The Fireman's Secret

by Jessica Keller

  Shelby nodded. Poor Caleb had lost his childhood sweetheart to a shooting; Sarah had been mentoring inner-city kids and trying to help them find a better future. But if she had lived, Paige wouldn’t be standing in front of Shelby about to become her sister-in-law. Emotions could be so confusing. Shelby still mourned Sarah and wished Caleb hadn’t had to experience such a loss. But she loved Paige and couldn’t wait to have her in the family.

  Paige laid her hand on Shelby’s arm. “Why did you have to go through such pain and be left with these scars? I can’t answer that for you. I don’t think there is an answer because it wasn’t a punishment, Shelby. All I know is that God grieved with you when you were in pain, and He wants to help heal you.”

  “The doctors say this is as healed as my skin will ever get.” She dashed more tears from her face and looked up to try to get the waterworks to stop.

  “Heal you in here.” Paige tapped where her heart beat. “If you let Him, God wants to remove the scars from there most of all. He wants you to know with certainty that you are loved and you are whole and there is nothing lacking. Because of that, you shouldn’t be afraid to let other people love you.”

  “If that beam hadn’t fallen on me, I probably could have gotten out of the church without any burns. He could have prevented that from happening. All of it.”

  “Sadly, what-ifs don’t solve anything. They just keep us up at night and fill our heads with lies about God. Nobody needs that.” Paige pressed her lips together and then continued, “I might be speaking too boldly right now, but since you’re not stopping me, I’m just going to say it.”

  Shelby shrugged. “You’re fine. This is good stuff to hear. Caleb and the rest of the people who know have always coddled me and said they were sorry. I probably could have used a dose of tough love a long time ago.”

  “There’s someone else who did nothing wrong and didn’t deserve the suffering and intense pain he endured. He, too, questioned why God would make him experience such terrible circumstances, and begged God to take away his pain. I think you know I’m talking about Jesus. He understands your hurt and can handle your questions.”

  Shelby looked to her left and down the cliff toward the beach. Lake Michigan seemed to sparkle as the sun rose closer to the top of the sky. “In all the years I’ve been struggling with this, I never considered Jesus’s suffering. So many people ask ‘Why, God?’ when bad things happen to them, but when it comes down to it, He was probably the only one with the right to ask that question since He never sinned. Even the one man who lived without sin suffered.

  “Thank you, Paige. It doesn’t take away my pain and confusion, but it does help to shift my perspective. I’ve been focusing on me and so worried about hiding from people that I haven’t focused much on God, especially in the last couple of years.”

  “Glad to help. We can talk more about it anytime you want, okay?”

  “Okay, but for now we should probably go help clean up. People are going to wonder where we’ve been.”

  Her future sister-in-law offered her arm and Shelby laughed and linked hers with Paige’s. Hopefully, she didn’t look quite the mess she felt she was, but either way, she whispered a prayer thanking God for bringing Paige into her life.

  * * *

  Joel stood by the front entrance to the firehouse directing traffic as people left the fund-raising event.

  Where was Shelby? He hadn’t spotted her in almost an hour, and the fire station wasn’t a big enough place to lose somebody in. Maybe he’d check the kitchen again after he finished helping people leave safely.

  “Hey, can I talk to you?” He didn’t have to turn around to know the voice belonged to Caleb.

  “I’m kind of busy right now.” And Caleb had showed his true colors when he warned Shelby to stay away from Joel. Had she told her brother about the kiss? If so, then he really didn’t want to talk to Caleb.

  Joel kept his back to his old friend and flagged the next group of cars out onto the main road.

  Caleb stepped into his line of vision. “It’s important.”

  “So is directing traffic so people don’t get into accidents.”

  “Which is why I brought a substitute. Lenny said he’d take over until we’re done talking. He helps direct traffic at all the school’s football games, so I’m sure he can handle this.” The man with Caleb held out his hand to take the flags from Joel. Lenny wore a collared shirt tucked into too-short shorts. Everything about him screamed gym teacher.

  “Fine.” Joel handed over the flags.

  Neither he nor Caleb spoke as they trudged from the building to a spot on the side yard where no one could hear them.

  Joel cleared his throat. “We both know you’re going to tell me to keep away from your sister, so how about we cut our losses and save some time. I won’t stop seeing her.” He started to walk away.

  “In fact, I was planning to say the opposite.”

  Caleb’s admission stopped Joel in his tracks. “Opposite? But Shelby said you told her to steer clear of me.”

  “She told you what I said, huh?” He shuffled his feet and looked at the ground.

  “She did.”

  Caleb pulled off his baseball hat and scrunched it between his hands. “Well, I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

  “It actually helps to know who my friends are and aren’t.”

  “The truth is I’m not just sorry you had to hear that. It’s more. I’m sorry I ever said or thought it. I pulled you aside now because I wanted to ask your forgiveness. No one deserves to be judged for a past they couldn’t control, and I should be the first to know how those things can haunt you.”

  Joel blinked. No one had ever apologized for misjudging him. Ever. He didn’t know how to respond, but it gave him hope. He took a step closer to Caleb so they didn’t have to speak so loudly. “What about the parts of their past they could have controlled?”

