“Hey, what’s wrong?” I hear and snap my head up. Nate is standing there and reaches out to rub my arm.
I shake my head and force a smile. “Oh nothing,” I say and force a laugh to go along with that smile. “I’m just cursing myself for getting sucked into this music so fast. I never thought I’d like anything, but country.”
He doesn’t buy it, I can totally tell. He raises an eyebrow drawing my attention to his brown eyes as he leans his muscular tattooed body on the wall opposite me. “Is it just the music you’re getting sucked into?”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. This isn’t a conversation I want to have with anyone, never mind one of his band mates. “Of course it’s just the music,” I say and cross my arms, feeling the need to hold myself together.
“It’s none of my business, I was just asking. I mean we’ve never had another girl around this long besides Poppy. I’m not sure what to make of it,” he says and shoves his hands into his pockets.
I force a grin and shake my head, focusing on the floor. For someone who says it’s none of his business, he appears to be pretty involved. “There is nothing to make of anything. I’m here because I’m Poppy’s friend. That’s it, no other reason.”
“Brooklyn, I’m not trying to make you feel bad or have you spill your guts to me. I’m just checking on you, as a friend. However, as a friend I just want to tell you that Fitz never acts this way,” he says and shrugs his big shoulders.
Pushing off the brick wall, I shrug my shoulders to mirror his action. “That’s great you and Poppy think this is some kind of dating show, but I have a boyfriend. Maybe you should talk to Fitz instead and remind him of that fact.”
After my chat with Nate, I rush into the restroom and wash my hands. I can’t think straight around Fitz. It’s like my mind and body aren’t cooperating and I can’t decide what to do. Should I break up with Hank? Even if I did, I wouldn’t jump right into something with Fitz. If he even wanted me. I open the door and he is the first thing I see, and as soon as our eyes meet it’s almost as if everything else fades into oblivion. He leans on the wall, much like he was the first night I met him, but this time his head is down, his dark hair in his eyes. That is until he hears the door. He whips his head up and pushes off the wall. Before I can even stop him, he places his hands on my face and wipes under my eyes with his thumbs.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’ll admit, I’m attracted to you and the fact that someone else has you kills me.” I go to interrupt, but he places a finger on my lips and continues. “But I see I’m hurting you and that is something I can change.” He takes a deep breath and kisses my forehead.
The tears start to flow and I rest my forehead against his chest. “Fitz, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell like that and I definitely didn’t mean for you to hear me. You make me feel things I’ve never felt and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it, but that’s what makes me feel guilty. This isn’t who I am,” I say, my voice cracks as I try to hold back heavy tears.
“Oh damn Brooklyn, don’t do this,” he says and pulls back a tiny bit to have me look at him. “Don’t cry. You haven’t done anything wrong, hell neither have I. You told me from the beginning you had a boyfriend, and maybe I pushed the limits a little bit, but I didn’t cross any lines. I didn’t kiss you when I wanted nothing more than to taste your lips. I didn’t run my hands all over your body when I wanted nothing more than to learn every curve. I didn’t bring you to my bed and worship you the way you deserve to be.” I go to pull away and he tightens his hold. “My point is, just because we have had thoughts like that, doesn’t mean we will act on them. I’ll never do anything to disrespect you or make you feel uncomfortable. I just want to spend time with you, enjoy each other’s company while you’re here.”
My heart pounds, my pulse races and my body feels like putty in his hands. He says everything I’ve ever wanted to hear from someone, he wants me. He doesn’t want to schedule me in or only touch me when it’s time for sex. The thing is, it’s too late because I have a life and he has a life, neither which the other belongs. He’s right though, we can at least enjoy each other’s company.
“I feel like such a damn fool. Can we still be friends?” I ask.
He chuckles and shakes his head. “Never feel like a fool for saying what you feel. Brooklyn, we are friends and nothing will change that. Now, if you’d like, the guys and I have one last thing to show you. Then we were all going to go back to my place and order some food.” I agree and he holds my hand until we get back into the sound booth. He turns to me and says, “By the way, I won’t forget you that easily.” He doesn’t wait for a reply, just enters the recording booth.
