Finding Forever (Meet the McIntyres Book 5)

by Rebecca Barber

  Zoe had rambled for forty minutes without taking a breath. It was like every thought that popped into her head spewed from her mouth. She was arguing, but it wasn’t with me, it was herself. I could barely keep up. Somehow, even through her thought process, I’d managed to shoo her out the door and get her in the car. Now we were headed back to my place.

  “So, what do you think?”

  “Think? About what?”

  “Were you even listening?” Forcing my eyes from the road, I snapped my neck around and looked at her. Expecting her to be mad at me, I was surprised to see her smiling widely.

  “I-I was. Well, I was trying to.”

  “What do you mean, trying to?”

  “Keeping up isn’t easy.”

  “What are you imply—” Before she could get her whole question out, a thump interrupted us. “What the hell was that?”

  Pulling the car to a halt on the side of the gravel road, I turned and checked both Lachlan and Zoe were okay. Thankfully Lachlan hadn’t even woken. Risking a glance in the rear-view mirror, I wasn’t surprised by what I saw. It wasn’t the first time I’d had a run in with a kangaroo along this stretch of road, and I doubted it’d be the last. I just hoped it hadn’t done too much damage this time. Last collision had resulted in a couple of grand worth of bodywork and a new coat of paint.

  “Just a kangaroo. Stay here. I’m just going to see how much damage it’s done.”

  As I went to jump out, Zoe grabbed my hand, stalling me. “Can you check on the kangaroo too?”

  “Yeah.”

  Although I was more worried about the damage to my car, I wasn’t a complete monster. I wouldn’t let an injured animal suffer. After a quick check, there was a crack in the headlight and a tuft of fur on the bumper, but all in all I’d come out of this little accident okay.

  Heading over to the kangaroo, I noticed it hadn’t been as lucky. One of its legs was bent at an odd angle and blood was dripping from its nose. After a few weak breaths, its heaving chest stopped. This was the part I hated the most. Dragging the animal from the road so it didn’t end up splattered everywhere. Picking it up, I felt like shit. It wasn’t even fully grown. After I got it down the ditch, I set it in the long grass.

  “You all right, Connor?” Zoe called out from where she was standing on the side of the road, her hands on her hips, oversized sunglasses masking her eyes, and the wind tossing her hair around.

  “Yep.” Wiping my hands on my butt, I went to walk away, but something moved and caught my attention. “What the—?”

  “What is it?”

  “Hang on a second.” I didn’t want it to be what I thought it was. Rolling the dead roo over, I spied the joey still in its pouch. The tiny thing wouldn’t survive long out here. “Zoe, can you grab a blanket from the car?”

  “Why? What’s wrong?” She wasn’t panicking yet, but she wasn’t far off.

  “There’s a joey. We need to get it out and back to the house. I’ll call Gage and he can take care of it.” There was definitely an upside to having a brother who was the town vet.

  Getting the scared little guy out of his mother’s pouch wasn’t easy, but by the time Zoe slipped down the ditch on her butt, with a blanket in her hands, I had him out. He was so tiny I wasn’t convinced he’d make it, but I had to at least try. It wouldn’t be long before the crows would find the carcass and start feasting. Between us, we got him wrapped up and back in the car heading for home.

  “My phone’s in the console. Do you mind dialling Gage for me?”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah. Passcode is one two three four.”

  “Seriously?”

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  It went to voicemail and I left him a message to call me back. I guess until he did I was the proud guardian of a baby joey. Great! One look at Zoe sitting beside me on the front seat nursing the tiny thing, and despite the cracked headlight and one hell of a set of blue balls, today had still been one of the best days I’d had in a long time.

  “You coming inside?” I asked, my voice shaking as I waited for her answer.

  “You want me to?” It bugged me that she was even questioning it.

  “No. I want you both to. You and Lachlan.”

  “Okay.”

  “Did you want to bring that little guy in and I’ll grab Lachlan?” Zoe didn’t answer, instead she slid from the car and headed inside, leaving me and Lachlan still sitting there. I may or may not have watched her ass bounce up the front steps, but there was no proof of anything.

