousy dishwater blonde hair who hid behind glasses.

  So, his choice of a nickname does not bode well. It reminds me of the teasing I had to endure as a teenager, not a term of endearment.

  “Not a fan of my choice of nicknames?” he asks. “Looks like you bit into something nasty.”

  “If you only knew,” my only response is a muttered one.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. You need to speak up there, Squeak,” Zeke says as he stands.

  My mouth goes dry. Not only are his arms full sleeves, his chest is covered as well. He’s wearing nothing but sleeping pants that sit low on his hips. I wish the railing and bannisters weren’t in the way. I just know he has that infamous v. He places his hands onto the railing and I about choke when I see his pecks and biceps ripple.

  “Cat got your tongue?” Zeke says with a smirk.

  “Will you go put a shirt on? God, I swear if you spread your arms out, fucking wings would sprout out behind you.” I slap my hand over my mouth, realizing I said that out loud.

  I hear him let out a low chuckle. Christ, even his laugh is sexy.

  “More like the demon of orgasms,” his face has a devilish smirk.

  “What?” I gasp.

  “What,” he responds. “Why don’t you come up and have a cup of coffee with me?”

  “Um, I’m working. Plus, I need to go corral Lilly in that you sent running to the fields. Maybe I’ll catch you later, Demon Zeke.” I give him my best sexy smile. I probably look constipated.

  Zeke

  Holy shit. Thank God I had the railing there to hide my growing erection. I could literally feel her eyes traveling over my body with appreciation. I felt the hairs on my arms raise the same time blood seemed to shoot to my groin. I’ve never had anyone look that captivated. There was lust, but it felt different. Her eyes darkened and it felt like we were the only two people on earth.

  When she called me Demon Zeke, it was like a pulse of electricity flowed through my body hitting every nerve ending. Instinctively, I reach down and squeeze myself to stop from coming in my pants. A pure carnal need is the only way to describe it.

  I watch as she quickly turns, her ponytail swishing back and forth and am drawn to the sway of her hips and healthy sweet ass. Her arm goes up and I hear her say, “Morning, Gram.”

  Like a bucket of ice water, I glance over and see Gram Pam standing on her back porch.

  “Goodness, Zeke. Do your parents know you have all that ink? Never mind. I have sausage gravy done and the biscuits are about ready to come out of the oven. Get over here and eat breakfast with me. I’ve missed you,” she says as she heads back into the house.

  Living in the south, I’ve tasted my share of awesome sausage gravy and biscuits. None have ever compared to Gram’s. I just hope she hasn’t lost her touch over the years.

  I head in and snag a shirt, not bothering with shoes, and jog over to the house. As I enter the back door, the incredible smell has me stopping in my track. I take in a deep breath and smile.

  “Let me help you, Gram,” I say.

  “Oh hush, I may be old, but this keeps me going. Happy you are home, Ezekiel. Sit down and get ready to dig in. I think I still got it. Tastes the same to me at least, but hell, these old taste buds may not be the same.” I watch as she gingerly bends over and grabs out the tray of biscuits from the oven.

  I want to jump up and help her, but I know she would smack me in the back of my head if I did. I have a feeling it would sting just as much as it did when I was a kid.

  “So, I see you met my Gracie. Sweet girl. Dedicated to this farm and the horses, but doesn’t seem to have much of a life outside of that. You went to school with her, you know? She’s a close friend of Akia’s. She has a business degree and has been helping out William with running this farm. She refuses to stay in the office and insists on doing everything she can, wherever it’s needed. She loves those horses. She’s staying in Bruce’s old room. Insisted on staying in the house and not the apartment. She claims it’s because she doesn’t want to be alone, but I know she thinks she’s taking care of me. I don’t complain, though. This house is big and I love having her around.” I watch as Gram seems to go off inside her head in thought.

  “Hmmm, I don’t remember her. I wasn’t close to many of Akia’s friends, though. I couldn’t seem to get past seeing just her back then,” I say as I feel Gram reach out and pat my hand.

  “And they call it puppy love…” she sings out. “Probably too old of a song for you to know, but that is what it was. We all saw it. The look in your eyes. The way you tried to protect Akia. You know, she felt like it was her fault that you left. She would spend time with me and we would talk. I know everything that happened between you two.”