To my surprise the rest of the band is there. Fitz points to the headphones and I put them on. I listen to them talking and tuning their instruments. After a few minutes, Fitz nods to them and my ears are filled with Fitz’s voice. It’s the song I heard yesterday, their new one and they’re playing it live for me. I get to have my very own private concert of Renegade, while the rest of the world could only wish for something this intimate. I close my eyes and just let Fitz’s voice and the music wrap around me. They are so talented and I can without a doubt say this song will always be my favorite. When they’re done I open my eyes and see their smiling faces.
“Well, what do you think Brooklyn?” Nate asks.
I give two thumbs up and say, “You guys are amazing and I will listen to everything you play.” I have no idea if they can hear me, but I say it anyway.
We finally leave the studio and thankfully no one says anything about my outburst. I’m sure they heard me if Fitz did, but they never bring it up or make me feel uncomfortable about it. We all cram into Ethen’s truck and we head to Fitz’s. I’m excited to see where he lives, what it looks like. I have an idea in my head, but I did with Poppy’s place too.
“Now that we converted you, are you going to come to one of our concerts?” Ralph asks raising a pierced eyebrow.
“If you guys are ever in my area, I’ll definitely be there,” I say and he holds up his hand for me to high five.
“Where in California do you live?” Fitz asks.
“I live in Long Beach, which is about a half hour away from Los Angeles,” I answer him.
“We will be out that way in about two months. You’ll have to show us the sites this time,” Fitz says nudging my shoulder.
He’s trying to keep it friendly and I truly appreciate it. “I can arrange that,” I say with a smile.
We pull up to Fitz’s place and unlike Poppy’s we pull up to the front. Ethen parks and gets out, leaving the engine running. I just follow suit and get out with them. Fitz, keeps his hand on my lower back as we walk into the building, causing my skin to burn. Once inside I don’t know where to look first. It’s stunning with marble floors, beautiful wall treatments and huge sitting areas. There is a guard of some sort that nods at Fitz as we walk toward the elevator. When we step inside, he hits the button for the penthouse and I look at him with wide eyes.
He smiles and shrugs his shoulders. “The perks of being a rock star,” he says.
The elevator brings us right into a hallway that has double doors. He unlocks it and everyone walks inside. I stop short as I enter, my eyes nearly bugging out of my head. This place is colossal, bigger than the museum I visited as a kid. There is no doubt this is the home of a rock star. There are guitars hanging on the wall, album covers framed and a large photo of Renegade hanging next to his marble topped dining table.
I follow the guys, taking in the huge windows and sit down on the black leather couch. Straining my neck to check out all the photos, my heart races seeing his smiling face in the mix of many famous people.
“Hey Brooklyn, wait until you see the roof,” Ethen says as he plops down on the couch. “I’m fucking starving, who’s ordering food?”
Fitz comes out of the kitchen and hands me a bottle of water, which I graciously accept. “Fitz, your home is spectacular.�
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“Thank you. I’ll give you a tour after dinner, if you like,” he says, enveloping me in a hug. “Before I ask them, what do you want to eat?”
It’s simple, it would probably mean nothing to anyone else, but to me it means the world. Asking me what I want, even if it’s just dinner. “I’m not picky, whatever you guys want is good.”
We all end up sitting in the living room waiting for pizza. They tell me story after story about each other and I can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard.
“And then Ethen chased me out of the house butt ass naked.”
“Yeah well Ralph, I told you not to mess around with my little sister,” Ethen says, shaking his head.
I laugh so hard I nearly snort. I can’t remember being this comfortable or relaxed either. Which surprises me considering what happened earlier, but they make it hard to remember. You can feel the excitement and energy rolling off of them in everything they do together. Even sitting around, drinking, and telling old stories.
