Winter Dreams

by Robyn Neeley

  “Perhaps. But that’s not my experience with her,” Penelope said. “On the first day of class, she stood apart from the group, but I slowly coaxed her into participating. She clung to me a bit in the second class but by the third class, she lined up front and center. The other kids included her more as the course progressed. She contributed creative ways to move. As you saw today, her suggestion of fairies pretending to be elephants became a class favorite.

  “I’m no expert on children and I admit that I don’t know your daughter outside of class. All I know is what I’ve seen these last few weeks. What I’ve seen is a shy, creative, beautiful girl who’s come out of her shell a bit. She went from frowning that first day to being one of the first to break into laughter. She went from meekly hiding in the corner to politely demanding that I lift her over my head for her grand finale. I’m only qualified to judge based on what I see, and in my opinion, she benefited considerably from the class. You’re under no obligation to answer this question, but before you dismiss me, please consider how Eloise has behaved outside of class.”

  Instead of a click, she heard tapping. She wondered if he wore that slightly impatient look he had earlier as he tapped either his foot on the floor or his fingers on table. He might even be rubbing a hand through his dark brown hair. His daughter probably saw that look a lot, without realizing its charm. Penelope hadn’t expected the father to be quite as memorable as his daughter, but she’d spent a lot of time thinking of him today.

  “If you’re that annoyed with me or if you have something better to do right now, you could hang up. Although, I suspect you have better manners than that.”

  “I hang up on telemarketers.”

  Forgetting her professional demeanor, she laughed. The rich tones of his laugh joined with hers, creating a magical sound. Suddenly, she wanted to know more about Carson — the man, not the father. But the opening disappeared as quickly as it appeared.

  “I’ll be honest,” he said. “Between the glitter, the fairies, and the stereo mishap, I expected you to be a flake.”

  “Thanks for the compliment.”

  “That’s not what I meant. You seem to genuinely care about Eloise.”

  “I do. She’s a special girl who gives great hugs.” Thinking of the little girl’s springy curls and big ideas warmed her heart.

  “She loved your class. Today was the happiest I’ve seen her in a long time. She’s struggled a lot in the three and a half years since my wife died. But with school starting, I just don’t know how she’ll do behavior-wise starting so much at once.”

  “Certainly.”

  “I’ll think about it,” he added.

  “Please do. Eloise is a sweetheart. I look forward to seeing her in the fall.”

  “I understand. Is that all you wanted to talk about?”

  If he’d asked earlier after they joined in laughter, she might have come up with some excuse to keep him on the line, but the way he’d said “my wife” gave her pause.

  “Yes, sir. Although, I should remind you that if you do enroll her, you’re always welcome to observe classes. And if you have any questions or concerns about how she’s doing in class, feel free to call me. Thank you for your time. Goodnight.”

  She hung up, still wondering if he’d felt the same spark she did when they touched earlier and when they laughed tonight. She wouldn’t push, though. Her main concern was Eloise.

  Besides, she remembered how he responded to the single mother in her class with a look of pure panic.

  Chapter 2

  November

  Bzzzzz. The alarm clock interrupted the dream plaguing Carson since the end of summer. Every night, he dreamt a glittery fairy with blond hair, large blue eyes and gossamer wings swooped down and kissed him as he lay in bed. Some nights the fairy gently pressed her petal soft lips against his. This past night, she covered his mouth repeatedly before trailing kisses down his neck as her slender fingers made quick work of his shirt buttons. Some nights her hands slid down further. Slapping the clock, he opened his eyes. Catherine’s face smiled at him from a silver frame on the nightstand. Guilt surged through him.

  He welcomed the busyness of his days. Fall sports kept his daytime schedule full. Eloise occupied his mornings and evenings. She was thriving this year. His only parent-teacher conference so far fell on the same day as everybody else’s. She remained prone to sulkiness and shyness, but seemed better overall. At the very least, she engaged more with the world around her.

