Russian Beast

by Aislinn Kearns

  Evie took a deep breath, and then another, until she’d settled herself. Then, she determinedly marched out of the kitchen and back out onto the floor. While she’d been out back, a young woman had settled herself at the counter, so Evie took her order and poured her a coffee before grabbing Alexei’s burger and taking it to him.

  “So what do you do for fun?” she asked, and slid uninvited into the seat across from him.

  He chewed thoughtfully on a chip. “Train. Watch TV. Go to movies. Hockey.”

  “Hockey? Play or watch?”

  “Watch. I never learned to play.”

  “Which movies?”

  “Action. Ones with not too much talking.” He gave her a wry smile, and she returned it. “You?”

  “Movies or hobbies?” she asked.

  “Both.”

  “With movies, I like action, too. Romantic movies are too unrealistic.” She swallowed at that and glanced down at the laminated table top, trying to keep her composure. Alexei’s plate nudged into her field of vision.

  “Chip?”

  She smiled, the odd feeling dissipating, and grabbed two chips from the plate.

  “Hobbies?” he reminded her.

  “I like to read. I used to like walking through parks and things, spotting pretty plants, but I don’t do that so much anymore. I don’t have the time.” Besides, being on her own—outside—scared her slightly. She didn’t feel safe and secure like she did in her apartment with her reinforced door. “Studying is kind of a hobby,” she finished.

  He gave her a disbelieving look that made her laugh. “It is!”

  He shook his head. “I never finished school. Too hard.”

  “I enjoy it. Some people’s brains just don’t like academics.”

  “I liked the sport.”

  “I bet all the opposing teams were afraid of you.”

  He grinned and the expression lit his whole face. “Not at first. I grew late.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “That surprises me.”

  “My father was disappointed I was so small.” He swallowed and his eyes shifted away. There was a story there, one she wasn’t quite ready to hear, and she suspected he wasn’t ready to tell.

  The kitchen bell rang, and Evie leapt to her feet to grab the woman’s order. She filled up her coffee while she was there, then walked back to Alexei.

  “You don’t mind my company, do you?” she said once back at his table. “I mean, I’m not bothering you, right? Unless you come here to be alone.”

  He shook his head. “If I wanted to be alone, I would stay in my apartment.” He paused, his expression shifting, imparting some significance. “Or go to a different diner.”

  Evie’s face flushed with pleasure at his admission that he was here to see her. She was already in too deep. As much as she knew she should keep herself back from him, she was already developing a crush, no use denying it.

  And though fear nudged her at the knowledge, there was also a large swathe of gratitude. She hadn’t lost the simple pleasure of a man’s company. She could enjoy conversation, and light flirting with a man who interested her, without her terror getting in the way. Part of it was the fact that their conversations happened at the diner, a public space, and she felt comfortable getting to know him in a way she never could in their respective apartments, completely alone.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” she said, before she could stop herself.

  The warmth in his eyes made her lungs tighten until she could barely draw breath.

  “Maybe we could see each other somewhere else. On purpose.”

  It was like a bucket of iced water had been thrown over her head. “Like a date?” she squeaked.

  He nodded but leaned away from her, as if giving her space. Her breathing was shallow, her hands clammy. She didn’t know what to say, how to answer. Her unexpected reaction made it perfectly clear she wasn’t ready for such a step. It was too much, too fast.

  But she didn’t want to be impolite. She knew what happened when men felt rejected, or denied something they believed they were entitled to. She’d experienced it often enough with Jimmy. She tried to search for the words to let him down easy.

  “I’m very busy,” she stammered.

  “When you’re ready,” he replied softly.

  He’d seen her reaction, and hadn’t been fooled. But rather than be angry at her brush off, his eyes were sympathetic. He wasn’t pressing her, or demanding anything.

  She took a deep breath, then nodded. “I’ll let you know.”

  He smiled, as if satisfied with that answer. And maybe he was. To her, it was momentous. Because the simple truth was that she didn’t want to reject the idea of a date out of hand. She wanted to consider it. Maybe it would even be her next step in her path to getting over what had happened to her.

  And she liked Alexei. He was kind, and gentle, and considerate, despite his huge size and almost brutish appearance. And he was smarter than one might expect, if they let their prejudices get in the way. He read people well. Perhaps it came with being so quiet, and such a good listener. It means he could read her in a way not even Chelsea could.

  Alexei finished off his burger while she processed all this information. When he was done, she grabbed his plate and headed for the kitchen, taking the woman’s empty plate with her. The woman dropped down some money as Evie came out of the kitchen, then waited as Evie counted it out and thanked her for the tip.

  As Evie watched the woman head out the door, a hint of movement shimmered in the shadows across the road. She squinted, peering closer, but it didn’t happen again. It had just been her imagination. She really was losing it.

  But that assurance didn’t stop her from walking closer to the window on her way back to Alexei, desperately searching the shadows for signs she wasn’t crazy, that someone really was watching her.

  But there was just darkness beyond.

  Evie turned to Alexei. He stood beside the table, counting out money from his wallet.

  “What time is it?” she asked, then remembered there was a clock on the wall above the entrance to the kitchen. A few minutes to one.

