This One Is Mine: A Novel
Page 29
What I’d Say to the Martians by Jack Handey
The Portrait of a Lady by Henry James
English Passengers by Matthew Kneale
When We Were Romans by Matthew Kneale
Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
Pale Fire by Vladimir Nabokov
True Grit by Charles Portis
American Pastoral by Philip Roth
Operation Shylock by Philip Roth
Last Night by James Salter
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned by Wells Tower
The Travelling Hornplayer by Barbara Trapido
I’m Losing You by Bruce Wagner
The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton
EXUBERANT PRAISE FOR MARIA SEMPLE’S
THIS ONE IS MINE
“Maria Semple’s remarkable first novel isn’t just a witty, sharp-edged satire about adultery, social climbing, and the absurdities of L.A. On a deeper level, This One Is Mine is a complex, unexpectedly moving story about the risks and rewards of love, in all its irrational glory.”
— Tom Perrotta, author of Election and Little Children
“With Joan Didion’s eye for the bleak, Nathanael West’s ear for the desperate, and her own taste for the comic, Maria Semple has penned a scathing vision of show business in a repellent La-La Land…. Unlike some former television writers who turn to novels, Semple employs none of the cheap tricks of her previous trade. This is not a made-for-TV movie and it doesn’t end like one. People pay for their mistakes, as we do in life, and some of them learn lessons—understanding, forgiveness, gratitude—and live on with their scars.”
— Mark Lindquist, Seattle Times
“Semple has a wholly original voice and deftly infuses humor into This One Is Mine (you’ll laugh out loud at the sayings on the nanny’s secondhand tee-shirts) while capturing the bittersweet moments of motherhood and a marriage teetering on the edge. The result is a novel that is both entertaining and unexpected—a little bit like L.A. itself.”
— Amy Scribner, BookPage
“Once I started this book, I couldn’t put it down. It is funny, carefully observed, beautifully written, very knowing, and in general a real treat. Stop wondering which book to buy. Buy this one.”
— Merrill Markoe, author of Walking in Circles Before Lying Down
“Los Angeles never looked so rich or so poor as it does in This One Is Mine. This funny-tender send-up of the City of Angels is marked by whip-smart dialogue, skillful plot twists, and gimlet-eyed observations…. This One Is Mine is all about what money cannot buy. All the main characters learn to give more of themselves than they ever thought they were capable of. This sassy and smart chronicle of greed yields generosity in the end.”
— Jeffrey Ann Goudie, Kansas City Star
“Semple, a former television producer and writer, brings a fresh eye to a milieu she clearly knows well…. She has a deft touch when it comes to choreographing chaos. The wedding is a memo-rably funny disaster. This One Is Mine is a delight.”
— Diane White, Boston Globe
“While This One Is Mine dwells in that rarefied yet inevitably unhappy realm of the super-rich, Semple does not feel obligated to provide an infuriating catalog of designer clothing, shoes, and appliances. For this alone, she may be worthy of canonization…. Semple deftly portrays the deleterious effect an unnegotiated workload arrangement—because he is the breadwinner, David expects Violet to take care of everything on the home front—can have. She also beautifully renders the twists and turns an overburdened heart can take…. Indeed, Semple’s greatest strength is the courage to stock her book with characters who are, upon first glance, largely unsympathetic and then gently peel them until they become recognizably and even endearingly human. Truth, of all variety, triumphs here. This One Is Mine is refreshingly clear-eyed about its characters and subjects, and in an excellent twist, David becomes the most interesting and sympathetic character in the book. It is his journey, oddly, that makes This One Is Mine worth reading.”
— Mary McNamara, Los Angeles Times
“Maria Semple writes like a cross between Dorothy Parker and Nathanael West. This One Is Mine is an uncompromising and trenchantly funny portrait of Los Angeles life that rings uncomfortably true.”
— Darren Star, creator of Sex and the City
“A smart and funny debut…. Semple’s takes are tack sharp as her delightful cast is driven comically and tragically ever deeper into a culture of artifice. Semple obviously knows her turf, and she does an exquisite job of stomping all over it.”
— Publishers Weekly
“Maria Semple delves unafraid, with a sharp eye and sharper hand, into the big issues: Love, Happiness, Life, and Death, and emerges with a Los Angeles we never knew, but always suspected. A triumphant debut.”
— Gigi Levangie Grazer, author of The Starter Wife
“This delightful novel gives pleasure on every page. Deftly satiric, wickedly hilarious, brilliantly plotted to ensure maximum mayhem, it also sustains a sweet, triumphant tenderness toward characters who act so appallingly. If at first it seems a puzzle that the novelist can inspire such rueful yet endearing affection for these too-often greedy, shallow people, the answer is that we come to recognize them—as us.”
—Phillip Lopate, author of The Art of the Personal Essay
“Though they’re shallow, condescending, desperate, and solipsistic, Ms. Semple loves her characters wholeheartedly…. What is surprising is that the reader cares at all for these hapless creatures, and that, in our era of schadenfreude as a public sport, the novel’s mostly happy ending is… deeply satisfying.”
— Meredith Bryan, New York Observer
“Maria Semple begins like a roller coaster, clacking up slowly and ominously and then, hold on! You are plunging into the great dreamworld of L.A. money and ambition where nothing is quite real until it breaks apart and suddenly there is the terrible bottom and end of it all. This is a love story with real thorns and a heroine you will weep for.”
