Damaged Heart (A San Diegan Novel Book 3)

by S. M. Soto

  “How is it going so far?”

  “Are you still nervous?”

  “What are you wearing?”

  I turn on Natalia with narrowed eyes. “Seriously? You’re seriously asking what I’m wearing right now?”

  She raises her hands in surrender, shooting Aliza a look for help. “Sorry,” she mumbles.

  “What do you want us to do, Sammy?” Aliza asks, her gaze darting into the living room. Everything seems to be going fine, from where I’m standing. Chase and Luke are taking to Margaret while simultaneously watching the game.

  “Let’s just…let’s just get all the food set up on the table and invite everyone in to eat. Hopefully this doesn’t get any more awkward,” I groan. “I won’t make it through the night.”

  Aliza places her hands on my shoulders and forces me to look her in her cornflower blue eyes. “Remember, no stressing. It’s bad for the baby. And stop worrying, babe. Everything will be fine. Just take a deep breath and act normal. You look like you have a stick up your ass,” she jokes with a smirk.

  Blowing out a breath, I smile. “Thanks, Ohio.”

  After the table is set and our meal is laid out, we call everyone into the kitchen. Everyone fills their plates, settling in at the table. Alex sits at the head of the table with me on his right side, and Margaret on his left. Natalia and Luke filter in beside Margaret while Chase and Aliza settle in next to me.

  “So, Margaret,” Aliza says, taking a sip of her wine. “How was your flight here, and how long are you planning to stay?”

  “The flight was a little packed, but it went well. I’m only staying for one day. Honestly, it was all I could really afford, and my boss is expecting me back.”

  “Are you still at the temp agency?” Natalia chimes in, scooping stuffing and turkey onto her fork.

  Margaret nibbles on a roll before a proud grin spreads across her face.

  “I’ve actually just been hired for a permanent position at Mass Gen. I’m one of seven other rehabilitated drug users hired by the hospital to work as recovery coaches. I finished my rehab with a letter of recommendation. The woman who helped me thought this job would be good for me and for the people who are still struggling.”

  I stare at my mother in complete shock. I knew she received her rehab certificate and was offered a new job somewhere permanently, but I never asked what it was and truthfully, I never thought to ask. Taking a sip of my apple cider, I stare at her over the rim of my glass, seeing her in a new light. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m proud, but I’m…I’m happy for her.

  “Wow. I think that’s wonderful, Margaret,” Chase says. “I lost my mother to addiction, so I think it’s great you want to help other people that are going through a struggle that’s familiar to you.”

  My mother’s face falls a bit. “I’m so sorry to hear about your mother, sweetie. But thank you. This job means a lot to me and my future. I’m very thankful for the opportunity I’ve been given.”

  The conversation flows seamlessly during the rest of dinner. There are no awkward silences or lulls in the conversation, everything just runs smoothly. We all share funny stories from our past, or in CJ and Aliza’s case, news of their engagement.

  I sit back in my seat and smile as I glance at everyone around the table. My heart feels so full, and I couldn’t be any more content.

  “Hey, Sammy, remember that time you kicked Luke in the balls?” Aliza brings up through her fit of laughter. The memory makes me smile devilishly.

  How could I possibly forget?

  “Yeah, I remember that. Very well, I might add. I think I have permanent phantom pain in my balls from the experience,” Luke says, shooting me a glare.

  I lift my shoulders in a careless shrug and glance at Margaret. She stares among us all with a grin on her face.

  “You kicked him in the balls?” she asks, almost like she can’t believe it.

  Natalia, Aliza and I all share a look and bust up laughing.

  “Believe me, Margaret, Sam has done a lot worse than kick Luke in the balls. In her defense, he deserved it.”

  “Babe—” Luke says, shooting a glare at Natalia, but she cuts him off.

  “But that was a long time ago, and we’re all over it. Aren’t we?”

  “I guess,” Luke mumbles.

  “Your daughter is quite the badass,” Aliza says to Margaret, nudging me playfully in my arm.

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Margaret says with a small smile.

