I don’t know how to answer it because part of me wants her there. I want to see her drunk and dance and have a good time. The other part of me wants to keep my distance. I close my eyes and scrub my face. “Maybe just us tonight, I’ll call Ethen and Ralph.”
“You sure this is something you want to do?”
“Stop worrying about me. Honestly, I need a night out with you guys. We haven’t done anything with just us and before you know it we will be back on the road.” I say and I partly mean it.
We talk for a while longer, but he hangs up when Poppy calls him. I really hope he doesn’t tell her where we’re going, because I need this night. I need to clear my head of Brooklyn. I call Ethen and Ralph and they both agree to meet up tonight.
After I take a much needed shower, I go sit on the roof with a cup of coffee, my pen and notebook. Jotting things down has become my own private sanctuary. Most times these random thoughts are turned into song lyrics. With my head all over the place, I figure this is a great time to get some creative juices flowing.
It doesn’t happen often, but every once in a while, I can write page after page. That is exactly what is happening now. None of it makes sense, it’s just thoughts, but I’m happy with the amount I got written. I have no doubt that I can look back at this and collectively we will be able to come up with an amazing song. A slow smile spreads as I sit back and glance at the notebook once more.
After spending most of the day doing nothing, but writing and eating, it’s finally time to get ready to go out. After showering again and changing into my Rolling Stones t-shirt and ripped jeans, I run my fingers through my hair and just let it dry. Tucking my wallet into my back pocket and grabbing my phone, I go wait for the car service to get here.
As soon as the call comes that they’ve arrived I make my way down. When I get into the lobby, I smile at the security guard, Joe and he nods his head. He never makes a big fuss about me and I appreciate that. He treats me like he would anyone else and sometimes that’s exactly what someone wants. Unfortunately, as soon as I step outside, the paparazzi are waiting there like the vultures they are. I’m blinded by their flashes. They scream my name, trying to get me to look at them, but I know better. I just get into the car and the driver closes the door. He gets in and takes off before the paparazzi even have time to get to their cars. More than likely they know where I’m going, but security at ‘Train’ is tight against those fuckers.
I call the guys when I pull up and Ethen is there waiting, so I get out and head to our table, right in front by the stage. Reaching the table I grab my chair and turn it, resting my arms on the back. “Hey, what’s up?” I ask, looking around at the crowd.
“Hey man. A lot of fans here tonight and some fucking hot chicks too. Just prepare yourself, because they’ve all been waiting for you,” Ethen replies, sipping his beer and wiggling his eyebrows.
The waitress comes over and takes my drink order. She stands with her leg purposely touching mine and normally I don’t care, but tonight I’m not here for that. I’m here to get trashed with my friends. I ignore it and after taking my order she leaves.
“Christ, you’ve been here all of a minute and that waitress is ready to fuck you,” Ethen says, shaking his head.
“Jealous?” I joke and he flips me off.
Ralph and Nate walk over with a beer and sit down.
“What’d we miss?” Ralph asks almost spilling his drink while turning his head to follow a chick.
“Nothing, just got here,” I say and my beer and a round of shots are placed in front of me. I pass them out and hold mine up. “To the best damn friends I could ask for,” I say and slam the shot back.
Shot after shot, we’re definitely starting to feel the effects. The fans have been coming up to us and snapping pictures, which I don’t mind, but damn I’d like to have more than a three-minute conversation with the guys before we’re interrupted again. I’ve got women sitting on my lap snapping selfies and guys having their friends snap a picture of us.
“I’m going to hit the dance floor. There are some fine ass ladies that look like they could benefit from my attention,” Ethen says and finishes off his beer. He gives us a wink and gets up.
“I need a few more drinks before I get out there,” Ralph says and I agree.
Even with the music pumping, the alcohol swimming through my veins and the energy vibrating through the place, my fucking mind drifts to Brooklyn. I start to wonder what they’re doing tonight. Are they out doing something or just hanging out at Poppy’s? I start to wonder if she’s thinking about me the way I am her and a tap on my shoulder breaks my thoughts. I’m thankful for the interruption, until I see who it is. The girl that bought me a drink the other night. No thanks.
