Winning the Alpha

by Carina Wilder

  “Come on,” she growled. “Try and hit me, you fat lazy bitch.”

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tristan, who was watching with the other pack members, take a step forward. I knew that he’d heard her and that the same instinct was kicking in that had caused him to attack Craig. But if he got involved it would be the end of his job, not to mention the end of the show. I couldn’t let that happen.

  I glared at Brittany and growled, “Make me.”

  She continued her attempts to taunt me under her breath. I wondered if the microphones picked it up, but they were so far off and by now the other women were cheering so loudly that I figured no one could hear much but us and the wolf pack, who seemed to have exceptional hearing.

  “Your stupid boyfriend of a producer didn’t like that much, did he? It hurts his little feelings to see me pick on his porky lady friend. Jesus, he has to be a serious moron to go for an ugly cow like you. You two deserve each other. A fat bitch and a fucking idiot.”

  It didn’t bother me to be called fat or ugly; not by this woman. There was nothing she could say about me that would make me lose any sleep.

  But when I heard her insult Tristan something happened to me. To call it rage would be an insult to the English language; it wasn’t that at all. My body took my mind over, and I found myself breathless, almost unable to stand. I hunched over, confusing Brittany. She paused for a only a moment before saying,

  “Oh, did I make you cry? Poor Nicole. So many insecurities.”

  I felt something happen then; a pressure from every part of my body. I pulled my helmet off and threw it to the ground, as my head felt that it was going to explode. Brittany stood before me, weapon in hand, and paused again, unsure as to whether it was okay to use it when my defenses were down.

  I bent over and, without understanding how I’d gotten there, found myself on my hands and knees, my back arching upwards. All I could think of was this woman in front of me who had no understanding of human beings, no compassion, not a care about anything or anyone but herself. All I wanted was to teach her a lesson.

  I heard it before I felt it.

  A sort of crunching and then sharp pain followed by numbness, every nerve in my body reacting at once.

  The world went to shades of grey, yet everything became clearer; every sense was heightened all of a sudden. My head shot up again and my eyes were set on my rival, who was staring over me in horror. She dropped her weapon at her side and began to back away.

  That was it; she was vulnerable.

  I lunged at her before realizing that my own weapon was no longer in my hands. As my body impacted hers, she fell back to the earth and I stood over her, my hands on her shoulders, pinning her down. I wanted to tear her fucking throat out.

  But when I looked at her I saw my fingers on her, digging into her flesh.

  I realized with a shock that they were covered in a sort of light fur, long claws extending from their tips. These were no fingers.

  I backed away now, stepping over and over again and leaving the awful woman flat on the ground. I watched her chest heave as shock washed over her.

  As I moved backwards I saw my clothes, torn to shreds, lying on the ground and I knew without a doubt what had happened. So it was true; this was my legacy and my father had left it to me.

  Eleven:

  The Ugly Truth

  Tristan ran to me first, yelling something. I heard him but didn’t register a word; I didn’t know what to do. I found myself looking up into his eyes as a member of the wardrobe staff draped another robe over me.

  Tristan laid a hand on my back now and said, “It’s all right, Nikki. I’m going to bring you into the house now. Just let me guide you and don’t worry about anything. I’m here.”

  His hand still on me, he led me to the cabin. My footfalls were tentative; I felt as though I was drunk and only now learning to walk.

  When we were inside my eyes darted around the room, which was furnished with large couches and chairs, no doubt to accommodate the pack in moments of relaxation and meetings.

  Tristan closed the door to give us some privacy and knelt in front of me, his eyes on my face.

  “So it’s true,” he said. “I thought it must be. I knew there was a reason I was so drawn to you. Nikki, listen to me: you know by now that you’ve shifted. I need you to breathe, relax, and think about your human form. Picture it. Let go of any anger you’re feeling.”

  I breathed deeply, realizing that my tongue was jutting out of my mouth; I was panting. The thought amused me, which allowed me to relax. I did as Tristan instructed and calmed myself, letting go of my anger. I thought about Nikki, the woman I was so used to scrutinizing in the mirror.

  Colour came back into the world as I lay down on the floor, allowing my body to relax with the robe draped over me. I continued to think about the human part of myself and closed my eyes. My body did what it was supposed to then, and in a wild shudder I shifted back into my usual form.

  “Good girl,” said Tristan quietly, his hand touching my face. “You poor thing. That must have been a shock.”

  “I..it was. I didn’t know…”

  “No, you wouldn’t. Normally people begin to shift when they’re younger, and half-breeds often don’t shift at all. You must have been extremely pissed off at Brittany for that to have happened.” He was smiling now. He knew why I’d been so enraged. “I guess you’re not as in control of your emotions as I thought.”

  “I wanted to kill her,” I said.

  “I know you did. And I’m glad you didn’t do it, especially not in front of all those TV cameras.”

  Just then the door opened and Craig came in. For once he wasn’t set on attacking Tristan.

  “How is she?” he asked.

  “Shaken, but okay I think,” said Tristan.

  “You shouldn’t have done that. You scared the hell out of Brittany,” said the alpha, his anger with me showing where his loyalties were focused, in one quick moment.

