Paper Wife

by Laila Ibrahim

Mei Ling held up all of her fingers. “Ten minutes? We have to leave in ten minutes?”

  The man nodded and called out, “-- -- --- ---- -- --- -------.”

  Frantically she packed up their clothes and rolled up their bedding. Tears pushed against her eyes as Siew simply watched with a fully awake Bo at her side. She must have heard the conversation. Mei Ling got a piece of paper. She wrote her name, Kai Li’s name, and the word Presbyterian Church on it.

  She sat down close to Siew.

  “Bo and I have to leave now, and they won’t let you come with us,” Mei Ling said gently, working to keep her voice calm.

  “Great Auntie has promised to take care of you until you can be with Suk Suk.” Mei Ling went over the arrangement again. Hopefully Siew would be landed before the older woman.

  Mei Ling pressed the slip of paper into Siew’s hand. “Don’t lose this; use it to find us. You must be the one to look for me, because I don’t know your uncle’s family name or where he lives.”

  Siew nodded. Tears threatened to spill onto her cheeks.

  “I will think of you every day. And Bo will too. You are his hero!”

  Mei Ling bit the inside of her cheek. She sorted through her notebook until she found the page where Siew had drawn a picture of Quan Yin. She tore out the page and offered it with a trembling hand.

  Mei Ling instructed, “You ask Quan Yin for strength. She will help you through anything. I will ask her too—for you.”

  What if this was it—her last time to impart wisdom to this child? She called up the words Mah-ma had drilled into her. The recipe for a good life: “Work hard, be kind, and be humble—and you will live a harmonious life.”

  Siew nodded, but it was too much for a six-year-old to take in.

  “We love you,” Mei Ling said, her Dragon roaring with sorrow and outrage.

  “I love you,” Siew replied.

  “Soon you will be landed, and we will all go to the tower June told us about—and Angel Island will be our view instead of our prison.” She spoke out loud in a quavering voice her most fervent desire, though she feared it was simply a dream.

  Siew nodded. She leaned her body into Mei Ling, wrapped her arms around her waist, and squeezed tight. Mei Ling hugged the girl back, tears burning the back of her eyeballs. She didn’t let go until Siew broke away. Siew patted Bo’s cheek. She bent over him and rubbed her nose against his.

  With a heavy heart Mei Ling slung their bag over one shoulder and took Bo’s hand in one of hers. He held Siew’s hand in his other. Mei Ling pulled him until his hand broke away.

  “Come, Siew. Come,” Bo’s little voice called out as he beckoned her with his hand.

  “Goodbye,” Siew’s small voice said. She lay on the metal cot, alone, watching them go, unshed tears in her glossy brown eyes.

  Mei Ling felt ill at the betrayal of walking away from her.

  CHAPTER 13

  San Francisco

  July 1923

  Mei Ling waved to the barracks as they walked toward the dock but couldn’t see if Siew waved back. She could barely make out the girl’s face shrouded behind the mesh screen.

  “Siew?” Bo asked.

  Mei Ling pointed and then put a false cheer in her voice. “Siew is waving goodbye. Wave back to her before we get on our boat . . . for San Francisco. We’re going to see your Bah-ba.”

  The news that he would be reunited with his father did nothing to change the look of dismay on Bo’s face. They were leaving Siew behind. Mei Ling understood her son’s feelings too well.

  The guard directed Mei Ling to find the trunk she’d been required to store and told her to hurry. All those weeks of waiting and now she had to rush.

  The trunk wasn’t where she left it. Her heart raced at the thought of losing it. The guard commanded her to keep looking. They finally found it in a back corner. She wanted to confirm everything was still in it, but he didn’t give her time. The young man yelled for a porter, who hoisted up their luggage and briskly walked toward the boat. Mei Ling held Bo’s hand and rushed along the long wooden walkway to keep up with the lanky man. He deposited the trunk on the deck for the short ride to San Francisco.