  “Oh, my shift is nearly over.”

  He paused, then turned to look at her. “Should I wait?” he asked.

  She hesitated for a moment. She didn’t want to rely on him, not for this. Not after Jimmy had insisted on escorting her from every place she went. The loss of independence, the feeling of being watched and examined and found wanting, had been one of the worst parts of the abuse. She’d got to the point where she could barely make a decision on her own without deferring to Jimmy.

  But the cold shiver of fear had settled at the base of her spine, the terror that someone was out there, watching her. Alexei wasn’t demanding anything, she reminded herself. He was offering. He wouldn’t hurt her. He could have done so well before now if he wanted to. But he was big and protective, like a bodyguard. It would help her feel safe, until she got her feet under her again, and learned to trust her instincts and ignore her paranoia.

  She took a deep breath, then nodded, placing her trust in someone for the first time in what felt like forever.

  Chapter 7

  The night was cool as Alexei led Evie out of the diner. He glanced around as they left, trying to see any hint of whatever, or whoever, had disturbed her earlier, but there was only the dark, empty streets surrounding them.

  Alexei didn’t say much, but he slowed his stride to match her shorter ones as they made their way back to the dingy apartment building where they lived.

  “The weather has been nice lately.”

  He grunted in agreement.

  “This is my favourite time of year, when the days are warm, but the nights are crisp. It makes it hard to decide what to wear, but it’s nice to have the contrast.”

  Alexei glanced her way. She stared up at the clear night sky, a soft look on her face. She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. This time he didn’t think it was a nervous gesture, but just a
natural reaction to the chill in the air. Without thinking, Alexei shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. She stiffened for a second, then exhaled and relaxed when she figured out what he was doing.

  She turned to him, a smile on her face and warm appreciation in her eyes. “Thank you,” she murmured, low and intimate. The expression, the moment, was like a kick to his chest.

  He wanted to kiss her, while her eyes were unguarded. She almost looked like she wanted him to; wanted him to bend down, cup her face gently with his large palm, and press his lips against hers. A knot of anticipation formed in his gut, and electricity sparked over his skin.

  But something of what he thought must have shown in his face, and her eyes dimmed. Alexei dropped his hands quickly from where they still rested near her shoulders and shuffled to increase the space between them. He didn’t speed up the pace of his stride, so she’d know he wasn’t awkward or resentful about what had just happened. Neither did she, so Alexei figured whatever had gone through her mind and prevented the kiss, it wasn’t because she wanted to get away from him in a hurry.

  Footsteps sounded behind them, and they both glanced over their shoulders at the noise. Evie drew in a quick breath, which Alexei knew was from fear. A young man, head bowed, headphones over his ears, and a cigarette dangling from his mouth, dodged around them and continued up the sidewalk without glancing their way.

  Evie let out a huffing laugh, a release of her nervous tension. “Sorry, I guess I’m a little jumpy tonight.”

  “No problem.”

  They made it back to the apartment without any more incidents. Alexei lagged as he escorted her up the stairs, not sure he wanted the evening to end. But then she let out a yawn and guilt twisted his stomach at his own selfishness.

  He quickened his pace, and led the way past his own apartment to stand next to her door, Evie close behind.

  She eyed him oddly. “Thanks for walking me home.”

  He hesitated. “What time do you finish tomorrow?”

  She tilted her head. “Same time. Why?”

  “I’ll be there,” is all he said, then slipped past her to his own door.

  Alexei walking her home became a regular thing between them. He’d show up before the end of her shift. Sometimes he ate, or had coffee. Other times he just waited until she was ready to leave. He didn’t seem to mind staying there until the early hours in the morning, though from what he said, his only job was to fight on Saturday nights, and he trained late in the evenings anyway.

  At first, she wasn’t sure about this new development. Considering Jimmy’s insistence on escorting her everywhere, she hadn’t been sure about letting Alexei do the same. But Alexei wasn’t being proprietary. He wasn’t checking her texts, or interrogating her about who she saw, or counting her tips. He just loomed beside her as she walked home as a deterrent to anyone who might want to take advantage of her.

  She didn’t know if she was imagining Jimmy lurking in the shadows of her life. His presence was always there, pressing on her, but she couldn’t be sure that wasn’t her own paranoia. She could no longer trust her instincts after what she’d been through. She’d rather be safe than sorry, though.

  Alexei didn’t talk much on those walks home, but she managed to coax a few stories out of him. About his life in Russia, about his first year in the states, about his fights. He seemed reluctant to tell her anything about himself, but listened attentively every time she spoke. She didn’t know whether this was a natural reticence on his part, or whether there was something he was hiding. And, again, she didn’t know whether to trust her instincts when Alexei neatly avoided talking about anything personal.

  To fill the silence, Evie talked, a lot. She told him about her early life in a small rural town, and how she moved for college. She spoke briefly about how she met Jimmy, but glossed over all the details of their relationship—Alexei could infer it all, anyway.

  “I don’t tell my mother much,” she told him one night. “I don’t want to worry her. She didn’t want me to come to the big city in the first place.”

