Something Wanton (Mystics & Mayhem)

by Myers, AJ

  Because if they thought it was a reward, they were sadly mistaken.

  I decided punishment for my sins was much more likely when gentle hands reached out to lift me and my body screamed in protest. I screamed with it, an eerie, weak, screeching sound that sounded like something a wounded rabbit might make. Yep, definitely being punished. Judging by the pain radiating everywhere through my body, maybe even smack dab in the middle of Hell.

  “Put her down, Nathaniel!” Skippy snapped in his best mob boss tone. “Can you not see that you are hurting her?”

  I was immediately lowered back to the ground. Ah, back in the soft soil, feeling the warmth of the earth cradle me as I tried to breathe through the agonizing pain.

  “Come on, baby,” Nathan murmured again, close but not touching me. “Open your eyes, Em. Look at me.”

  I tried again, just because he sounded so desperate, and was excited when I was able to crack my eyes open just a little. I immediately frowned when everything remained too blurry to see anyone clearly, and regretted even that small movement when the skin of my forehead protested the action, sending another wave of pain radiating through my face.

  “Grams?” I whispered, feeling like I was trying to choke up razorblades.

  “I’m right here, sweetheart.” Her warm, tear-filled voice was a comfort to me. If Grams was there, I wasn’t dead.

  I was just kind of wishing I was.

  “Hurts,” I whispered.

  “I know it does,” she crooned, her fingers lightly brushing the hair away from my forehead. “Just lie still for a minute. As soon as the pain passes we’ll get you somewhere warm and comfortable.”

  I lay there, surrounded by the people who loved me, and waited for that miracle to happen. When I decided it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, I tried opening my eyes again. It worked a little better that time. I could see all of them gathered around me, see their expressions, but they were still a little blurry, a little distorted.

  “Holy shit!” Kim suddenly gasped to my right, jerking back in shock. “Nate! Look at her eyes!”

  I frowned again, even though I knew it was going to hurt like hell, as I saw the expressions on the faces hovering over me go all dazed with shock—and maybe a little bit of awe. Most women would have loved being looked at like that, like the people doing the staring had never seen anything so beautiful, but I took it as a sign that I wasn’t going to be happy when I finally found my way to a mirror.

  “They go very well with the hair,” Mikhail drawled from somewhere just out of my line of sight. I didn’t like him enough to endure the pain it would have caused me to turn and look for him. “Oh, and the skin, we can’t forget about that. Who ever heard of a darkling with a tan? It’s unnatural, that’s what it is. She looks like a bloody angel.”

  Speaking of angels… Where was mine? My newly amazing eyes filled with tears again as I looked around the group peering down at me, sure that I had just overlooked him in the chaos. But he wasn’t there, and part of me had already known that. That smell, that awful stench of burnt feathers, was suddenly all I could smell despite the fact that so many other scents were hovering around me.

  “Tyler?” I croaked, as tears start to slide down my cheeks again.

  The others looked at each other, then everyone turned to look at Nathan. I saw real anguish in his eyes when they met mine, and I knew. Even before he shook his head, I knew. If Tyler had still been there, he would have been with me. He would have been kneeling right across from Nathan, ordering me to open my eyes and talk to them. But he wasn’t there.

  He was gone.

  “No!” I wailed, feeling like my heart was being ripped out.

  “I’m sorry, baby,” Nathan whispered, caressing my cheek, his beautiful voice choked with tears. “I truly am. But he’s not, Em. Wherever he is, I know he’s not sorry at all.”

  I barely felt the pain when he lifted me into his arms again. The pain in my heart eclipsed it a hundred times. Tyler had died because of me. He had loved me so much he had let me destroy him to save me.

  Like a movie playing in my head, I saw Tyler changing my tire the night I met him. I saw him smiling at me like I was the best thing that had ever happened to him across the heads of a platoon of soldiers at the local bar the night before my first showdown with Bastian. I saw him leaning against that car in the parking lot the day I found Sierra’s body at OA, looking ready to wait me out forever if it meant I would talk to him. I saw him laughing at me as I burst into flames the night he finally revealed what he was to me. I saw it all, every single moment we had shared, and it broke me.