  They were the last to board, and before she got her bearings, the boat pulled away from the island. They barely made it to the railing to wave at the building where she imagined Siew was watching them depart. Mei Ling didn’t want the girl to think she’d been immediately forgotten. Mei Ling had known the day would come when she’d have to separate from Siew. But that knowledge didn’t make it less painful. Help us to find each other again, Mei Ling asked Quan Yin.

  They traveled along the east side of Angel Island, passing the parts she hadn’t yet seen and then the penitentiary on Alcatraz Island. A young man, perhaps a prisoner, perhaps a guard, waved from the dock. She waved back.

  Past the prison island San Francisco came into view. The long stretch of land ended at the Golden Gate, where the bay opened to the Pacific Ocean. Jui Lan had jumped into this water. An image of her head bobbing in the salty waves popped into Mei Ling’s mind. She shook her head to clear it. She didn’t have time to dwell on the girl-woman.

  She looked forward where the port and the Ferry Building came into view.

  “Look, Bo, that is our new home.” Mei Ling pointed to the crush of buildings that covered the side of the hill rising from the bay. She inhaled deeply, taking in the moment.

  “Mah-ma?” Bo asked. Was he asking about her or about his first mother? Mei Ling wondered.

  She reassured him, “Yes. I will be living there with you.”

  He looked satisfied with that answer. “Siew?” he asked.

  “Siew will be living with her uncle. She was only with us for a little while, but soon you will have a little sister to take care of,” she told him, sounding more confident and satisfied with the situation than she felt. Bo looked confused but didn’t ask any more questions.

  In about twenty minutes they were pulling into the dock. Mei Ling searched the shore for Kai Li’s familiar face but didn’t see him. She hoped he’d been notified that they were on their way, but it all happened so fast that it was unlikely he was waiting for them.

  A crowd of people rushed past them to disembark. They stood by their trunk, wishing for a porter, but none came. Worried the boat would leave with them on it, she decided they would have to move it as best as they could.

  “Bo, you push and I will pull. It’s time for us to get off,” she instructed.

  She bent over and Bo did as she asked. She took a deep breath and tugged. Slowly they managed to get their earthly belongings around to the gangplank. The crewman at the top of the ramp barked something in Japanese. Mei Ling shrugged at him. The man yelled, and a porter arrived and carried their trunk to shore. Annoyed by his attitude but glad to be relieved of the burden, Mei Ling and Bo followed close behind. Without ceremony or care he dropped it on the ground, spun around, and abandoned them in the crush of a large crowd.

  Mei Ling grabbed Bo’s hand before he was swept about by the swirl of people.

  “Help me,” she instructed the boy.

  Together they pushed the trunk through the dirt to the edge of the crowd. Panting, she lowered herself onto the trunk and pulled Bo close next to her. She trusted that Kai Li would find them after he was finished with work for the day if they simply held still.

  A stranger walked up to her, a Chinese man, and asked her in Cantonese, “Ride? Best ride in town. Very cheap!” He started to lift up the trunk even though they were still sitting on it.

  “No. My husband will be here soon,” she rebuffed him forcefully, hoping she sounded confident.

  The man shrugged and walked away. Twice more, men offered them transportation, but she refused. Mei Ling and Bo sat, watching the boat load up with the goods and people that would soon be departing San Francisco. She thought about the cycle of the journey. For her it was an extraordinary experience, but for the crew it was their life. Eventually they were nearly alone on the large
dock.

  “Pee?” Bo said.

  “You must be patient and wait until your Bah-ba comes,” Mei Ling said, though her own patience was nearly gone.

  Bo nodded.

  “Thirsty,” Bo declared.

  “Me too. Bah-ba will be here soon. We can eat and use the bathroom then.”

  Bo nodded, but his eyebrows furrowed. Mei Ling patted his leg in reassurance, though she was wary too. With the clock tower declaring the time, she was fully aware that more than an hour had passed. What if Kai Li didn’t know to come for them? She tried to remember the address she had given to her family. Brooklyn was the street, but Mei Ling could not recall her own address number, and the drivers had disappeared along with the crowd. Taking out a gold coin in public would be foolish. Waiting was still their best option for now, but if her husband hadn’t arrived by the time the sun started to set, she would take a taxi ride to the church. Perhaps there would be assistance there.

