by Frost, H. Q.
She’ll find Her way back down
I shake my head and walk into the living room. He’s mounted my Tiki mask and there’s also a new picture. This is from his apartment and it’s a view of Chicago from above. I don’t know where this picture came from, he could have taken it himself, but I know he likes it and now it’s here. There’re more flowers on the dining room table; he seems to bring me flowers every time we fight. I’d rather have them when we’re not fighting because flowers aren’t apologies. I hated all the flowers we got when dad died. It was ridiculous. How do flowers make me feel better about losing my father?
I hear him softly singing something and I smirk. I really love this man and I don’t think I could ever leave him. I’m grateful he didn’t let me pack my bag and leave.
His phone starts to ring and being it’s on the coffee table, I look down seeing Karen’s name; it used to be a picture of her, but now it just says KAREN. God, I’d love to answer that call.
He comes around the corner and looks at me a little startled. I pick up the phone and hold it out.
“Karen,” I mumble and when he takes it, I go to walk back into the bedroom, but he grabs my wrist, pulling me to him.
“You hungry?” he asks, pushing his phone into his pocket.
“God, no.” I put my hands to my stomach. “She might need you, Ian,” I mutter.
“You need me, Lily,” he says, still holding me. I unwrap my arms from my stomach and put them around him. “You find us a movie?”
“No.” I let him go. “Will you bring me a glass of wine please?” I see the look he gives me and I think he notices my discontent so he smiles.
“Yeah, baby, get in bed. I’ll be in there in a minute.” He hits my butt and I grin, walking away.
I know wine probably won’t help my queasy stomach, but I want to be drunk.
He’s eating something wrapped in lettuce and he has a beer tucked under his arm with half a glass of wine in his hand. I take the wine and his beer and he sets his napkin down.
“Eating in bed? That’s disgusting!” I tease; he grins.
“I picked up this bad habit from a hot chick I fucked. After she ate chicken in her bed, I slept in her crumbs—”
“There were no crumbs!” I laugh, nudging him.
When I put the glass to my lips, he’s watching me and before I take a drink, my eyes shoot up to him. Ugh, fuck him, now I feel guilty. I lower the glass and he looks away, trying to act like he wasn’t giving me that look. No sense on dwelling on it so let’s move on.
“Can you take Tuesday off work?”
He looks at me oddly. “What do you want to do?” He sounds like he thinks I’m planning some sort of adventure for us. I have to look away from him or I’m going to start crying.
“That’s the day of my appointment.”
When he doesn’t say anything, I look at him and can see he doesn’t know what appointment I’m talking about.
“At the clinic, Ian.” God! I don’t want to spell it out for him.
“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “I’ll take the rest of the week off.”
“No,” I say quickly. “I’ll be fine the next day, I think.”
“We’ll figure it out.” He sets his lettuce wrap on the napkin. Now I’ve upset him so much he doesn’t want to eat.
The beer is opened instantly and he’s draining it. I grab the glass of wine and mimic him, hoping he doesn’t want to talk about the appointment.
“Me and Ashley spent most of the day outside. We were window shopping then went over to the water. She took a trillion pictures of me.” I roll my eyes.
“I want to see the pictures. Why don’t I get to see these pictures?”
“What for?” I chuckle. “You want to decorate your apartment with them?” It was out before I could stop myself and I could kick myself; I really don’t want to fight today.
“Maybe.” He smirks. Thank god.
“Oh! We saw this amazing dress! Clive Clark or something. I don’t know, but it was so beautiful.”
“Why didn’t you buy it?”
I start to laugh. “It was sixty thousand dollars! And a wedding dress. I don’t think it looked like a wedding dress, but the guy said it was. There is nowhere on earth I’d ever go that I could wear it, but after I saw that price tag I was okay running away.” To be able to talk to him about mundane life like this feels so good. I didn’t have this with Sloan because we spent our days together in the office and he didn’t like mindless talking.