  Hours passed, and somehow, I have absolutely no idea how I’d managed it, but Zoe was still here. We’d eaten, Lachlan had thrown up, covering both of us, and now Zoe was sitting on the veranda in my t-shirt while Lachlan slept in the centre of my bed surrounded by pillows. I was still on edge. Listening for any murmur. Zoe seemed almost relaxed and unfazed, while I paced back and forth along the floorboards, hoping to god we’d used enough pillows to keep him from tumbling to the floor.

  “I’m just going to go check on…”

  “Connor, leave him. He’s fine.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I do.” Zoe’s confidence halted me where I stood, the door half open. Maybe it was her mother’s intuition or some other spooky connection I’d never understand, but I believed her. Shutting the door as quietly as I could, I walked over and leant back against the railing.

  “So, do you think you’re going to open the diner again?”

  As she gnawed on her fingernail, I wanted to tug it out of her mouth and steady her hands. It was a nervous habit of hers. I’d seen it enough times to recognise it. I didn’t like that even though it was just the two of us out here, she was resorting to chewing. “Part of me wants to.”

  “Why do I feel a but coming?”

  “Because it is. I do want to open the doors again and see what I can do, but I don’t want to miss out on Lachlan growing up. He’s the most important thing in my world. He’s all I’ve got. He has to be a priority.”

  Although her comment stung, I wasn’t about to push. Today had been exhausting and terrifying on so many levels, the fact that Zoe was still here, that she hadn’t run screaming from me was a miracle. I wasn’t about to fuck that up. “Couldn’t you do both?”

  “Honestly? I’m not sure.”

  “Isn’t that what your parents did? Spent time with you and kept it open?” In all the time I’d spent hanging out with Zoe, I don’t think she’d ever spoken about her family. Or if she had, it’d been a fleeting comment.

  “Yeah. They tried to.”

  “You turned out okay, I guess.”

  “Gee, thanks.” Zoe poked her tongue out and I let out the breath I was holding. I was praying she’d take my comments the way they’d been intended. “Nah, it wasn’t all bad.”

  “And here comes another but…”

  “But happy now?”

  “Extremely. Now, what’s the but this time?”

  “But there were two of them. Lachlan only has me. I can’t let him down.”

  Damn it, Zoe was frustrating. Did she ever give herself enough credit? She was convinced she was going to fuck up and let him down. She never could. She never would. Zoe was so stubborn the last thing she’d ever let herself do was fail.

  “You won’t, Zoe.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I know you. You’d never do that. You’d give up everything you have for that boy. And for what it’s worth, he’s the luckiest damn kid in the world. At some point though, you’re going to have to be Zoe again.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” She swiped away the tear and any trace of sadness was replaced with fury instantly. Folding her arms over her boobs, I watched as she prepared for a fight. Obviously, I’d struck a nerve. A very raw, very exposed nerve.

  “Whoa! Calm down! I didn’t mean it like that! Geez, bite my head off, why don’t you?” Sometimes even I was surprised by my own stupidity. “All I
meant was, you’re not just a mum. Yep, you are a mother, and no one doubts that you’re doing a kick ass job of it, but there’s more to you than that. You need to find a way to balance what Lachlan wants and needs with what you want.” I was tripping over my words, and getting more and more frustrated. I wished I could just keep my big mouth shut for a minute. Otherwise I was just digging my own grave.

  Untangling her hair from the ponytail, Zoe remained silent as she tugged and twisted her hair into a ball on the top of her head. Holly did the same thing when she needed to buy herself some time before she reacted. With a huff, Zoe tucked her feet up under her ass and I found myself sinking into the seat beside her. Without looking at me, she replied, “I get what you’re saying. It’s just not that easy.”

  Grabbing her hand, I held her small palm between mine. Where my fingers were calloused, and the dirt permanent in the deep cracks, hers was smooth and clean. “I’m not saying it is. Give yourself some time. You’ll figure it out.”

  “You seem sure about that.”

  “I have no doubts. And if you need help, all you have to do is ask.” Dread flooded me as she pulled her hand away and untucked her feet, putting distance between us. Biting the inside of my cheek, I tried to keep quiet and not say something stupid. I’d exhausted my supply of stupid for the day.