  After he closed his office for the Thanksgiving weekend he rushed to pick up Eloise at her creative movement class. He couldn’t explain the bounce in his step. Perhaps the prospect of a long weekend lifted his spirits. Perhaps it was his excitement over the birthday present he had for Eloise. It had nothing to do with seeing the fairy queen again.

  But when he saw her, he called himself a liar.

  Work obligations kept him away from Eloise’s class, although he occasionally invented a reason to stay late at the office. He didn’t want to think about why he avoided the class and, more pointedly, the dance teacher. Once, he saw her at the mall, walking arm in arm and laughing with a man closer to her age, not one who saw forty in the rearview mirror. He pulled Eloise into the closest store to escape a conversation with Penelope and her age appropriate guy. He couldn’t change the subconscious thoughts that permeated his sleep, but during the day, he worked hard to avoid complicating his single father routine. Until today.

  The girls laughed as Penelope swung them round and round in a circle before casting them off. Each girl struck a pose as she staggered dizzily away from Penelope. The game seemed familiar from somewhere. After all the girls posed stock still, Penelope walked to the first girl on the left, who whispered something in the grown woman’s ear. She did this in turn with each girl, and then turned toward the assembled parents. He heard more several mothers sigh as they set aside knitting or smart phones because Penelope began to speak.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to show off my special collection of statues.” She walked to all of the girls and pretended to wind them with a key. As each girl moved in turn, Penelope announced the name of her “statue.”

  He barely noticed anything beyond Penelope’s movements. He told himself it was an occupational hazard. That he watched her only to determine if her seemingly solid yet gravity defying gait would put her at risk of lasting physical injury. He grew uncomfortable at the ease with which he lied. He turned to his attention to Eloise, unabashedly bemused by her antics. She had landed on the floor, and rolled back and forth and occasionally jumping up and down as she interpreted “rabbit with a tummy ache.”

  Carson remembered playing a game like this when he was a kid. Although part of him groaned at the notion of paying three hundred dollars so Eloise could play games he and the neighborhood kids played for free, he loved seeing her happy.

  Penelope led the girls through a series of slow movements before releasing them to find their coats and rides home. Eloise hung back with the teacher and shouted for her father to come over.

  Penelope greeted him with a kind smile and playful eyes that sparkled even without the glitter. “I’m so glad you came today. I hope you saw how much Eloise enjoys class.”

  He nodded in acknowledgement. As he opened his mouth to speak, Eloise interrupted.

  “Can you come to my birthday party on Sunday, Miss Penny? Please, please, pretty please?”

  Shrugging apologetically, he added, “Sorry for the late notice. We understand if you can’t come, but here’s the information just in case.”

  She opened the invitation he handed her. Her brows knotted briefly. She looked into Eloise’s excited face, then smiled. “I would be honored. I have a baby shower the same day so I probably can’t stay long, but I really want to see your birthday cake.” She crouched down. “Now, dear, how old will you be? Two?”
/>   Eloise laughed. “Noooooo!”

  “Hmmmm. You are pretty tall. I bet you’re turning thirty-seven.”

  Even Carson smiled at the twinkle in the teacher’s eyes.

  Eloise laughed again. “No, that’s way old. I’ll be six.”

  “What a wonderful age.” She rose, tousling Eloise’s hair. “I may not be able to stay long, but Eloise is such a dear. How can I say no? Thank you for the invite. I’ll see you Sunday.” She touched his hand, slowly sliding her fingers along his skin, like in his dreams. He gulped.

  “We’ll see you then.” He had half hoped she would be busy that day, but was now disappointed she could only stop in for a bit.

  Chapter 3

  Eloise bounced on the couch, looking out the window as often as possible. “When will she be here, Daddy?”

  “I don’t know, sweetheart. Let’s not ignore your other guests.”

