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Myth Directions m-3

Page 9

by Robert Asprin


  I was about to express this to Aahz when a roar went up from the crowd around us, ending any hope for conversation. The Trophy was just coming into view.

  We had chosen our post carefully. This point was the closest the procession came to the North wall of Veygus... and hence it was the closest the Trophy came to the gate opening onto the road to Ta-hoe.

  In line with Aahz's plan, we waved our fists in the air and jumped up and down as the Trophy passed by with its military escort. It was pointless to shout, however. The crowd was making so much noise that two voices more or less went unnoticed, and we needed to save our lung power for the heist itself. Working our way to the back of the mob also proved to be no problem. By simply not fighting back when everyone else elbowed in front of us soon moved us to our desired position.

  "So far, so good," Aahz murmured, scanning the backs in front of us to be sure we were unobserved.

  "Maybe we should quit while we're ahead," I suggested hopefully.

  "Shut up and start working," he snapped back in a tone that left no room for argument.

  With an inward sigh, I closed my eyes and began making subtle changes in our disguises.

  When I first learned the disguise spell, it was specifically to alter the facial features and body configurations of a being to resemble another. Later, after considerable practice, I learned to change the outward appearance of inanimate objects, providing they had once been alive. Aahz had seized this modification for a new application... specifically to change the configuration of our clothes. By the time I was done, we not only looked like Jahks, we were dressed in the uniforms of Veygan soldiers.

  "Good enough, kid," Aahz growled, clapping me on the shoulder. "Let's go!"

  With that, he plunged headlong into the crowd, clearing a path for me to emerge on the street behind the Trophy procession. Clearing paths through moveable objects, like people, is one of the things Aahz does best.

  "Make way!" he bawled. "One side! Make way!"

  Close behind him, I added my bellow to the din.

  "Ta-hoers!" I called. "At the South wall! Tahoers!"

  That's one of the things I do best-scream in panic.

  For a moment, no one seemed to hear us. Then a few heads turned. A couple voices took up my call.

  "Ta-hoers!" they cried. "We're being attacked."

  The word spread through the crowd ahead of us like wildfire, such that when we reached the rearguard of the procession, it had ground to a halt. The soldiers milled about, tangling weapons with bodies around them as they tried simultaneously to scan the crowd, rooftops, and sky.

  "Ta-hoers!" I shouted, pushing in among them.

  "Where?"

  "The South wall."

  "Where?"

  "The South wall."

  "Who?"

  "Ta-hoers!"

  "Where?"

  This nonsense might have continued endlessly, except for the appearance of an officer on the scene. He was noticeably more intelligent than the soldiers around him... which was to say he might have won a debate with a turnip.

  "What's going on here?" he demanded, his authoritative voice silencing the clamor in the ranks.

  "Ta-hoers, sir!" I gasped, still a bit out of breath from my performance. "They're attacking in force at the South wall!"

  "The South wall?" the officer frowned. "But Tahoe is north of here."

  "They must have circled around the city," I suggested hastily. "They're attacking the South wall."

  "But Ta-hoe is north of here," the man insisted. "Why would they attack the South wall?"

  His slow-wittedness was exasperating. It was also threatening to totally disrupt our plan, which hinged on momentum.

  "Are you going to stand here arguing while those yellow and blue idiots take the city?" Aahz demanded, shouldering his way past me. "If everybody gets killed because of your indecision, the council will bust you back to the ranks."

  That possibility wasn't very logical, so, of course, the fool took it to heart. Drawing his sword, he turned to the men around him.

  "To the South wall," he ordered. "Follow me!" "To the South wall!"

  The cry went up as the soldiers wheeled and dashed back down the street.

  "To the South wall!" I echoed, moving with them. Suddenly, a powerful hand seized my shoulder and slammed me against a wall hard enough to knock the air out of my lungs.

  "To the South wall!"

  It was Aahz, leaning back to keep me pinned between him and the wall as he waved the soldiers past.

  At last, he turned his head slightly to address me directly.

  "Where ya going?" he asked curiously.

  "To the South wall?" I suggested in a small voice.