  Zoe found her feet before sitting down again right up against me. She curled up almost in my lap without a word, and for the first time, I knew exactly what I was supposed to say. Absolutely nothing.

  Twenty minutes later, everything was silent except for Zoe’s chainsaw snoring as I tangled my fingers in the stray stands of her hair. Sleeping with Zoe again was high on my bucket list, but this wasn’t what I had in mind. Closing my eyes, I just enjoyed the moment.

  My eyes sprung open as the mud-covered Land Cruiser bumped down the driveway. Zoe’s snoring had softened, but she was completely out of it. I found myself wondering when the last night she’d had a good night’s sleep was. It couldn’t be easy being a single mum. No one around to share the load. To alternate the early morning wake up calls and stinky nappies with. Even if Zoe couldn’t see it, she was a fucking superhero. Lachlan was a lucky little boy.

  Gage pulled up to a stop and both he and Carly climbed out. Putting my finger to my lips, I shushed them as they made their way towards us. Wriggling out from under Zoe’s head, I grabbed the cushion and put it where my leg had been. She mumbled something but stayed asleep. Without a word, I led them inside.

  “Hi. You here to check on the joey?”

  “Yeah. But now I have many, many questions.”

  “Well, joey is in a box in the laundry. I’ve got to go check on Lachlan.” And like that I found a benefit of kids. They were the perfect get of jail card. Instead of having to face the interrogation, I went upstairs and found Lachlan wide awake, kicking and chatting.

  “There’s the little man!” I picked him up and the stench almost dropped me to my knees. “Whoa! That’s nasty, Lachlan. You’re going to make me clean that up, aren’t you?” The little shit, who was ironically covered in shit, laughed at me like I was the funniest person in the world. Holding him out in front of me like he was toxic, I carried him downstairs. Looks like someone was having a bath in the laundry tub.

  When he was stripped off and splashing everywhere, Carly appeared beside me, scaring the crap out of me. “You’re a natural.”

  “Nah. I’ve got no idea what I’m doing.”

  “Doesn’t look like it. You’re kicking ass.”

  “Can you grab me a towel?”

  Carly laughed loudly. Glad I was amusing someone. “How’d you forget the towel if you were going to give him a bath?”

  “Because I was dealing with a really shitty situation.” I pointed at the pile of dirty clothes on the floor. Somehow, it’d gone everywhere. Neither his singlet, nor his socks, nor his pants, not even his shirt had escaped the explosion.

  After grabbing a towel, Carly was back to taunting me. When I asked when she was going to make me an uncle, she shut up quick and changed the subject.

  “How long has Zoe been asleep?”

  “Not long. Maybe forty-five minutes.”

  “I just put a blanket over her,” a deep voice behind me caught me off guard and I almost dropped Lachlan in the water.

  “Gage! You asshole. You scared the crap out me.”

  “Yeah, smells like it. It stinks in here.” Carly, like the saint she was, picked up Lachlan’s soiled clothes and stuffed them in a plastic bag.

  Taking Lachlan from the water, now he was clean and didn’t smell, he cried. Wrapping him in the towel, I hugged him close as I carried him into the lounge room. I may have nailed the stripping him off and giving him a bath, but getting that nappy back on, that was my biggest challenge yet. I’d already wrecked the first one. I’d tried those sticky strips so many times they were no longer sticky, so I’d tossed it away and started again.

  “Need a hand?” I looked up and came face to face with a smug, yet sleepy Zoe. Although she looked a little better, exhaustion was still there. The caveman part of me wanted to march her up the stairs and tuck her into my bed and let her sleep right through to morning, but I liked my balls too much to even suggest it.

  “How do these things work?”

  “Let me show you.” Zoe took the nappy from my hands and sunk to her knees. In my jeans my dick twitched as it remembered the last time she was in this position. Now wasn’t the time to be sporting wood. “Hey, my little man. How come you’re all clean?” Even though she wasn’t talking to me, it wasn’t like Lachlan could answer. Instead he offered her a gummy grin.

  “Because when I woke up I had shit from my ears to my toes.”

