Lights of the Heart

by Nat Burns

“They’re good. Shane’s grades are finally up again. Now, tell me what you’re doing tomorrow.”

  “I am going to Dothan, Alabama with Doctor Maddie. Just the two of us.”

  A prolonged silence grew between us. “Jess?” I queried.

  “The two of you. Together?” Her tone was incredulous.

  “Yeah, go figure.” There was too much to say, so I said very little.

  “Ella, do…do you think—? I mean—”

  I shook my head, even though I knew she couldn’t see me. “No. It doesn’t change the fact I work for her. I know her character, Jess. She’d never break ethics. Not even for love. Just my gut feeling.”

  “You need to leave that job, Ella. You have your MA certificate and can get a job anywhere.”

  I dug my fingers into my scalp. “I know. I know! I just…I don’t want to be away from her now,” I admitted.

  I heard her sigh. “I feel for you, El. I wish there were easier answers for you.”

  I changed the subject. “Listen, the reason I called is I’m packing and I need your advice.”

  “Ahh, wanna look all dolled up for the doc,” she teased. “Good idea. Make her suffer for her lofty principles.”

  I laughed. “Just want to look well put together, Jess. Wanna do myself proud.”

  “Well, you start with the basics. It’s summer, so you need some linen-blend trousers—”

  “Whoa! Slow down. Let’s do this one item at a time.” I moved back to the closet.

  We spent the next forty minutes discussing outfit specifics, everything from my best color, to pairing, to alternate combinations. My sister was amazing. She had a natural affinity, via a keen interest, in the latest fashion trends. She even helped our mother and our younger sister, Barbie, choose their yearly wardrobes.

  I looked at the bed, at the neatly organized clothing. It was a sedate selection, more classic than trendy, but that was what I was all about.

  “Sis, you’re too good to me,” I said. “This looks great.”

  “Cool. Look, Westie’s giving me the stink eye, so I’m gonna go. You can call me later if you think of any other questions.”

  “Oh, no. This is all good. It’s only for a few days, but I’m gonna look like a million bucks.”

  “Well, you make sure your Doctor Maddie notices you and how good you look.”

  I signed off and held up a silver embedded evening shirt as I admired myself in the mirror. The dark blue set off my blond hair and deepened the blue-green of my eyes. I smiled. My Doctor Maddie. Maybe one day she really would be mine.

  Chapter Eleven

  Maddie

  The apartment complex where Ella lived was attractive. The apartment complex I’d lived in on Cottonwood Street had been severe in comparison, and I had thought it more than adequate. Tropical Towers was lush with plants that could grow only in the temperate south. Fragrant bougainvillea in bright shades of pink, burgundy and a tinged pastel color, their white star pistils protruding impudently, ran riot everywhere here. A trio of huge magnolia trees offered a few fading blooms to greet summer, but their scent was rich and inebriating. I inhaled and held the breath in, becoming dizzy, intoxicated by the beautiful fragrance. Studying the well-placed yucca, pampas grass and perennials caused me to wonder at the grounds crew this business must employ.

  I was glad Ella lived here. It suited her. She deserved such daily beauty.

  I approached her ground-level apartment and opened the storm door. I found myself staring at a small stuffed rabbit, bound around the tummy with bright green ribbon and attached to the doorknocker. I smiled. The expression on the bunny’s face was comical. It seemed to leer slyly at me with sideways glancing green eyes and an open, laughing mouth. There was a startling shock of white hair between the upright ears. I touched the pink triangular nose just as the door opened.

  “You’re here!” she said quietly.

  I smiled. “Nice bunny. Yes, I’m here.”

  “I…I wasn’t sure. Julio sometimes tells me people are here when they aren’t. I think he imagines it,” she said. Then she added an afterthought. “The bunny is a gift from my niece, Westie. Her name, the bunny’s name, is O’Malley.”

  “O’Malley?” I lifted an eyebrow.

  “Yes. She’s Irish. Or so Westie said.”

  Her cheeks had pinkened, and I thought her adorable.

  “Where are my manners? Come in, please,” she said, gesturing me in and stepping aside.