  Eloise ran to Grandma Sue and Pappy. She sat with them for a few minutes — until the doorbell rang. She ran to the door, but didn’t quite beat Carson there. Opening the door, he saw the two friends she invited from school. Under her mother’s watchful eyes, Jen’s little girl walked across the yard to join the party.

  Eloise struggled so much socially that Carson hadn’t thrown a party before. Having so many friends turn out on a holiday weekend pleased him. Apparently the fairy queen’s influence had spread into Eloise’s school day as well. Her reputation as a troublemaker no longer seemed warranted.

  Eloise asked her friends if they wanted to play dress-up and soon the girls were pulling dresses, feather boas, fancy hats and fairy wings from the laundry basket in the living room as Grandma Sue helped them fasten hooks and buttons.

  Once Eloise looked sufficiently glamorous, she walked back to Carson. “This is okay, but where is Miss Penny?” Her lip started to tremble.

  “She’ll be here, sweetie pie. She’ll be here.” If she disappointed his little girl, he’d have serious words for her. “Remember, she had something else to do, too.”

  The doorbell rang again and they scurried to the door. Carson stood slack jawed at the sight before him. Penelope must have slicked back her hair the other day — today it hung in a short, wavy bob, held back with rhinestone fairy clips. She had a couple bags on each arm of her cream colored coat, and was wearing high heeled boots that put her nearly eye to eye with him. The cool air flushed her cheeks and her pink lips expanded into a smile.

  “Sorry I’m late. The other party started earlier so I stopped by there first. Where’s the birthday girl?”

  Eloise jumped from behind the door, throwing her arms around her teacher. “You came! You came! Come play.”

  Carson laughed. “Hold on, tiger. Let Ms. Glazier take off her coat and get comfortable first.”

  “Thank you. And please, call me Penelope.” She set down her bags. She may have bit her lip out of nervousness, but he felt tempted to take a nibble himself. “I stopped by a specialty grocery near the other party and picked up a few things. Would you mind if I put them in your fridge if there’s enough room?”

  “Sure.”

  Grandma Sue came over. “Let me do that.”

  “Thank you. Not that bag though. This has something for you, Eloise.”

  As she began to shrug out of her coat, Carson stepped in to help. When his fingers grazed the back of her soft neck, he heard her sharp intake of air. Her physical reaction surprised and pleased him. He mumbled an apology although his heightened awareness of her made him anything but sorry.

  “Why?” He liked the slight smile she offered as she held his eyes longer than was polite. “It’s a nice gesture. Your mom looks really familiar. Did you grow up here?”

  He put her coat in the closet, hoping his groin wouldn’t decide to give away how much he enjoyed that accidental touch. “Sue’s not my mom. She’s my … ”

  He didn’t know the term. It wasn’t like he and Catherine had divorced, so she wasn’t an ex, but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to say “mother-in-law” in front of Penelope. “Sue Patterson is the mother of my deceased wife. They’ve lived in town for years.”

  “Oh.” She sounded hurt for some reason. Fortunately, the sound of Eloise rustling a large bag distracted them.

  Penelope’s face lightened. “Let me help you with that, Eloise. Show me where to put it please.”

  The two dashed off to the other room. When Sue and Carson entered to start the games, they found Pappy snapping photos of the party guests. Beside Eloise, Penelope sat smiling and resplendent in a feather boa and fancy hat, looking once again like an overgrown child.

  Penelope convinced Pappy to put down the camera and join her and the children in a game of musical chairs. She went out in the second round after slowly hovering over an empty chair until Eloise giggled and slid in underneath her. Carson kept his camcorder on the game, but his gaze drifted toward Penelope as she cheered the girls and offered hugs to those left without a chair. He admired her enthusiasm, not only in the dance studio, but here in a smaller setting. He struggled sometimes to have the energy to manage one girl.

  She bowed out of playing “pin the wings on the fairy”, much to Eloise’s disappointment. Carson overheard bits of the Sue and Penelope’s conversation as they helped the girls with blindfolds and getting dizzy.