The pizza comes and Fitz just brings it into the living room, just like Hank does at home, making me forget these guys are famous. They come off as if they are just like me. We all eat and they continue to drink. I get to know each of them a little better with every story I hear. Nate is the settling down type, Ralph could be, Ethen definitely isn’t, and Fitz, well the stories I hear are nothing like the guy I know. The sleeping around, the partying, the all-nighters. I guess Nate and Poppy weren’t kidding when they said he never acts this way.
After a few hours, Ethen gets a call and he and Ralph leave to go to a party. I told Fitz I’d go back to Poppy’s so he could go, but he refused. He said he didn’t feel like getting trashed tonight and I’m so glad because I really didn’t want to leave just yet.
“Why don’t we show Brooklyn the rooftop?” Nate asks, jumping off the couch.
Fitz looks at me and I nod my head. “I’d love to see it.”
We go out the side door and take the stairs up to the roof. The wind hits me as soon as we get up there, but holy shit, the view is stunning. I can see the whole city. He’s got sitting areas and a dining table up here, making it feel so inviting. “Wow, this is beautiful.”
“Definitely one of my favorite places. Anytime we are home, I spend a lot of time up here. It’s great for inspiration,” Fitz says, whispering in my ear, his hot breath sending shivers down my spine.
Nate’s phone rings and he excuses himself to answer it. I turn to look at Fitz as he stares out at the millions of lights of the city. “I can see why this is one of your favorite places. I’d spend all my time up here,” I say.
“I’ve never brought any girls up here. I’ve brought them to my place, but never up here,” he says turning his head to look at me.
“You don’t owe me any explanations,” I say and place my hand on his muscular bicep.
“Yeah well, those stories aren’t exactly things I’m proud of. They make me look like an asshole, which I guess when I’m not around you, I am,” he says, shaking his head.
“Hey,” I say, getting his attention back on me. “Fitz, when I’m not around you I’m boring as hell. I have no friends, no life, no excitement. We’re just different people and that’s alright. The guy I know, he is the one I’ll remember.”
Without hesitation he pulls me to him and I shouldn’t allow it, but I do. The feeling of him wrapped around me is something I’m starting to yearn for. “I hope so, Brooklyn,” he says, kissing the top of my head.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to grab a cab and go pick up Poppy. The car service never made it to the airport. Fucking pricks. Brooklyn, you want to come or should we come back here?” Nate asks.
I don’t even pull away from Fitz, I just look up at him, hoping he will answer for me. Which he does. “Come back, we are going to watch a movie.”
Nate doesn’t say a word, just grins and heads back down. Fitz and I stay wrapped around each other taking in the bright lights of the city for a while. Neither of us say a word, we are both lost in thought, at least I am. Thoughts of Hank and how he rejected me, thoughts of being here with Fitz and the way he makes me feel. Thoughts of leaving and how hard it will be to leave all these people who I have grown so attached to.
“How about we go back inside?” Fitz asks, breaking my thoughts. I agree and we go back inside. He takes me for a tour of the rest of his place and shows me every room, except for his bedroom. It makes me want to see it that much more, but I definitely won’t say that out loud. We end up back in the living room and sit down on the couch. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”
I give him a soft smile as my fingers connect with the plastic remote control. Fitz and I lean in closer together as I flip through the channels. “Hey look, Anchorman is on.” He looks at me with an uncertain grin and I laugh lightly smacking his solid chest. “What, it’s funny.”
We quietly watch the movie and when he gets up to get a drink, I kick off my shoes and lay down on the couch. When he returns, he doesn’t say a word. He sits down next to me and a minute later he is laying behind me, with his arm draped over my waist. “Is this alright?” he asks. I don’t say anything, I just nod my head and move closer to him. It’s wrong, but it feels so good. I feel safe, I feel wanted and for once I don’t feel alone. He kisses my bare shoulder and my eyes drift closed. This right here, is my dream.
