“Well, I had a lot of visitors. And I mean a lot. Some told me how stupid I was, others brought chocolate and wine. They were my favourite.”
“I’ll bet.”
“Anyway, I met with a real estate agent and Jenna’s house is on the market.”
“You’re selling it?”
“I never planned on staying in that house forever.”
“Why?”
“Too many ghosts. And you can’t outrun a ghost.”
“You can’t compete with them either.”
“I’m not asking you to.” That grabbed his attention. Connor froze where he was and looked at me. And I mean really looked at me. Like he was weighing my words. I was grateful for the pause because I needed to get this out. “When I first came back all those years ago, Spencer saved me.”
“And we’re back to Spencer. Great!” The sarcasm dripped from his words, and frankly, it pissed me off.
Instead of picking the fight that I was dying to do, I ignored his taunt and continued. Hopefully he’d figure out what a jackass he’d been all on his own. “As I was saying, Spencer saved me. Not only that day, but he saved me from me. When I left after he’d proposed,” I reached for the ring that had hung on a chain around my neck for all those years. The ring that only this morning I’d taken off and tucked away in my jewellery box. I’d never wear it again, but there was no way in hell I was letting it go, either. I couldn’t. “I needed to get out of here and forget. Everyone and everything that this town represented was a trap. I didn’t want to be one of those small town, small-minded people who didn’t know there was more to life than this.”
“Is this life really so bad?”
“That’s the thing. It’s not. I just couldn’t see it. Not at eighteen, anyway.”
“I get it. So, what’s changed?”
“Me. I’ve changed. Everything changed. I buried the love of my life. And somehow, I survived. I have an amazing best friend who helped me when I didn’t want to be helped and made me see it was okay. Then I lost Jenna. And you know what, losing her was even harder than saying goodbye to Spencer. Watching her fade away, then not being there, that sucked.” I paused to take a breath.
I’d rehearsed this so many times in my head that I knew what I said next was going to be the hardest for me to admit. I hadn’t even told Derek. I didn’t want to. I wanted Connor to be the one I shared this with. No matter what happened, no matter how he reacted, I wanted it to be him.
“When I read the note Jenna left me, she’d included a letter from Kane.”
“Kane? As in Spencer’s twin brother? As in the guy who attacked you? The one who’s in jail?”
“Yes. That Kane.”
“What the fuck did he have to say?”
Seeing the anger starting to appear on Connor’s face had me reaching out and taking Lachlan back. Even though in my heart I knew the last thing Connor would ever do is hurt him, I needed a snuggle.
“He apologised first. For everything. For what he did to me. To Spencer. He explained that he’d been using for a long time, and when I came back, everything spiralled out of control.”
“So, he blamed you?” Connor seethed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“No! Not at all. In fact, quite the opposite. He told me he was sorry, and if he could, he’d do anything to bring Spencer back. That he wished it was him who was gone, and Spencer was still here.”
“Do you agree?”
“Agree with what? Do I wish Spencer was still here? Absolutely. No one should ever die the way he did. He was too young. Had too much to do…”
“And you love him.”
There was no point lying now. Today was about nothing if it wasn’t about honesty. “Yeah, I do. And I always will. But I also know that he’s gone. No amount of wishing can change that. So, I have to move on. And I am.
“Kane assured me that when he gets out, he’s not coming back here. He knows Jenna left a bank account in his name, and he wanted me to know that if he’s paroled, he’s going to take that money and start a new life somewhere else. He wants me to be happy and he knows that to do that, I need to be at home.”
“Oh. How generous of him.”
“Don’t be like that. It’s one less worry bouncing around in my head constantly. You should probably also know he asked me to forgive him too.”
“You’re not going to, are you?” Connor seemed genuinely stunned at the idea.
“I already have. I needed to. Not for him. For me. If I’m going to move on with my life, and I really, really want to, I need to let it all go. Forgiving him is a part of that. I hope you understand.”
“Garr. I don’t like it…”
“But…”
“But I understand.”