  “Mrs. Patterson, I’m sorry about your daughter.”

  “Thank you.” Sue pursed her lips.

  “I didn’t know Catherine very well. She was ahead of me in school, but I met her once or twice at your house. She was a lovely girl.”

  Scrutinizing the younger woman, Sue looked surprised. “I don’t remember you, but there were a lot of children in and out of our house through the years.”

  “I dated Johnny for a little bit back in high school. We even went to one of those formal dances. My hair was jet black then. How is Johnny?”

  “Now I remember you! John is doing well. He’s a lawyer, just like Catherine. He graduated from Harvard Law and now practices corporate law in New York. I don’t know why he couldn’t have stayed here. There’s plenty of work in Chicago.”

  He heard the arrogance in Sue’s voice. He should rescue Penelope before Sue started rambling about how proud she was that her children became high paying lawyers. But a sound from the hall caught his attention.

  “Really? New York’s been my home base for the last eight years. I’m headed back there for some auditions. Would you mind giving me his number or email?”

  Carson tuned away from the conversation as Eloise came running over to him, thrilled with her victory at the game and pleading for cake and ice cream. He couldn’t entirely focus on Eloise. Part of him thought about Penelope and John together. He didn’t like it.

  “He has enough girlfriends. He doesn’t need another.” Sue tried to look relaxed, but her voice betrayed her.

  “It’s nothing like that. Half the time I’m on the road, but sometimes I really miss home. It would be nice to know someone else there. Plus I could probably help him get tickets good enough to impress one of those women.”

  “How about I give him your information?”

  “That would be lovely. Thank you.”

  After Eloise indulged in a whole piece of cake and the frosting off two others, she turned to her presents in the living room. They’d decorated for Christmas already so Carson suggested using the couch rather than the tree as a backdrop for the pictures and the video.

  Carson took delight in his daughter’s courteous behavior toward her friends. She said thank you for each doll, puzzle, and game she received. Second to last, she opened Penelope’s gift. She tore into the large box with delight, her smile growing as she lifted the lid. “It’s so pretty. What is it?”

  “Go ahead and pull it all the way out of the box.”

  Eloise obliged, pulling out a
pink tutu and a sequin imbued pink leotard that looked both impossibly small and yet huge for her lithe body. Her wide eyes brimmed with excitement.

  “Keep going!”

  With Penelope’s encouragement Eloise once again dug into the box and pulled out a shorter white tutu. She uttered “wow” before running to Penelope and hugging her with such force that both of them rolled backward onto the floor.

  Carson, Grandma and Pappy all gasped, but Penelope laughed as she rolled to a seated position, pretending to brush dust off herself and Eloise. “Now, what were you pretending to be right now? A football linebacker? A lion attacking its dinner? Or perhaps something else?”

  Seeing the concerned look in her daddy’s eyes, Eloise stammered. “I just wanted to give you a hug. The tutus are so pretty, just like real ballerinas wear.”

  “I like your excitement, but I’m glad you didn’t get hurt. Now, I have a secret for you. The pink costume was mine when I danced with the city ballet when I was fourteen. I thought you might like a real ballerina costume for dress up. The white tutu should fit now. You can wear it for the last creative movement class if you’d like.”

  “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” This time, they managed to remain upright as they hugged.

  “Don’t you have something else to open, too?” Penelope gently teased as she pointed back toward the table where one present remained.

  Carson’s heart sank briefly as he suspected his daughter would dismiss everything else after getting her very own tutu. He’d spent a lot of time thinking about her gift.

  She turned to the table and tore the paper off a large rectangular package. She sucked in her breath before shouting, “Oh, Daddy! Is that me? It’s so pretty!”

  Carson put down the video recorder and sat beside Eloise. He leaned his head against hers. “It’s you, sweetheart.” He felt a tear welling in his eye as his daughter cried over and over, “It’s beautiful!”