by Frost, H. Q.
“I get it.” He kissed her fingertips that were lingering on his face.
When his lips covered hers, she let out a moan into his mouth. “Fuck me, baby,” she whispered.
Lilith’s restless night kept Ian up for the most part. If she wasn’t yelling in her sleep, she was talking, and the way she sweated profusely, dampened the sheets. When Ian tried to comfort her, she would, while in a dead sleep, push him away.
At six she woke to exercise and from the bed Ian had a clear view of her out the bedroom door where she stood in the open space. Even exercising she looked stressed and miserable. During the ascend of a squat a pulling pain in her lower stomach doubled her over with her hands out to catch her from falling. Ian sat up, but didn’t go to her and she didn’t notice him, assuming he was still asleep. Standing up straight and looking down at her stomach, she slowly rubbed in circles as if she were acknowledging the pregnancy. After only a few seconds, she dropped her hands and stared at the wall, looking more miserable than five minutes prior. He watched her wander down the hall to the bathroom. Laying back, he felt a glimmer of hope she might keep the baby.
When he was finally out of bed, he approached her sitting at the dining room table reading; he rubbed her back softly then kissed her head.
“I made food, it’s in the fridge.”
Three untouched plates of food sat in the refrigerator.
“Did you eat, baby?”
Not pulling away from the book, she responded, “I’m not hungry.”
He quietly huffed, but didn’t push it.
“I spoke to Peachey, she wants us to come in two weekends.” Turning in the chair, she looked at him.
“Okay.” He smiled and she turned back to her book.
A few minutes passed before she mumbled, “Have any jobs for me, Ian?”
Briefly pausing what he was doing, he muttered out, “Uh.” He didn’t plan on her working for a few weeks. “Nothing yet. You sure you want to work? I mean right away?”
Adjusting in her chair to face him, she asked, “What do you mean?”
“With the.” Gesturing to her stomach, he stressed, “Pregnancy and all.”
Taking offense, she scoffed. “This will be taken care of next week. I’m not supposed to work?”
“I just thought maybe you’d want a break.”
“I don’t.” Her back went to him and her nose went back into her book. “You need to get over this. I am.”
He stared at the back of her head and that glimmer he had while watching her workout was gone.
Keeping her back to him, she asked, “Did Robert complain about me?”
“No, Mr. Tanaka is in love with you. He thought about prolonging his stay so he could take you out again. We need to go over a few things. I kind of just threw you into this and didn’t run down everything with you. You’ll be properly informed on your next dates as far as how you should appear, the allotted times you’ll be with the gentleman, the things he’s paid for. Robert Tanaka is an old client and I knew he wouldn’t complain about much so I wasn’t worried about not briefing you. Tony gave you the computer and flash drive, right?”
Her back was still to him. “It’s in the bedroom somewhere. Probably under that mess of a TV.”
“I’ll get that taken care of today. I’m not sure what happened.”
Lilith rolled her eyes.
“I’ll have a new TV in there today as well. If the computer was damaged just text me and I’ll get another. I’m going to go home after work and hit the gym, then pack up some things to leave here—”
Turning quickly, she blabbed, “Like what?”
“Clothes, movies, stuff.” He shrugged, wondering why she reacted so harshly.
Glaring at him, she said, “So you’ll have stuff here and your place? So I can move some of my stuff to your place?”
Understanding dawned. She didn’t want a trace of living with a man incase she had another man in the condo. Ian pulled out the chair to her left and sat down clasping his hands together while staring at them, not sure how to approach the subject.
“If you want a place you can bring people to, I’ll get you an apartment. I don’t want people here.”
“Ian—”
Raising his hand to shut her up, he continued, “This is our house, Lily, and I want to keep it that way. Just you and me here. I don’t want to lay in a bed with you that you’ve laid with another man.”
“You didn’t seem to mind a few months ago,” she mumbled.
