Just a Little Bit Crazy

by T A Ford

  “Dina?”

  “Oh? Okay.” She pointed at the pink one. The man gave him three balls to throw. He had to hit them all to nail the one she picked.

  “Are you a pitcher?” she asked.

  “I was in high school,” he said, and threw a fast one. It hit the target and knocked it down.

  The stallholder rang a bell.

  Dina smiled. “That was good.”

  “Let’s see if I can go for two,” he said. The next ball slammed into his target. Dina squealed in delight. She clapped for him, and then he threw the third. He again hit the target. The stallholder rang a bell and Dina cheered. She was given the stuffed animal of her choice.

  “That was great. You’re so good,” she gushed.

  “Good enough for a bite from your apple?” he asked.

  She frowned. “I’m sorry, but that’s gross. Your teeth have a lot of germs. Everyone’s mouth does. If you bite into my apple, you will scrape all of the germs from your teeth that you haven’t brushed since this morning on the caramel and into the core. And then I will have to throw it away.”

  “You kiss me. Swap spit. Isn’t that the same thing?”

  “No. Not really,” she said. “I don’t swallow your spit when we kiss, and as long as I brush my teeth afterwards or rinse my mouth, which is why I carry my travel LisMaurane in my purse, I’m okay. Now when I suck your dick, that can be problematic. I do worry about it.”

  Cue shook his head. “You never suck my dick.”

  “Exactly,” she smiled. “But when we are married, I know as a wife I will have to suck it. We will clean it good with antiseptic before I do.”

  He burst into laughter. She did not.

  “Is that what I think it is?” she stopped and pointed. He looked. There was a thirty-foot-tall, yellow and blue multi-lane slide. It was lit with lights, and people were going down it.

  “Have you ever been on one?” he asked.

  “As a kid. With Rodney. When we visited Six Flags with Daddy. Never at a carnival. Never been to a carnival. Mommy said all parks were unsanitary.”

  “Want to try it?” he asked.

  “Really?” she frowned. “Aren’t we too old?”

  “We’re never too old,” Cue said.

  Dina remembered her father taking her down it the first time, but he hollered the entire time. She wanted to go again. Her father refused. Her mother was upset they even attempted it. The compromise for her parents was to let Rodney take her down. The memory of her and Rodney racing down the slide after she got comfortable to be on her own mat in her own lane warmed her all over. She hadn’t thought about that memory in a long time.

  “I really wish Rodney was here. We could do it together,” she said.

  “I’ll go with you.”

  She squeezed his hand and nodded. As they walked to the slide, she was careful about bumping into people and catching any transference. Not only did people carry germs, but negative energy transference was a real thing. Some people scowled at her as she walked holding Cue’s hand, no matter how much laughter and colorful lights and rides were in their face. Some men gawked at her, and other women stared at Cue. He was taller than most men, and very well built. More and more she was convinced that she was in love.

  Dina chose to go up the long stairs first. Cue was right behind her. She found it strange that, with all the things she did fear, heights had never been one of them. That was why Rodney didn’t understand her fear of flying. She tried to explain that it was the closed, cramped space that made her nervous, not the altitude.

  Several adults with kids waited at the top. She didn’t feel too silly for wanting to go down the slide. A young man handed her a burlap mat to use, and one was given to Cue. They went to the furthest end of the ten-lane slide. She set her mat down and was careful to sit on it without slipping. Cue was a bit more awkward. His long legs hung down and he looked as if his fidgeting would send him down early.

  “You sure you’ve done this before?” she asked.

  “No,” he said.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “Eh, I’m... well, I have a fear of heights, and my balls are hurting on this thing.”

  “What? Why don’t you—”

  But before she could finish, they were given the signal and told to go. Cue didn’t move, so the boy behind him pushed him. She’d never heard him scream so loudly. Dina went with him and laughed so hard she was barely able to enjoy the glide. When she slid to the bottom, he was already standing, pulling on his groin. He offered his hand to help her up.

