Shelby glanced back. “Have a good night.”
He’d slipped off his baseball cap and bent the bill between his hands. “I love you.”
“I know. You, too.” She sighed. “And I’m not mad at you, but I do think you need to search your heart some, because you’re judging Joel pretty harshly right now.”
Before he could restart the conversation, she hopped into the truck. In a rush now, she didn’t bother adjusting the seat and mirrors. She sat on the edge of the seat so her toes reached the pedals. Good enough.
* * *
Joel checked his watch again.
Shelby hadn’t called to let him know she’d be running late and hadn’t answered any of his calls or texts. If something had happened to her—he’d know, right? The firehouse would have been dispatched to an emergency. Stop thinking of the worst possible scenario.
Although, when he’d first arrived in town, he’d run into her because she’d just hit a deer. So maybe wondering if she had been in an accident wasn’t so off base.
Joel stretched to work out the kinks in his shoulders. He prowled to the picnic table near the front of the station but then paced away from it.
She was fine. She would have called, wouldn’t she have? No. Shelby would have called her brother. Someone at the firehouse must have Caleb’s number. He started for the building but stopped when he heard a truck rumbling down the road. He spotted a tiny woman barely visible over the dashboard.
Joel was at the driver’s window before Shelby had time to shut off the truck. He hooked his hand on the edge of the door near her elbow. “You, my dear, are late.”
“Sorry. Blame my brother.” She jammed the vehicle into Park and didn’t look at him.
“No worries. I was kidding.”
“I know. Sorry—”
“No more saying sorry tonight. You’ve already met your quota of two apologies for the day, and it’s only been about forty seconds.” He popped open her door as she gathered her purse. “Let’s get these boxes out and go inside.”
He hauled out the largest box. As he eased it out of the truck’s bed, he looked inside. It held some cooking supplies for the pancakes and a bunch of boxes of frozen breakfast sausages.
Shelby grabbed a small box of decorations and followed him to the building.
Joel glanced back at her. Her brows were drawn low. Whatever she was thinking about couldn’t have been good because her lips were pressed tightly together to form a grim line.
Distraction could be his ally, at least until she wanted to talk.
“I already cleared out the garage area and swept it. I got some of the guys to help me set up tables and chairs, and we washed the fire engines so they’ll sparkle for the crowd tomorrow.”
“You didn’t have to do all that work.” Setting down her box on the closest round table, she surveyed the open garage.
Unlike a regular car garage, the fire station was clean. No spilled oil or stains on the floor. The room was large with a high ceiling to accommodate the fire trucks. Tomorrow, as long as the weather cooperated, they’d leave the massive doors open. There were enough seats to fit about a hundred people.
“It didn’t take long to set up,” Joel said.
Shelby’s fingers laced together. “Do you think we put up enough signs? What if people don’t know about the breakfast?”
So, she was just nervous about the event.
He chuckled. “We put a sign on every corner in town. Everyone knows. They’ll be here. Tell me what you want me to do and we’ll get started.”
“There are a lot more boxes to carry in.” She jutted her thumb toward the truck.
“As you wish.” He winked at her. It took him ten minutes to carry everything in.
She had boxes and boxes full of little churches, which she’d built out of Popsicle sticks and painted white. Each one had a small slit in the top where people could drop donations inside. They looked just like the old chapel. Joel busied himself with putting away all the food in the kitchen area while Shelby carefully took out the churches and placed one at the center of every table. Next, she began setting up other decorations.
Whenever he walked into the room, she stopped what she was doing and watched him.
“What else do we have left to do?”
“Not much.” She shrugged and continued hanging signs where they would set up the silent auction in the morning.
He’d expected her to be happy. Hadn’t she told him rebuilding the church was her dream?
Joel shoved his hands into his pockets and cleared his throat. “Is something wrong?”
She stared at the ground, and tugged on her sleeves until they covered her hands entirely.
He inched closer. “You can tell me anything. You know that, right?”
“Caleb says I should stay away from you.” Her eyes widened, almost as if she hadn’t expected to say that out loud.
For a moment, her words became a vise around his throat. What could Joel say? He’d counted Caleb as a friend, and he’d been wrong. One more person who’d only pretended to care about him. Did Caleb still hold the same sway over what Shelby did and didn’t do? Joel needed to find out.
He dragged in a deep breath through his nose. “I guess what matters most to me is what you think about that.”
“Are you mad?”
More disappointed. He shrugged. “Caleb’s allowed to think whatever he wants. Either way, I don’t want to cause division between you two. Family’s important to me.”
“If you don’t want to spend time with me anymore because of that, I understand.” She studied the floor.
The slump of her shoulders propelled him forward. He ran his fingers down her arms and took hold of her hands, which caused her to look up and make eye contact.
“I like spending time with you. I want to keep seeing you and getting to know you more. But that’s all up to you and what you feel comfortable with. Like I said, I don’t want to be the cause of a rift with your brother, but if I can do something to make him feel better about it, I’m more than willing.”