It was useless and he didn’t want to fight. Standing with a huff, he said, “There’s money in your account, go get an apartment.” He disappeared into the bedroom.
They hadn’t discussed many important factors of their life since their return so she didn’t know much about the bank account he was referring to. She didn’t even know the bank name.
Closing her book, she walked to the bedroom. “My money from working? What do I even get paid?”
“You get a percentage from my fee. You’ll know before every job from now on too. Robert Tanaka paid fifteen hundred for the first date and a thousand for the second.”
Crossing her arms, she asked, “Why less the second time?”
“Because you were entertaining his friends the first date, the second you were solely with him, and though you were in public together, you weren’t watched.”
She smirked wanting to say ‘yes I was’ as she remembered the waiter that watched her.
“You made fifteen hundred from that and I put that into your account. You can view it all online. You’ll have deposits from Luxueux and the other deposits are from me. I will deposit money into your account weekly—”
“For what?” she scoffed. “You paying me for sex too?”
“No,” he carefully said, reaching his wits end with her. “You’re going to be my wife, what’s mine is yours and that’d be my money. If you’d like, I’ll put you on my account, but I need you to come to the bank with me for that. And also, I thought that wouldn’t be as discreet as you’d want.”
“Oh, as I want?” Resentment laced her words like a finely cinched corset. “I have to be discreet so you can live a double life, honey, don’t forget that’s the reason for my discreetness.” Her legs took her the other way before her mouth made things worse.
He yelled to her, “When that cop from Bridgetown comes in, you gonna tell him about your double life?”
Lilith paused only briefly, then locked herself in the bathroom.
“Fuck this,” he mumbled, walking to the front door and called out, “I’ll be back this evening.”
“I won’t be here. I have plans.” Her angry voice carried from the bathroom.
“With who?” his voice boomed through the entire house.
Lilith pulled open the bathroom door and stuck her head out. “My double life!” she screamed, slamming the door.
A frustrated chuckle puffed from him as he walked out the front door.
LUXE 4
If She lives through this
I drive to Ashley’s so we can look over the pictures. Again I’m not up for much, but I force myself because I’ll be damned if I’m going to stop living until I get this taken care of.
She’s strictly business today and I wonder if she’s mad at me, or if she’s disappointed in me, or if she’s lost respect for me.
Dr. Russo is calling so I walk away from the computer.
“Hi, Dr. Russo.”
“Lily, hi. There’s a clinic in Wood Dale and I think it’d be best for you to go there. I know it’s a bit of a drive, but you said you didn’t want one inside the city because of that friend’s aunt.”
“Oh, I found out where she works. She actually works at the office I visited when I found out about the pregnancy.”
“Oh.” He pauses, knowing it was a fear of mine that Sloan’s aunt might work at the abortion clinic I end up at. “You can contact the office and threaten a suit if she informs the people you want this kept from.”
“I
might.” I nod, staring blankly at the table. Sloan didn’t mention my pregnancy, but if the bitch told him she saw me and I was a frantic mess, she probably told him why.
“Would you like to go to a clinic closer?”
“No. Wood Dale is fine. You recommend this office?”
“I do. A good friend works out of this office and if you’d like, I’ll escort you to the appointment and be your support until it’s all said and done.”
“I think I’ll be all right.”
“Will you go with Ian?”
As far as I know, Dr. Russo doesn’t know we’re together, but it sounds like he’s suspecting.
“I’ll probably go with a friend. I don’t need my boss there.” I chuckle.
“Okay, Lily.” He’s nonchalant when he says this, but I’m almost positive he knows. “The offer stands for me to be there and we can discuss everything before and after.”
“Thank you, Dr. Russo.”
After we hang up I stare at the clinic number he gave me for ten minutes. With a shaking hand I dial the number and set up my appointment, and like Dr. Russo instructed, I mention his name so I get in almost immediately. Next Tuesday.