  "Why?"

  "Because the Ta-hoers ... oh!" I felt exceptionally stupid. I also felt more than slightly squashed. Aahz is no featherweight.

  "I think better when I can breathe," I pointed out meekly.

  The ground slipped up and crashed into me as Aahz shifted his weight forward.

  "Quit clowning around, kid," he snarled, hauling me to my feet. "We've still got work to do."

  As I've said before, Aahz has an enviable grasp of the obvious. A dozen soldiers were still clustered around the Trophy, its litter now resting on the ground. There was also the minor detail of the crowd of onlookers still milling about arguing over this latest change in events.

  "What are we going to do, Aahz?" I hissed. "Just leave everything to me," he retorted confidently.

  "Okay, "I nodded.

  "Now here's what I want you to do ..." "What happened to ‘leave everything to you'?" I grumbled.

  "Shut up and listen," he ordered. "I want you to change my face and uniform to match that officer we talked to."

  "But..."

  "Just do it!"

  In a moment the necessary adjustments were made and my mentor was on his way, striding angrily toward the remaining soldiers.

  "What are you doing there?" he bawled. "Get to the South wall with the others!"

  "But... we were... our orders are to guard the Trophy," the nearest soldier stammered in confusion.

  "Defend it by keeping the Ta-hoers out of the city," Aahz roared. "Now get to the South wall! Anyone who tries to stay behind I'll personally charge with cowardice in the face of the enemy. Do you know what the punishment for that is?"

  Apparently they did, even if I didn't. Aahz's question went unanswered as the soldiers sprinted off down the street toward the South wall.

  So much for the Trophy's military escort. I did wonder, though, what my mentor planned to do about the milling crowd.

  "Citizens of Veygus," Aahz boomed, as if in answer to my silent question. "Our fair city is under attack. Now, I know all of you will want to volunteer to help the Army in this battle, but to be effective you must be disciplined and orderly. To that end, I want all volunteers to line up here in front of me for instructions. Any who are unable to serve should return to their homes at this time, so the militia will have room to maneuver. All right, volunteers assemble!"

  Within seconds, Aahz and I were left alone in the street. The crowd of potential volunteers had evaporated like water spilled on a hot griddle.

  "So much for the witnesses," my mentor grinned, winking at me.

  "Where'd they all go?" I asked, craning my neck to look around.

  "Home, of course," Aahz smirked. "No one likes the draft-particularly when it affects them personally."

  I wet my finger and tested the breeze. "There's not that much wind today," I announced suspiciously.

  For some reason, this statement seemed to annoy my mentor. He rolled his eyes and started to say something, then changed his mind.

  "Look, let's just grab the Trophy, okay?" he snarled. "That ‘South wall' bit won't fool the Army forever, and I for one don't want to be here when they get back."

  For once, we were in total agreement.

  "Okay, Aahz," I nodded. "How do we get it out of the city?"

  "That's easy," he waved.
"Remember, I'm not exactly a weakling."

  With that, he strode over to the Trophy and simply picked it up and tucked it under his arm, balancing it casually on his hip.

  "But, Aahz ..." I began.

  "I know what you're going to say," he admonished, holding up a hand, "and you're right. It would be easier to steal a cart. What you're overlooking is that a cart is personal property, while the Trophy belongs to the whole city."

  "But, Aahz..."

  "That means," he continued hastily, "that everyone assumes someone else is watching the Trophy, so we can walk away with it. If we stole a cart, the owner would spot it in a minute and raise the alarm. Now, having successfully liberated the Trophy, it would be really dumb to get arrested for stealing a cart, wouldn't it?"

  "I didn't mean how are we going to move it!" I blurted. "I meant how are we going to get it past the guards at the North gate?"

  "What's that?" Aahz frowned.

  "They aren't going to let us just walk past them carrying that Trophy, and I can't disguise it. It's a metal!"

  "Hmmm... you're right, kid," my mentor nodded thoughtfully. "Well, maybe we can... oh, swell!"

  "What is it?" I asked fearfully.