“I shouldn’t have told you, but I felt like you deserved to know.”
“Tell me whatever you want.” Images flashed in his mind. A captured moment of his mother yelling at him for dropping a toy on the ground, followed by another of a father from one of his foster families telling him he’d never be good enough. “It’s okay. Believe me, I’ve been told my faults many times and lived.”
“But that’s just it—it’s not your fault. Caleb is being thick-skulled. He says I shouldn’t get close to you because of your past.”
Joel’s heart pounded in the back of his throat. Did Caleb know about the church? He licked his lips. “My past?”
“Growing up in foster homes and being taken from your mom. Everything you’ve been through.”
“We can’t hang out together because I was a foster kid?” He let go one of her hands and rubbed his brow. “I don’t understand.”
“He said you won’t know how to treat a woman. He said—”
Joel squeezed the hand he still held. “Know this, Shelby. I’d never, ever intentionally hurt you. Now, I can’t promise that if we keep getting to know each other you’ll like everything about me. I might have habits that annoy you, and someday I may say something that unintentionally hurts you. If I’ve learned one thing in life, it’s that people hurt other people, whether we mean to or not. I’ll try my hardest to never cause you pain, and someday when I do, I’ll do everything in my power to make it right.”
He placed her hand on his chest, and rested both of his hands over hers. Their faces were now less than a foot apart. “So, there you have it. I’m far from perfect. Very far, if I’m being honest. But if you want to, I’d love to keep getting to know you and spending time together.”
“I want that, too,” she whispered.
“Then how about a walk on the beach?”
She nodded and smiled. As he led her out of the firehouse, he couldn’t help but
wonder what their conversation meant from Shelby’s point of view. Had they just decided to start dating? If so, he’d better prepare for another visit from Caleb.
Chapter Nine
The firehouse sat on top of a sloping cliff on the edge of the downtown portion of Goose Harbor that ran parallel to the lake. While the town square was closer to the waterline, the fire department had been built up the hill a ways, sitting above the rest of the buildings.
Joel laced his fingers with Shelby’s and led her around the back of the station to a long path of stairs down to the beach. A small forest grew along the sandy cliff side, slowly thinning out closer to the shore. The cold lake breeze brought out the sweet smell of the evergreens. On a slow workday, Joel and the other firefighters would need to trim some of the low hanging limbs on the path.
Shelby grabbed the wooden railing as she ducked under a large branch. “I didn’t realize how steep it was here.”
He squeezed her hand. “I’ve got you.”
“No way. If I fall, you’re going to tumble right along with me.” She laughed.
“EMT, remember? We’ll be fine.”
“Not if I take us both out, which I’m liable to do.”
“Well, if you trip, just push me down first and I’ll pad your fall.”
“I’ll try to keep that in mind.”
As they navigated the narrow flight of stairs, his hip bumped against hers. Joel caught her as she wobbled a bit. “Steady.”
“I’ll be fine as long as you stop shoving me.” She playfully elbowed his side.
How long had it been since Joel had been able to laugh and joke around with someone? Years, if he was being honest. In his last position as a hotshot firefighter, he helped fight raging forest fires. The job had been too stressful for the sort of male bonding that led to teasing and laughter. When staring into the face of a seven-hundred-acre inferno, becoming buddies with the guy next to him had been the last thing on his mind.
Survival. It was a recurring theme in his life, and it had won out over friendship. Anyway, friendship meant talking to people, spilling guts and feelings, and discussing unhealed hurts. Things Joel prided himself on not doing. He hadn’t wanted the other guys to consider him weak, and that was what his past said. Cast-off. Unwanted. No good.
Even before then, when he worked near Indy and Charlie Greave mentored him, their relationship had been serious and purposeful. They’d never gotten together just to shoot the breeze or watch the game. That just hadn’t been the basis of their friendship. Charlie had been a mentor, nothing more, nothing less.
Walking beside Shelby felt different than all his prior relationships, because she made him feel at ease. That was something of a rarity in his life.
He could laugh with her one minute and the next, tell her something that had been weighing on his mind. She usually opened up pretty quickly about what she was thinking. When she didn’t, the emotions on her face were easy to read.
Perhaps it was her compassionate spirit that drew his attention. Whatever the reason, he was thankful. He’d forgotten how freeing it was to smile.
Maybe he’d never known.
At the bottom of the stairs, they both removed their shoes and tucked them under the final step for safe keeping until they returned. Shelby shivered when her bare feet touched the cool sand. Side by side, they started north along the beach. Their feet made the trademark squeaking sound as they walked thanks to the high quartz content in the sand along the shores of Lake Michigan. Joel had been gone almost long enough to forget the sound.
The dim, pink line of sun on the horizon would disappear completely within the next fifteen minutes, but the glow from Goose Harbor provided enough light for them to navigate the beach. He steered her away from the patches of dune grass that grew next to the boardwalk and led her close to the waterline.
“I forgot how big of a temperature drop there is near the water when sun goes down. Do you want my coat?” He shrugged out of the fleece jacket he’d pulled on before they’d left.