  “Peed,” Bo said, his voice full of sorrow. Mei Ling looked him over. Sure enough, there was a damp spot between his legs.

  Shame welled up in her. She bit her lip and took a breath.

  “It’s okay, Bo. We’ll get you dry pants soon,” she said, though she knew she was at the mercy of fate.

  “I’m here.” Kai Li was suddenly at her side. He had a sheepish grin on his face and bowed in greeting. Relief surged past Mei Ling’s annoyance.

  “Come.” Kai Li picked up their trunk and led them to a waiting rickshaw.

  They traveled for only a short time along the waterfront of the Embarcadero and then turned left onto a steep cobblestone street. Kai Li jumped out and helped push the rickshaw up the sloping hill. A few blocks from the shore Mei Ling felt as if she were in China again. The buildings rose up three and four stories, designed and painted just as they were in Guangzhou. Signs in Cantonese declared meat, produce, herbs, and fabric. Men roasted nuts and sold them to passersby. Merchants hawked goods. They turned too many times for Mei Ling to track the names of the streets and finally stopped halfway down a little alley.

  Kai Li paid the driver and lifted the trunk. Mei Ling’s hopes for her new home sank as they climbed up the dimly lit steps. The floor was covered with dirty, cracked tiles, and paint peeled on the walls. The building was so old that the damp smell made her nauseous. She breathed through her mouth to avoid the stench, but it was only marginally helpful.

  On the fourth floor, Kai Li stopped at a beat-up wooden door. He opened it to reveal a space containing a bed, a table, and a kitchen—like their room in Hong Kong. This wasn’t what she dreamed of. She felt him studying her reaction, but she was tired and hungry, too upset to put on a good face.

  Mei Ling unpacked in a brooding silence. Tension built in the room until she felt like she might explode and reveal her Dragon nature. Bo watched without making any demands, not speaking to either her or Kai Li. Did he even remember this man? Was Kai Li going to say nothing to them about leaving them waiting for hours?

  “Pee?” Bo asked meekly, breaking Mei Ling’s ruminations.

  She remembered that Bo needed a clean pair of pants. She pulled some out and gestured him over. He looked fearful as he walked toward her. Mei Ling closed her eyes and took a deep breath, searching for the calm stillness to tame her raging Dragon.

  Food. Though she felt nauseous, she needed something to eat. She went to the tiny kitchenette and to her surprise, she found cooking for the first time in months soothing. By the time she put the food on the little table, she felt as if she had returned to equanimity.

  Mei Ling served her husband, searching his face for a reaction. He smiled, but she was aware the food wasn’t very tasty. She didn’t know how to use the sauces in this well-stocked kitchen, though she hoped she might learn to eventually.

  After they all ate but before they left the table, Kai Li finally spoke. “I’m glad you were landed. Did you have to wait for long?”

  Wanting harmony in their meager home, Mei Ling considered what to say. “Not too long, thank you. We are glad to be here as well. Right, Bo?”

  Bo nodded.

  “I don’t think he remembers me,” Kai Li said, sounding resigned.

  “It has been more than two months since he saw a glimpse of you. In time he will be asking you to tell him stories,” she replied.

  “Siew stories,” Bo said.

  The girl’s name cut a painful slice into her heart. She replied, “You liked Siew’s stories, didn’t you?”

  “The little girl from the boat?” Kai Li asked.

  “She was with us in the barracks. She cared for Bo as a little brother. He misses her,” Mei Ling said. Then she spoke as she would to her sister: “We both do.”

  Longing for news of her family welled up.

  “Husband, have you retrieved any letters from my family?” she asked.

  Kai Li’s eyes widened in alarm. A sudden, nauseating realization flooded Mei Ling.

  “You cannot read, can you?” she asked.

  Kai Li shook his head.

  “Nor write?”

  He shook his head again.

  “You paid someone to pen the notes you sent me on the island?” she questioned, trying to keep the accusation out of her voice but not succeeding.

  He nodded.

  Her Dragon woke up, causing her to blurt out her accusation: “You aren’t a merchant, are you?!”

