by Karen Gordon
♥ ♪ ♥
That kiss was the most erotic thing Ben had ever felt in his entire life. She wanted him; really, wanted, him. And she trusted him. She, who hardly trusted anyone. She let down her wall, for him.
He held her close, her ear pressed against his chest, hearing his pounding heart. He had to wait for some feeling of control to return before he could speak.
“I don’t know,” he was trying to think fast, strategize, figure out how to end things with Joelle and be with Carrie, without anyone getting hurt. “I don’t know how to end it with Joelle, or how long it will take, but … will you wait?”
All Carrie could do was nod her agreement into his chest. Those emotions, all those stuffed emotions were threatening to come up again, and she couldn’t speak. Waiting for him might be the easy part compared to what would come after that. If this is what she felt just kissing him …
It was scary, but even scarier, was the idea of never feeling this way again.
Chapter 18 February was cold and boring and Carrie welcomed it. After riding the emotional roller coaster of January, she was ready for boring.
Steve came back to school. He hung out with his harem, but kept a little more distance from MG. There was a warrant issued for Stony, and even if the police couldn’t find him, it kept him away from the apartment.
“I’m trying to avoid her, but I can’t do it.” he told Carrie as she sat with him at the smoker’s table one morning.
“I know.” Ben definitely avoided Carrie at school. They no longer passed in the hall once a day because he took an alternate route to avoid her. Sometimes she would see him in the parking lot in the morning, standing with the geeks and freaks near the front door. Maybe it was her imagination, but Joelle seemed to be clingier than ever. Carrie forced herself not to look at them because she couldn’t help but analyze Ben’s every move. If he took Joelle’s hand or put his arm around her, Carrie was sure that meant he had changed his mind about them. Trusting him was harder than she thought it would be.
Prom-mania started some time mid-month. Michelle wanted Carrie to help decorate, but she said “no”. She was pretty sure Joelle would be on the committee, and there was no sense torturing herself.
Even with Steve back, the group was in a slump. It was during a particularly quiet lunch that MG had a flash of brilliance, at least in her opinion. She announced, “We are going to prom.”
Carrie, Casey and Gina narrowed their eyes, skeptical, but willing to hear where she was going with this one. Steve misunderstood, and looked at her like the love-sick puppy he was, excited that he thought he was going to get some one-onone attention.
Carrie cringed for him and tried to clear things up before he put his foot in his mouth, “The five of us?”
MG beamed because someone understood her brilliant idea, “Yep.” Gina, as usual, presented all the obstacles, “I don’t want to wear one of those dresses, and they’re expensive. I’m not buying one.”
MG never let Gina squash her plans, “I’m not wearing one of those stupid dresses either.”
Steve hid his disappointment with a joke, “I’m not wearing a dress … well maybe.”
MG laughed and hit him on his arm, keeping it friendly. “We are all wearing tuxes.”
“People will think we’re gay,” Gina kept up her objections, “We’ll look like a bunch of dykes.” Gina was the most dyke-looking of the group, so her comment got them all laughing. Carrie always pictured her riding off with some big, burly biker dude after high school.
Steve kept it going, “I won’t look like a dyke.”
MG smiled at him for joining in her fun plan, “You will look like the king of our harem.”
“Harem’s don’t have kings … ”
They rolled their eyes and laughed harder at Gina’s correction. “Whatever,” MG stayed on her happy course, despite Gina, “The way I’m going to style our tuxes we will not look like dykes. We will look like the hot bitches we are. Now, I figure we can get one tux free, cause the commercials always say the groom gets a free tux, so, if we divide the whole cost by five, and get them to take off the cost of shirts and shoes …”
“Wait, what do you mean no shirts?” Casey balked.
“Oh, I’m liking this!” Steve was definitely on board now. “Case, no fear, I’ve got you covered.” MG went back to planning and giving orders, “Now we all need some really high-heeled, sexy shoes. Casey and MG and I can heist a few pairs from my mom. Gina, can you get some?”