I’ve been laying here wrapped around Brooklyn for over an hour. I can’t keep my eyes off her. She looks peaceful. The soft sounds she makes, the way she pushes her body closer to mine, and the look of complete relaxation on her face. I can’t remember a time in my life when I held somebody like this, fully clothed and no intention of it going anywhere. Yet, with her I could stay like this forever.
After what happened at the studio, I thought for sure she was done with me. Hell, I would have been. Even now, while I hold her while she sleeps, it’s not sexual. It’s like this strange, undeniable urge to be near her. She makes me feel things I never would have thought existed. Things that are more than sex and I didn’t think there was much more than that. Even though I’m exhausted I refuse to close my eyes. I intend to make the most of this situation, since I know once her eyes open she will probably fall over the coffee table in an attempt to get away.
The door opens and Poppy and Nate walk in. They both stop and take in the scene in front of them. Poppy gets a huge smile on her face and Nate keeps looking between me and Brooklyn. I hold my finger to my lips and slowly pull away from her. The loss of her pressed against me is immediate and I wish I had just a little longer.
I nod for them to follow me up to the roof and Poppy is all too happy to oblige. Once we get up there Poppy stands in front of me and crosses her arms. “I never thought I’d see Fitz cuddling,” she says and giggles.
“Shut the hell up. She fell asleep while we were watching a movie and I didn’t want to wake her,” I say, defending my actions.
“Hey, don’t snap at me. I’m happy for you guys. I wish it was more than just cuddling on a couch,” she says as Nate wraps his arms around her. “I mean am I the only one who’s noticed how you both pull out the best of each other?”
I sit down on a chair and rest my head in my hands. This is what Brooklyn was yelling about earlier. I’ve got nothing to lose, but I can totally understand how this could make her feel uncomfortable. I look up at Poppy and grin. “We are friends, leave it at that.”
“I know, but…”
“I said, leave it at that. She’s leaving soon and we have to get ready to get back on the road. Let’s just get through her visit and go back to normal.” I stand up and move to the edge of the roof, looking down at all the chaos below.
“Fine, we need to get going. I’m exhausted. I guess I’ll wake up Brooklyn, you know since you guys are just friends and all,” Poppy says and heads back inside.
Nate walks up behind me and slaps my shoulder. “You’re falling for her aren’t you?”
I turn around and start pa
cing. “Nate, I don’t fucking know. What do you want me to say? That I am falling for her? That I’ve never felt this way before?” I run a hand through my hair as I keep up my pace in circles, “That she makes me want to be a better person? That my only thoughts are of her and that it fucking kills me that someone else gets to touch her the way I want to. That I want her more than I want the air in my lungs?” I stop and stare Nate square in the eyes, “Is that what you want to hear?”
“You should tell her before she leaves,” he says, completely calm.
I hang my head in defeat. “Your genius idea is for me to tell her that I’m falling for her before she goes home to her boyfriend?”
He shrugs his shoulders and I shake my head. “Nate, I don’t want to be the reason she leaves him, don’t you get it? What if she leaves him and we get together, but I realize part of the appeal of her was that she was forbidden? Then what? She loses everything because I wanted to fuck her?”
“If that’s how you really feel, than don’t lead her on,” he says and starts walking down the stairs.
I don’t even bother to follow him. It’s best if they’re all out of here before I go back inside. I sit down and kick my feet up on the little table. I think about what Nate said and the thing is, I’m not leading her on, not intentionally. I don’t know what the fuck to think anymore. What I need to do is get drunk and pass out.
And that is exactly what I end up doing.
**
I wake up the next morning, well afternoon, and even with this fucking hangover my thoughts go right to Brooklyn. It’s unreal. I grab my phone off the nightstand and dial Nate.
“Hey man,” he answers.
“Hey. Listen, you guys want to hit ‘Train’ tonight?” I ask. I need a night out to have some fun.
“I’m down. Is this an invite I’m putting out to Poppy and Brooklyn or no?” he asks, confusion in his tone.
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