  “That was fun,” she grinned.

  “Not really,” he said. “Come on, let’s go.”

  She slipped her arm around his waist and kept laughing. From there the carnival became an adventure. She made him get on the swings that took them way up in a spinning circle to the sky. They rode a funhouse rollercoaster, during most of which she kept her eyes closed, and then they ate turkey legs. He had his and she had hers. She refused to share. She didn’t notice the cold. She only noticed her Cue. He tried hard to win the basketball shooter game to snatch up more prizes, but he was a better pitcher than he was a basketball player. And when she went into the henna tent to get her tattoo, he held her food and teddy bear to wait like a dutiful spouse.

  The night ended with them in the car stuck in the traffic of people leaving the carnival. She had time to wonder again how she became so lucky.

  “Thank you for taking me. I can’t believe how much fun I had.”

  “Me either,” he confessed.

  “Why don’t we do something like this again? Something different.”

  He glanced at her. “Like what?”

  “I dunno,” she shrugged. “I don’t get out like this often. By my own choice. Rodney has tried over the years. I really do feel different with you Doc.”

  She found a station of R&B music and sang in the car as he drove her home. And when they arrived he let her do all the talking. That was a good thing, because she had plenty to say. She told him about her father and family when she was younger. Just the good things. He walked her to the door, and the kissing they did pulled him inside. Of course, she insisted they shower before making love, and they did. After it was over she showered then slept in his arms. Cue had to leave early to go the hospital. He left his key, as she had requested, so she could finish cleaning and unpacking his things. More importantly, she wanted the job of walking Jack. Life for Dina was the best it had ever been.

  FIVE WEEKS AFTER CUE moved in, he and Dina had established a comfortable routine. Her therapy sessions were now only once a week. The medication had shown signs of improvement. He told her not to jump to any premature conclusions, but no one knew how great it felt to be normal. She looked people in the eye when they spoke to her. She didn’t tense when she accidentally bumped into someone. And two days ago, she had taken down every sticky note in her house and his. Keeping track of her plans and routine in her planners proved to be enough.

  Dina pushed the grocery cart down the aisle. She wanted to cook a vegan recipe she saw on Facebook. But the more she shopped for the ingredients in WholeFoods the less appetizing it sounded. She stopped before the lentils and read the nutritional contents.

  “Dina? Is that you?”

  She looked up.

  Her heart smiled. “Maura?”

  “Hi!” Maura said.

  “Oh my gosh. Hi! It’s so good to see you,” Dina grinned. Rodney’s ex-girlfriend walked over to her with a basket over her arm. She was dressed in jogger pants and a loose-fitting sweatshirt, but she looked trim and pretty as always. Maura wore her hair in long micro-braids and had them tied up into a ponytail. Without makeup, she looked younger than Dina remembered.

  “How have you been?” Maura asked.

  “Good. Great. I’m shopping for dinner.”

  “Really? So, you’re cooking for you or.... Rodney?”

  She and Maura cooked often. In fact, Maura taught her how to make some of Rodney’s favori
te dishes. “No. Rodney’s... he’s not here.”

  Maura’s smile faded. “Oh? He’s on a trip?”

  “He left Atlanta. He’s been in Paris this past month. We talk almost every night. He loves it over there.”

  “That’s nice,” Maura said. She tried to keep the disappointment from her voice.

  “You should call him, he has the same number,” Dina said.

  “He kind of blocked my number. I didn’t take the break up well,” Maura joked. “I’m happy for him. And you look good Dina.”

  “I feel good,” Dina said. She looked down at herself. She wore her boyfriend oversized shirt over a tank top, jeans and UGG boots. Atlanta’s winter had been unusually cold. “Hey, I have an idea. I’m going to cook for Thanksgiving. Rodney said he can’t come home. But I’d love it if you came over. And joined us.”

  “Us?” Maura asked.

  “My boyfriend. Doc. He’s my... well we stay... uhm, you have to meet him.”