  "The soldiers are coming back," he announced, cocking his head to listen. Aahz has exceptionally sharp hearing. "Oh, well, we're just going to have to do this the fast way. Break out the D-Hopper."

  "The what? "I blinked.

  "The D-Hopper!" he insisted. "We'll just take this back to Klah with us."

  I hurriedly fumbled the D-Hopper out of my pouch and passed it to Aahz for setting.

  "What about Tanda?"

  "We'll use this gizmo to bring the Trophy back later and spring her," Aahz mumbled. "I hadn't figured on using this just now. There's always a possibility that... oh, well. Hang on, kid. Here we go."

  I crowded close to him and waited as he hit the button to activate the Hopper.

  Nothing happened!

  Chapter Fifteen:

  "-Or was it unlock the safe then swim to the surface?"

  -H. HOUDINI

  "NOTHING happened."

  "I know it," Aahz groaned, glaring at the DHopper. "That's the trouble with relying on mechanical gadgets. The minute you rely on them, they let you down."

  "What's wrong?" I pressed.

  "The damn thing needs recharging," Aahz spat. "And there's no way we can do it before the Army gets here."

  "Then let's hide until..."

  "Hide where?" my mentor snapped. "Do you want to ask one of the citizens to hide us? They might have a few questions about the Trophy we're lugging along."

  "Okay, you suggest something!" I snarled.

  "I'm working on it," Aahz growled, looking around. "What we need is... there!"

  Before I could ask what he was doing, he strode into a nearby shop, tugged an animal skin off the wall, and began wrapping^ around the Trophy.

  "Terrific," I observed dryly. "Now we have a furry Trophy. I don't think it will fool the guards."

  "It will, once you disguise it," Aahz grinned.

  "I told you, I can't," I insisted. "It's a metal!" "Not the Trophy, dummy!" he snapped. "The skin. Get to work! Change it to anything. No... make it a wounded soldier!"

  I wasn't sure it would work, but I closed my eyes and gave it a try. One wounded soldier-complete with a torn, bloodstained uniform and trailing feet.

  "Not bad, kid," Aahz nodded, sticking the bundle under his arm.

  As usual, I couldn't see the effects of my work. When I looked, I didn't see an officer of the guard with a wounded comrade under his arm. I saw Aahz holding a suspiciously lumpy package.

  "Are you sure it's okay?" I asked doubtfully.

  "Sure," Aahz nodded. "Just... oops! Here they come. Leave everything to me."

  That had a suspiciously familiar ring to it, but I didn't have many other options at the moment. The soldiers were in sight now, thundering down on us with grim scowls set fiercely on their faces.

  "That way! Quick! They're getting away."

  Aahz's bellow nearly startled me out of my skin, but I held my ground. I'm almost used to his unexpected gambits-almost.

  "After them!" Aahz repeated. "Charlie's hit!"

  "Who's Charlie?" I frowned.

  "Shut up, kid," my mentor hissed, favoring me with a glare before returning his attention to the soldiers.

  They had slowed their headlong dash and were looking down the side streets as they came, but they hadn't changed course. The only fortunate thing was that the officer Aahz was impersonating was nowhere in sight.

  "Don't you understand?" Aahz shouted. "They've got the Trophy! That way!"

  That did it. With a roar of animal rage, the soldiers wheeled and started off in the direction Aahz had indicated.

  "Boy," I murmured in genuine admiration. "I wouldn't want to be holding that Trophy when they caught up with me."

  "It could be decidedly unpleasant," Aahz agreed. "So if you don't mind, could we be on our way? Hmmm?"

  "Oh! Right, Aahz."

  He was already on his way, eating up great hunks of distance with his strong, hurried stride. As I hastened to keep up with him, I resolved not to ask about his plans for getting past the guards at the North gate. I was only annoying him with my constant questions, and besides, the answers only unsettled me.

  As we drew nearer to the gate, however, my nervousness grew stronger and my resolve weaker.

  "Ummm ... do you want me to change the disguise on the Trophy?" I asked tentatively.

  "No," came the brusque reply. "But you could mess us up a little."

  "Mess us up? "I blinked.