  “If we’re going to judge a man, I say let’s judge him based on who he is today and who he’s working toward becoming tomorrow.” Caleb jammed his hat back onto his head. “I was so concerned with not knowing everything about where you’ve been and why you left, that I didn’t pay attention to who you are. Then I talked to Paige last night and watched you today. Joel, you’re eager to help others. Your entire career is focused on serving people in the midst of traumatic situations. I don’t know who you’re striving to be tomorrow, but I trust it’s someone who would hope for the best as far as Shelby’s concerned.”

  A lump formed in Joel’s throat. “I want only good things for her life.”

  Caleb nodded. “If you’ll let me, I’d like to be your friend again. It’s short notice, but I’d be proud if you would stand up in my wedding next Saturday. Paige said to let you know you’re invited to the rehearsal the night before.”

  “I’m on duty this Friday. And I’d have to think about standing up.” Joel rubbed the back of his neck.

  “So no rehearsal. Even if you don’t want to stand up, will you for sure come to the wedding?”

  “I’ll think about it and let you know.”

  Joel finally spotted Shelby, but she was climbing into a car with Paige. He wouldn’t get to talk to her today. Yes, she’d been busy with the event, but after last night, the only thing that made sense was Shelby wasn’t interested in him romantically. If she was, she would have found a reason to stay at the station a little longer or would have at least exchanged a “how are you?” with him at some point during the fund-raiser.

  Perhaps hoping for the best for Shelby meant not including himself in the equation.

  Chapter Eleven

  Shelby stared at the contract in her hands. It might as well have been written in a different language.

  She sighed in frustration. Thankfully, preliminary work on the church had started in the morning. The local gardening center had offered a worker and backhoe as a donation, but that only included general clearing of the land. Tasks that didn’t involve the contractor.

  S
he glanced at the contract again. While she had signed initial paperwork with the contractor, it seemed additions to the contracts were showing up daily. After church yesterday, she had been tempted to fess up to Caleb that she was in over her head, but then she remembered Joel’s offer to help deal with the contractor.

  He had said he’d stop by during a break from work today. However, after ignoring him at the fund-raiser on Saturday, Shelby wasn’t so sure he’d make good on his promise. No calls yesterday and she hadn’t spotted him around town. Although she could have called him and hadn’t.

  The contractor, who simply went by the name Pekin, crossed his arms over his large chest. His face was turned in her direction, but behind the wide sunglasses he wore, she couldn’t tell where he was looking. “Have you about got those papers signed?”

  “I’m still looking them over.” If only she had a desk where she could fan out the inch-thick pile of papers and really read everything. He should have shown these to her at the office. Why had he sprung all this on her now?

  He worked his jaw back and forth. “The church can’t be built without those signed.”

  “I thought I signed everything already?”

  “You signed saying you were going to work with my company. Not the specifics yet.”

  She tapped the top paper. “So these are all the specifics?”

  He shrugged. “Most of them. Some stuff could come up along the way, and we’ll talk then. That’s how construction goes. Often we don’t know until we get started.” He pulled out his phone and walked a few paces away.

  “Just let me look these over a bit more.” She crossed the street to get away from all the dust caused by the backhoe’s digging. She fished her phone from her bag and decided she needed Joel to see the paperwork before she signed anything.

  She punched in a text:

  I need help with the contractor. Are you able to stop by soon?

  Maybe she should have started with saying she was sorry? Or hi. He might choose not to answer if he was angry.

  Her phone pinged a moment later.

  Be there in a few minutes.

  Of course he would be. Since returning, Joel had always been quick to help. She shouldn’t have doubted him. Tension vanished from her shoulders and she walked a block away from the building site. Joel would be able to spot her here and they could talk for a moment without the contractor overhearing.

  Paige was right. Shelby needed to stop ruining relationships before the man involved had a chance to reject her. All that would do was leave her alone. Forever. And she didn’t want that. Scary to consider, but she had to trust that Joel wouldn’t judge her scars. If he did, she’d deal with the hurt then. She needed to stop imagining scenarios before they happened, and she had to open up her heart to the possibility of a long-term relationship with Joel—if she hadn’t ruined everything already. Please don’t let that be true.

  She’d expected the rumble of a motorcycle, but spotted him driving one of the fire department’s red SUVs instead. Right. He was still on duty and needed a fire vehicle in case he had to respond to an emergency.

  He parked the vehicle and climbed out. The crisp white polo he wore boasted the department’s logo embroidered over his heart. His last name was embroidered on the opposite side. Joel’s black pants were pressed and his black work boots shone. Despite his sharp-looking uniform, lines circled Joel’s eyes. His mouth drooped and flat hair spoke of either a sleepless night or a hard shift at work.

  “It begins.” Joel smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

  “Well, it will after I sign all of this.” She wagged the contract at him. “Thanks for coming so quickly.”

  “I told you I would.”

  “If it’s too much trouble, I understand. But if you have a minute, could you look this over for me and give me some advice?”