  “It wasn’t just her. Maybe a part of it, but Gram, I just needed to get away. I wanted my own life,” I say.

  “Oh, Ezekiel. We all knew you would venture out on your own. I tried to tell her that, but she always felt guilty. You need to know that. Do you still feel the same way?”

  “I thought I did. Until I got here and saw her, hugged her, it was different. I think I’m finally ready to let her go.” I shrug.

  “Well, make sure you tell her that. It would be the closure you both need. She’s so in love with Doug. Yet, I feel like she’s holding back a little because of you. But enough of the serious talk. Eat up and tell me if ol’ Gram still has her thing,” she says laughing.

  That first bite brings me back to the time I was here almost ten years ago.

  “Amazing,” I groan and watch as she smiles bright.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Closure

  Zeke

  I really want to talk to Gracie after
the conversation I had with Gram. I’m thankful to hear that she is taking care of more than just the horses around here. However, I think it’s more urgent to speak with Akia now then to wait.

  I came home early for the wedding, so I’m hoping she’s not too busy to have a good talk. The phone call I make goes straight to voicemail, so I send off a quick text asking if Akia can squeeze me into her busy schedule.

  I get a text immediately back that she is on the phone with the caterer and will call me when she’s done.

  I jog back up to the apartment and grab a quick shower, shaving my head back to smooth and wait for her return my call. I decide to throw on a pair of cargo shorts and a plain dark t-shirt. I slip on a pair of casual loafers just as my phone begins to ring.

  “Sorry about that, Zee, final wedding prep is literally going to send me to the crazy farm. What’s up?” Akia asks.

  “Was wondering if you could squeeze your best friend in for a little catch up. I’d like to talk to you. I didn’t have much time last night with everyone else around,” I reply.

  “I’m starving. Can we meet at the diner? It’s near the floral shop that I need to stop by and wrap up a few things.”

  “That works. I just ate some sausage gravy and biscuits a little while ago, but I can watch you eat,” I laugh.

  “Oh my God, I’m jealous…and even hungrier now. I should be there in about five minutes. I’ll meet you there.” I hear the beeping of the car as she starts the engine.

  “On my way, see you in a few,” I respond, hanging up.

  I’m understandably nervous and run through what I need to say through my head the entire drive over. Entering the diner, I see the red hair before anything else. Akia has already ordered and is stuffing her face.

  Again, I wait for the gut punch. The feelings just don’t come. It’s really odd to say the least. I slip into the booth across from Akia and laugh as she puts up a finger while she chews and swallows.

  “Sorry, I was starving. I didn’t think you’d mind that I didn’t wait. I ordered you an unsweet tea and a coffee. I wasn’t sure what you preferred these days.” She appears a bit nervous.

  “Thanks, I’m going to go back to Texas twenty pounds heavier with Gram’s cooking, I could do without the sugar,” I say.

  Instead of jumping right in, I decide to start off with talk about the wedding. “So, you ready for the big day Saturday?”

  “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, but what’s not done will work out. I’m excited to finally be Mrs. Williams,” she smiles. “The guys are picking up their tuxes Wednesday and are going to hang out. Did Doug talk to you about it?”

  “Yep, all set. This will give me some time to interact with him more. Facebook doesn’t really give me a whole lot of insight. You look happy though and so does he. That’s all that matters, right?”

  “I am happy. He’s really incredible, Zee,” she says, not meeting my eyes.

  “Listen, that’s all I’ve ever wanted, Kee. For you to be the happiest girl in the world. I thought it would be me…” she tries to interrupt, but I grab her hands and give them a little shake, making her finally meet my eyes. “Let me finish, please. I love you. I always have, but something is different.” I watch as she cocks her head in question.

  “I waited for those feeling to hit me like a Mack truck when I saw you in person last night. It didn’t happen, nor did it happen when we hugged. I never thought I’d get over you. Distance, life, maybe growing up, seems to have changed things. I also want you to know that you were not the reason I left. It’s really not your fault at all. I know I said it was and blamed you, but it was really just me needing to find myself. I’ve always felt smothered here, you know that. I don’t want to speak for you or think that I know what you are feeling, but I want you to know that I would never hold you back. You deserve your happily ever after. I will still always be your best friend. I will also kick Doug’s ass if he ever hurts you, bet your ass on that,”

  Akia squeezes my hands and blows out a breath of air. “Thank you. I needed to hear that. I really did. You know I love you, too, and am honored to call you my best friend.”

