Keep Jumping / No Hating

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  “Do you want to go somewhere and talk?” I said when the song ended.

  He shook his head and took my hand. We went over to a corner. He leaned in real close and whispered in my ear.

  “I told you a long time ago that I felt like an outsider in my own home. Do you remember that?” he asked. “When you talked to me about playing football, I gave you a hard time about it because my dad had instilled in me that football was for chumps. But I didn’t really think that. I thought some guys on this team didn’t have any work ethic. I did realize that I have skills at the safety position, and I wanted to try them out. My dad wasn’t for that. There was a lot of drama in my house. All that to say, it came out that . . . he’s not even my biological dad.”

  I was so shocked and hurt for Amir. He was so close to me that our lips touched. He backed away for a second.

  Breathing heavily he said, “I don’t even want to bother you with this.”

  “No, no,” I said, as I pulled him closer to me. “Talk to me. It’s no bother.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I mean, you don’t have to tell me what you don’t want to.”

  “Thanks,” Amir said. He touched my cheek and continued with his story. “My mom tipped out on my dad when they were having problems and here I am. I guess he has some fault in this because he cheated first. She was just getting back at him. My dad has known my entire life. She was never trying to cover it up to him, and they agreed he would raise me as his own. Problem was he never dealt with his anger and has made me feel like an outcast all my life. So when I found out I wasn’t his, I felt like I didn’t have to live up to his expectations anymore. My mom signed the necessary forms, and I came on out for Coach Strong’s team. I have been on the team for a week.”

  “Are you okay?” I said, never wanting anything heavy to be in Amir’s heart.

  I knew what it was like to have parent drama, but I could not imagine it being sprung on you after sixteen years of thinking one person was your parent and learning they had no blood connection to you at all. This was too much.

  “I’m dealing with it, but I guess it made me realize things that were important in my life, and I want one of those things to be you. I’ve been with girls for the wrong reason, and I just respect you more than that.”

  “What are you saying, Amir?” I asked, truly wanting to know and not assume anything.

  “I want you to be my girl.”

  At that moment I couldn’t hear any more music. The spotlight was on us. I had always wanted a guy who cared about me. I wanted him to be cute. I wanted him to have swagger. I wanted it to be real. Feeling Amir’s lips against mine, he could tell that my answer to his question was yes.

  When I got home later that evening, I was hesitant to walk into my house. Greta’s car was in the driveway. Instead of just using my key, I was more comfortable ringing the bell. No need for a repeat.

  “Hey, baby girl,” my dad said, as he gave me a kiss on the cheek and did not even question my method of entering the house. “You have fun tonight?”

  “Yes, sir,” I said, peeping into the house before I stepped inside.

  “Don’t trip. Come on in. Hopefully, you’re not tired. Greta and I wanted to talk to you. She made some hot chocolate. Maybe we can all sit around and gab.”

  I thought to myself, “All sit around and gab? Okay, Dad, what is going on with you?” Though I had come to the realization that his girlfriend meant something to him and was not going anywhere, I did not want to cosign on the whole brand new family idea. I only had less than two years to be in this house. If he and Greta could just hold out until then, whatever they wanted to do I would be fine with, but I did not want him moving her in before then. If us sitting around and having a conversation was going to mean that I had to act like I was okay with it all, he could count me out.

  I threw my hands up and sharply said, “Dad, just talk to your girl. You guys enjoy the cocoa. I can get my stuff and spend the night with Charli or something. Just give me a second and I’ll be out. I don’t want to get in y’all’s way.”

  I was not trying to be a brat, really. Greta headed me off and handed me a cup of cocoa as she exited the kitchen. It had whipped cream on it. It was steaming and looked delicious.

  “This is for you,” she smiled.

  I just looked at the cup. Though I wanted it badly, I could not take her little bribe. We were not friends, and I was not going to be tricked.

  Greta tried handing me the enticing drink and said, “Please, Hallie. I really care about your father, and he cares about you. I just wanted to apologize for us getting off to such a rough start. I want to tell you I am not trying to take your mom’s place. I know I can never do that. Meeting you, I understand why you’re your father’s pride and joy. You’re beautiful. You got savvy.”

  When she used a word that was current and something I use with my friends, I was taken aback. I was surprised in a good way. Maybe Greta was hipper than I thought, but I still didn’t want to like her. As I saw the whipped cream melting before my eyes, I just took it. No need to be rude, so I went and sat down on the couch and started sipping. The mixture of vanilla, marshmallows, and whipped cream in the chocolatey hot milk was so soothing. It was the perfect drink to have when coming in from the chilly fall night.

  “Sweetheart,” my dad said to me, as he took my free hand, “I love you. Whatever is important to you is important to me. I know you are worried about your mom. So tomorrow I would like for us to go and try to find her. See if we can put her in rehab.”

  “Oh my gosh, Dad! You would do that?” I cried.

  “I would because I love you that much. I need you to have peace of mind and be happy with your life.”

  “I know you don’t want me to come,” Greta said with teary eyes. “But I am truly concerned about your mom, and I want her to get the help that she needs. Please know I’m not trying to stand in the way of that. I’m here, however, and I can assist.”