  Silence descends around the table as everyone polishes off their drinks and finishes the food on their plates. Once everyone is stuffed on pie, they move from the dining table to the living room.

  I’m just about to get up and follow everyone out of the kitchen when my mother’s arm shoots out, touching my hand.

  “Can we talk?” she asks as she searches my eyes.

  There’s so much hope in those green depths that I nod my head, lowering myself down into the seat next to her. We haven’t talked all that much since she’s been here. I can only hope the conversation isn’t as awkward as it was earlier.

  “So…” I say nervously, rubbing my sweaty hands up and down my thighs.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel nervous, I just wanted a moment with you. Just the two of us. I’m not very good at this, as you can see.”

  I nod my head. “I get it. It’s fine.”

  We shift our gaze from each other to those in the living room, and watch everyone talk animatedly. Natalia and Luke sit cuddled up together on one end of the couch while Aliza and CJ are on the other end, Aliza resting on his lap. Alex is sitting on the La-Z-Boy, darting his gaze toward us every now and again, making sure I’m okay. Catching his eye, I nod at him and give him a smile, letting him know everything is fine.

  “Your friends are lovely,” Margaret says, shifting her gaze to me. “I’m glad you have so many people in your life that care about you.”

  “Yeah,” I say, turning to her with a grin. “They really are great. They’ve sort of become a family to me.”

  “I’d like to hear more about them, if you’d be willing to share.”

  My brows dip into a frown. “You do know you could’ve asked about them over dinner,” I say, raising a single brow in amusement. Margaret smiles and slowly, reaches her palm out to mine in invitation. I pause for a second, unsure if I want to feel that close to her, but in the end, I move my hand into hers and let her hold it.

  “You’re right, I could’ve asked about them over dinner, but I want to hear about them through you. See them through your eyes. That’s how you really get to know a person,” she says quietly.

  “Okay. Well.” I clear my throat. “I’ve known Natalia for about five years now. Even though we’re polar opposites, she became my best friend when I didn’t think I’d ever need one. She’s like the sister I never had. And honestly? I consider her and Aliza my family. As for Luke, well, we haven’t always gotten along. Hence, why I once kicked him in the balls, but I know he loves Natalia and he’d do anything for her. That’s all that matters to me.”

  “I like her. She seems like a really good friend.”

  “She is,” I say with a smile as I stare at Natalia.

  “And what about them?” Margaret asks, gesturing toward CJ and Aliza. “I’ve seen people in love before but those two…it’s like they were meant for each other.”

  I can’t help but grin at her words, because she’s right. When you look at CJ and Aliza, it looks like they were made for each other.

  “Aliza and Chase are a little more…complicated. I’ve known Chase for as long as I’ve known Alex—almost ten years. They’ve always been best friends, even when they were kids. Chase lost his little brother and his family when he was sixteen and it really messed him up. Alex was the one that helped him through his pain. And Aliza, well, she’s just an angel,” I say with a laugh. Margaret chuckles and shifts her gaze to Aliza, watching her from afar.

  “I’ve only known Aliza for a about
two years, but in that time span, she became my best friend and another person I’m glad to call my sister. She’s dealt with a lot of pain in her life, too. She lost her daughter to leukemia, and her family died in a car accident, back in her home town. When I first met her, she was like this broken little bird, but even then, I could tell she had a heart of gold. It was almost like fate brought her to San Diego just so she and Chase could help each other heal. And they did. I’ve never met anyone more in love than those two.”

  “That’s so sad, about her family and daughter. But I’m glad she’s found a way to heal,” my mom whispers. Her sage eyes meet mine and I see the sadness there.

  “I actually asked Aliza to be the baby’s godmother. I couldn’t imagine anyone else.”

  “That’s a beautiful thing you’re doing for her, Samantha.”

  “She deserves it.”

  We sit next to each other in silence. Only this time, it isn’t awkward. Over the course of dinner and during our conversation, I’ve softened toward Margaret. I don’t feel as nervous or anxious when I’m around her. I just feel like I’m getting to know her, the way I should’ve all those years ago.

  “I actually have something I wanted to give you.”

