In the Blink of an Eye

by Mark Dutkiewicz

  Kami bit her lip in a rare display of unease. “That’s a two-way street Gunther,” she said, “And I’m sure he blames me for what happened to him. He’s going to take every opportunity he gets to remind me of it. I mean, he almost died! I sent him out there and he almost died. And it wasn’t even a valid assignment. He’s a good pilot and would have been more use to us when the Drac turned our own tactics against us at Eridani. I was selfish and I wanted the brat out of my hair for a while. How can I try and make amends for that?”

  “Are you feeling guilty?” Styles asked astonished. He’d never seen this side of Kami before. Everybody has feelings for better or worse, but his young XO had always seemed able to separate those from her duty.

  “No! Yes. I don’t know,” she stammered. “I’m not afraid of ordering him onto a risky mission. But I do know that he will carry the baggage from the whole debacle into this. How am I supposed to get to know him, much less work with him, more closely?”

  “I’m afraid you’re going to have to find a way,” Styles said somberly. Raising his glass to his lips he drained it in one quick swallow. “Command wants us to spearhead a counter offensive.”

  “A counter offensive?” Kami said in shock. “We need dry dock and the men need some rest. Shit, I need some rest.”

  “A supply convoy will be rendezvousing with us in due time,” Styles said, solemnly striding for the liquor cabinet to pour himself another drink. “What I tell you here cannot leave this room,” he said quietly. “Not now at least.” Turning he looked at her regretfully. “This war is not going well for us. Far worse than those political snakes on Earth care to let on. Sure, we've made the Drac think twice about attacking us. It only served to make them crafty. They’ve marched into our territory almost as if they’re unopposed. They’ve disrupted our supply lines at the front, split our forces with that move at Euphrates. They’ve left us spread thin throughout the theater. Trying to keep a lid on this is becoming exceedingly difficult for the Government and it’s only a matter of time before confirmed information leeks. The fact that communication has been lost with a number of outposts will spread, and it will spread soon. If a Colony is hit, well, I don’t need to explain the ramifications of that. With the fleet spread so thin I fear we won’t be able to hold them back much longer. And…” the captain paused collecting himself. “And if something doesn’t change soon, this war may be over in a matter of months.”

  Kami looked stunned by the weight of his words. Mirroring his earlier stance, she strode for the viewport gazing out on the fleet. “May God help us you’re wrong Gunther,” she said quietly over her shoulder.”

  ***

  Smoothing his uniform jacket, Jeff hesitated outside the hatch to the observation deck. Almost eighteen-hundred, he thought in agitation glancing at his watch. Stupid awards ceremonies, I hate these things. Taking a few steps towards the doors he stopped short pulling off his cap and smoothing a hand through his hair. Turning he paced back from the doors trying to calm himself. He was used to being the center of attention, just never comfortable being put on display. Besides, there were more worthy recipients of a medal of valor. All he did was keep things together as best he could in a bad situation. Sergeant Pierce was the real hero. He knew how his squad worked, not some pilot that had no business being in charge of a platoon of marines. Furthermore, Kami would be in there and he’d spent the better part of two weeks doing everything he could to avoid her. Turning again to face the hatch he did his best to loosen himself up before committing to what undoubtedly would be a painful evening of stuffy officers.

  “You going to stand out here forever or are you going in?” chirped a voice over his shoulder.

  He nearly jumped two meters before swinging about to find Emily grinning at him. He scolded himself for it. As much as he tried to deny it, Euphrates had had an effect on his nerves. The ships counselor talked with him at length about it, saying that only time could solve the anxiety. It seemed many things had changed about him over those long weeks.

  “My, my, jumpy are we?” she mocked. “I couldn’t imagine why, you’re just the center of attention around here. I always thought you liked that.”

  “Wrong kind of attention,” Jeff grunted wryly. “These awards ceremonies are pointless stuffy bores. Full of senior officers making speeches, laying praise where it doesn’t belong. I’m just a pilot, a pilot that found himself completely out of his element.”