Gina wasn’t offended. She was a big girl and her feet were at least two sizes too big for Amber’s shoes. She shrugged, but also nodded and agreed. She realized that she was caught up in another of MG’s plans, and she had little or no say in what happened.
“Heels are out for me.” It was so good to have the old Steve back. “Funny,” MG threw an M&M at him, he smiled his sweet, sexy lopsided grin at her. Carrie had to stifle a sigh. How could MG resist him?
♥ ♪ ♥ They all did look amazingly hot in their tuxes on prom night. Carrie got dressed at MG’s house. She had enough of her mom’s snarky comments about her lack of a real date and her tux. Most of it she could ignore, but when Lana first saw the tux and said, “Well, it’s no wonder you and your friends can’t get dates. Why don’t you try acting normal, then maybe some boy will like you.” Sometimes her wall just wasn’t big enough to keep her mother out of her head.
MG’s mom was totally on board. She helped them get dressed and took lots of pictures. MG had all the girls get black tuxes then wear a bra and black cami under the jacket so it kind of looked like they didn’t have shirts on. They wore the bow ties, big curly hair and all the flashy jewelry they could find. MG made Steve get a white jacket for his tux so it was clear he was not one of the girls. He wore a black tee shirt under his jacket and his old, black Chuck Taylors.
They met at MG’s house at 7:00 for their pre-prom dinner, pizza. Amber let them each have one beer with it, then announced that she had rented them a limo for the night. She was being generous, probably with Vin’s credit card, but she also wasn’t so naïve that she thought they wouldn’t drink. This way no one was driving.
Their first stop in the limo was 7-11. Prom called for slushies and Everclear. Steve was playing his Sultan part to the hilt. He commanded the girls to get him a cup, then fill it, then present it to him on bended knee. They complied, giggling the whole time.
They rode around town, laughing and having the limo driver do things like go through McDonald’s drive thru, ‘til they felt like the alcohol had kicked in enough to face the gauntlet at the dance.
MG insisted they all walk in together, arms around each other, two girls on either side of Steve. Then she made them stay that way till they got an official picture from the photographer. It seemed like a moot point, none of them could afford to buy one of the portrait packages, but MG was determined they were going to do prom right.
Mr. Oberlan, the vice principal, approached them when they entered the ball room. “Ladies,” he held his arms in front of them keeping them from entering. “You look very nice, however, I can’t let you in without shirts.”
MG had anticipated this and had actually made them practice. They all, including Steve, unbuttoned their jackets at once and flashed the teacher. He laughed, “OK, clever, go ahead.”
They were the only ones at their round table for eight, which shouldn’t have been surprising, because they were definitely the only ones there from their group. Burnout kids didn’t go to prom.
Steve kept up his Sultan role, “Casey, I would like some punch, and Gina, get me some of that food stuff over there.” He waved toward the appetizer table.
They rolled their eyes at him but dutifully left to fetch for their king. Carrie saw Ben and Joelle out of the corner of her eye. Well, more accurately, she saw Joelle first. She was hard to miss in her super-fluffy, giant pink dress. Ben stood behind her, wearing his dress ROTC uniform. He stood out, so tall, and serious, and imposing, with his shoulders back
, head held high, medals on his chest and shiny things on his shoulders. As much as it killed her to admit it, he and Joelle looked right together; like all-American, clean-cut high school kids.
♥ ♪ ♥ Prom was the line Ben had drawn in the sand. After tonight, he would find a time to tell Joelle that he was breaking up with her. It would be so much easier if things weren’t going better than ever. Ever since the day he had kissed Carrie, Joelle had been more and more affectionate and willing to compromise on all the things they fought about in the past.
She asked to come over to his house twice in the past two weeks. Usually they spent all their time with her family or at her church. She talked about wanting to meet his grandparents, and spent time talking with his mom. When they were alone, watching a movie in the basement, she started kissing him and even let her hand drift down, and cautiously touch his crotch while they were making out.