  I could not hold back my emotions. I knew Greta had to have talked to my dad about helping me find my mom. My dad did a complete turnaround, which almost never happens. That only had to be because of her influence, and if she could help him see that my mom needed us, then maybe I needed to open up my eyes and see that my dad needed Greta.

  “I’m going to go to bed now so we can get up in the morning and find Mom,” I said.

  I turned back around and took my dad’s hand. He smiled. I embraced Greta. He smiled wider.

  “You two enjoy each other. Thanks,” I said. And I meant it.

  I looked back and saw Greta crying silently. Seeing her emotion was really sweet. I moved her by my simple actions and words. Because I was not bitter, I felt like a burden I did not even know was on me was lifted too. It was weird and certainly unexplainable, but it was real. By not being so hard-hearted, I could feel.

  It took my dad and I all of an hour to find my mom. I took him straight to the last place I knew her to be. This time she was there. She was shriveled up in a ball, holding her legs, and rocking back and forth. She had on Daisy Dukes and a bra. It was sixty degrees. Immediately my dad took off his light jacket. She seemed in such a trance that I did not know if she could understand what I was saying or not.

  “Ugh, I don’t know where you trying to go with her, but you ain’t taking her nowhere. She owe me some moola, money, dough. Wassup?” the same joker who tried to assault me said to my father.

  I certainly did not want to tell my dad what that dude had done to me. He would have killed him. I didn’t want my dad in trouble over a lowlife like that. He gave the thug some money, and we got my mom in the car.

  Greta had called a drug rehabilitation center that had an available bed. My dad shelled out dough again to pay for Mom’s slot. My mom was shivering from the cold, and it tore me up to see her so shaken and frail. My dad said she was having withdrawals from not having drugs in her system. Probably her pusher would not give her any because she owed him, I guess. She was prett
y close to stroking out.

  Seeing her so weak as my father checked her in, I realized I was growing up. I could not keep thinking that the world had done me wrong because my mom chose to love drugs more than she loved me. My dad and I were getting her help. Now she was going to have to make the choice to take it.

  In a loving manner I boldly said, “Mom, I know this is going to be hard. This is like the third time you’ve been to a place like this. But this is the first time I’ve been allowed to come along. I need you to do this for me. I need you to care enough about you so you can get well for you because I am going to be okay.”

  “I . . . I . . . I love you, Hal. I love you, baby. I’m going to make it this time. I’m going to make it this time,” she mumbled.

  I nodded, letting her know I was counting on her to keep her word. Then she collapsed in the nurse’s arms. My dad did not want to leave, but I tugged on his arm.

  I said, “It’s okay, Dad. You’ve done more than your share to help her. All I could ever ask of you is for you to help her this last time. For you to do that means everything. They said we can come and visit her in a week.”

  “I’m proud of you, Hallie,” my dad said.

  “Why?”

  “Because you told your mom the truth even though it was tough. Though you can never turn your back on people you love, sometimes you need to cut them loose. We can’t just give her a fish. We have to teach her how to fish.”

  “I don’t understand,” I said.

  Walking to the front door, he explained, “Just an old proverb that says, ’If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.’ You know that fish you gave him? He’s going to put it over the fire. Maybe put a little salt and pepper on it and grub.”

  I laughed.

  “ ‘But if you teach a man how to fish, he will eat for a lifetime.’ He can come to the water. Clear his mind. Cast his net. Feed his family. Have self pride. Realize his own dreams and goals. Bringing your mom here can teach her how to fish, but she’s got to want to learn.”

  I nodded. I hoped she would learn. We walked out of the rehab center, giving her a chance to do just that. I felt good that our job was done.

  “Why didn’t you just flip the other night?” Lexus asked. It was Sunday, and I was warming up for tumbling at Cheertowne. “I’ve seen you in here doing it a million times. You get under the lights and freeze up. Why? You got the skills, and your calves can hold you up.”

  In my mind I started to ask her, “Why in the world do you care? I know you want Amir, but I don’t want you to bug me. I’m not trying to rub our relationship in your face. So just go. Ugh.” But I stood there, counted to three, and was real calm, hoping that the other trainer would come out so I could practice.

  “I don’t know why you’re looking around. I’m the one who’s going to work with you today,” Lexus barked.

  “No, I’m going to work with her,” Amir shocked us both and said.

  Lexus vented, “You don’t even work here anymore.”

  “Oh, but I prefer to work with him, and my money gets a say,” I said in an excited tone. Seeing my boyfriend for the first time since we made a commitment to date each other made me blush from head to toe.

  “It’s a liability issue. He doesn’t work here,” the bossy girl said. She would not let up.

  “Lexus, come here for a second,” the owner of the gym called out from his office.

  If looks could kill, Amir and I would both be dead. When she did not walk off, he grabbed my hand, and we went to another part of the gym. I looked back, and Lexus was still staring.

  “She is unstable,” I said to him. I was dying to kiss him but there were lots of little girls swarming around us. I had savvy and was not going to be inappropriate.

  “She’s got some issues, but just ignore her,” he said as we faced one another. “I was hoping you would be here.”