  “So, tell me about Gracie. I understand she is a friend of yours?” I ask.

  “Damn, you move on quickly,” she chuckles. “Gracie, huh? When did you meet her?”

  “This morning. Scared the shit out of her coming out of the barn. It was quite the sight. Gram says she was your friend in high school, but I don’t remember her.”

  “Her nickname was Mouse, although she didn’t like it all that much. It was more of an insult in her eyes. She’s grown up and changed a lot from back then. She never really gained her confidence, though. It’s a shame she can’t see how beautiful she is. I think she still sees that little mouse of a girl in high school,”

  “Shit,” I say rubbing my hands over my head.

  “What?”

  “Now I know why she looked at me like she had bit into something rancid this morning. Fuck,” I mutter.

  “What did you do?” Kee asks with a look of concern.

  “Not what I did, what I said. When I scared her, she sort of let out this noise and I gave her a nickname because of it.”

  “Oh no,” Kee says, putting her hand over her mouth. I’m not sure if in shock or to hide her laughter.

  “Oh yeah, I called her Squeak.”

  I see Kee’s shoulders start to shake as she removes her hand and laughs. “Not a good start, Zee. I don’t mean to laugh, but damn. You sure know how to impress them ladies, don’t you? But you didn’t know or remember. You can always go with that.”

  “Fuck. I feel like such an idiot. It was meant to be cute, but shit,” I say, shaking my head. “I probably really hurt her feelings.”

  “It may have stung, but Gracie is strong and has a huge heart. I’m sure a simple apology will go a long way,” Akia says, patting my hand. “At least I hope for your sake it does.”

  “What’s that’s supposed to mean?” I ask.

  “Oh, you’ll see,” she says and nothing more.

  ♦♦♦

  I take my time driving back to the farm. I decide to take all the back roads I used to drive when I was a teenager. It’s almost like I’m seeing it through a whole new set of eyes.

  Our town is nestled in the valley between two mountain ranges. There are curves and dips in the road that make you feel like you could go airborne if you drive fast enough. With the windows rolled down, I find myself cringing at the old feelings of those days. I can remember driving faster than I should have because I was angry. I wanted so bad to get away, I don’t remember really enjoying the surroundings. The true beauty that this area has is really breath taking. I feel like I had blinders on growing up.

  It’s still early afternoon when I finally make it back. I decide to change into a pair of jeans and boots and head out to the barn. I’m hoping to run into Gracie but instead am greeted by one of the ranch hands. He’s grooming a horse, preparing it to be ridden.

  “Hey there, taking this one out by any chance?” I say in hopes I can take it.

  “Sure am. You must be Zeke. Pam has been talking my ear off all week about you coming home. Interested in taking this old boy out? I have to warn you, though. He’s a bit hard headed and likes to go full speed at times.”

  “That sounds just about what I need right now,” I laugh.

  I help put on all the tack and saddle. Once mounted, I can feel the muscles of the horse flex. This is one powerful beast, and it sends a rush of excitement through me. I used to love the freeness of being able to come here and ride whenever I wanted.

  It’s an American Quarter horse with a name of Zeus, which is fitting. I watch his ears closely and let myself get a feel of him as I direct him past the fenced in area to the open field.

  Bending down to rub his neck, I whisper, “You ready to let loose, boy?”

  I get a returned snort and watch his nostrils flare. Yeah, he’s ready. I don’t have to give much of a kick for h
im to take off at full speed. I let out a whoop as he picks up even more speed, the air rushing by me. We reach the top of a ridge, and I slow him down to a trot. I can see Uncle Bruce, Uncle Bradley, and Aunt Carrie’s house in one direction and three other houses spread out in the other. Houses that were built after I left by their kids.

  Slowing Zeus down to a slower pace, I take it all in. Each of the homes are nestled in their own little nook, giving them all a sort of privacy. Except for up here, you can see everything including the farm behind me.

  It makes me wonder what it would be like to be able to just jump on a four wheeler to borrow a cup of sugar. To be able to just visit your family and enjoy their company whenever you feel the need.