  But the most heartbreaking memory was of a stolen kiss in a locked cell. It was a declaration of love that didn’t come with any strings or demands. It was the proof of that love as he wrapped his arms around me, his body burning, as he gave up his own life to save mine. And I had let him do it. I hadn’t even tried to stop him.

  I clung to Nathan, ignoring the pain in my body as I sobbed against his shoulder. I deserved that pain and much, much worse. Because I was too weak to control my own power, I had killed someone I loved. How was I supposed to go on, knowing that?

  “You dishonor him with such thoughts,” a deep, soothing voice said, breaking through my agony to reach me. I turned my head to find Lark kneeling next to me, his deep brown eyes pools of infinite grief. “Tyler wouldn’t want this. He made a choice. He made the very same choice you made yourself. He loved you above all others, Ember. Don’t turn his gift into a curse.”

  He smiled at me sadly and laid a comforting hand on my arm. I nodded slowly, letting him know I understood, and he squeezed my arm affectionately and got to his feet. I watched as he strolled over to where Erin and Ryan were standing and then, with one last wave of farewell, he and Ryan disappeared, leaving Erin behind.

  “She’s decided to stay here,” Nathan said, following my gaze to the angel who was walking toward Ainsley and Zan. “She’s been alone for a long time. This bunch will be good for her.”

  Yeah, if she stays far away from me, I thought bitterly, seeing another angel in my mind. An angel with a calming voice, a quick smile, and a soft, beautiful, pair of golden wings.

  An angel I would never see again.

  ∞§∞§∞§∞§∞

  I made Nathan take me home. Skippy looked disappointed, but he didn’t press the issue when I told him I wasn’t going with the rest of the group to his home to recuperate. Instead, he gave me an understanding smile and kissed my hand, the only part of my body that really didn’t hurt that bad, and promised to come see me as soon as I was up to having visitors.

  Nathan was very gentle with me. He brought me mug after mug of whiskey-laced coffee until I sounded normal again. He found me a mirror when I demanded one and then held me close as I stared at my shimmering opalescent eyes and completely white hair that glowed with a pearly sheen in the low light of the lamps and cried. Then he tucked me into bed and, without asking any questions, without saying a single word, started healing the jagged, gaping wound in my heart by just being there.

  It had grown late and another snowstorm had blown in when I finally decided I needed to talk. I’m not really sure why I picked that moment. Maybe it was the snow and the quiet and the way it felt like we were the only two people left on a frozen planet. Whatever the reason, lying on Nathan’s chest, my hand over his heart, the words just started pouring out of me without any thought to the effect it might have on both of us.

  “He kissed me,” I whispered, watching as the snow fell past the window. “Tyler, I mean. When I made him leave me in that cell to wait for Hamilton, he kissed me.”

  “I wondered when he’d get around to that,” Nathan said quietly, giving me a gentle squeeze and kissing the top of my head.

  “And I felt something, Nathan,” I whispered, refusing to feel ashamed of that fact.

  “I know, baby,” he murmured. “I know you felt something, and I know you couldn’t explain it. But I can, if you want to hear it.”
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  I shrugged my consent and snuggled closer to him and he wrapped his arm tighter around me. I wasn’t really sure I wanted an explanation. Why couldn’t it have just been love? Why did there always have to be a reason?

  “You and Tyler were kindred spirits, Em,” Nathan began, running his fingers idly through my hair.

  “I already know we were friends,” I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

  “I didn’t say friends, baby. The human definition of a kindred spirit would be a friend, someone who thinks like you, shares the same likes and dislikes. But in our world,” he paused to hug me closer for a second, “it means so much more than that.”

  “What does it mean?” I asked, tilting my head up so I could look at him. “In our world?”