“That’s a bit steep for it to sit in your closet.” He’s taking off his pants and I like that he just leaves them on the floor. Sloan never did that either, he was intransigent about cleaning up immediately.
Ian reaches up and starts unbuttoning his shirt and that’s when I see the collar of his white shirt with pink lipstick on it. A groan of disgust forces it’s way out and I drink the rest of my wine, gulping it down, staring at the bottom of the glass and watching it disappear with my enthusiastic mood.
“Lily.” He sounds worried.
Wine was a bad idea. I spring from the bed, running to the bathroom and throw myself over the toilet. Red wine comes out of my nose, my mouth, feels like my eyes too, but that’s just the backsplash from the powerful blast. When I’m sure I’m done, I sit back and stare at the toilet.
That’s just classless and trashy, how could he be so careless? I’m trying not to be, but I’m disgusted with him. Then the stupid thought of ‘whose lipstick is that?’ enters my head. It better be Karen’s! There’s no way in hell I’m dealing with another woman. I would be gone so fast . . . maybe not fast, but I would not stay. I’ve agreed to Karen only.
Now I’m trying to think of the handful of times I’ve seen her and if I noticed her wearing lipstick.
Hearing him, he’s standing in the doorway, watching me as I get to my feet and flush the toilet. God, I can’t wait to get this out of me.
“That wasn’t very smart,” he says like a smartass. His shirt is still on, but it’s unbuttoned.
“At least it’s not trashy.” I tug at his collar by the lipstick, then walk out of the bathroom.
*LUXE*
Not understanding the bash, Ian looked in the mirror and saw it. Karen’s pink lipstick.
“Shit,” he mumbled, knowing it happened when he had sex with her before going to the condo.
After throwing the shirt into the hamper, he walked into the bedroom where Lilith was in the bed, under the covers, rolled onto her side and ready for sleep.
“Lily.”
“Hmm?” she mumbled without looking at him.
“I didn’t know it was there.”
“God, I fucking hope not!” she scoffed and tugged the covers up to her neck.
“Baby.” He climbed into the bed, putting his arm around her.
“Please tell me you’re using protection with her, Ian. An STD is unforgivable. At least I can terminate a pregnancy, but most STD’s are for life.”
It stung, it was a low blow to compare the pregnancy to an STD; like it was solely his fault she ended up pregnant, but she could forgive him because at least it wasn’t an STD.
“I do use protection with her and I expect you to use protection with other people.”
“Whenever that may happen, I will,” she snapped, trying to shrug him off. The thing that angered her most was he said he was taking Karen home, hitting the gym, then bringing his things to the condo, he didn’t mention having a quick romp.
Pulling at her to face him, he said, “Lily, I love you. You’re who matters most to me.”
“You’re pathetic,” she snarled, sliding out of the bed with her pillow; the door slammed behind her.
Guilt for her words burned in her gut. She chose to accept Karen, but rubbing his girlfriend in her face was not acceptable. Lilith knew it wasn’t an intentional flaunt, but nonetheless, that’s what it felt like.
While she calmed down on the couch, he stayed tucked away in the bedroom, feeling every bit shitty f
or the lipstick.
“Why are you calling me so much lately?” Ashley answered his phone call. “I don’t even know why I answer. You never answer my calls.”
“Were you with Lily all day today?”
“Yeah, why? She’s not at home?”
“Yeah, she’s home. I was just wondering if she was with you all day.”
“Oh, like you’re wondering who she may have been out fucking?” Ashley rolled her eyes. “Soon Shaun. He’s coming at the end of the month so you better plan a little getaway with your fat bitch of a girlfriend.”
“Ashley, come on. I didn’t call for you to stupidly insult me.”
“I’m not insulting you, I’m insulting thunder thighs—”
“All right,” Ian huffed, about to hang up.
“Wait! Ian?”
“What?”
Her tone changed from malicious to compassionate. “Did she tell you she made the appointment?”
Pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes tightly, he replied, “Yeah. Tuesday.”