Now they were at prom with her friends and his. She set Wayne up with her best friend Laura, and Pat with Nicole, a girl from the church youth group. And they were having a great time. Wayne and Pat were stoked. They were at prom, with dates, really cute dates. Joelle couldn’t get any higher in their esteem.
None of it was enough to change his mind; it only made having a reason to break up with her harder. He didn’t want to tell her about Carrie. He didn’t want to give her a reason to hate Carrie and make her life harder. So he was biding his time, waiting till he could find an out.
He had also done exactly as he promised Carrie and completely avoided her, at least at school. He’d only broken his promise a few times while they were at home. Each time he made an excuse to go to her house and see Christopher, or bring back a borrowed item from years earlier, he held back from touching her. He just couldn’t resist the feeling, the current that crackled between them whenever he saw her. Which is why seeing her here, the last place he expected to, jolted him. He couldn’t take his eyes off her as she walked by his table on her way to the bathrooms. She looked beautiful and sexy and, holy shit, was she not wearing a shirt under her jacket? So many parts of his body jumped to attention and volunteered to find out.
He was so lost in watching Carrie that he didn’t notice Joelle recruit Laura and Nicole to go to the bathroom with her.
♥ ♪ ♥ When Carrie came out of the stall, she stopped short. Joelle and her friends were lined up, primping in the mirror along with several other girls. Carrie scooted past the girl on the end to get to the last sink, the farthest from Joelle, to wash her hands.
“Nice tux.” It was said sarcastically, and it was definitely from Joelle’s end of the row of sinks.
Carrie kept her head down and didn’t reply. She shook off her hands, then turned to look for paper towels. “I always thought you and your friends were gay.” Joelle made sure she said it loud enough so even girls who might be in the stalls could hear.
Carrie had to walk past Joelle to get to the door. She refused to cower, but her heart was pounding, and she kept her eyes straight ahead. Joelle turned to face her, the yards of tulle and lace almost knocking Carrie over. “God hates gays”, she hissed as Carrie passed.
Carrie worked to steady her breathing before going back to her friends. She wasn’t going to tell them. This was between her and Joelle, and she didn’t want to ruin anyone’s fun with her problem.
♥ ♪ ♥
When a slow song started Ben looked around for Joelle. He wasn’t much into dancing at all, but he didn’t want Joelle to have to just sit and watch other couples dance all night, so he made sure to dance all the slow ones.
He didn’t see her anywhere nearby, so he asked Nicole if she had seen her. “She was really upset when we got back from the bathroom. There was a gay girl in there. I think she went to talk to Laura.”
“A gay girl?”
“One of the girls in the tuxedos.”
“The one with dark brown hair?” Hearing the tension in Ben’s voice, Nicole only nodded. She knew she had said something to upset him. Ben stood and looked around for Joelle. He spotted her two tables over, not looking very upset. She was deep in a conversation with some of the preppy girls. Then she gestured to Carrie’s table. She was spreading the word.
His first thought was to confront her, his second was to leave her here. He looked at Carrie, at least she didn’t look upset. She probably had no idea about the rumor that was burning its way through the room. He couldn’t stop it now, but he could slow it down.
He was on a mission, but one he had to admit, he was happy to do. He stood tall and walked through the center of the room to get to Carrie’s table. He wanted as many people as possible to see him. She was shocked to see him approaching her table, and she looked around to see if Joelle was watching him. Ben hoped she was.
He leaned down to speak quietly in her ear, “Dance with me?”
She answered with a look of confusion. Her friends welcomed him.
MG smiled and gave him a happy, “Ben! Come join the harem.” Steve leaned back and put his arms around Casey and Gina who were sitting on either side of him. “Life is good, man.”
Ben smiled at them, then tugged at Carrie’s hand, pulling her toward the dance floor. “I’m going to borrow one if you don’t mind.”
“Have at her. I have a few to spare.” MG rolled her eyes, and Casey smacked him on the arm.