Pulling up my big girl panties, I braced myself. If I thought for a second talking about Spencer and Kane had been hard, then I had rocks in my head. “So, I’m staying. I’ve named the diner ‘McLaren’s.’ And I know you don’t like it, but I had to. Spencer and Jenna were my family. And they’re gone. I’ll never forget them, and I’ll never stop loving them, but I have to be grateful to them. And if you want me to stay, then you need to be thankful to them as well.”
“How do you figure?”
“Because they brought me home.”
“Oh.”
“And you’re the one keeping me here.”
Without saying anything, Connor hugged me in one of those tight hugs that made me feel everything I ever wanted to feel. Loved. Special. Safe. I wanted to stay wrapped in his arms. Sadly, it seemed, the people I loved the most, didn’t appreciate the situation.
“Are you two coming inside and joining us? Or are you going to stay out here and roll around in the dirt?” I buried my head against Connor’s shoulder. Lachlan gurgled, and Connor laughed.
“Do we have to?”
“You organised this.”
“Yeah, I did, didn’t I? Idiot!”
“Come on.”
Connor took Lachlan from my arms and I wriggled off the table. Grabbing Lachlan’s bag, I swung it over my shoulder before accepting Connor’s outstretched hand. Derek and Ryan were standing at the front door looking way too smug for my liking.
Walking towards them, Lachlan in Connor’s strong, safe arms, and his fingers tangled with mine, I couldn’t help but to feel happy. Everything was out in the open. There were no more secrets. But it was more than that. As we made our way over—Connor talking rubbish to Lachlan, earning him a garbled laugh—I couldn’t help but to get ahead of myself. This, right here, this is what I wanted all along. A family. Someone to make me laugh and hold me when I cried. When I’d lost Spencer, I gave up on the idea I’d ever get it. Maybe I didn’t deserve a happily ever after. Maybe I had my chance and I fucked it all up. Seemed like something I’d do. But as we got closer and I could see the genuine smile on Derek’s face and feel the warmth of Connor’s as he brushed against me, I thought, just for a moment, that maybe, just maybe I’d get a second chance.
We reached them, and Ryan, like the greedy, needy guy he was, swooped in and grabbed Lachlan before carrying him through the door like a trophy.
“Can I borrow you for a second, Zoe?” Derek asked as we halted in front of him.
Before I could answer, Connor dropped my hand. Instantly I missed the contact. He pressed a light kiss to my forehead and bounced up the stairs. “I’ll meet you in there. I’m going to go check out what you’ve done with the place.”
His words sunk me. What if he hated everything I’d done? What if I’d ruined all the hard work he’d put in? Did I pick the right plates? What if he hates the menus? As my mind took flight, I hunched over, my hands on my thighs, sucking in deep breaths.
“Stop!” Derek used his cop voice. The one that suggested to people arguing was not their smartest course of action. Even though I knew exactly what he was doing, I wasn’t as immune to it as I wish I was.
“W-what?” I spluttered out between laboured breaths.
“Freaking ou
t. I know you’re doing it.”
“Am not!” I so was. Shit!
“Liar. Up until the moment Connor stepped foot on the stairs, it was the happiest I’ve seen you in years. You might think I didn’t see all those pretend smiles and half-assed laughs, but in the last couple of weeks, the last couple of months, despite everything that’s happened, those smiles, they’ve become real.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yeah, you do. And you do deserve this, and so much more. Connor can give you that. More than that though, he wants to. Let him try, Zoe. Don’t push him away. It’s okay to ask for help, rely on someone else. You don’t have to do everything alone.”
“I have you for that.”
“You know what I mean.” He knocked his shoulder with mine. I had the feeling this was our moment. Derek was breaking up with me. Even though I knew one day this moment would come, I wasn’t ready for it. I don’t think I ever would be. But I understood where he was coming from.
“You’re not abandoning me, are you?” Tears filled my eyes as I looked up at the shiny new sign hanging proudly over the doorway.
“Never. Just taking a step back. It’s time for someone else to be your one phone call.”