“Do you even want this?” she whispered as if Lilith could hear her.
“It doesn’t matter, it’s what she wants.”
“It does matter. You can try and talk her out of it. You can refuse to pay for it or something. Tell her you’ll take the baby when it’s born. I just don’t think she’s giving this enough thought. I know it’s killing her, but I think deep down she really wants this baby. She was rubbing her stomach today and she looked through the window at a kid’s store way too long. Ian, you have to try and talk her out of this.”
“I can’t! Shouldn’t you be doing that? You’re her best friend.”
“I can’t because I feel guilty. I suck at talking about things this detrimental. You really fucked up, you should be using protection and this is more so your fault than hers because she’s naïve about this shit. Maybe you can talk her into adoption? Killing the baby is . . . it’s awful.”
“That’s your opinion, Ashley.”
“I know you’re pro abortion, but this is your child she’s killing. My niece or nephew, your son or daughter.”
The lump in his throat was growing bigger the more she rambled on about Lilith killing their unborn child.
“I have to go.”
“No you don’t!” she snapped. “You need to address this, stop ignoring it. Have you told her you don’t want her to get the abortion?”
“More or less, yes.”
“She doesn’t care?”
“She’s young, she’s not our age, she’s twenty-two, we’re thirty. Me having a child at thirty is a lot different than her having one at twenty-two. Right now in our relationship we’re not really stable to bring a child into this world.”
“No, you’re not stable. You’re in love with two women. You’re having your cake and eating it to. Hey, I’m all for it, you know my relationship with Bryan is open, but I’m not in love with two people.”
“You were in love with Lily,” he snickered.
“But all that changed when you got into the picture—”
“I was the picture!” he scoffed.
She ignored him. “Also, I’m not hiding I have an open relationship. Plus, I would never ask Lilith to commit to me and accept my boyfriend. Little selfish of you, bro, and in the end this is all going to blow up in your face. All of it, the abortion, Lilith, Karen, all of it.”
Slowly swiping his hand down his face, he groaned, “I know it is, but if I leave Karen, she’d probably kill herself for sure—”
“Good riddance, bitch.”
Ignoring her insensitivity, he went on. “And she can ruin me and Luxe. I can’t just leave Karen. I don’t want my enter life to be wrecked. If I can’t provide for Lily, what good am I then?”
“She loves you not your shit, dumbass.”
“Yeah, we don’t know that,” he muttered.
“If you really think like that then fuck you, Ian, you dumb twat. What the fuck are you doing with her if you think she’s a gold diggin’ bitch?”
“I don’t,” he grumbled with a foggy head. “Shit, Ashley, I thought talkin’ to you would help me clear my goddamned head. You’re making it worse.”
“Because I’m telling you shit you don’t want to hear. Truths. Keep sweeping it all under the rug, you’ll see what happens. I love Lily, but I think she’s making a huge mistake aborting the baby and it will haunt her.”
“Why can’t you tell her that?”
“Because she’s scared. She’s only doing what she thinks needs to be done and I can’t change that. This isn’t my baby.”
Ian hung up feeling worse; the formidable fact that he did love Karen was pounding in his head, making him feel guilty. He had no doubt he could have convinced Lilith to keep the baby if Karen wasn’t in the picture.
Scooping sleeping Lilith up, he put her in bed. She rolled over keeping her eyes closed, not wanting to talk to him.
“Lily,” he whispered; she ignored him. “Baby.” He nudged her.
“Hmm?” she groaned.
“Can you reschedule the appointment Tuesday? Maybe give it a little more time?” His words fully woke her.
“No. I want this taken care of now. Right now it’s just a thing, barely a baby.” She rolled to face him. “They suggested I wait until I’m eight weeks, but I can’t. I want this done now.”
“Because you think right now it’s not a human?” he asked with genuine curiosity on her take of the pregnancy and abortion.