Shelby shook her head. “No, thanks. I already have one of your coats hostage back at my place. If I take another, you’ll quickly find you have none left.”
“Are you sure?” He held it out to her. “I wouldn’t mind.”
“Positive. I have on two layers already and long sleeves. I’m fine. I just wasn’t expecting the sand to be so cold already after how warm it was out today.”
Long sleeves again, which worked well for their unplanned stroll, but she had to have been pretty warm while they had been setting up for the pancake breakfast. In fact, he’d noticed since returning to Goose Harbor she always wore long pants and long sleeves. That was her right, but the unexpected warm start to summer made him wonder if Shelby had a reason for wearing what she did.
“I’ve noticed...” Maybe it wasn’t for him to know.
“Yes?”
Joel cleared his throat. “You wear long sleeves all the time. I wondered why.”
Shelby stopped walking and faced the lake’s still water. She crossed her arms and rubbed her hands up and down her arms as if she was cold. The set of her shoulders told him she was upset. She tilted her head so she could look up at the stars. Was she trying to keep from crying?
He fought the urge to put his arms around her. Instead, he stepped so he was beside her and looked out at the lake. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, it’s okay. I just...” She palmed her cheek.
Seeing her cry hurt ten times worse than getting clocked in the jaw would have. He never again wanted to be the cause of her tears. “Forget my big mouth. You don’t have to say anything.”
She sucked in a shuttered breath. “I should tell you. It’ll come out eventually. Foolishly, I just hoped it wouldn’t be so soon.”
Stop her tears, dumb man. He needed to help her by filling in the words so she wouldn’t have to.
“Is it a modesty thing? If so, I think that’s great. Too many women parade around with far too much skin showing.” He was rambling, which wasn’t like him, but he wanted to take away her pain. “Know what? I used to know someone who was allergic to sunlight. He had to wear a hat at all times to shade his face. Is it something medical like that?”
“A mix of both.” She shrugged and started walking again.
Joel fast-stepped to keep up with her pace. He decided to keep his mouth closed.
She stopped again and faced him. “We never talk about you.”
That escalated fast. “We talk about me all the time.”
“Not really.”
“What do you want to know?” Please ask about the fire department. Or Dante. Or motorcycles. Anything but—
“Tell me about your past.”
Buy time.
He swallowed hard as he turned and explored the beach for a stone. A pebble would have to do. Joel scooped it up and launched it into the lake. “Probably because there isn’t much to tell.”
“You know what?” She moved a couple of steps away and then studied him. “This is what Caleb was talking about. He’s right that we don’t know much about the person you are now.”
“What am I supposed to say?” He balled his hands. “Everything that’s happened to me isn’t worth repeating.”
“Trust me,” she whispered. “How come you won’t trust me?”
“Shelby, believe me when I say I’ve known you less than a month and I already trust you more than any other person in my life.”
“Then fill me in. I can only get as close to you as you’ll let me.”
Precisely the problem. Did he want a close relationship like she did? Sure, he enjoyed spending time with her, liked hearing her talk about her life and she made him smile like he hadn’t in a long time. But were those things worth the pain that more than likely would accompany the moment she decided she was done with him? It had never been worth it with any of his foster families. Not one.
Shelby looked like she was going to start crying again, and he’d just promi
sed himself he wouldn’t be the cause of her tears anymore. He needed to say something.
He cleared his throat. It still felt as dry as the brush that started wildfires. Why was this so difficult? “I...I don’t want you to look at me differently.”
“I won’t.”
“You will. Everyone does.” Once people heard about sad little Joel Palermo, they all got the same look: that cartoon-eyes-welling-up-with-tears face, their expressions a clear mix of wondering if they should hug him or step away slowly.
“Maybe we should go back.”
He caught her arm. “Stay. Please.” Joel’s eyes searched hers.
She licked her lips. “Give me a reason to stay.”
Joel automatically leaned closer. The lights from town made Shelby’s pale skin almost glow in the darkness. She was such an amazing woman, and he wanted her to know how much he cherished spending time with her, but he’d never been good with words.
Testing the waters, he let go of her arm and brought his hand to cradle the back of her head. His thumb lightly brushed the soft skin where her neck and jaw met. Shelby tilted her head up, and their noses grazed. Their lips met, softly and for only a few seconds, but that’s all it took to feel as if someone had lit off a firework in Joel’s stomach.
He broke contact with her. What was he doing? She’d just asked for something personal from him. A shared kiss might appease her tonight, but later on when she thought back over the evening, it would appear to be a distraction to throw her off of her original desire—knowing his heart.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” Joel paced away, wondering if her heart was pounding as hard as his.
“You...you didn’t like that?” Shelby tugged at her sleeves.
Joel rushed back to her and clasped both her hands. “I liked it. More than I can say. But you asked me to talk about myself, and I don’t want you to think I kissed you to avoid that. What do you want to know about my past?” As long as she didn’t ask why he left town.
“Whatever you want to share.”
The Fireman's Secret Page 9
