Lights of the Heart

by Nat Burns

  She smiled at me and covered my hand with hers.

  “And I am having fun,” I assured her.

  “Me, too,” she said, and then sighed. “Guess we’d better get back.”

  She gently pulled me to the side, and it was only then that I realized how sore my knees and ankles were. So much for reliving my youth.

  “Ouch!” Ella said as we hobbled toward the opening. “I think every muscle in my body hurts. Thank goodness we took that break for the slice of pizza or it might even be worse!”

  I groaned, expressing my own pain. “Surely it couldn’t be any worse. What were we thinking, skating like this at our ages?”

  “I don’t know if it’s so much an age thing. More like an out-of-shape thing.” Continuing to hold the wall, Ella swung her body around to the outside of the rink and pigeon-stepped toward the padded benches. I followed suit. We sat silent, side by side, for a long beat, both grinning like fools.

  “It was fun, wasn’t it?” Ella asked finally. She lifted an eyebrow and looked at me questioningly. I felt as though her nervousness was returning, eclipsing the joy of the afternoon. I wanted to put her at ease.

  “The best time I’ve had in ten years,” I told her, taking her hand in mine. I let my thumb caress the soft skin on the back of her hand. Our eyes connected, and I felt myself pulled in to her lips. I studied their plump pinkness, knowing I was going to kiss her. Then I came to my senses and pulled back. I wanted to, desperately, but couldn’t look into her eyes again. I knew that if I did, I would kiss her, and it was just too soon. We hadn’t even talked seriously about our sexual preferences. How could I just assume she was a lesbian? How could I know for sure that she was attracted to me? I released her hand and bent forward to untie my skates. “Maybe we could do this again sometime? I wonder if there’s a rink near home that we could visit.”

  Ella was silent a long beat. I prayed I hadn’t offended her by my presumptuousness. I needed to move more slowly, to see if her feelings for me could develop. I glanced at her and found her studying me thoughtfully. “Ella?”

  She shook her head as if to clear it. “I honestly don’t know, but I will certainly be checking that out as soon as we get home.” She grinned. “Especially now that I have a partner in my lunacy.”

  I was held in the tractor beam of her smile, and my fingers fumbled at the laces. “Yes. It sounds like a lot of fun,” I said, looking away and focusing on pulling off a skate. I wiggled my toes, enjoying the freedom and the fresh air.

  “Feels good, doesn’t it?” Ella asked with a giggle.

  I nodded and pulled off the other skate. I stood and held out my hand to her. “Can you stand?”

  She grimaced as though I were foolish. “Of course, silly.” She rose, but a groan did escape her lips.

  “Mmhm,” I muttered.

  I let her lead the way as we traveled the short distance to the rental kiosk.

  Moments later, we were in the car headed back through downtown Dothan in the direction of the hotel.

  “I hope no one has missed us,” I said.

  Ella sighed. “It is rather irresponsible to take you away from the conference. But you did seem to want to get away.”

  “I did, yes. Today was absolutely perfect. If we were missed, we were missed. I really don’t care.”

  She giggled. “Well, we are adults, I suppose, and don’t always have to do as we’re told.”

  I laughed with her. “Ella, I’m not quite sure two mature adults would spend a handful of hours skating as blissfully and deliriously as we did.”

  She glanced at me, her expression surprised. “Why, of course we would,” she said slowly. “Why wouldn’t we?”

  I looked at the heavy traffic as I mulled this. Indeed. Why wouldn’t we? I knew with new certainty that Ella would bring only positive things into my life.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Ella

  I took a final look at myself in the well-lit bathroom mirror. I would do.

  I had taken a long, hot shower when we’d returned to the hotel, which had refreshed me and eased some of the sore muscles. I didn’t even want to think about the stiffness the morning would bring.

  Tonight, for dining, I had chosen to wear the soft linen trousers my sister had recommended. They were a dark taupe color, and I topped them with a coffee-colored tank and a long, sheer black cardigan that was mostly lace. My jewelry was simple: small earrings and a long necklace, both featuring golden circles of amber. I might have been hurting, but no one would know. I smiled at myself and, after grabbing my bag, left the room.