  With furrowed brows, I watch my mom dig in her pocket and pull out a red velvet pouch. I eye it warily, my gaze darting from her to the item in her hand.

  “This used to be my mother’s,” she says, pulling out a dainty silver chain with a small emerald stone in the center. “She gave it to me before she passed away, and I’ve kept it ever since. This necklace is the only thing in my life of monetary value. When times were really tough, I’d hold this necklace and come so close to selling it for cash, but each time, I never went through with it. I couldn’t part with a piece of her.” She blows out a deep breath, swiping the moisture under her eyes. “She wasn’t the best mother, by any means, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love her. I know our family hasn’t had the best track record when it comes to sobriety and starting a family, but I just thought…I just thought that with you, things could be different. You’re so strong, Samantha. Stronger than any of us were, and I just know you’re going to make a great mother. So I wanted you to have this necklace as a reminder of your strength. I don’t expect you to wear it, not if you don’t want to, but I do want you to keep it,” she says with a sniffle as she slips the chain into my hand.

  My heart clenches as I stare down at it. So many emotions are building in my body, that I can’t even pin it down to one. I shut my eyes against the onslaught of tears and close my fist around the necklace.

  When I open my eyes, a tear trails down my cheek. “Thank you,” I whisper to my mother, gripping her hand in mine and squeezing. She gives me a watery smile, her sage green eyes red rimmed.

  “You ladies want any hot cocoa?” Alex asks as he strolls into the kitchen. He stops short when he sees our tears, but I stand up, smiling up at him.

  “That’s perfect. We were just headed into the living room with you guys.”

  I help Alex make a few mugs of hot cocoa to bring into the living room. He rubs his free hand along my back and stares down at me with worry in his eyes.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Never better,” I whisper. And I mean it.

  After a nightcap with everyone, we cleaned up and said our goodbyes, thanking everyone for a great night. Alex and I offered the guest bedroom to Margaret, but she politely declined, saying she already booked a room at a hotel and didn’t want to bother us on our first Thanksgiving night together.

  As I stare out the window in the living room onto our darkened, quiet street, I fiddle with the dainty, silver necklace my mother gave me earlier. I rub my thumb reverently over the cool chain as I think about Margaret and our life, and how far we’ve come. I never thought I’d be here, this happy and content, but I am. I never even thought I’d have my mother back in my life, but I do. And if I’m being honest, I’m happy.

  I feel Alex walk up behind me and without a word, place his arms around my waist, his hands splaying over my belly. He nestles into me, resting his head on my shoulder. I lean back into his warmth, feeling the angles and planes of his body fit against my own so seamlessly.

  “What are you thinking about, beautiful?” he whispers, his lips grazing the shell of my ear.

  Closing my eyes, I inhale his scent and tell him the truth. “I’m thinking about us, about my mom, my whole life.”

  “And?”

  “And I’ve come to the realization that I couldn’t be happier, not even if I tried. I don’t want this to change. Any of it. It all feels so…unreal, like at any second, everything is going to be ripped away from me.”

  Alex’s arms tighten around me. “Nothing will change, my beautiful girl. If anything, it only gets better from here. I’ll make sure of it. I won’t stop until you have everything, and you’re the happiest woman on this earth,” he whispers, pressing his lips to the nape of my neck in a kiss that I feel all the way down to my toes.

  “You already have,” I whisper contentedly, with a smile.

  You know that moment when everything is exactly the way it’s supposed to be? When you find yourself and your entire universe aligning in perfect synchronization, and you couldn’t possibly be any happier? I was inside that moment, and I relished it. I knew I still had demons to fight, but with Alex—this wonderfully beautiful man—I knew it was possible to get through anything. Whether it be the past or the future, I knew we’d be just fine.

  Slowly I rest my hands over his that are splayed across my belly, and smile when I feel our baby kick.

  EPILOGUE

  “Oh, god.”

  Thump.

  “Fuck me.”

  Thump. Thump.

  “Yes, yes, yes.”

  Thump. Thump. Thump.

  “Right there, baby.”