  “You want me to go in there and tell them you’re not feeling well?” The sarcasm was dripping from her voice. “I mean, are you a big strong man or not? If you can’t handle some stuffed shirts, maybe you need your mommy.”

  “You’re funny Emily,” he replied blandly.

  “I’m cute too,” she added feigning a glamorous pose. Stepping up to him, she playfully adjusted the collar of his dress blues. “Now why don’t you offer me your arm and we’ll get this over with. When it’s done I’ll get you a drink.”

  Jeff stood a moment in silence. Running a hand over his hair he donned his cap and begrudgingly offered his arm to her. Placing the tips of her fingers to her breast in faux modesty Emily breathed, “Why Commander Grant. Aren’t you being bold.” Giggling she took up his arm. “Now was that so hard?”

  “Let’s just get this over with.”

  Stepping in unison to the hatch, the doors whirred open releasing the cacophony of hundreds of conversations. The observation deck was practically groaning from the crowd crammed into the space. Officers and enlisted men alike milled about the throng, drinks in hand, while wait staff delicately wove through the tapestry of people. A few heads turned at their arrival, some eyebrows rising in questioning looks, though most carried only smiles of honor for Jeff. Grabbing a glass from the nearest tray Jeff used the motion as an excuse to reclaim his arm; thanking Emily for the encouragement. Patting his cheek in a motherly way, with a mischievous smile, she told him to go find his friends before disappearing into the crowd.

  The evening progressed painfully slow as Jeff had anticipated. One hour for cocktails and conversation, punctuated with a litany of firm handshakes and lengthy anecdotes of encouragement from the executive staff. Long winded speeches of duty, honor, and courage seemed to be the main course of the stuffy dinner. Every ranking officer had to get their say in, many times repeating the same commendations and eulogies as each survivor of the ill-fated mission was ushered onto the stage for their awarding of the medal of valor. The entire ceremony reeked of pomp and circumstance as every speaker, to the detriment of all involved, made Jeff the center of attention. He wished more times than he could count for the entire thing to just hurry up. That is until Captain Styles announced that of this day forward he would hold the rank of commander and offered him Captain Williams post as commander air group. Apparently Williams had been given the helm of the UES Riverside. Lucky bastard.

  For three hours Jeff had to endure the adoration of bloviating officers and long winded ceremony. It was almost a relief when Kami approached him asking if he had a moment. He wasn’t sure if he was just ready for the evening to end or had had too much to drink, but she even sounded polite.

  “Commander Thomas,” he said, guardedly steeling a glance about the room looking for an escape. He donned his best smile when nothing manifested saying, “Why, I’d be delighted.” It came out far more sarcastic than he intended.

  Biting her lip, she folded her arms taking on what he’d come to identify as her holding her temper stance. He wasn’t sure if she caught the glance or he over played the sarcasm. “You don’t have to be an ass about it,” she cut at him curtly, “I just want to talk.”

  A juvenile chorus of, “whoa!” erupted from a nearby group of squad mates. Kami turned directing her well known vexed glare at them.

  Jeff was about to take advantage of her momentary distraction to slip away she grated, “In private,” looking back at him. If there was one thing that could be said about the yellow jackets, it’s that they pressed the boundaries at every opportu
nity. Jeff and Kami’s audience erupted in laughter; a few of the more boisterous members perilously whistling catcalls. Kami’s temper looked dangerously on edge. “Just follow me!” she growled marching for the hatch.

  With a shrug of his shoulders and a smile to his compatriots Jeff heeled the commander from the observation deck. By the way she was walking he knew she was struggling to control her temper. However, there was a subtle roll of her hips he’d never noticed before. Transfixed by her swaying motion Jeff found himself thinking about her attractiveness. She was far too staunch and rules oriented for his tastes, but personality aside she was a looker. With a shake of his head he silently blamed Curtis for planting that seed. There was no way in hell Kami would take any kind of special interest in him outside of calling him out for some arbitrary infraction.