  “You have a boyfriend?” Maura gasped. “That’s great.”

  “I know. It’s weird. And please don’t tell Rodney. He still thinks I ride a bike with training wheels.”

  Maura laughed. “I’d never tell. I want to meet him. It was good seeing you.”

  “You too,” Dina reached out and hugged Maura. This caught Maura by surprise. In all the time they were friendly and spent together, Dina always kept her personal space. She didn’t like hugs, not even with Rodney, unless in distress. Maura always understood the boundaries. Sheila found ways to disrespect them.

  “I’m proud of you Dina.”

  “Thank you,” she said.

  Maura nodded and walked away. Dina let go a deep sigh of relief. She finished shopping and this time she added to the menu. She’d have a Thanksgiving dinner. She just had to figure out how to surprise her man.

  THREE DAYS AFTER SEEING Maura, Dina still hadn’t worked up the nerve to tell Cue that she had told someone about their dating, let alone accepted an invite to dinner. It was Sunday, and the chilly fall weather had taken a short break. At 72 degrees the day felt perfect. Cue always came up with things for her to do. Ways for them to relax her. Today he chose the best adventure, one they’d make a habit of for the rest of their relationship. He took her to Morgan Falls and rented a two-person canoe. She leaned back on the pillows she brought and he rowed them across the lake. With her sunglasses on she could look directly at the fireball in the sky without blinking. And she did until her lids grew heavy and the warmth of it all calmed her.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked as he rowed.

  “How much I love my life,” she said.

  “I love your life too.”

  “It’s been a month and three weeks since we met.”

  “So we have a two month anniversary coming up?” he asked.

  “Yes, on Thanksgiving,” she said. She sat up. “Do you miss home? Your family? Are you going home for Thanksgiving?”

  “Not this year. But normally I try to. Haven’t found a way to break the news to my mom,” he said, and kept rowing slow over calm waters. She nodded and looked out at the forests. She could see a snap turtle crawling out of the lake to a branch. She stared at it for a few minutes, then turned her attention back to him.

  “I saw Maura the other day.”

  “Who?”

  “She’s Rodney’s ex-girlfriend. Remember? I told you about her,” she said.

  “Okay?” he said, swiping the oar over to the left and then to the right to keep them going straight.

  “I told her that I... uhm... that I have a boyfriend.”

  Cue stopped rowing. He stared at her.

  “Doc. You’re my boyfriend. Deal with it.”

  “We agreed that we wouldn’t tell anyone about us.”

  “Why make that agreement? Nothing we’re doing is wrong. I’m better. I don’t even have panic attacks anymore that I can’t manage. I’m thinking about applying for an accounting job with this new firm that’s close to your office. My sorority sister is going to give me a referral.”

  “All of that is good,” he began.

  “But?” she asked.

  “But you and I are complicated Dina.”

  “It’s not too complicated when you’re making love to me. Is it?” she asked.

  “Did you tell her my name?”

  “No.”

  “Good.”

  “You can tell her when we go over to her house for Thanksgiving dinner.”

  “What?!”

  “You keep telling me that I’m normal. That I’m not crazy. That I’m on the low end of autism. Famous people have Asperger’s and function day to day. You said these feelings I experience are just part of my way of coping. Well, right now I’m feeling dirty. Because you want to keep me as a dirty little secret. Why? Are you afraid what the other doctors will think? That you’re screwing one of your retarded patients?!”

  “That’s enough!” he demanded.

  Dina pouted.

  “I’m not ashamed of you. I’m not ashamed of being public with you. Look around. Does this look like someone that wants to keep a secret?”

  Dina glanced around at the others on the lake canoeing and kayaking. She glanced to the crowds of people on the embankment. They went everywhere in Atlanta, from the Ferris wheel near Centennial Park to the wine festival and musicals at the Fox Theater. “Okay. I see your point. But why are you so angry because I want Maura and people I know to know that I’m in a normal relationship? That I can have a normal relationship and I’m loved by a normal man?”