  “Are you actually stupid enough to think she could have helped it, Craig? For Christ’s sake,” growled Tristan.

  To his credit, Craig remained calm and simply looked at me and said, “Come out when you’re ready.”

  “Well,” said Tristan when the alpha had left, “this show’s just gotten a lot more interesting. I have a feeling you just upped our ratings by three thousand percent.”

  With that I laughed. “Well, at least I’m good at something,” I said.

  I was joking but a part of me meant it. All at once I felt empowered. My size now felt like a bonus, a sign of strength. All my life I’d wondered why I felt gigantic and now I was grateful for it.

  “You are good at many things; you’ve just never seen it or admitted it to yourself. Maybe now you’ll start.”

  We went outside together, me in my robe, suddenly a uniformed member of the pack. Brittany stood far from me, eyeing me as though I were the angel of death with her name written on my scythe. All the disrespect she’d shown me had been replaced now with something like terrified reverence and I was enjoying it, I’ll admit.

  John walked to the center of the ring. “Ladies, we’ve discussed what should happen here, given the unusual circumstance that’s arisen. It need not be said that this will be a moment that goes down in television history. But there has to be a winner, and we’ve decided to award control of the next date to Brittany since it’s not exactly in our rulebook that you’re allowed to shift into a wolf before fighting.”

  It was fair enough; I had broken the rules. Still, I was disappointed not to be able to throw another date Julia’s way. I knew that Brittany would take it for herself.

  Julia approached me when John had finished his requisite speech, a bewildered smile on her face.

  “Well, aren’t you full of surprises?” she grinned.

  “Believe me, no one was more surprised than yours truly.”

  “I believe it. Even as a wolf you looked pretty stunned, if it’s possible for a wolf to
look that way.”

  We returned to the house as a group in the same SUV that had brought us. I didn’t get another opportunity to talk to Tristan, but I wished so much that I could. The shock was wearing off and I had so many questions to ask. Why hadn’t my mother told me the truth? What would happen now? What about my life? Children? How was I supposed to carry on as if nothing had happened? There should be a support group for this.

  John surprised me by approaching me quietly when we got back to the house. “I know you must be having a hard time right now with all of this,” he said. The cameras were off, thankfully. “You didn’t know about it, did you? That you’re a shifter, I mean.”

  “No, I didn’t. Not for sure, anyhow.”

  “If you need anything I’m here. I know I play the uptight host of the show, but I’m also a pack member. Don’t forget that.”

  “John,” I said as he got up to leave me, “What happened to you when you found out you were a shifter?”

  “Well, I knew all my life. Both my parents are, and they prepared me. But a lot of people don’t know and it comes as a huge challenge to many of them. I’ve seen more than one of them break down because of it.”

  I thought then about my father, and how much it must have devastated my mother to lose him. She wasn’t an unkind woman and I suspected that she’d never told me about my genes because she hoped that I would never become what he’d been. Maybe she thought that by concealing it she could save me from the temptation to learn more. This news would probably hurt her; I made a mental note to ask a producer if I could write to her, to tell her that I would never desert her.

  “I won’t break down,” I said. “I feel confused, frightened, anxious, all of it. But above all I feel stronger.”

  John smiled then, and it was the first time I’d ever witnessed a sincere expression on his face.

  “I’m really glad, Nikki,” he said. He left me alone then.

  Brittany had her date the next day with Craig; it was some all-day affair that took them into the mountains on a hike. No doubt at some point they talked about the ‘incident,’ as people were now calling it. I wondered if she’d gathered her wits enough to pretend that my wanting to rip her apart with my teeth didn’t bother her too much.

  Tristan found me during the day, defying the rule that he was to avoid contact. I was sitting in the kitchen over a cup of coffee.

  “Can we go outside?” he asked.

  “Sure.”

  The air was crisp and smelled of the forthcoming autumn, but there was something else as well. I felt that my senses were heightened now; that I’d allowed them to develop into something more than human. I found myself inhaling deeply as we left the house, taking in the scent of the surrounding mountains and of the man next to me.

  “How are you?” he asked when we’d sat down on one of the decorative stone benches that dotted the landscape.

  “I want to tell you that I’m fine, but the truth is that it’s all very mixed for me. So I’ll say that I’m okay. You don’t need to worry. It’s not like I didn’t have suspicions that this was in my blood.”

  “I know. But I am worried---I have to worry about you. You mean a lot to me, you know.”

  “Do I? I mean, do I really? What are we going to do, Tristan? I feel like everything is on such thin ice here, between us, with the show. Everything.”

  “It is, gorgeous, but we’ll figure it out.”

  “But how? If Craig chooses me for some bizarre reason I have to be with him, don’t I?”

  Sadness permeated Tristan’s face now, as I knew it showed up on mine. I hadn’t known until I shifted that this was how things would play out: that now I was a pack wolf and the alpha claiming me would mean that I was essentially his property.

  “Yes,” he said.