  Humiliation and fear covering his face, he bowed his head in shame.

  Her Dragon roared so fiercely she had difficulty remaining in her seat. All those weeks on the boat and the island she got strength from imagining a beautiful home, not a dingy hovel.

  “Husband, may I take a walk outside? By myself?” she asked through a tight jaw.

  He looked up at her, fear in his eyes, maybe a hint of anger. Then he gave one sharp nod in agreement.

  Mei Ling stormed out of the room, working to hide her overwhelming feelings of sorrow and anger. She made her way down the stairs to the alleyway. There wasn’t anything growing. The crush of buildings closed in on her. She studied the signs at the corner of Stockton and Sacramento Streets, committing the names to her memory so she could find her way back. Turning onto Stockton, she walked up a steep hill, searching for greenery and open space. Did no one grow anything in this city? At the crest she looked through the crowded buildings and caught a glimpse of the bay, the same body of water that had imprisoned her on Angel Island.

  She longed with a ferocious desire to be back in the barracks with Siew. At least there she still had the dream of a beautiful home waiting for her to give her strength and hope. But now she was awake in this reality.

  She was living in a small tenement room with two, and soon three, people. Her husband was illiterate, probably a laborer, as she and her children would now be too. Her parents’ investment in her future had come to nothing.

  Mei Ling leaned against a brick wall. People rushed by, ignoring her. She sank into a squat, the still-warm brick radiating heat against her back, tears pushing out of the corners of her eyes. She bit her lip, but it did nothing to chase away her sorrow. Alone for the first time in months, she released her pent-up emotion in this public place. The tears flowed and flowed.

  When her eyes ran dry, she stood up. A sliver of a new moon was cresting over the building to the east. Was it coming from China or going there? Both, she realized.

  She felt a blessing from her Ahma radiating down in the moonlight. She breathed it in. Then she sent her blessing back up to the moon to shine down on her family when it traveled around to the other side of the world. She felt the grace of connection across the miles and months.

  Mei Ling inhaled deeply, feeling the moist fog enter into her lungs. I will be strong. I will create harmony. She wiped her eyes and released her jaw, putting on a serene face before she walked back to the miserable dwelling that was her only home.

  CHAPTER 14

  San Francisco

  July 1923

  When she returned she didn’t de
mand an explanation, but Kai Li was ready to give her one. He invited her to sit across from him at the rickety table in their one-room home.

  His expression fluctuating between shame and self-righteousness, Kai Li confessed, “Wife, as you have realized, I’m not a merchant. I work as a domestic servant in a grand house on Nob Hill.”

  Mei Ling forced herself to look calm and nod slowly, encouraging him to reveal more.

  Kai Li continued, “For generations, Gam Saan Haak labored in the United States and only visited family in China. But the US government is making that arrangement impossible.

  “The laws here are growing ever tighter. Before the gate closed all together, I paid one thousand dollars for papers that say I’m owner of the Western Produce Company in Oakland. Posing as a merchant was the only way for me to secure a visa for Wong Lew She and for Bo.”

  He looked at her. “For you.”

  Kai Li looked back at the ground and explained, “I did not have one thousand dollars, or all of the money for our tickets, so I borrowed the balance before it was too late. The funeral and the matchmaker have increased our obligation. We will not always live in such conditions. The debt will be paid off in four or five years, and we will move to a larger home.”

  Our obligation. Mei Ling kept her face calm as she listened. She nodded as if she understood while her chest exploded in outrage, and she swallowed back a rising nausea.

  All the facts from the matchmaker could be lies. She didn’t know what was true about the man her life depended upon. She wanted to know more but didn’t want to open the door that would invite him to question her and cause her to lie to her husband, further eroding her own integrity.

  He wasn’t the only deceitful partner in this marriage. At the matchmaker’s advice Mei Ling had lied to him. Kai Li professed to be a merchant in order to get a visa and appear as a suitable match for Jah Jeh. Mei Ling was presenting herself to him as Jah Jeh, a Rabbit, and as a Christian.

  She was hiding her Dragon and her faith. They had each acted in bad character, and as a consequence she had a life without integrity.