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. Everything was happening all at once and for possibly the first time in my life I was okay with it. I could do this. Derek would always be there. I knew that. The only difference was, instead of standing beside me holding my hand every step of the way, now he’d be standing on the sidelines cheering me on.
Breathing out, I confirmed, “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“All right then. Let’s get inside and see if there’s any food left.” Trust Derek to be thinking with his stomach.
With his arm wrapped around my shoulders, together we made our way up the steps to the front door. When I reached for the handle, he bent down, kissed my temple, and whispered in my ear, “They’d be so proud of you. Jenna and Spencer.” Suddenly nothing else mattered. Derek had just soothed my greatest fears and calmed my frazzled nerves.
Opening the door, he ushered me inside, only to be met with a room full of smiling faces and a rousing round of applause.
“Zoe, this is amazing,” Mia gushed as she raced over and hugged me. Someone needed to remind that girl how strong she was. For a pint size pixie, I was worried she was going to crack a rib if she squeezed me harder.
“You’ve done an incredible job. Can’t wait to start work here,” Josie added. Josie had agreed quickly to come and work with me. It wasn’t that she hated her bar job, but a job with more regular hours would give her some stability and she’d be able to spend more time with Matilda. I couldn’t wait to work alongside her.
A bright white light flashed, almost blinding us. When I finished squinting away the white dots in my vision, I spotted Carly standing there holding possibly the world’s biggest camera. Whoever said size doesn’t matter forgot to tell Carly. “What are you doing?” I asked as she snapped another one.
“Capturing the moment. This is not something you want to forget.”
“Well, since I’m now blind, having a few pictures around wouldn’t be so bad. At least I’ll be able to look at what happened later.”
“Ha. Ha. Very funny.”
“I thought so.”
“Carly, would you put that damn thing away?” Gage mumbled as he made his way over to where we were standing.
“Nope.” With a smile, Carly clicked a picture of him and I thought he was about to snatch the camera from her hands and toss it out the window. “You know I love getting candid shots of you.” Turning to face us girls with a wicked grin on her face, Carly teased, “You should see the photo I got of him the other day. Gage was just getting out of the shower…whoa. Talk about picture perfect.”
“And that’s enough from you today,” Gage cut her off, silencing her with his hand clamped over her mouth. I must admit, I wasn’t disappointed he’d stopped her when he did. There were some things I just didn’t need to know.
Turning his attention back to me, Gage gave me a tight, yet brief hug. “It’s perfect, Zoe. Can’t wait to come here for dinner. I’m sure it will be delicious. And you know, Carly can’t cook for shit, so I’ll probably end up as your best customer.”
“Hey! That’s not true!” Carly slapped him on his chest as she let the camera dangle around her neck. “I make a damn good chicken schnitty.”
“Of course, you do, baby. If you unwrap it and throw away the wrapper before I get home. You make an awesome schnitty.”
“You know about that?” Wrapped around each other, Gage led Carly towards a booth at the back, whispering.
With a second to myself, I looked around. I saw all the people I loved in the same place. Everyone was caught up in their own worlds and conversations and I stole the moment. Sneaking through them, I found Ryan and Alex nursing Lachlan, who was now sound asleep in Ryan’s arms despite the chaos. My son was a typical male shit head. At home, if he was asleep and I dared to sneeze, it was enough to wake him and cause him to scream. Here, surrounded by witnesses, he was acting like a perfect angel. As much as I loved him, sometimes he was an asshole.
“Want me to take him?” I offered, slipping into the booth next to Nate.
Nate was still somewhat a mystery to me. Looking at the table in front of him, seeing the coloured pencils and unicorn colouring book, I knew without a doubt he was a good guy. Sure, he had his demons, but who didn’t. He loved Matilda like she was his own, and that alone gave me hope.
One of my greatest fears is Connor, or if it didn’t work with Connor, whoever my forever guy turned out to be, wouldn’t accept Lachlan because of his DNA. Nate proved it could be done. I’m sure there were some guys out there who’d struggle with it, but Nate gave me hope. Hope that one day Lachlan could have more than just a father figure. He’d have a dad.