“Hey Fitz. I was hoping I’d run into you,” she says, pushing her fake tits close to my face.
“Hey,” I say and turn my attention back to the guys.
“Would you like to dance?” she asks, not at all getting my subtle hint.
I turn my head and a bright red smile meets me. I’m not even remotely attracted to her, I have no idea what the difference is between now and the other night, but I can’t believe I almost fucked her. Her long bleach blonde hair, dark eyeliner around her dull brown eyes and flowery scent, do nothing for me this time around. “I’m having a night with my friends, so I’m going to pass.” Ralph and Nate just laugh as they watch me try to get out of this one. I stand up and for a second she gets excited. “I’m going to the bathroom. I assume you’ll be gone when I get back.” I’m an asshole, but how much clearer should I have made it?
When I get back to the table, the guys are laughing and I sit down to listen in. “She wanted to come and I was like, probably not a good idea,” Nate says, laughing.
“Who wanted to come?” I ask and toss back another shot.
“Poppy. She and Brooklyn are at some other club and I guess they’re getting pretty trashed. She called saying she wants me to meet her in the bathroom,” he says and we all laugh.
“She won’t listen. It’s fucking Poppy, she was probably on her way here when she called,” Ralph says, and damn it, he’s more than likely right.
Needing another drink with just the thought of seeing Brooklyn, I wave at the waitress and she shakes her head, knowing exactly what we need. When she drops off more shots and beer, I toss them back quickly and notice the guys laughing. “What?”
“You nervous or something man?” Ethen asks, kicking his feet up on the chair next to him.
“I need to be nervous to get drunk now?” I shake my head and realize how drunk I am.
“I fucking hope not,” Ralph says and glances at the dance floor. “It’s time,” he says and jumps up.
I can’t help but laugh, especially when he wraps his arm around a chick and she pushes him away. “He’s got no game,” I say, looking at Nate and Ethen.
“Well, get out there and show him how it’s done,” Ethen says, motioning toward the dance floor.
Before I can even answer him, I hear Poppy’s loud ass scream. We all turn our heads in time to see her running toward us. Problem is I don’t see Brooklyn and I immediately tense up with concern. I keep looking for her brown hair in the crowd, but nothing. When Poppy lands on Nate’s lap, I jump up and go over to them. They kiss and I push their foreheads apart.
“What the fuck, Fitz,” Nate snaps at me.
“Shut the fuck up,” I direct at him and turn to Poppy. “Where’s Brooklyn?”
She twists her head in every direction, before standing up. “Shit, I thought she was right behind me,” she says, spinning in a circle.
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. “Did she ride with you in the cab?” I growl at her, feeling like we are wasting time.
“Yes, of course she did,” she says, laughing. “Well, wait, I think she did.”
I grab onto her arms and get right in her face. “Where the fuck did you come from?”
“Relax Fitz,” Nate says, pulling Poppy away fr
om me.
“We were at ‘Blue’,” she says, looking a bit more concerned now.
I turn to rush out of there and someone grabs my arm. I turn to see Nate, looking seriously pissed off. “You ever put your hands on Poppy like that again, I’ll fucking break them myself.”
I don’t say anything. What can I say, he’s right. I’m just worried about Brooklyn and I took it out on her. I race to the front door and figure I’ll apologize to them both later. Right now I need to find Brooklyn.
I’m knocking into people and pushing them out of my way. The need to get to her is overwhelming. Pushing open the large wooden door, panic rushes through me as I look left than right. Fuck, I don’t know which way to go, so I try left. There are so many people hanging outside, it makes it difficult to see anything. I keep going a bit further and I hear Brooklyn yell. I run so fast with tunnel vision, looking for her. I see her trying to walk away from a guy and he keeps grabbing at her. She swats his hands and tries to get away. Oh fuck that shit.
I run at him and grab him around the throat, pinning him against the wall. “If you ever touch her again. I will fucking kill you myself,” I growl and follow through with a punch right in his jaw.