“Yes,” she admitted softly. “Ian,” she breathed his name and put her hand to his face. Apologies and sorrow swam in her eyes. “I don’t want a baby right now. Please don’t try and talk me out of this. I will only resent you if you make me keep the baby and if you’re only going to resent me for aborting, then I accept that, I can live with that. I can’t live with a child right now.”
With nothing to say, he kissed her eyebrow and escaped to the bathroom to ready for bed. Lilith huffed, wanting sleep she knew she probably wouldn’t get. While in the bathroom, he bogged down his brain with thoughts of the pregnancy. He wondered how pregnant she was, he had thought she was already eight weeks and if she wasn’t, it was approaching quickly.
His quiet aggrieve
Work is the last place I want to be today. Being around chatty women bitching about their hurting feet or what someone wore out the night before is mind numbing. Karen’s amongst them too and they’re all in the office today. I have no dates today, which rarely happens, but when it does, some of the girls get together and catalog shop to give me ideas on clothing for their dates. They’re in the conference room across from my office and they’re unbelievably loud. The thought to close my door has come to mind several times, but I know if I do Karen will be in here asking me what’s wrong. I’ve already told her twice today I have a headache and that’s the only problem.
She’s suggested staying at my place this weekend and I haven’t told her no yet. I just keep telling her maybe, but Saturday night I have plans to go out to the club with Ashley because Lily will be there. I wonder if she dances. I’ve seen her playfully dance around. I guess there was that time Mitch held her body captive against his, but I’ve never seen her dancing in a club atmosphere. I wonder if she’s been to a club; I’d like to think not and I’m going to pop that cherry soon. Popping cherries automatically sends me into thoughts of fucking Lily, which also brings on an erection.
I wish I could have fucked her last night, but she was asleep by the time I got back into bed. We haven’t been sleeping together nearly as much as I prefer, or need from her. I wonder if she would have had sex with me after knowing I had sex with Karen yesterday. Still, after fucking Karen, I didn’t feel satiated and I know it’s because I need to be inside Lily.
I still haven’t closed my office door and I’m fighting a throbbing erection being cut into by my pants. I pick up my cellphone and ponder only for a second.
IAN: Nude photographs by chance?
I don’t even expe
ct a reply from her and I definitely don’t expect her to comply. I’m not sure what she’s doing today and I feel like I can’t ask her because it’ll somehow start a fight. My phone buzzes almost immediately and it’s a picture of her breast; she’s in the bathroom at the condo so at least I know she’s home. I’m a little surprised she obliged.
IAN: Full body
My office phone buzzes, startling me. I’m fucking jumpy because of Karen, like she’s going to catch me asking my fiancée for nude pics.
“Mr. J, this is your dad.”
“Thanks, Tash,” I mumble, eagerly staring at my cellphone. “Ian Jacks,” I answer.
“Ian, I need Lily tonight.”
“What for?” I snicker. My cellphone beeps, but I don’t look yet; my dad has managed to piss me off.
“Little party on the yacht and I want her to serve drinks.”
“She’s not a fucking waitress!” That came out louder than it should have; my eyes shoot to my open office door.
“She’s whatever she’s paid to be. I’m not having her wash the damn dishes, Ian. I’m drumming up some business for her. This party is going to be full of abhorrent, desolate, affluential men that’ll pay her just to look their way. Good for Luxe and good for her, son.”
“My wife isn’t a fucking maid for lonely scum. I don’t care how rich they are, she’s not a waitress,” I growl quietly.
“She’s also not your wife yet. You can either book this and the company can make some money, or I’ll personally go to her and I’ll pay her directly. She wouldn’t tell me no.” He says this so I question what he’s referring to, but he’s a bullshitter and I know since their lunch she detests him.
“How much?” I finally say and he chortles. I hate this laugh, his victory laugh.
“Four hours, a thousand.”
“No.”
Lily’s time is not only worth a thousand dollars to deal with my father’s feeble acquaintances. That’s almost laughable. Does he think I’m fucking ignorant?