  “I’ve got to tumble, Amir. The craziest thing is all the pressure I felt on me not being able to tumble . . . Well, I don’t feel it anymore, but more than ever before I’ve got to tumble.”

  “And I think that’s the first step to getting you there. You’ve got to want to. So let’s go.”

  Amir held out his arm. When he counted to three I felt comfortable and was flipping. It just became routine. His arm was there and I was flipping. I did not feel his arm on my back after eight flips, but he assured me it was there. After the fifteenth time when I looked up he was five steps back, and though they were not big steps, he was not helping me. I was doing it on my own.

  “So all I’m saying is we have an away game Friday, and when they introduce the cheerleaders, every single one of them is going to show out,” Amir said confidently.

  I rolled my neck and hips. “And how about the football team . . . are we going to win?” I asked.

  “Like you even got to ask,” he said.

  After we wrestled for a few seconds, I stood and said, “Hey, are you okay? You know, all the stuff with your dad?”

  “Can’t worry about what you can’t control in this life, Hallie. You’ve got to focus on the positive stuff you got going on so you can go somewhere in life. You can’t be bogged down with stress and worry. Worrying about the negative things holds you back. You can’t live. You can’t keep going. You know that all you need is to just keep jumping.”

  “You’re amazing,” I said to him.

  “Don’t give me too much credit.”

  “No, I’m serious. You don’t just look at life from your point of view. The reason why you’re able to keep jumping is because you’re able to understand how the other person feels. You have empathy. Not many of us put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Yeah, we want to walk in their shoes when we think they have it going on, but we don’t want to walk in the mud they have to go through to get on top.”

  The week flew by. Amir and I could not hang out because I had cheerleading practice and tumbling practice after that. And there was still homework to be done. He had football practice and meetings with the coaches after school so he could learn the plays he was behind on.

  On game night we rode the bus with the defense and when I passed by Amir, he touched my arm and smiled.

  “Have a good game tonight,” I said to him before Coach Woods told us to keep it moving.

  “Did you hear him?” Charli said.

  “No.”

  “He said he has a feeling y’all both will have a good night. What does he mean by that? You getting lucky, girl?” she said to me.

  I just laughed. When we were sitting in the back, I asked Charli how things were going with her parents.

  She hugged me and said, “Thanks for asking. I appreciate that you care. My parents are dating other people. That’s all I can say, but I haven’t fallen apart. I am taking your advice on not letting it affect me. Whatever they do, I know they still love me.”

  “That’s what I’m talking about,” I said.

  Ella and Eva were the cutest twins. I did not know that many twins, but they had to be the best ones in the world. I gave them both kisses.

  Eva said, “Ew!”

  And Ella said, “Thank you!”

  They were so predictable. Their dad had a whole new family and was about to get married, and I knew it was eating the two of them up. But the sugar and spice combo would get them through it, and I was happy to be there for both of them. Randal came on the bus late. There were no more seats.

  I got up and said, “Here, you sit here.”

  “I don’t want to take your seat,” Randal said shyly.

  I said, “You’re not. You sit in the middle, and I’ll just be on the end.”

  “Thank you for caring. I would have had a panic attack if I had to ask anybody to slide in so tight,” Randal said.

  I loved those four girls so much. To be uncomfortable on a bus ride was nothing. We were supposed to blow out the team we were playing. But in the first half we were down 14–7.

  Amir and I passed each other when he was jogging to t
he locker room. The cheerleaders were going to be introduced in the center of the field. I winked at him. When the announcer called my name, not only did I do two back handsprings, I also did a full.

  My team went wild. They all came running to me and lifted me up like I had scored the winning touchdown. It felt amazing leaving all my fears behind. It felt wonderful going for the gusto. It was marvelous knowing that I was not going to have to turn in my pom-poms.

  When the cheerleaders ran off, I saw Amir and jogged over to him. I had been on a crazy rollercoaster the last few weeks, and I am actually somebody who is terrified of rollercoasters. It was like somebody had pushed me on and said just enjoy it. But I could not loosen up. I could not let go. I could not change the twists and turns, so I screamed and fought it. It was no fun until I relaxed. It was not until I took my hands off the bars, raised them in the air, and just went with the flow that I could conquer my fear. I knew that if I just kept riding, kept living, kept trying, and kept jumping I could do anything.

  Amir tried to act like it was no big deal and said, “I’m glad you saw me because if Coach knows I’m not in that locker room . . .”

  I put my hand over his lips and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for helping me. From the very beginning you told me I could do it.”

  “My savvy, sweet Hallie Ray, no need to thank me. You had it in you all the time. Be proud of yourself now that you’ve got your dreams realized.”

  YOU’VE READ her POINT OF VIEW ...

  HOW DOES his POINT OF VIEW DIFFER?

  READ THE FOLLOWING BOOK.

  The Lockwood High cheer squad has it all—sass, looks, and all the right moves. But everything isn’t always as perfect as it seems. Because where there’s cheer, there’s drama. And then there’s the ballers—hot, tough, and on point. But what’s going to win out—life’s pressures or their NFL dreams?

  Amir Knight has swag, guts, and pure ability.

  But ballin’ may not be the future