  I wondered if the other girls were truly aware of the consequences if they dared reject an alpha, but then none of them would. This show was set up perfectly to ensure that the candidates would fight to the death for this man; I knew in that moment, even, that every female in the house was scheming, devising a plan to ensnare Craig, even Julia. But they wanted to win him on television and didn’t see the true reality of the situation.

  “I don’t think I could do it though, Tristan. I don’t think I’d ever want to be with him. No---I know I wouldn’t want to. I don’t want to. I want you.”

  “And I want you, more than I ever did before. More each day.”

  Tristan laid a hand on my cheek and leaned in close.

  I felt myself melt, my body surrendering without resistance to the feeling that surged through me as he moved in. His soft lips, gentle but firm on my own, sent me reeling, dizzy, searching for an anchor as my hand reached for him. I laid it on his chest and felt his heart pounding under his perfectly sculpted flesh.

  Our tongues met and mingled, exploring and searching one another in an attempt to sate the hunger that had built between us for so long. Truth be told, I felt that if we could in that moment we would have devoured each other. A kiss seemed too tame and yet this kiss filled us both, I knew, and it would have to feed us for days to come, if not for a lifetime. I relished each second, not knowing if there would be another chance to be with him. The bittersweet moment lasted forever and yet not nearly long enough.

  When we stopped, both of us coming to our senses, I looked into his light eyes. There was a sadness in him that I hadn’t seen, and I knew that I reflected the emotion; that we both longed for a solution to our dilemma and that neither could come up with one.

  “Nikki, I know that I had a life before you. For twenty-six years I lived, content, without you. I know that I’ll go on living even if I don’t have you. But I’m not sure that I could ever want to.”

  “I know. I know exactly what you mean. I can’t imagine getting up in the mornings now and not thinking about you first thing, and last thing before I fall asleep. All I want to do is be with you, Tristan.”

  He kissed me again, lightly, his lips brushing softly against mine.

  “You’d better go inside,” he said, “or one of us will get fired, and it won’t be you.”

  I stroked his stubble-coated cheek and then left him on the bench alone.

  I stuck around that evening to hear about Brittany’s date though what I really wanted was to isolate myself in our bedroom, away from the candidates, away from anyone’s eyes.

  The women were wary of me now, all of them but Julia. Nothing seemed to phase her. I found their fear of my own shifting strange, given that they seemed so intent on finding their way into Craig’s life and bed. Somehow a shifter who was male was sexy to them whereas the female in their midst was a freak. But I enjoyed this; I felt powerful in their presence and I knew that no one would mess with me. There was no longer a risk that I would revert to shyness and cast my eyes to the floor.

  When Brittany got home she remained uncharacteristically quiet; normally she would have bragged about her date and how far she’d advanced with Craig. I supposed that it was my presence that threw her off. All she said when asked was, “It was good.”

  Over the next several days more women were eliminated. There were trivia competitions involving everything I’d told the cameras I liked: baseball, architecture, equestrian sports. There was even a cooking competition with a taste test by Craig, which I won based on my own culinary instincts; in my brief time as a full-fledged shifter I’d developed a taste for a certain cut of venison and I knew that it would appeal to the alpha, though of course he wasn’t told who’d cooked it. My intention was only to make him believe that I wanted to be there to win his heart. I needed him to set aside worries about Tristan and could only hope that if I lost in the end, Craig would end up happy and I would have a shot at being with the man I’d come to adore.

  When he chose mine as the winning dish, I watched his face. It contorted into a look that was a cross between frustration and anger. I failed to comprehend why it was that he’d shown such possessiveness over me when clearly he didn’t want
me there, but I came to the conclusion that he was simply asserting his dominance; to allow Tristan to steal me from under him would mean that he’d been defeated, humiliated even, and he couldn’t allow it to happen in front of his pack mates.

  Over the days we were narrowed down to a field of four: Brittany, the sweet Diana, Julia and myself.

  “Julia,” I told my roommate when we were alone one evening, “I need to talk to you.”

  “What’s up?”

  “It’s obvious that Craig doesn’t really want me around. That’s fine; I have no desire to end up with him either. But you need to know what you’re in for if you make it to the finale and he chooses you.”

  “Well, I assume he’ll do the usual thing and ask me to marry him or be his mate or something like that, and I’ll say yes and coo for the cameras, then we’ll date for a week, have some crazy monkey sex and split up.”

  “It won’t go that way though.”

  “What do you mean? Do you know something we don’t?”

  “I’ve learned things about shifters. Well, ‘learned’ isn’t the best way to put it. I understand better now that my own instincts are kicking in. These guys mate for life. If he chooses you as the alpha, you’re his.”

  “What does that mean? Whether I like it or not? Is this the twelfth century?” Julia chuckled.

  I remained serious, however.

  “Well, it’s not too far off. He won’t let you leave, and more importantly, his pack won’t be happy about it. It would be the ultimate insult to their alpha.”

  Julia looked thoughtful for a minute. “So what do you think I should do?”

  “Well, tell me, how do you really feel about Craig?”

  “I think he’s a pompous, arrogant ass. He’s hot, yeah. But he’s a total douche.”

  “You need to find a way to get out of this then, Julia. But you don’t want to just walk out. There has to be a reason for it, and a good one.”