  Maddie’s door opened right after my knock. She looked refreshed, dressed in her usual crisp white button-down shirt, with a dark-blue linen blazer and loose trousers. Her hair was down, and it curled gently on her shoulders. She was beautiful.

  “Hi. How do you feel?” I asked.

  “Better than before,” she said. “Are you ready for a drink?”

  “You betcha.” I smiled.

  She stepped into the hall and pulled the door closed. She looked at me sideways. “You look really beautiful tonight. You’ll have to carry a big stick to beat the suitors off.”

  “Suitors? What a lovely, old-fashioned word,” I said. “No, I have no interest in other suitors.”

  I hoped that she would understand my meaning. She didn’t comment on it, and we walked silently to the elevator.

  The lobby was just as crowded as the night before. The conference really wouldn’t end until midday Tuesday, so most likely all the attendees were still in the hotel. We waded into the fray, Maddie following close behind me. I led us to the bar, sensing that we would need fortitude to deal with another press of Maddie’s peers.

  “I think you two are deliberately avoiding me,” said Dixie as she approached us, a tall pink cocktail in one hand. “I came by your room to ask you if you wanted an afternoon swim, but there was no answer.”

  “We were seeing downtown,” Maddie said before turning away and ordering our drinks.

  “Ahh, downtown’s lovely,” she said. She swayed slightly, and I wondered how many drinks she’d had. I leaned close.

  “Are you okay, Dixie?” I asked quietly.

  “Never better,” she said, smiling in a lopsided way.

  Maddie returned and handed me my vodka and grapefruit.

  “Let’s file in for dinner, you two,” she suggested.

  She took my arm and unexpectedly extended an elbow to Dixie, who, though she appeared surprised, accepted the gesture. We moved into the haphazardly populated dining room.

  “Excuse me,” Dixie muttered as she broke away and headed unsteadily toward two young women standing to one side.

  Maddie sighed as if in relief and drew me toward a table near the mostly empty back of the room. “Okay if we sit back here?” she asked.

  “Are you hiding from someone?” I asked, amused, as I slid onto a chair. I placed my drink in front of me and then took a deep sip of it. It was cold, refreshing and just the right amount of bitter.

  “I think everyone,” Maddie replied as she sat and scrubbed at her forehead with both hands.

  I touched her forearm, suddenly concerned. “Are you okay, hon? Do you feel badly?”

  “No. No, I’m fine.” She turned her head and smiled up at me, head still in her hands. She sat back suddenly and took a slow sip of her scotch. “Ella?”

  “Yes Maddie?”

  “I find myself wondering about you,” she said quietly.

  “Hmm. How do you mean?” I was curious about her line of thinking.

  She squirmed uncomfortably. “I…I guess I want to know what…well, what you want.”

  “What I want?” I lifted my drink and took a slow, calming swallow. “That’s easy.”

  “Why are you two sitting back here?” Dixie asked as she bumped into our table and then seated herself. “It’s all shadowy and gloomy, and there’s no one to talk to.”

  “That’s sort of the point,” Maddie said with some ill humor.<
br />
  “Hmm?” Dixie didn’t understand in her somewhat inebriated condition.

  “We’re just worn out from today,” I said, trying to smooth things.

  Dixie fiddled with her empty glass and sighed loudly. “Well, I have to sit over there. Mama says.” She flopped one hand toward the front of the room. “Come sit with us, if you want.”

  “Looks like your table is filling pretty quickly,” Maddie said with an indicating nod.

  Dixie glanced nonchalantly in the direction Maddie had indicated. She rose and grunted. “Shame it won’t fill completely. I’m just about bored out of my skull, listening to all those old prunes talk about medicine this, medicine that.”

  I grimaced at Maddie and pushed Dixie’s empty glass to one side as Maddie leaned forward. “It’s easy? Why easy?”

  I blushed and took in a deep breath, preparing myself. Once the words were out, they’d be out. I wouldn’t be able to take them back.

  “Would you liked iced tea, ma’am?” the young server asked as she offered the steel pitcher with both hands.