He falls to the ground and I hear Brooklyn scream. I turn around and she holds one hand over her mouth. I turn back to him and he holds his jaw. “What the fuck?” he moans out.
“You fuck with her, you fuck with me,” I say. I walk to Brooklyn and hold her close. She starts crying and I hold her tighter. “You’re okay now, I’ve got you,” I say, rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head.
“Fitz, over here.”
“Fitz, who’s the girl?”
“Are you a couple?”
That’s when I realize, that everything that just happened, is on film. From me rushing out of the club to punching the guy and now holding Brooklyn. Fuck, I need to get us out of here.
“Brooklyn, I need you to listen to me. Keep your head down and stay on my right. Do not let go of my hand. No matter what happens, got it?” I explain and she tenses.
“What the hell is happening Fitz?” she asks, looking up at me.
“Paparazzi,” I say and give her a grin. “Just do what I told you, my car is just up the street.”
She nods and we turn, rushing to get to the car. The vultures are yelling and snapping picture after picture. Neither of us say anything, just keep going until we reach the car. I open the door and she jumps in and I follow right behind.
“Holy shit,” she says, looking at all the flashing lights.
The driver starts to pull away and I get on my phone to tell Nate what happened and to warn him to go out the back door. I need to get back to my place and get in touch with my lawyer and publicity agent. I look over at Brooklyn and she stares at me with tears in her eyes. “Come here,” I say and pull her to me. “If I knew you were going out I would have hired security to watch over you. Are you alright?”
“Security? Paparazzi? A driver? I guess I forget who you really are, but yes I’m alright. Scared and shaken, maybe a little pissed at Poppy. Thank you so much for coming for me,” she says against my chest. She sounds surprisingly calm considering what happened.
“I’m pissed at Poppy too, but I’m just thankful you are alright. As far as everything else, yes I’m Fitz from Renegade and we’re very popular. But I have to be honest, you don’t know Fitz,” I say, rubbing her back.
She lifts her head and rest her chin on my chest searching my eyes. “I think I know you,” she says as a small smile pulls at her full, pink lips.
Fuck, I want to kiss her. The urge is overwhelming, but I can’t, forbidden fruit and all. Squeezing my eyes shut, I take a deep breath. “You do know me, probably better than anyone ever has. And do you want to know why?” I ask and she nods her head slightly as a small strand of hair falls into her sparkling green eyes. “Only you know Crosby Fitzgerald,” I whisper.
She rests her head on my chest and tightens her hold on me. She doesn’t say anything and neither do I, I mean what can I say? Every time I’m around her, the truth just spills out of me. Even when I don’t want it to.
We pull up to my place and she sits up. “Are the paparazzi here?” she asks, her eyes bouncing around the empty street.
“Not yet, but they will be, so let’s hurry,” I say and push open the door. I hold my hand out for her and she grabs it. I rush her inside and once we are in the elevator, I finally start to feel safe. We get to my place and as soon as we walk through the door I know I need to make my phone calls. “Listen, I need to make a few calls. Make yourself at home and I’ll be right back.”
I close myself away in my office and sit down at the desk to start making my phone calls. First one is to my lawyer. I’m sure as soon as that guy realizes who I am, he will be suing me for millions. I need to have my lawyer two steps ahead of that. After telling him the whole story, he tells me I might need to pay out something, but he will make sure it is low and only if the guy signs a non-disclosure agreement. The next call is my publicity agent. She needs to make sure that as soon as those pictures are seen, that we have a statement explaining exactly what happened. I need to make sure no one thinks I just kicked the shit out of him because Brooklyn is my girl. That’s the last thing she or I need.
After being on the phone far too long, I go back out to the living room and look for Brooklyn. She isn’t there, so I check the kitchen, bathroom and rooftop. They all turn up empty and I have a sinking feeling. She went into my room. I rush down the stairs and back into my place, racing to my room. The door is wide open and she stands there with wide eyes. Fuck.