  “Kindred spirits are like Fate’s little backup plans,” he said, rubbing his hand up and down my arm like he was distracted. “They’re there to ease the pain in the event that we lose a soul mate or fail to find them when we should. It’s rare to find a soul mate and a kindred spirit at the same time, but I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that you managed it. You have a way of achieving the impossible.”

  I laid there and thought about that for a second. So Tyler was…what? My backup soul mate? He was Fate’s messed up version of the rebound guy?

  Somehow, that didn’t set very well with me. It made what Tyler and I had felt, the bond we had shared, seem cheap and fake. I had cherished that bond—and Tyler had died for it.

  It doesn’t get much more real than that.

  “When did you figure this out?” I asked softly. “When did you know Tyler and I were kindred spirits?”

  He was quiet for so long that I decided he wasn’t going to answer me. I couldn’t blame him for that. I wouldn’t want to talk about it, either, if I was in his place. Nathan, I decided, was the real loser in the tragedy. He knew there was a part of me that had really loved Tyler.

  He was stronger than I was, that was for sure. I don’t think I could have stood it, that knowledge. But rather than get angry or act like a jealous ass, he just accepted it, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

  “I’ve known since before the two of you met,” he said, quietly, taking me by surprise. “This isn’t the first life you could have chosen to spend with him. You met him in another, when you were Elena. I met up with him again at Mickey’s when I was stalking you back in October. Even then, I knew he would be better for you than I would be.

  “I almost walked away when I saw the two of you at Amelia’s the night I brought your clothes.” His whispered admission, so full of pain, made my heart ache for him. “I was going to leave them in your room, but when I opened the door, I saw you and Tyler talking. You had your head on his chest and you looked so damn peaceful, more peaceful than I’ve ever seen you look.”

  I remembered that night, remembered hearing the door open. Some part of me had known Nathan was on the other side, that’s why I hadn’t gone over to open it. I had wanted to avoid the very conversation we were having. I had wanted to remain blissfully blind to the fact that what I had felt for Tyler was more than friendship.

  In other words, I had done what I have always done. I had run from the truth. And, by doing so, I had done exactly what Skippy had been sure I would never do. I had toyed with Tyler’s emotions. I had wrapped him up in my life and held on tight, keeping him with me even when I should have let him go. And why? Because I needed him. I needed him to be there to make it all right.

  I hated myself for that. And I hated him for letting me do it to him.

  “He truly was the better man,” Nathan murmured, staring out the window at nothing. “That’s why every time Tyler looked at you or touched you, I felt like ripping him to pieces. It was unreasonable, I knew he couldn’t help it, but I didn’t want him to love you. The reason for that is that a part of me wondered if you wouldn’t have been better off with him. He would have taken better care of your heart than I ever have.”

  I hated the traitorous little voice in the back of my mind that wondered if he might have been right to wonder. If I had been fated for Tyler instead of Nathan, Bastian never would have looked at me twice and I wouldn’t have ended up a darkling. If I hadn’t become a darkling, Grams would have been able to heal me when the hunters shot me and Tyler wouldn’t have been forced to infuse me with angel blood to save my life. And if that hadn’t happened, he would still be there with me.

  On the other hand, if I had fallen in love with Tyler, I would never have found out how strong I could really be. Because it had been all those other challenges that had finally shown me that strength. I wouldn’t have met Skippy and done the impossible by becoming his friend. I wouldn’t have been able to save the witchy vampire world from a psycho who preyed on them at every turn. I wouldn’t have met Gabriella or Charles and learned to love the ghosts who had proven they were more than willing to protect me.

  And I would have missed out on Nathan himself. I would have missed out on the love in his eyes when he looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing in creation. I would have missed that sensation that I was falling into something warm and wonderful every time he touched me. I would have missed out on becoming breathless every time he walked into a room. I would have missed him. Period.

  And the adventure that was Nathan Ashley was one I really would have hated to miss.

  “I love you, Nathan,” I whispered, looking up to meet his eyes as he turned away from the window. “Every single minute of every single hour of every single day, I love you more. I wouldn’t have been better off with Tyler; I just would have been different. And, bad hair and weird eyes aside, I kind of like who I am with you.”