  Maddie leaned back, expelling her breath.

  “Yes, please,” I responded. I glanced around and noticed that the waitstaff was already serving dinner.

  “Maddie? Tea for you?” I asked.

  She glanced at the server and nodded. Another of the waitstaff approached behind her, bearing plates of food. As the first girl left us, the second server, a young man with cropped blond hair, placed our food on the table.

  We sat silently looking at the plates for almost a minute.

  “Here’s bread for you,” a third server said. “Let us know if you need anything.”

  She placed the basket of towel-wrapped bread between our plates, toward the center of the table.

  We still didn’t move.

  Finally, Maddie shifted in her chair. “Ella? I—”

  I lifted my drink and took one more deep swallow. “It’s you, Maddie. It’s you I want.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Maddie

  My heart was beating rapidly in my chest. I actually wondered if I might be having a heart attack. She’d said it. She’d made her intentions clear. My psyche soared, and I felt a happiness fill me, making me complete in places deep within that I hadn’t realized were empty. I wanted to take her hand, but hers were both on the table, and I didn’t want to be too obvious.

  “Ella, think about what you are saying,” I said quietly.

  “Are you telling me that you have no feelings for me?” Her question was filled with doubt, so I hastened to reassure her.

  “Of course I do. I’ve had feelings for you since the day you came to work for me.”

  She turned to face me head on. “Why didn’t you say anything? I was never sure how you felt.”

  I dropped my eyes and leaned to touch her knee with my fingertips. “I was so afraid.”

  “Of me?”

  “No…well, maybe. But I was more afraid of allowing myself to feel, I think. It’s easy to ignore what’s missing in your life if you pretend you can’t feel anything.”

  She smiled impishly. “Then I come along and prove to be absolutely irresistible.”

  I studied her beautiful, beloved features. “Yes, yes. Exactly like that.”

  She smiled again, her eyes soft and loving. “I figured it was an ethical thing, you avoiding all my advances.”

  “You mean not fraternizing with my employees?”

  “Yes.” She nodded. “Is that true?”

  “Yes, very true. That gave me much pause. Pero te necesito tanto.” She watched me questioningly, so I explained in a low whisper. “I need you, Ella. I need you so very much.” I waited nervously.

  “And I need you. I won’t hesitate to find another job, Maddie. I want to…if it means we can be together.”

  Relieved, I leaned close, finally taking both her hands in mine. “We will be together, Ella. Never doubt that. Please. No matter what. Never doubt that.”

  She smiled at me, tears welling in her eyes. “I’ve waited so long to hear those words from you.”

  “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

  A wonderful idea had occurred to me, and I hurried out to the lobby bar. I placed an order with the grinning bartender and then rushed back to my love. “Will you come with me?” I said, sliding back into my chair. I watched her face. Would she trust me?

  “But your dinner—” she said with some surprise.

  “I’m…not hungry. For food.”

  She smiled. “Okay. We’ll find you something later.”

  She rose and we left the dining room and made our way to the elevator. We were silent, but there was a heady energy humming between us as we rode up. At the doors to our rooms, I took her hand and propelled her toward mine. When the door closed behind us, I turned to face her in the dim light of the room, placing a palm on each of her rosy cheeks.

  “Ella, tu haces que mi corazón se eleva y se llena con luz,” I whispered. “Ven sé conmigo ahora.”

  She moved closer to me, only a breath apart. “Yes, whatever you said, yes.”

  “I said you make my heart soar and fill it with light. Come, be with me now.” I wrapped her in my arms, allowed at last to hold her soft flesh next to mine. I reveled in it, breathing in her essence, our noses touching. She was delectable, better than I’d hoped. Slowly, savoring every move, I closed the distance until I permitted myself, at last, to press my lips to hers.

  In my mind, I shifted to another dimension. Her lips were plump and warm, and I was drawn in, my tongue plundering the sweet depths of her mouth. This same mouth had driven me crazy as I’d watched it speak to me in the past. This new dimension moved me past being spoken to. Now I was spoken with. This new, nonverbal language filled my brain with incredible peace and excitement in equal measure. I pulled her body ever closer, crushing her to me, wanting her to experience fully this same dimension. We were time travelers, creating bold and utopic worlds as we traveled through them. Warmth suffused me as I allowed my physical hands to reach low and fill with her grounding flesh so we would stay anchored together somehow.