  The front room was a comfortable tableau of rescued and lovingly positioned secondhand furniture pieces. Heavy drapes were drawn most of the way across the large front window, but warm, recessed lighting made the room glow.

  “I’ll just be a minute,” Ella said. “I promise. I know we’re in a hurry.”

  “Not so much,” I said to her retreating back. A heavy, warm body slammed against my calf. I looked down and saw a huge mass of moving black-and-gray fur. A moment later, I was staring into two large golden eyes, filled with nonchalant curiosity.

  “Well, hello. You must be Julio,” I said. He butted his head against my legs, and I took a seat on the sofa that was closest to me. I patted the cushion and he obediently leapt up. As a child, I had loved cats—all animals—and had always had at least one pet. I’d left my cat, Sprite, with my mom and dad when I’d left for college, and she’d died from cancer during my third year of medical school. That had been my last pet because I truly believed working the hours that I worked would not be fair to a furry child.

  I lavished love on Julio. He basked in it as if it were his due as a temple cat, his loud purring filling the small room.

  “So, you two look comfy,” Ella said as she entered the room. She laughed, standing arms akimbo.

  I had to laugh as well. “Sure is gonna be hard to leave this beautiful baby.”

  “Tell me about it.” She came closer and perched on the sofa next to Julio. She scratched him under the chin, and he butted her chest with his head. I envied the deed. “I’m gonna miss you, baby,” she crooned as she pulled him tight. He allowed the hug, and I could tell he knew his mom was leaving him. She stood and carried him to the small kitchen set off to the right. “Your food is here, and I’ve left Sandy a note with all the info she will need. She’ll take good care of you.”

  Julio meowed loudly and escaped her arms to come back to me. I stood and shrugged my shoulders. “Don’t blame me, Julio. The job’s the job,” I told him.

  He mewed in response and haughtily walked away, down a long hallway that I assumed led to the bedroom.

  “So, ready to go?” Ella asked, studying me.

  I smiled at her. “Sure. Whenever you are.”

  I lifted her bag and carried it outside as she checked the apartment one final time and then securely locked the door. She looked back once as she climbed into the SUV.

  “He’ll be okay,” I said reassuringly. “Have you ever left him before?”

  She looked surprised as she buckled her seat belt. “Actually, I haven’t. I got him in Virginia when I was staying with my sister and her family. We’ve been together ever since.”

  I nodded. “He has a big personality. I know he’s lots of company for you.” I started the car and pulled out onto Crimson Road. I headed west toward Central so I could pick up Highway 10 heading east toward Mobile.

  “He really is,” she replied, looking out the window as she fiddled with the handbag in her lap. “But sometimes I wonder who is the cat and who is the human.”

  I chuckled. “I think all cat owners have felt that way, one time or another.”

  “Do you have a cat? Any pets?” she asked, shifting in her seat so she could face me.

  “I have in the past, many, but I don’t right now. I guess I’m too…unsettled to have a pet right now.”

  She frowned, and I glanced at her as I turned onto Central. “What?”

  “I thought Sandy told me you’ve been the doc here in Maypearl for like ten years or something,” she said, a question evident in her
tone.

  “Well,” I said. I paused a long beat. “I guess I have. I guess having a pet just never felt important. I work long hours sometimes, and I’m always on call, as you know.”

  She grinned at me, an infectious grin that I felt compelled to return. “Excuses, excuses,” she said. “You just don’t want to scoop a litter box.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, that’s probably it,” I agreed.

  Chapter Twelve

  Ella

  We were silent for some time, and I really didn’t mind. Being with Maddie was easy. I knew I could become accustomed to it very easily. Maybe too easily. Would I let her indifference break my heart? I chewed my lip. Unrequited love was never a good idea.

  “So, lunch?” Maddie said.

  “Hmm?” I was drawing a blank.

  She laughed and glanced at me. “Lunch? Food? How about Italian?”

  “Oh.” I grinned apologetically. “Yes. Yes, that sounds good.”