  “Again?”

  “This has happened before?”

  “At least once a week.”

  “That’s disgusting.”

  “You have no idea. Wait until it’s all through his sheets, the mattress protector, and the mattress.” Zoe smiled as she deftly fastened the nappy, leaving me feeling inadequate.

  While Zoe dressed him, I sank back on the couch and watched. This was what it would look like to have a family. It was a team approach. I could do this. When Gage handed me a beer and sunk down beside me, he caught me staring at Zoe and asked me a question with a look. That was the issue with family. Words weren’t always needed. Shaking him off, thankfully he didn’t push and remained quiet. The moment Zoe finished dressing Lachlan, Carly had her arms out begging for a cuddle. Without hesitating, Zoe handed him over and bounded up the stairs. Damn, she looked like she belonged here. If only I could convince her of that.

  “You good if I take the joey home with me?”

  “Yeah. I just couldn’t leave him out there. He going to make it?”

  “He should. He’s just small.”

  Zoe reappeared, and she’d been raiding my wardrobe again. This time she’d dug out an old jumper and pulled it on. Even though it swallowed her and had more than one hole in it, she’d never been hotter. I found myself wondering what it’d be like to peel her out of it.

  “You right with him, Carly?”

  “Um, yeah. You’re not getting him back.”

  “Okay then.” Zoe looked around uncomfortably. She looked like she didn’t know where to look or what to do. I couldn’t stand it. Grabbing her by her wrist, I dragged her into my lap and settled her there. Even though she had a bony ass, there was no way I was letting her up.

  It took a while, longer than it should have for her to get comfortable and join the conversation, but when she did, she simply fit in. It was like she belonged there. Thanks to Carly’s impressive powers of persuasion, she’d convinced Zoe to stay for dinner. After a few too many chicken wings, salad, and the most buttery delicious garlic bread I’d ever tasted, Zoe was gathering her things, ready to head off. As much as I wanted her to stay for the night, for the week, for the month, or even forever, I couldn’t push her.

  Carrying Lachlan’s capsule to her car, I settled h
im in and handed him a stuffed monkey, only to be rewarded with a gooey raspberry. Zoe stuffed his bag on the floor before shutting the door and turning to face me.

  “Thanks, Connor. For everything. Today was…amazing.”

  “It was. We should do it again.”

  “We should?”

  I was frustrated. Why was it so hard for her to believe that I wasn’t ready to say goodbye? Sick of words, I pushed her against the car door and slammed my mouth over hers. It was the only way I could stop the stupidity from dripping from her mouth.

  Licking the seam of her lips, she opened for me with a whimper, and I wasn’t wasting an opportunity to taste her. Who knows, it could be my last chance. Grinding my straining erection against her, she was lucky at this point I didn’t throw her over my shoulder and carry her upstairs.

  “Stop! Stop! Connor, stop!” she panted, pushing me away with her hand on the centre of my chest. I could feel the warmth from her hand seeping through my shirt. As she gasped for air, I took in the sight in front of me. She was stunning. With her bee-stung lips, and still wearing my clothes, I’d never wanted something as much as I wanted her.

  Backing away from her, she took hold of my wrist and didn’t let me leave. “Connor, we need to breathe.”

  “Or…”

  “No. Not or. I need…I need to go.”

  “Can I call you tomorrow?” I asked like the needy little bitch I was.

  I think the minx did it to completely fuck with my head, but instead of answering, she kissed my cheek so softly that I barely felt it before climbing in the car and starting the engine. Flicking the lights on, she wound down the window. “Thanks, Connor. I’ll talk to you soon.” And with that, she was gone. Frustrated didn’t even begin to describe it as I stomped up the stairs and headed inside.

  After cleaning up the kitchen, and tossing a load of laundry in the machine, I was ready for bed. Flicking off the lights, I trudged up the stairs, stripped off, and slid under the blankets. It was a cool night, and any normal person would have shut the window instead of piling on more blankets. Not me, though. I liked the weight of three doonas covering me, protecting me, so I needed the room cold, so I didn’t overheat. I was weird, but I knew it and accepted it, so whatever.