  “And I love you more,” he murmured. He kissed my forehead, then the tip of my nose, and finally reached my mouth. “I will always love you more.”

  “Oh, really?” I breathed against his lips, my lips turning up in a small smile. “Prove it.”

  He gave it his best shot. Did he prove it? Hmmm…

  I’ll never tell.

  Chapter 41: As One Chapter Ends, Another Begins

  I dashed around the bedroom like a crazy person. I could sense Grams losing her patience with me from the kitchen down the hall as I threw the pillows off the bed and followed them with the covers. I’d had it the night before. I had put it on the bedside table before I went to bed.

  So where the hell was it?

  “Looking for this?” Nathan asked from the doorway.

  I whirled around to find him dangling my gold Class of 2013 tassel from one long finger as he grinned at me. I glared at him and stomped over to snatch it from him, but he held it up out of my reach. He continued to grin at me even when I started jumping for it.

  “All right, hand it over!” I snapped, running out of patience myself. “Please, Nathan! Grams is starting to turn a very ugly purple color in the kitchen!”

  “What’ll you give me for it?” he teased, a wicked glint in his eyes.

  Only Nathan could have made the tomato red shirt he was wearing look good. It wasn’t one of his favorites, but I had told him that, if he loved me, he wouldn’t leave me to suffer alone. And he hadn’t.

  “I believe you owe me for wearing this god-awful color,” Nathan continued to tease me, dangling my tassel just above the point my fingers could reach. “I believe we can come to an arrangement, though. This tassel for…,” he tapped his chin, pretending to think about it, about the same time I started tapping my foot in impatience.

  I had to put a lot of effort into my scowl to keep myself from returning his grin, but I did it. Instead, I planted my hands on my hips and arched an eyebrow at him.

  “What will it take to get you to give me that damned thing so we can get this freak show over with?” I asked, tilting my head to the side to study him. “I’d offer to pay you, but you cleaned me out playing poker the other night, so I’m broke right now. Will you take a check?”

  “You are so cute when you do that,” he purred, twirling my tassel around his fing
er lazily. “And in case you forgot, when we were playing poker we weren’t playing for money. Now, if you have another one of those sweet little lacy bras, this tassel is all yours.”

  I laughed, I couldn’t help it. That was just so Nathan. He took advantage of my good humor to snag me around the waist and pull me against his chest. Then, he proceeded to kiss the lip gloss right off me. By the time he was done with me, I was putty in his arms.

  “Your hair looks great with that awful color,” he teased, tugging at a curl that had escaped my cap. “But I think you forgot something.”

  “Hmm?” I murmured, still buzzing from being kissed so thoroughly my toes had curled.

  “Your eyes look really nice with it, too,” he whispered, chuckling.

  I immediately freaked and tried to bolt for the blue contacts on the sink in the bathroom, but Nathan wouldn’t let go. My classmates had gotten used to the hair…and the tan…and the unnatural beauty, but I didn’t think it would be a good idea to test their tolerance with shimmering eyes that glowed anytime the light hit them. I wasn’t even used to those yet.

  “Oh, come on!” Skippy said, rolling his eyes, as he appeared in the doorway behind Nathan with a harassed scowl on his face. “Shea is counting down to a nuclear disaster in five…four…three…two…”

  I smiled at him and wiggled out of Nathan’s arms to run into the bathroom and grab my contacts. Skippy had come a long way, with a little help from me and Kim, toward actually sounding like he was a fifteen year old again. His fashion sense was a lot better, too. I glanced out the door to see what he was wearing, and smiled when I saw the bright red Ralph Lauren polo shirt and khakis he was wearing. He had promised to wear red as a favor to me. If I was going to wear it, so was everyone else. Even his hair had been gelled to perfection, making him a real little hottie—for a kid.

  “There are four mirrors in the car. You’re going to have to put your contacts in on the way,” Skippy said, appearing at my elbow suddenly and tugging me out the door. “Stop dragging your feet, Ember! Move your ass! We’re gonna be late!”