In a daze I rest my elbow on the table and lean into my hand. I don’t know how long I’ve been doing this, but I realize I’m rubbing my stomach. Quickly pulling my hand away, I stand and when I turn to go back to the porch, Ashley is standing in the doorway watching me.
“You okay?” she asks me; by her tone alone I know she was standing there when I scheduled the appointment.
“Mm,” I mutter and walk past her to get back to work.
Staring at the computer, I don’t know what I’m feeling. I kind of feel numb. She sits next to me and puts her hand to my back, rubbing softly, loosening all the numbness, turning it to sorrowful tears. I bury my face in her shoulder. I’m so tired of crying. I haven’t cried this much since losing my dad. At least back then I didn’t wear makeup so I didn’t look like a scary mess, I just looked like a sad mess. She wipes away my running makeup and I turn back to the computer.
“Let’s get through this.”
“You sure? We can do it later. You want to get something to eat?”
“Food would be good.” I’m trying not to sound as pathetic as I am. “I’m gonna wipe this off,” I mutter about my makeup.
As we’re on our way out, Aurora is coming in and she greets me with a hug that I don’t want to disengage from because I just need to feel loved right now, but I do let go, immediately.
“How are you, Lilith dear? You look well, glowing.” She smiles at me, and Ashley lets out a noise, walking to the car and leaving me with her mom. I think it was because of the glowing comment; don’t women glow when they’re pregnant?
“I’m well. I love this blazer,” I lie while softly touching her lapel.
“Thank you. I just picked it up Friday. Ashley hates it,” she mumbles with a smile.
I put on a sweet smile. “Bye, Ms. Burtney.”
“You’ll be here for my birthday, won’t you? Ashley invited you, didn’t she?”
She didn’t and I’m not sure if I’m not supposed to be there because Karen will be, but I smile and nod. “I’ll be here.”
“Good, dear. Take care.”
I get into the car and Ashley’s flipping through Ian’s iPod that I swiped off the counter this morning after he left it.
“I have tickets to see Daft Punk, you wanna come?”
“Really?” I grin. I’ve never been to a concert and I like Daft Punk; it was the only electronic music my dad would listen to.
“No, I just wanted to get your hopes up then squash them cruelly.” She rolls her eyes at me and I giggle.
“Yes, I would like to go. When is it?”
“Next month sometime. I’ll let you know. I got them from Heidi, she got them from work or something.”
“So you and Heidi getting serious?” I grin and she laughs at me.
“No. It’s not like that. We haven’t even slept together again. She’s interested in some guy. He’s gonna be there Saturday. You’re still coming to the club, right?”
Having never experienced a club, I want to go.
“I want to go out.” I say.
*LUXE*
After eating, the girls took advantage of the cool but sunny day and Ashley snapped pictures of Lilith while they window-shopped. Incognizant of what she was doing, Lilith stopped at the display window of a children’s store that held an antique baby carriage.
“Let’s go by the water.” Ashley took her arm and pulled her away.
“Ashley, wait.” Lilith halted her steps a few stores over. “Look at that dress.” Her tone indicated love at first sight.
Pulling her into the story, Ashley excitedly said, “Come on.”
“I wouldn’t even have anywhere to wear this.” Lilith giggled, touching the satin dress.
The cream colored vintage inspired dress had straps that hung off the shoulders and a plunging neckline to expose provocative cleavage. The long, floor length gown fit a body like a glove, loosening slightly at the calves. Black lace that draped from just under the bust down to the hem of the dress made it elegantly breathtaking.
“It’d be a cool painting, Lilith.” Ashley grinned at her.
After grabbing the price tag, Lilith chuckled. “Not for that kind of money.”
Ashley’s mouth popped open looking at the price. “Yeah, I don’t have sixty G for a dress just to paint your ass in.”
“Pretty.” Lilith smiled, touching it once more.
A man stepped in front of them before they could leave. “Hi, ladies. Noticed you observing our Ossie Clark wedding gown.”
“Wedding dress?” Lilith chuckled. “It’s a beautiful dress, just a little pricey.”