  I noted that her knuckles were white from the tense way she was gripping the steering wheel. Was she nervous? Uncomfortable? Did she dislike being with me?

  She pulled off the highway near Mobile. After taking a few access roads, we ended up in front of a popular chain restaurant. I sighed, unbuckled and opened the passenger door. She sat still for a moment, as if deep in thought, and then she took in a deep breath and opened her own door. She held open the heavy glass door for me, and I preceded her inside. The mouthwatering smells of garlic and cheese washed across me, and my stomach growled in anticipation.

  “Man, that smells good,” Maddie muttered, right palm pressed to her abdomen.

  I laughed aloud. “You read my mind.”

  After the hostess seated us, I lifted the menu and ran my gaze across it, even though I knew what I wanted. I was a spaghetti addict and ate it whenever the opportunity presented itself. I watched Maddie as she studied the menu, and then dropped my gaze. She was such a fine, beautiful woman. How could I even dare to hope that she would be interested in me?

  “So, it’s great to finally have this time to get to know one another a little better,” she said, setting her menu aside and leaning her forearms on the table.

  I cleared my throat. “Yes, it is. We stay so busy, usually.” I hesitated. “I have to confess, I had a preconceived image of what small-town doctoring was like. I figured there was a lot of sitting around, waiting for something to happen.”

  Maddie laughed. I was happy to see that she wasn’t offended by my stereotyping. “Yeah, I think I might have thought that once upon a time, as well,” she said, running one palm across her forehead. She used both hands to smooth her dark hair, and I realized suddenly that there was some curl to it. She wore it up, usually, so I hadn’t noticed before.

  She eyed me quizzically. I must have been staring. I lowered my eyes and was about to speak again, but the server arrived.

  “Good afternoon, ladies,” she said cheerily. “What can I get you two to drink today?”

  She was young and self-confident, as evidenced by the bright orange streak dyed into her dark hair. She had a band of freckles across her nose and cheeks and an engaging smile, the teeth covered in neon orange braces. She waited, smiling, pad and pen perched in her fingers.

  “Tea,” I said. “Iced tea, no sugar.”

  “Lemon?” she asked.

  “Sure, that’s fine.”

  “And you, ma’am?” She turned her attention to Maddie, who was staring at me. She stirred herself and ordered unsweetened iced tea, as well.

  “Okay, have a look at the menu, and I’ll be right back.” She scurried off, her step bouncy.

  I looked at Maddie, and she looked at me. “Everything okay?” I asked nervously.

  She waved one hand and let loose a mild raspberry through her full lips. Her eyes were amused. “It’s easy to forget what real life is like, that’s all,” she said, shrugging. “Do you know, I have been in school for more than a decade? Hell, almost fifteen years, if you count apprenticeship.”

  “You worked under the previous doc, Sandy said.”

  She nodded. “I did. His name was Richard. Doctor Richard Pembroke.”

  “What was he like?” I rested my chin in one upraised palm, my elbow on the table. I so enjoyed watching her talk. I liked the way her lean, squarish jaw moved. I longed to touch her face.

  “Oh, a nice guy. Big partier. I think that’s really why he never married. He was having just too much fun playing with the local widows.” She grinned sheepishly.

  I laughed. “So a ladies’ man, huh? And you? I mean…” I blushed and hoped she wouldn’t notice. “Not a ladies’ man, I know, but you’re not married, I understand?”

  I glanced at her and saw that her eyes were fairly dancing with merriment. “Me gusta la forma sonrojar,” she said, her tongue effortlessly rolling out the words.

  I gasped. I had no idea what she’d said, but I could feel the words push against my groin and up through my midsection. The way her lips and tongue had moved—

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, obviously sensing some reaction from me. “I just said I like it when you blush. I don’t usually speak Spanish anymore. That was rude.”

  I hastened to reassure her. “No, it’s fine. You speak Spanish beautifully.”

  She smiled. “It’s sort of my native language.”

  “Oh, right.” Duh, I told myself. “You don’t have much of an accent and I forget.”