  His thoughts were broken when she abruptly turned about upon reaching the passage. Looking up into his eyes she opened her mouth as if to say something. Jeff denied her the first salvo of the inevitable argument saying, “Don’t want to yell at me in front of the rest of the executive staff Commander?” He must have caught her off guard; her mouth hung open giving her a dumbfounded look. “That is what this is about isn’t it?” he pressed. “About me climbing the ladder on the back of my old man?”

  “That’s not why…” Kami stammered. Shaking her head, she regained her composure. “I just wanted to congratulate you on your promotion.”

  “That’s nice Com—” Jeff stopped short. “Come again?”

  “I just wanted to congratulate you on your promotion,” she said tightly. “Is it so hard to believe that every conversation doesn’t have to be a shouting match?”

  “Now there’s the Kami I know,” Jeff said with a smile. “Cranky, agitated, and full of bile.” He paused briefly sipping his drink. “You really do need to smile more often. The crow’s feet you’re working on don’t complement you.”

  “Crow’s feet?” her voice squeaked in shock. “Where do you get off—wait. Who do you think—” she stopped herself, visibly restraining that feisty temper of hers. “Commander Grant,” she began again in a strained voice. “I know we got off to, shall we say, a rough start.”

  “Is that what you call it,” Jeff said with a laugh. “I’ve seen drill instructors who were easier to please than you. I thought you were going to nag me to death the day I met you.”

  “Mister!” The tightness was back with a vengeance. “You deserved every word of that and more for that horrid display! Furthermore, you and I are going to be working more closely now that you’re CAG. And I can’t have your macho ego prompting you to risk your neck on foolish…stunts…” she trailed off the heat remarkably draining from her face. A shimmer in her eyes told of some inward conflict being fought beneath their azure surface. Shaking her head, as if to dispel whatever thoughts had flitted through her mind, Kami said in a quiet distracted voice, “That’ll be all Commander.”

  Jeff was stunned into silence by the quick change in her demeanor. Slowly she turned, walking away as if in a daze. He watched in confusion as she seemingly wandered aimlessly down the hall. The more I think I know about you Commander, the less I think I understand. Absentmindedly sipping his drink, he wandered back into the party trying to make sense of the encounter.

  CHAPTER 25:

  CHALLENGES

  Pushing away from the desk, Jeff stretched his arms above his head with a groan. Lacing his fingers behind his neck, he leaned back in the chair staring at the ceiling, his eyes aching from the paperwork that littered his desk. It had only been a week since he assumed Captain Williams post as CAG. Combined with the extended furlough after the disaster that was Euphrates he felt woefully unprepared for the added responsibility. He’d also forgotten how much he loathed the damned paperwork. Sighing, he willed himself back to the monotonous task, shuffling through the haphazard litter of folders arrayed before him. Training reports, patrol reports, transfers, ordinance and pilot flight status, and it was just a smattering of the litany he was now forced to deal with.

  The paper work seems to multiply concurrently with rank, he thought bitterly, numbly scanning through the tedious details. I don’t see how or why anyone would want to move higher up the chain of command. Feeling as if he were about to drown in the mountain of folders he welcomed the sound of the door chime as a sailor flung overboard welcomed a life ring. He just hoped it wasn’t more damned reports. “Enter,” he called pushing himself away from the desk.

  “Is this a bad time Knight?” Alan asked quietly loitering at the hatch.

  “Teak, as of right now I don’t think there could be a better time,” Jeff said beckoning him in. “How’s the knee?” Rolling his chair over to the small fridge he pulled out a pair of beer tossing one to Alan.

  “Its fine,” Alan said absently while pulling a small stool from the corner. “A little stiff still. Doc said that’ll go away in time.” Sitting down, he rubbed the knee a moment and looked to be studying the can. “Funny isn’t it?” he said turning the container in his hands. “We’ve developed faster than light space travel, but nobody’s ever come up with something better than a simple aluminum can to hold beer.”

  “They put beer in bottles,” Jeff corrected lighting a cigarette. “But I don’t think that’s why you’re here.”