  “Shhhh. If you don’t keep quiet, I won’t let you finish,” Alex growls, in between thrusts.

  I drop my head back against the wall with a hard thud and let out a groan. His hips piston inside me, hitting that spot that makes me see stars. I feel my legs rhythmically slam into the broom, which repeatedly thumps against the wall.

  After heavy petting and hot kisses on the way to the ceremony for Aliza and CJ’s big day, my hormones decided to make an appearance. This pregnancy has made me so much hornier than my last pregnancy, which is incredible, since my first pregnancy I was a fuck-machine. And now, it’s only gotten worse, which is why Alex and I are stuffed away in a small, cramped closet, fucking like bunnies. Again.

  This is the third time today.

  Digging my nails into his back, I suck his bottom lip into my mouth and bite down on it to stifle a scream. He growls in my ear and the sound makes my pussy spasm violently around his thick cock. His lithe fingers continue rubbing circles over my clit, driving me crazy.

  “Fuck me, Alex. Fuck me,” I pant into his mouth as his cock sends delicious shivers down my spine. His grip around my waist tightens and if possible, he fucks me harder.

  “That’s it, baby. Take my cock. All of it,” he growls into my pristinely curled hair.

  Just as we’re on the verge of bliss, the door to the closet is thrust open. Blinding light streams onto us, and I yelp, as Alex hurriedly sets me on my feet and stands in front of me protectively.

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” CJ snarls, with a frustrated look on his face. His hand white-knuckles the door frame as he gives Alex an incredulous look.

  “She’s pregnant, man. Gotta give her what she wants,” Alex says with a shrug, and I can hear the grin in his tone. CJ tilts his head back, staring at the ceiling for strength before turning back to Alex.

  “Ten minutes is all I’m giving you before Natalia comes barreling through here looking for Sam. We’re supposed to be on the beach by four. Wrap it the fuck up, prick.”

  With that, CJ slams the closet door closed, allowing Alex and me to finish what we started.

  With my hand resting o
ver my bulging belly and tears streaming down my face, I watch as my best friend gets married. Aliza is a vision in her white chiffon gown. She looks absolutely radiant as she stands at the makeshift altar on the beach, her blue eyes shining with love and happiness. The tiki torches highlight the golden blond hues in her hair, giving her an iridescent glow. I sob like a baby when CJ kisses her, sealing their fates.

  “No cwy, Mommy.”

  The tiny little voice brings a smile to my face and prompts me to look down at my son, Jethro. His honey eyes glow with worry as he stares up at me with tears on my face. I run my hand over his curly brown hair. He’s the spitting image of his father, and my whole entire heart.

  “It’s okay, baby. Mommy’s happy.”

  He cocks his head to the side and regards me with a bewildered look on his face. It’s the cutest thing ever. With a tiny shrug, he turns back around, focusing on his aunt and uncle, caught in an embrace. I smile up at my best friend as she stands at the altar, so glad she’s made it. Candles and twinkling lights shine on them both, in beautiful golden hues that make my heart sing with joy. I’ve never seen her or Chase any happier than they are today. It’s everything we’ve ever wanted for them—happiness.

  After the beautiful ceremony is over, I zigzag through the tiki torches lining the beach and pull Aliza into my arms. Cupping her beautiful, heart-shaped face in my hands, I can’t help but fawn after her like a mother would her daughter on her wedding day. Her dress is a beautiful white gown that hugs her small body to perfection. The spaghetti straps and open back add sex appeal to her already stunning appearance. With her long hair curled in soft waves, Aliza is a vision.

  “I know I’ve said this at least three times, but you look amazing, Ohio.”

  Tears well in her blue eyes, and her bottom lip quivers. “Stop it. You’re going to make me cry, Sammy.”

  Laughing through my tears, I release her with a peck on the cheek. “CJ is one lucky bastard.”

  Her gaze drifts to her husband, who’s talking with Alex, Luke, and Aliza’s uncle Peter. Admiration and love shine in her blue depths as she stares at him like he hung the moon. It’s obvious, just by her stare alone, how much she loves him.