  She unfolded her napkin and placed it in her lap. “I have forgotten a lot of it. I’ve spent almost as much time in the states as in the Caribbean when I was growing up. Texas too. And no, I’m not.”

  “Not?” She’d lost me.

  “Married.”

  The server brought our drinks and took our orders. I was oddly unsurprised when we both ordered salads with oil and vinegar on the side and spaghetti with marinara sauce.

  “You’re not married either,” she said, straightening her knife and fork.

  “Nope. And probably never will be.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  I studied her, wondering how much to trust her. She was, after all, my employer, and we had never discussed anything like this before. “Let’s just say I’m not a fan of traditional marriage roles.”

  She watched me in silence for a long beat. I saw her open her mouth to speak, but the server brought our salads. She fell silent and thoughtful as she dressed her salad. I did the same, also in silence.

  “There are untraditional marriages,” she said finally.

  “Ah, so, you’re…you’re a supporter of gay marriage?”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Of course! Of any LGBTQ marriage.”

  Just hearing this made warm joy course through me. “Oh, I’m glad,” I said. “I feel the same way.”

  “So you would get married, then?”

  Was she outing me? I couldn’t lie to her, so I tried to be noncommittal. “Yes. Yes, I would,” I said, and then I bent my head industriously over my salad. I could sense that she had as well, and silence reigned for a few moments.

  “Going back to what you said earlier, it is amazing how many patients we see.” She leaned to sip her tea. “And that’s not factoring in an aging population, because we are a family practice and see all ages.”

  I nodded in agreement. “I guess being the only real doctor in the whole town of more than a thousand people makes you in demand.”

  “But people don’t stay sick, you know? You’d think the majority would be well most of the time,” she said, spearing a cube of cucumber with her fork.

  I placed my fork beside my plate and dabbed my mouth with my napkin. “I guess that it has to be frustrating for you.”

  “How so?” She watched me expectantly.

  “Most of what we see is chronic carelessness.” I waved a hand dismissively before she could object with political correctness. “I don’t mean that in a judgmental way. It’s just America. It’s what we do. We eat the wrong foods, too much of the wrong foods. Fast food, pizz
a, sodas. It’s become our common diet, and it leads to high blood pressure, fatty liver, diabetes one and two and heart disease. These conditions have to be managed, and that falls on you.”

  She nodded thoughtfully as she chewed. “This is true. And I can’t say to them ‘eat this, eat that.’ They don’t hear me, and even if they did, what choices are out there?”

  “And then there’s plastics everywhere, on the land, in our water, our food. Every product we buy could cause cancer or immunity or conception issues.” I knew that Blazeon Hughes had been trying for a handful of years to get pregnant, but out-of-office confidentiality issues prevented me from mentioning her now, even with her doctor.

  “I sometimes, you know, think of the future and what it will be like. It’s not a good picture in my mind. I want to fix it, but it is…beyond what I can do. This is why I travel and do these talks. It’s so issues can be out there and maybe dealt with. It’s what little I can do.”

  I studied her as she spoke. Her accent became more pronounced the longer she talked, and I was enchanted by it and by her.

  “Here you go, ladies. Nice hot spaghetti. There’s fresh grated parmesan in that shaker by the salt and pepper,” our server said as she placed a large flat bowl in front of each of us and then a fragrant basket of bread on the table between us. “Enjoy! Let me know if you need anything else.”

  “Fresh, hot bread,” I breathed in a low whisper when the server had left us. Maddie caught my eye, and we both laughed as we reached for the bread at the same time. We ended up splitting a small loaf of white bread with rosemary baked into it.

  I slathered mine with butter as Maddie took a hefty bite of her buttered half and groaned with pleasure. I felt the groan viscerally, and I was sure my face was blushing as I bit into mine. “Oh man, this is good,” I said.

  Maddie nodded. “Ah, America,” she said.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Maddie

  Spending this travel time with Ella had finally put me at ease about being with her. How could it not? She was a joy to talk with, and I found myself throwing my own reticence to the wind. I felt as though I could trust her with the me that I usually kept hidden away. I felt no judgment from her, only acceptance of me as a woman.