  He whistled as he eased the paperwork from her hands. “That’s quite a contract. It’ll probably take more than a minute.” Joel motioned for her to follow him to the SUV. He opened the rear and spread some of the pages out in the back of the vehicle. “I’m glad you called me. Listen, don’t ever sign a contract unless you feel comfortable. Contracts always favor the writer, but all builders should be open to negotiations. Let’s see how fair this one is.”

  Shelby laced her fingers together. “I don’t even understand what any of it says.”

  He yanked a page out of the stack. “Like this for example. It says you have to pay a $125 fee and you agree to pay all office and legal fees before any work can start. By signing there, you’re also agreeing that if you refuse to authorize additional changes that the contractor wants, then you will be billed an additional $750—per change. Then here—” Joel pulled another page out of the pile “—it says that if you file a complaint against them with the consumer office or the local police they are allowed to bill you $300.”

  Shelby’s head started to spin with all the numbers. She pressed her temples. “How is that legal?”

  “If you sign it, then you’re saying you’re okay with everything, so that makes it legal.”

  Shelby held up her hands. “Now I’m afraid to sign anything.”

  “Didn’t you already sign something promising to work with this chump?” Joel used his thumb to point at Pekin over his shoulder.

  She nodded.

  “Then we’re stuck working with him because I’m sure that contract reads a lot like this one where you’ll be penalized if you decide to renege.”

  “Have I messed everything up?” She blinked against tears. Maybe she wasn’t capable of handling things by herself. What if Caleb had been right to coddle her all along?

  “No. We’ll just keep a good eye on him.” Joel softened his voice. “But promise me you’ll stop paying him up front for things, okay? Paying ahead of time gives you less leverage to negotiate. We’re going to make him change the contract to include progress payments that are directly linked to completed work. That’ll ensure his men do the work in a timely manner, and he can’t add additional charges later, because they’ll be concerned with getting the agreed-upon amount.”

  She held his gaze. “Thank you for being here.”

  He let out a long breath and ran his hand through his hair. “I told you I’d come if you needed me.”

  “People sometimes say things like that just to be nice.”

  He stepped out of her reach. “When I say something, I mean it.”

  She touched his hand, but just for a second. “You might be the best person I know.”

  “I can assure you I’m not.” He scooped up the papers and pushed them into her hands. “Do you want to talk to him, or should I?”

  “I think it’ll be best if you do all the talking.”

  “Okay, but I know you said you don’t want a man taking over everything for you and overprotecting like Caleb does.” He leaned closer. “I don’t ever want you to feel like I’m doing that to you.”

  “You’re not like Caleb at all. I asked for your help. Being like Caleb would have been barreling into this guy’s office a week ago without my knowledge. Or something like that.”

  He laughed. “Is it all right, then, if I tell the contractor to make me the point person?” Joel locked the back of the SUV. “You’re still in charge and will call all the shots. I’m just afraid if I don’t say that, then he’ll try to pressure you when I’m not around.”

  “That’s fine. I trust you.”

  “Let’s do this, then.”

  Shelby tucked the pages under one arm, then, feeling bold, grabbed hold of Joel’s hand with her free one. His palm was calloused and work-worn. So was Joel—rough around the edges, but strong, steady and comforting. She wouldn’t have had it any other way.

  Joel cleared his throat to get Pekin’s attention.

  The man finished his phone conversation with a few curse words and then turned toward them. Within minutes of Joel laying out the changes he wanted to the contract, Pekin bristled visibly. The man loomed over Joel. He was twi
ce as wide, but Joel didn’t seem intimidated at all.

  Joel pointed to the lot. “For the foundation, will you be using concrete block or poured concrete to full height?”

  Pekin glared at Joel. “She signed in the first contract for the block.”

  “Fine. We’ll have to work with that, then.” Joel moved his jaw back and forth for a minute. “What do you fill the block with?”

  “We don’t. But the mortar we use—”

  “You and I both know that concrete block is hollow and will cause the church’s foundation to shift and crumble within a few years. They’ll spend thousands of dollars fixing the foundation again and again. Mortar isn’t going to stop that, so here are your choices.” He ticked them off using two of his fingers. “You can change the contract at no charge since the work hasn’t started yet to specify poured-in-place concrete, or you’re going to reinforce the blocks with horizontal welded-wire and use vertical steel rods to reinforce them. Then you’ll fill the voids of the block with pea gravel and coarse sand in each row before applying mortar.”

  Wow! Shelby was glad to have Joel around. As she watched the conversation ping-pong between the two men, she wanted to cheer each time Joel got the upper hand. Even so, he looked tired. And although she needed his help, a sense of guilt washed over her for adding more stress to his day. The second he finished talking to Pekin, she’d ask what had caused the bags under his eyes in the past forty-eight hours.

  * * *

  Joel shook hands with the contractor and the man stormed to his truck, slammed the door and drove off. Oh, well. As long as Pekin was going to make the changes to the contract and stop trying to pull one over on Shelby, he could throw as many fits as he wanted. Either way, it looked as though Joel would need to stop by the church building more often than he’d planned. He’d also put in a call to the city building department and let one of the inspectors know to keep a close eye on the church rebuild, as well.