  “We should tell your brother before we tell anyone else,” he mumbled.

  “Well good luck doing that. Rodney barely returns my calls. He isn’t coming back anytime soon. And he’s not my dad. He’s not my God. He’s my brother. He needs to live his own life and I want to live mine. With you. I want to be married and to have mixed-up babies.”

  Cue laughed.

  She smiled. “I have a new book. It says all people originated in Africa. That means no matter what, my babies will be black.”

  He nodded. “Congratulations.”

  “I’m teasing. I don’t care if they beige or white or anything. I just want to be a mother someday. I want to be a wife. You’re the only man in my life that I feel whole with.”

  Cue started to row again. She couldn’t see his eyes behind his dark lenses, but she knew he was staring at her. The silent way he stared hurt her feelings. She poured her heart out and he didn’t say a word. He still hadn’t said he loved her. Only during sex, and that didn’t count. They stayed on the lake for the next ten minutes without speaking and then he turned the canoe and rowed them back.

  “You’re mad at me?” she asked.

  “No. I’m not mad.”

  “But you don’t want to go to Maura’s house for dinner?”

  “What I want is to be deserving of you, Dina. What I want is for you not to hate me when you realize I’m not a hero. I’m just a man.”

  “That makes no sense, Doc. I know you’re a man. You’re my man.”

  “Fine. We’ll start with Maura. And then we’ll tell your brother. Okay?”

  “Really?!” She shot upright too quickly, and the canoe rocked as if it would throw them.

  “Hey! Chill,” he chuckled.

  “Sorry,” she said and reclined. The canoe steadied.

  Cue laughed.

  “I want to take you to meet my family,” he said.

  “When?”

  “Maybe Christmas. Or maybe in the spring. It’s nice in Maine in the spring.”

  “Christmas! Let’s go for Christmas. I can take them presents. I love Christmas. What are they like?”

  “Different. I guess all families are,” he said.

  She sat with a satisfied smile. She thought of many things she could buy for his mother and father. She’d never had a man take her home to meet his parents. She really did want to make a good impression.

  “Doc?”

  “Yes?”

&nb
sp; “Are you sure you didn’t know my brother at Harvard?”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “I have a copy of your diploma. It’s the same year he would have graduated. I know it’s a big school, but that’s kind of weird that you two were at Harvard at the same time and then we connected this way.”

  “How do you have a copy of my diploma?” he frowned.

  “I investigated you silly. Before I decided you would be my doctor.”

  “Ah, yes. Well you’re right. It’s weird that we went to school at the same place at the same time.”

  “I think he is going to like you. I can’t wait for you two to meet.”

  “Me either,” he said. “Me either.”

  DINA PUT THE WATER on to boil. She was going to make pasta and homemade sauce with her new food processor. Cutting tomatoes, she hummed to herself. Cue was over at his place watching football. She’d go over and bring him dinner later. Cue had convinced her to stop with her paperback books and to use an e-reader. It wasn’t something she was opposed to, but there was something about a paperback book that felt cozier.

  Recently she had started buying on Amazon, and her book collection was phenomenal. She still had her paperbacks, however, Kindle was her new best friend. She picked up the kindle and turned the page to continue reading while she cooked. The phone rang. She walked over and put in her earbuds, then answered the call so she could continue cooking. Of course, she had to rewash her hands. “Hello?”

  “Baby-girl?”

  “Rodney!” Dina exclaimed. “I left you like a hundred messages this week.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I was in Prague.”

  “Where?”

  “Long story. How you doing?”

  “Good. Great. Every day I feel good, and happier too. I miss you.”

  “I miss you too. Would love for you to fly up here to see me.”

  “You know I can’t. Not yet. But soon. I’ll be able to do it,” she said and cut the veggies.

  “I’m calling to tell you I can’t come home for Thanksgiving. I’m sorry sweetheart, but I got a lot of things going right now.”