♥ ♪ ♥ Ben held tight to her hand as he led her through the dancers till they were positioned near his table, where Joelle couldn’t miss them. He turned her to face him, then let go of her hand to wrap his arms around her and hold her a little too close for comfort. She placed her hands on the shiny braids on his shoulders and started to sway with him, not wanting to make any more of a scene than they were already.
“What are you doing?” She spoke quietly to his neck, refusing to look at him.
He smiled, “Dancing.” He shuffled left and right, keeping time with the music, “Am I that bad?”
She smiled a little, but refused to look into his eyes, looking instead at his tie. “She’ll see us.”
“Good.” He hesitated, trying to decide how much to tell her. “She told people you’re gay.” “So you’re proving her wrong?” Now she looked at her favorite blue eyes, rock steady as ever, and smiled, he was rescuing her, again. “I figured she would,” Carrie glanced over at Joelle, now watching her and Ben, “She’s called me worse, it’s OK.”
That stopped him from dancing. He glared down at her and she looked away, studying his tie again. “OK? It’s OK? What the hell!?”
She shrugged, a little confused by his strong reaction. He’s angry for me? “She’s never liked me.”
He let out an exasperated sigh. Carrie started them swaying to the music again, trying to keep up appearances. He dropped his head so he could whisper in her ear, “Even before …” He stopped, not sure how to define what had happened between them, “It’s never OK.”
His intensity unnerved her, so she tried another angle, “But, gay, really? It’s only an insult to her. She thinks God hates gays.” Carrie looked at him now and smirked.
The song ended, and they stood, stuck, unsure what to do now. Carrie slid her arms from his shoulders to his neck and hugged him tight. “You didn’t have to rescue me,” she whispered in his ear. Then she turned and kissed his cheek, “But thank you.” Ben smiled and squeezed her in a tight hug. He leaned back just a little, pulling her off the floor, then he started walking toward her table, carrying her with her legs dangling. She giggled and held on tight.
When he set her down he couldn’t help but take a quick look inside her jacket. She caught him and dared him to try to find out what she was wearing with a seductive look. He blushed a little and walked away smiling.
When he got back to his table, Joelle couldn’t contain her hurt and outrage, “Why would you dance with her?” Her voice was shaking, trying to contain her tears.
So many unkind answers flashed through his mind, but this was not the place for a fight. “Because she’s my friend.” H
e used his deeper, commanding, Army voice, daring her to question him any farther. Then he softened his voice, “Do you want to dance?”
That disarmed her, she had been ready for a fight. She hesitated before answering, “Sure.” She didn’t take his offered hand to walk out to the dance floor. They swayed through one song in uncomfortable silence. Joelle punished him by standing far away and barely touching him. Let her pout.
He stayed at their table through the next round of fast songs. She was focusing on talking to her friends, so he scooted closer to Wayne and Pat to talk to them. When another slow song started, he pushed his chair back and stood. Joelle ignored him, so he walked back to Carrie’s table and asked Casey to dance. When that song ended, and another slow one started, he asked Gina. He laughed and joked with both. Gina finally flashed him and showed him her black cami under her jacket. He smiled at Carrie and his look said, I know your secret now. Steve talked MG into a dance, but she made sure it was all fun and games as she fought with him to lead and kept bumping into Ben and Gina.
By the time they left the dance, the air was frosty between him and Joelle. It was the starting point he needed to begin the end.
Chapter 19
Steve and his harem ended their night at the 24-hour pancake shop. Their tuxes were a huge hit with the late night customers; second shift workers, cops and drunks. The tattooed, pierced night-shift waitress flirted shamelessly with Steve, asking him what he’s got to keep all those girls happy, while blatantly staring at his crotch. He laid it on thick, flirting back, probably hoping to make MG jealous. No such luck.
MG was wiping the pool of syrup off her plate with her fingers and licking them clean, completely oblivious to Steve’s look of longing when she said, “What was with Gorman tonight?”
The question was for anyone at the table so Carrie shrugged and put more bacon in her mouth.
Casey smiled, “I like Ben. He is totally too good for Joelle.”