  "A little dirt and blood on the uniforms," Aahz clarified. "Enough to make it look like we've been in a fight."

  I wasn't sure what he had up his sleeve, but I hastened to adjust our disguises. That isn't as easy as it sounds, incidentally. Try closing your eyes and imagining dirty uniforms in detail while walking down a strange street at a near-trot. Fortunately, my life with Aahz had trained me to work under desperate conditions, so I completed my task just as we were coming up on the gate.

  As a tribute to my handiwork, the guard didn't even bother to address us directly. He simply gaped at us for a moment, then started hollering for the Officer of the Guard. By the time that member appeared, we were close enough to count his teeth as his jaw dropped.

  "What's going on here?" he demanded finally, recovering his composure.

  "Fighting in the streets," Aahz gasped in a realistic imitation of a weary warrior. "They need your help. We're your relief."

  "Our relief!" the officer frowned. "But that man's unconscious and you look like... fighting, did you say?"

  "We're fit enough for gate duty," Aahz insisted, weakly pulling himself erect. "Anything to free a few more able-bodied men for the fighting."

  "What fighting?" the officer screamed, barely suppressing an impulse to shake Aahz back to his senses.

  "Riots," my mentor blinked. "The bookies have changed the odds on the war and won't honor earlier bets. It's awful."

  The officer blanched and recoiled as if he had been struck. "But that means ... my life savings are bet on the war. They can't do that."

  "You'd better hurry," Aahz insisted. "If the mobs tear the bookies apart, no one will get their money back."

  "Follow me! All of you!" the officer bellowed, though it wasn't necessary. The guards were already on their way. Apparently the officer wasn't the only one with money in the bookies' care.

  The officer started after them, then paused to sweep us with an approving stare.

  "I don't know if you'll get a medal for this," he announced grimly, "but I won't forget it. You have my personal thanks."

  "Don't mention it, turkey," Aahz murmured as the man sprinted off.

  "You know, I bet he won't forget this ....ver," I smiled.

  "Feeling pretty smug, aren't you, kid?" Aahz commented, cocking a critical eyebrow at me.

  "Yes," I confirmed modestly.
/>   "Well, you should," he laughed, clapping me on the back. "I think, however, we'd best celebrate at a distance."

  "Quite right," I agreed, gesturing grandly to the open gate. "After you."

  "No, after you!" he countered, imitating my gesture.

  Not wanting to waste additional time arguing, we walked side by side through the now unguarded North gate of Veygus, bearing our prize triumphantly with us.

  That should have been it. Having successfully recaptured the Trophy, it should have been an easy matter to return to Ta-hoe, exchange the Trophy for Tananda, and relax in a celebration party back at Klah. I should have known better.

  Any time things seem calm and tranquil, something happens to disrupt matters. If unforeseen outside complications don't arise, then either Aahz's temper flares or I open my big mouth. In this case, there were no outside complications, but there our luck ran out. Neither one of us was to blame-we both were. Aahz for his temper, me for my big mouth.

  We were nearly back to the place where he had hidden Griffin, when Aahz made an unexpected request.

  "Say, kid," he said, "how about dropping the disguises for a while?"

  "Why?" I asked, logically.

  "No special reason," he shrugged. "I just want to look at this Trophy that's caused everyone so much trouble."

  "Didn't you see it back at Veygus?" I frowned.

  "Not really," my mentor admitted. "At first I was busy chasing away the soldiers and the civilians, and after that it was something big and heavy to carry. I never really stopped to study it."

  It took mere seconds to remove the disguises. They're easier to break down than to build, since I can see what the end result is supposed to look like.

  "Help yourself," I announced.

  "Thanks, kid," Aahz grinned, setting the Trophy down and hastily unwrapping it.

  The Trophy was as ugly as ever; not that I had expected it to change. If anything, it looked worse up close, as Aahz was looking at it. Then he backed up and looked again. Finally he walked around it, studying the monstrosity from all angles.

  For some reason, his silent scrutiny was making me uneasy.

  "Well, what do you think?" I asked, in an effort to get the conversation going again.

 

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