  “Yeah,” Alan said sullenly. The can hissed at him as he opened it to take a large gulp. “It’s about Euphrates. I…I mean…How did you deal with it? Everything that happened after Emerson…” He paused closing his eyes. “I wake up at night, in cold sweats. And that toad that was dogging me and.” Taking another long swallow he sighed. “I’m not sure I can keep it up. I’m thinking about turning in my wings.”

  “Nonsense,” Jeff scoffed, “you’re one of my best pilots. I didn’t think something like a close call would give you cold feet.”

  “That’s just it! This wasn’t just another close call. I mean. Fuck, we almost died down there! It hit a little too close for me.”

  Blowing out a grey stream of smoke Jeff leaned forward. “I don’t get it Teak. You were cleared to return to active duty after your psych screen. Why’s this coming out now?”

  “I was fine then,” he mumbled. “Fine until I went back out there.” Alan took another good pull from his beer. “That silence. I know, I should be used to that. But it flipped some kind of switch in me. The dreams were one thing, and I rationalized them away. But actually being out there. It’s just...”

  “I see,” Jeff murmured. Taking another drag, he leaned over snuffing out the butt of his smoke. “Back when I was flying off the Tungsten,” he began, “there was a veteran who took me under his wing.”

  “You mean Skid?”

  “No, not Skid. He was a grouchy old codger called Six-Pack. Tough as nails and almost as mean as TAT.” Alan laughed at that throwing Jeff a look of disbelief. “He taught me a trick that’s helped me keep my head out there. He called it zeroing out. What you do is find something calming to you, like a memory or something. Mine is from the sixtieth anniversary of the end of the Unification War. Back home in Washington, the town threw a huge celebration out in Whitebear field. The weather was perfect, there were fireworks, it’s probably the only day I can remember where there wasn’t a single cross word spoken in the whole town.” Laughing at the memories he added, “Even those assholes the Powel’s were getting along. They were this poorer family who lived at the edge of town. Four boys and a girl with a mom that was sweet as can be. My mom said she had to be a saint living in that house. They were always up to something in town—”

  “That’s a nice story Knight,” Alan interrupted. “But I don’t think some mind trick is going to change this.”

  Jeff was taken aback by the severity in his voice. “This isn’t like you Teak,” he said with concern. “Where’s guy who was cracking jokes about Mako’s rack the day I met him? Where’s the fierce fighter I know? The guy who doesn’t back down from people even three times his size?”

  “He’s gone!” Alan
all but yelled. “He’s gone,” he said again much more dejectedly. “He’s back on that rock. Buried under that same shit we left Captain Butler under.” Standing, Alan threw his half full can at the wall in frustration. “I can’t get it out of my head,” he cried. “You didn’t see that thing charging you. I emptied your mag at it, praying it’d be enough. It almost wasn’t!” Pacing the room a moment, Alan breathed loudly through his nose before turning toward Jeff. “How can I be expected to go out there after that? After what I’ve seen?” Dropping back onto the stool, he buried his face in his hands. “Why isn’t this happening to you?” he said tiredly.

  Because I’m faking it, Jeff thought. And I haven’t climbed back into a cockpit yet. It was Jeff’s turn now to sit silently studying his can. Taking a long pull to buy a few more seconds he stole a glance at the mountain of paperwork littering his desk. Because I jockey a desk now instead of a razor. Looking at Alan he said finally, “I’m suspending your flight status. I won’t let you turn in your wings, you’re too damn valuable to me. Both as a pilot and friend.” Rifling through a drawer he pulled out a duty card and began jotting down orders. “I want you to see Doctor Mitchel and work this shit out.”

  “Pfft,” Alan scoffed. “What’s that quack gonna do.”

  “A helluva lot more than I can,” Jeff said more strongly than he intended. “I’ve no experience fixing broken pilots. I’m also putting you on a light watch rotation so you can get some rest.” Standing he grabbed Alan’s arm and all but pulled the lieutenant to his feet before shoving the card in his hand. “See the shrink, get some rest, and for God’s sake have a drink and relax. We’ll save you a spot for when you’re ready to come back.”