As soon as she hears me she spins around and backs up a little. “What the fuck? So what you make sex tapes in your bedroom?”
“Everything that happens in here is consensual,” I say and move a step closer to her.
“There are cameras and it looks like you’re on the fucking set of a porn,” she yells, completely disgusted.
She’s right, it does look like that. I like to make videos in here, it turns me on to know we are being taped. It feels dangerous, like an infringement of my privacy, but I control the tapes so no one will ever see them. Not even the women on them. They all know it’s being videotaped. My king sized, four poster bed sits in the middle of the room, with black and red bedding and hand cuffs on all four posters. To the left is a black leather couch, with a white leather chair. There is a huge plasma screen TV on the wall across from it all, with all of the camera equipment hooked up to it. Thankfully all the toys I like to use are put away in the closet.
“Brooklyn, don’t get the wrong idea. I don’t always use this stuff and most of the time I put it away, but I haven’t been home long and didn’t get around to it,” I say, trying to explain myself.
“Fitz, I need to go,” she says and takes two steps toward the hallway.
I grab her arm and stop her. She looks at me and I grin. “Are you leaving because this disgusts you or because it turns you on?” I’m taking a chance here, but I suddenly get the feeling she likes the idea of being on tape.
She yanks her arm away and crosses her arms, pushing her tits up. “What? No way, this is…it’s not…I mean how can you?” she asks, stuttering and tripping over each word.
“Want to watch?” I ask, making my cock spring to life with the thought of her watching me fuck another girl.
Her face turns completely red and she chews on that lip, that fucking bottom lip and my heart beats harder. “No,” she says, but I don’t believe her.
“Brooklyn, I think you want to watch. I think the idea of seeing me fuck is turning you on. I bet if I was able to touch your soft pussy, it would be dripping wet. I bet your nipples are hard and that your pulse has picked up.” I move close to her and move the hair off of her shoulder. “Would I be right?” Fuck, I’m pushing it here. The alcohol is making me speak the truth with no filter.
“Even if I wanted to, I would never, but I don’t. I don’t watch porn,” she says, look
ing at me before dropping her eyes to the ground.
“Have you ever watched porn?”
“What the hell? What does that have to do with anything? This,” she waves her hands around the room, “is not the Fitz I know,” she says and walks out of my room. Fuck.
I go after her and move to stand in front of her. “I’m sorry. What do you want me to say? I like to make videos, I like to watch them. Nothing I do is without the other person’s consent. Everyone has something sexual they do or long to do. This is mine. I’m still the same guy.”
“Fitz, I’ve had a long shitty night. This is too much for me to process right now, or damn, probably ever. Your sex life is supposed to be private,” she says, reaching into her purse. I’m not sure if she’s looking for her phone or mace at this point.
She pulls out her phone and I shake my head. “Don’t call a cab. If you really need to leave, which I wish you wouldn’t, I’ll have my car service bring you.”
Sighing, she sits down on the edge of my couch and covers her face. “I don’t know what the hell to do. I’m so out of my fucking league here. Poppy is never around and when she is all she does is run off with Nate. I’m going to clubs and studios, running from paparazzi, being driven around. Oh and don’t forget, I hang out with Renegade and the lead singer makes me feel things I’ve never felt. I just need to go home. It’s too much here for me,” she says, whispering the last part.
Fuck, I don’t want her to leave yet. “Brooklyn,” I say and sit on the couch next to her. I don’t touch her though, I just sit there. “I don’t want you to leave, but if you really want to go home, I’ll book you a flight. You just need to be sure that’s really what you want, because I know we are an overwhelming group. We are loud and crazy and yeah we have lots of money, but we are all good people.” I wait to see if she will reply, but she sits quietly, so I continue. “Maybe, you are having more fun than you think, but it’s just different from what you are used to.”
She looks over at me and forces a smile. “I’m having the most fun I’ve ever had, but that’s what scares me. When I leave, I go back to my life and you guys continue this one. It’s not fair to Hank for me to be doing these things and thinking this way.”
Renegade Page 9