— James Salter, author of Light Years and Last Night
“A fresh, flamboyantly witty new voice.”
— Helen Fielding, author of Bridget Jones’s Diary
“This One Is Mine, remarkably, manages to combine comedy and compassion. Its characters are flawed and self-absorbed, but they’re doing their best, and Semple doesn’t give us the easy out of feeling superior. Even more remarkable, the novel hums with suspense. It’s built into the cliffhanger scene endings, and it’s also there on a larger level: this isn’t one of those novels in which it’s clear what (or whom) the heroines ought to choose…. Each turn of the plot brings new surprises, and the result is a novel that leaves a more lasting impression than its satirical side would suggest.”
— Margaret Quamme, Columbus Dispatch
“As a domestic drama—as a story of love and misunderstanding—this book is sublime. It’s got wit and humor and a laugh-out-loud chapter in a New Age retreat. It’s even got a happy ending that seems well-earned. This One Is Mine is a spectacular debut—Maria Semple is the real thing.”
— Jesse Kornbluth, HeadButler.com
“A sharp-witted look at having it all in L.A. and wanting more…. Semple takes Hollywood stereotypes and makes you care about them. She’s unflinching, but compassion isn’t sacrificed. The devastating, poetic finale gives us reason to anticipate Semple’s follow-up novel.”
— John Marshall, Seattle Post-Intelligencer
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Copyright Acknowledgments
The author is grateful for permission to use excerpts from the following works:
“This One Is Mine,” from the Penguin publication The Gift: Poems by Hafiz, copyri
ght © 1999 by Daniel Ladinsky and used with his permission. “Enter Sandman,” written by James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, and Kirk Hammett. Lyrics reprinted with permission of Creeping Death Music © 1991. “Whiskey River,” words and music by J. B. Shinn III. Copyright © 1972 (Renewed 2002) Full Nelson Music, Inc. All rights controlled and administered by EMI Longitude Music. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission. “Losing My Mind” from Follies, written by Stephen Sondheim. Used by permission of Herald Square Music, Inc., on behalf of Range Road Music, Inc., Jerry Leiber Music, Mike Stoller Music, Rilting Music, Inc., and Burthen Music Company, Inc. “My Funny Valentine,” music by Richard Rodgers, lyric by Lorenz Hart. Copyright © 1937 Chappell & Co., Inc. Copyright renewed. Copyright assigned to Williamson Music and WB Music Corp. for the extended renewal period of copyright in the USA. International copyright secured. All rights reserved. Goodnight Moon © 1947 by Harper & Row. Text © renewed 1975 by Roberta Brown Rauch. Illustrations © renewed 1975 by Edith Hurd, Clement Hurd, John Thacher Hurd, and George Hellyer, as Trustees of the Edith & Clement Hurd 1982 Trust. Used by permission of HarperCollins Publishers. “Sultans of Swing,” by Mark Knopfler. Copyright © 1978 Straitjacket Songs Ltd. (PRS). All rights for the US and Canada administered by Almo Music Corp. (ASCAP). Used by permission. All rights reserved. “Not While I’m Around” from Sweeney Todd. Music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim. Copyright © 1979 Rilting Music, Inc. All rights administered by WB Music Corp. All rights reserved. Used by permission of Alfred Publishing Co., Inc. Scarface, courtesy of Universal Studios Licensing, LLLP. “Tiny Dancer,” by Elton John and Bernie Taupin. Copyright © 1970 Dick James Music Ltd. (PRS). Copyright renewed. All rights for the US and Canada administered by Universal—Songs Of Poly-Gram Int., Inc. (BMI). Used by permission. All rights reserved. “Now” from A Little Night Music. Words and music by Stephen Sondheim. Copyright © 1973 (Renewed) Rilting Music, Inc. All rights administered by WB Music Corp. All rights reserved. Used by permission of Alfred Publishing Co., Inc. “Company” and “Sorry-Grateful” from Company, written by Stephen Sondheim. Used by permission of Herald Square Music, Inc., on behalf of Range Road Music, Inc., Jerry Leiber Music, Mike Stoller Music, and Rilting Music, Inc.
Contents
WELCOME
DEDICATION
MAP
EPIGRAPH
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
TEDDY
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
READING GROUP GUIDE
A CONVERSATION WITH THE AUTHOR OF THIS ONE IS MINE
QUESTIONS AND TOPICS FOR DISCUSSION
BOOKS I LOVE: A LIST COMPILED BY MARIA SEMPLE
EXUBERANT PRAISE FOR MARIA SEMPLE’S THIS ONE IS MINE
NEWSLETTERS
COPYRIGHT ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
COPYRIGHT
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. The events described are imaginary, and all of the characters are fictitious. Some celebrity names appear in the novel in order to place the story in a modern cultural perspective, but these names are used fictitiously and in an imaginary context. Any resemblance in this novel to real events or people, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended to portray any actual persons or to suggest that any of the incidents ever happened.
Copyright © 2008 by Maria Semple
Reading group guide copyright © 2010 by Maria Semple and Little, Brown and Company
Cover design and illustrations by Keith Hayes
Cover © 2013 Hachette Book Group, Inc.
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
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First ebook edition: March 2010
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ISBN 978-0-316-04285-7