“It’s the only one. He designed it for a friend who in turn didn’t utilize it. French lace, Kiton silk—”
“I don’t have sixty fuckin’ thousand to buy her a dress for a photo shoot. We’re not getting married, it’s not legal yet and we wouldn’t spend that kind of stupid money anyway. It’s a great dress, she’d look fucktacular in it, but not interested.” Ashley pulled Lilith out, who stumbled behind in a fit of giggles.
“Thank you!” Lilith called to the stunned sales associate.
“Fuckin’ idiot,” Ashley muttered while Lilith laughed.
Grinning wide, Lilith said, “Shaun’s supposed to come around the end of the month.”
“Really?” Ashley waggled her brows. “I only saw him that one time, but he’s hot, Lilith.”
“He really is and he’s all muscle, solid through and through. His stomach is like a xylophone—”
“What’s his cock like? Small?”
“No,” Lilith laughed. “It’s big, really, really big. Huge.”
“You don’t really have much to compare to. Bryan is like, eh.” She measured out his insignificant size with her fingers.
“Shaun’s this.” Lilith held both hands up and Ashley squealed.
“Shut up!” She laughed, holding her stomach.
“He is.” Lilith laughed. “He’s too big—”
“Hell no, I’ll take it!”
***
Aurora insisted Lilith stay for dinner and as much as she didn’t want to, she felt obligated. Ashley refused to eat the awful pea soup she served, but Lilith couldn’t be that rude and she choked down every bite with praise. The soup made her sick to her stomach and by the time she arrived home, she was ready to regurgitate the meal.
Hanging clothes in the closet, Ian heard the front door open and slam, then the sound of running footsteps.
“Lily?”
Entering the living room, he heard her vomiting and rushed to the bathroom to hold her hair she struggled with while violently heaving. Squatting next to her, he rubbed her back softly and she groaned into the toilet. He assumed this was morning sickness, but Lilith was convinced it was the soup.
“You all right, baby?” He pulled her into his arms, si
tting on the bathroom floor.
“Pea soup,” she explained the green color and Pea odor; Ian cringed. “Gah,” she groaned, reaching over to flush the toilet.
Ian pulled her to stand and quickly she shoved him, spinning back to the toilet; he went for her hair, but she pushed him away, wanting to be left alone.
“Please get out,” she gasped through the dripping vomit. “Please,” she groaned, kneeling down.
Ian closed the door behind him, pinching the bridge of his nose.
After a long shower, she came from the bathroom wrapped in a towel and smelling of bleach from cleaning the toilet.
“Feeling better?”
She nodded, going to her dresser. When she removed the towel to pull her shirt on, he stopped her and swiped his thumb over the faint scar over her ribs.
“Ashley saw them,” she muttered. “When we were in Florida.”
He looked into her shamed eyes. “What’d you tell her?”
“Scratched myself some how.” With a shrug she pulled the shirt on. Ian bent to kiss her, but she jerked back from him. “I just threw up pea soup, baby.” She crawled into the bed. “I feel awful.”
“You’re tired?”
Spotting the brand new, mounted television, she smiled. “Oh, you got a new TV.”
Walking over to it, he tugged. “This one’s sturdy.”
“Can we watch a movie?”
“I haven’t eaten yet, let me grab something.”
“I’ll make you something.” She attempted to get out of the bed, but he stopped her.
“Lay down, I’ll take care of it.” He wanted to ask her where she was all day, whom she was with, but he knew it’d be a fight.
“I don’t mind. You know I like to cook.”
“No, you relax and figure out what we’re going to watch.” He kissed her forehead and walked away.
Lilith looked around the bedroom, observing the abundance of stuff he brought over. Clothes, books, movies, shoes all filled the room. In the en-suite bathroom was his razor, clippers, deodorant, cologne, shaving cream, his robe, everything that would make it well known a man also lived there. It made her wonder what was left at his house.