  I wasn’t sure how long we traveled in this merged state, but an insistent knock at the door slammed me back into this reality. We broke apart too abruptly, almost painfully.

  “It’s for us,” I said lamely, my chest heaving. I turned on one small desk lamp and smoothed my clothing, knowing I could do nothing to change the dreaminess of my facial expression. After opening the door, I ushered in the young woman who pushed a roomservice cart. I fished my wallet out of my pocket and tipped her, and she wished us a good evening as she left.

  I turned to Ella and found her cheeks bright pink and her mouth curved in a Mona Lisa secretive smile. “Wine?”

  “Yes,” she said, nodding. “After that kiss, I need it.”

  I chuckled. “Our chemistry is strong, yes?” I handed her a full glass. “This is a Muscat grape, very pleasant, usually.”

  She took a sip and raised surprised eyes above her glass. “This is like nectar,” she whispered.

  I nodded and savored my own wine. “Yes, it is my favorite. We have these grapes in Puerto Rico, in the southwestern region. They are in a popular local wine there, even better than this, and I always try to visit the village for a good meal and some of the wine there whenever I go back.”

  Ella walked the few steps that separated us and took my hand, then pulled me toward the bed. We sat next to one another on the edge.

  “Do you think I could go with you sometime? To Puerto Rico?” she asked softly.

  “Of course you will,” I replied, lifting my glass to hers in a toast. “To our timeless future, filled with one another.”

  She smiled at my toast and took a deep sip of the petit grain Moscatel.

  “Maddie, have you been in many relationships?” she asked, with what appeared to be reluctance.

  “Not many,” I admitted. “I know I should have had more at my age, but my work was my mistress. My last was wit
h a woman when I was in medical school. She treated me badly. Before that I had a few girlfriends, briefly, when I was very young.” I moved to refill our glasses. “And you? Tell me about your loves.”

  “Not so many,” she replied. “My first real girlfriend was in high school, Katrina Merkel. We had to keep it secret, of course, and she eventually left me for one of my nerdy male classmates. I came out to everyone when I was in college, when I fell in love with a girl named Gina. I thought she was everything I wanted, but she fell in love with another. I was brokenhearted, in that tormented way of youth, so I rebelled against everything, eventually hooking up with a woman named Bailey, who my parents really hated. She and I got in lots of trouble until she went away.”

  I could see Ella’s pain, but it wasn’t all consuming. That was good. I stood and took her glass, returning both our glasses to the cart. I took off my blazer.

  “Come,” I said, pulling her to her feet. She smiled seductively as I removed her light jacket. “Now, you are mine,” I said, my lips finding her fragrant, warm neck. “And I am yours.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Ella

  I felt as though my heart would stop beating as Maddie began to make love to me. Her touch was so gentle, so ethereal, that it all felt dreamlike. My clothing fell from me, and I felt no inhibition being naked and honest before her. Her large hands swept my skin, the palms soft and hot as she explored—no, delighted in my body. Fingers, strong but gentle, caressed my neck up into my hairline, and I discovered this to be a new erogenous zone for me. And always there was her mouth, consuming my lips, her powerful tongue following her hands in worship of my nape as I rolled to accommodate her. One hand lowered and found my breasts, erect and firm, and a whole new spate of sensations wrapped me in delirium. Fluid swelled in me, the apex of my legs twitching in anticipation of penetration, of release.

  One hand still cupped my head and neck as I was kissed. And kissed yet again. The other hand abandoned my breasts and slid along my torso, pressing securely against my ribs, my waist, then moving along the full cheek of my bottom, pressing my center against her firm body. A new fount of moisture filled me, and I gasped at the extreme sensation she aroused. I pulled back and looked into her eyes. I found love there and deep, dark passion. What I saw was almost more sensation than I could bear, and I trembled.