“He’s good here. We’re just hanging out, aren’t we, little guy?” Ryan cooed. Alex had this dumb, doe-eyed look on his face as he tugged Lachlan’s pant legs down, covering up his chubby little legs.
“Are you happy with the place?” Alex asked.
“I love it. And from what a little birdy tells me, I have you to thank for a big part of it.”
“Big part of what?” a voice I’d recognise anywhere asked from behind me as two hot hands landed on my shoulders, squeezing gently.
“Nah. It was all Connor. I just made sure he didn’t kill himself trying.”
“Shame about that,” Ryan added, taunting his brother.
“Don’t make me take the baby,” Connor threatened, hitting Ryan directly in his weak spot.
“You wouldn’t dare!”
“Try me.”
“Zoe! Make him be nice,” Ryan pleaded, batting his lashes at me.
“I’m not getting in between you two.”
“Smart girl.”
“Hey! Whose side are you on?” Ryan asked Alex pointedly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nate smile before picking up a pink pencil and focusing extra hard on colouring the unicorn’s mane.
The warmth of his breath on my neck sent tingles down my spine. “Can I borrow you?”
“O-okay.” If I was going to spend more time with Connor, I was really going to have to get this stuttering this under control. When he was close I got flustered. Flustered didn’t look good on me. Not at all.
Taking his hand, we weaved our way through people, side stepping conversations until we found ourselves standing at the storeroom door.
“Seriously, you two? Can’t you wait until we’ve all gone home to christen the place?” Beau bellowed so loudly everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to stare.
Feeling my cheeks burn, I looked up at Connor, who had mischief written all over his face. Without warning, he lifted me off my feet, my legs wrapping around his waist on instinct as he pushed my back against the door and kissed me for all he was worth. And he was worth
a lot. Somewhere in the distance I could make out the whistling and cat calls, but none of it registered.
When we finally came up for air, I was hot and bothered and gasping.
“Hey Beau?”
“What?”
“You might want to turn the music up!” With that final comment, Connor carried me into the storeroom and slammed the door.
When we were inside alone, I flipped on the light and wriggled until Connor set me down. Trying to play it cool, something I was not good at, I asked. “So, what do you think?”
Waiting for his reply was as painful as getting your hoo-ha waxed. Possibly more so. Unable to wait a second longer, I started babbling. “You hate it, don’t you? Is it the pictures? Or the plates? Or the…”
Connor silenced me with a kiss. I was starting to get the impression it was the only way he knew how to shut me up. When he pulled away, he nipped my bottom lip. “Are you going to let me speak now?”
“Sorry.”
“You’re incredible, Zoe. What you’ve done here, you made it somewhere people want to be. Somewhere I want to be…”
“You did all the hard work.”
“No, I didn’t. I gave you an empty shell. You gave it personality. I know I wasn’t thrilled you wanted to name it ‘McLaren’s,’ but I’m so glad you ignored me. Jenna would be so proud of you and what you’ve done. And even though I didn’t know Spencer very well, I’m sure he’d think you’re superwoman for pulling this off.”
Hearing Connor mention Spencer’s name when we were not in the middle of an argument brought tears to my eyes. Maybe he did get it. It would take time, but maybe he really did understand that no matter what, Spencer was a part of me. A part I’d never forget, but he wasn’t my future. Not anymore.
“H-how do you know?”
“I know because he loved you. So how could he not?”
Full on snotty sobs barrelled through me. I wasn’t convinced it was what Connor had said exactly, it’d just been an emotional day. “Hey now, wipe those tears away. Today’s a happy day.”
“I know.” I sniffed in an unladylike fashion. Wiping my nose on the back of my hand, it wasn’t until I dragged it across the ass of my jeans that I realised how classy I must look. I didn’t get the chance to dwell on it though before there was a knock at the door.
Finding Forever (Meet the McIntyres Book 5) Page 21