  She glanced at Alexei with a wry grin on her face. He watched her intently, as always, and a frisson of awareness passed through her as their eyes met. She cleared her throat and ignored the sensation. Not ready for it, not ready for what it might lead to. If Alexei noticed the moment between them, he stayed silent.

  “Anyway,” she continued on hurriedly, eyes focused ahead. Her skin still buzzed with latent attraction, and she was powerfully aware of Alexei beside her, radiating heat and strength. “She’s a single mother. I’m her only child. I tried to shield her from what was happening with Jimmy, but I’m not sure I succeeded.”

  Evie had made a pact with herself that she wouldn’t treat her experience as a shameful secret. That would give Jimmy more power over her. But so far, Alexei was the only one she talked to about it other than Chelsea, even though she did so in the vaguest of terms. Perhaps it was his silence, as if she was really talking to a wall, or the lack of judgement in his eyes.

  “She’ll be coming out for my graduation in a few months.” Evie couldn’t help a grin at the thought. She’d missed her mother. They’d once been so close, and now they’d barely seen each other for the last six years. She was sure her mother had felt the loss as keenly as she had, and looked forward to seeing her again. It had just never seemed like the right time for a visit when Evie was with Jimmy. Evie hadn’t wanted her mother to meet Jimmy, for obvious reasons, and Jimmy had never wanted her to travel without him.

  “Do you talk to your parents much?” she asked hesitantly, shaking away the memories of her bad relationship and focusing on the good things ahead, like her mother’s visit.

  A flash of anger entered Alexei’s gaze. “No,” he said shortly, his voice a low growl.

  Evie swallowed and inched away from him, nerves hitching at the fury he radiated. He must have noticed her manoeuvre because he deliberately smoothed his face and attempted a smile. “My mother died a long time ago. I don’t talk to my father.”

  It was meant as a conciliatory gesture, she knew. A rare sharing of personal information to apologise for his reaction to the question.

  “I’m sorry about your mother,” she said, knowing instinctively that talk of his father would be off-limits.

  “Me, too. And I’m pleased you didn’t end up like her.”

  Evie gasped at the admission. Pieces of the puzzle that made up Alexei clicked into place.

  “Your mother was a… endured domestic violence?” She’d been about to say ‘a survivor of domestic violence’ as she’d been taught to say, as she’d had to learn to think of herself. Not a victim, but a survivor. But if she was right, then Alexei’s mother hadn’t survived her brush with it.

  Alexei nodded shortly, his face hard. And suddenly so much about him made sense. How careful he was with her, how aware he was of his size, his lack of offence when she shied away from him. Knowing what his mother had gone through had shown Alexei first-hand what it was like to be a woman like her, and he didn’t begrudge her or look down on her for it.

  It unknotted something deep in her chest. Whether fair or not, her estimation of Alexei grew, and her trust in him increased in kind.

  “And that’s why you don’t speak to your father?” she asked carefully.

  Alexei nodded again. They fell silent for a long moment as Evie digested this new information. It gave her the courage to ask something of Alexei she hadn’t dared before. Something that would take a lot of trust on her part, but would, hopefully, help her in the long run.

  “Have you ever taught anyone…skills?” she asked, miming boxing the air in front of her. She glanced at him hopefully, her heart in her throat.

  Alexei frowned at her, then shook his head.

  “Would you consider it?” she asked softly, dropping her hands to her side.

  Alexei’s eyes widened in shock and a slight hint of horror. “You?” he asked, his voice gravelly.

  Evie a
lmost cowed beneath his disapproval, but instead straightened her spine. “Yes.”

  He stumbled to a stop right there on the street, across the road from their apartment building. Evie followed suit, pausing beside him and waiting. He stared down at her for a long moment, eyes assessing her face.

  “I would hurt you,” he said eventually.

  It was Evie’s turn to frown. “No, you won’t.”

  “You are so small.”

  She planted her hands on her hips and scowled at him. “I’m actually above average height for a woman. You’re just a giant.”

  The corner of his mouth tweaked up in a smile and some of the starch left his spine as he exhaled. “I only train with other fighters. I wouldn’t know how to teach a beginner.”

  Evie tilted her head, assessing him. “I don’t need to know how to fight, not really. I just need a few moves to defend myself. In case, you know.” She waved her hand, indicating Jimmy, and her life in general.

  “I can’t be gentle.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “You’ve been plenty gentle so far.”

  “It’s different,” he protested. “I hit hard, sometimes harder than I mean to.”

  “I don’t believe you’d hit me. Not after what happened to your mother.” Evie didn’t know where all this determination came from. She was placing way more trust and faith in this man than even he had in himself. It was probably unwise, and maybe another example of her skewed instincts. But something told her he wouldn’t hurt her, not on purpose. And given how jumpy she’d been lately, learning to fight might give her the confidence she needed to truly move on. To stop looking over her shoulder for Jimmy on every dark street corner.

  That didn’t mean she wasn’t terrified. She was. For all she’d knew, she’d freeze up at the first sign of aggression from Alexei. That she’d stand there, shaking and trembling if a fist came anywhere near her. But she had to overcome her fear. She had to learn to defend herself, because Alexei wouldn’t always be there to do it for her.