Russian Beast

by Aislinn Kearns

  Could he have stopped the fight before it even began? He eventually, reluctantly, decided maybe he could have. Should he have? That was the real question. He firmly believed those assholes had deserved the beating they’d got. All four of them had intentionally scared a woman, waiting until her boyfriend—and even that word sent an ache to his heart, since he’d never officially been that and now never would—had been out of the picture before approaching while she was vulnerable.

  Maybe next time the creeps would think twice before harassing a woman.

  But then an image of Evie’s stricken face as she’d looked at him would burst into his mind. In that moment, she’d seen him as a beast.

  And Alexei couldn’t be sure she was wrong.

  Chelsea came to visit Evie after she’d called her friend looking for support. Days later, she was no longer so convinced she’d done the right thing. Perhaps her reaction to the fight had just been one of knee-jerk fear. She no longer trusted her instincts, so she called in Chelsea as a reinforcement.

  She’d barely stopped crying since she’d last seen Alexei, muffling her tears with her pillow so he wouldn’t hear through the thin walls. She heart and body missed him, almost unbearably, while her mind tried to tell her she’d done the right thing. But if that was the case, why did she still hurt so much?

  Her friend arrived an hour later armed with wine, chocolate, and ice cream. Evie had never loved her more.

  “We’ll sort this out,” Chelsea said, dumping her load on the kitchen table. Then, she’d held out her arms for a hug and Evie gratefully accepted the comfort.

  A few minutes later, they sat on the couch with a large glass of wine each.

  “Tell me everything.”

  Evie did, spilling her heart out about how her relationship with Alexei had developed and then so spectacularly imploded. She also told Chelsea about how confused she was, how she no longer knew how to trust her own instincts. Chelsea nodded through it all, her face expressing none of the judgement Evie had half-expected.

  When Evie was done, Chelsea set down her wine and took Evie’s free hand. “I want you to know that feeling afraid after what you’ve been through is a valid reaction, maybe even a normal one.”

  Evie breathed a sigh of relief, even as her heart twisted. Had she wanted Chelsea to tell her she was wrong? To have an excuse to go back to Alexei, one where the decision was out of her own hands, along with the responsibility?

  “But,” Chelsea continued, “It doesn’t mean it’s an accurate one.”

  Evie swallowed. “What do you mean?” But she feared she already knew the answer.

  “I mean, that someone who has gone through trauma as you have, doesn’t always think clearly in certain situations. You close down to protect yourself. And that’s a normal thing to do, to stop ourselves getting hurt. But sometimes the way our brain sees things is not always the way things are.”

  “So you think I’m in the wrong?”

  Chelsea shook her head. “I don’t know. I think only you can decide this. It might not be an easy answer. Because Alexei does have a violent job, and he did beat up those guys without breaking a sweat when he could have walked away. But do I think that’s an automatic deal breaker? Not necessarily.”

  Evie slugged some more of her wine. “He couldn’t even see why it might have upset me, though. He couldn’t admit he might have done something wrong. I think that might have been the worst thing of all.”

  Chelsea made a sound of annoyance. “Ugh, men.” Evie laughed at the fake disgust in her friend’s face. “I do admit that a man who can’t admit he’s at fault is unlikely to change.”

  Evie nodded. “Yeah. Maybe I overreacted to the fight, though I’m still not sure I did. But surely he should at least say ‘doesn’t matter what I think, babe. If it scared you, I won’t do it again’. Right?” Her voice had gone comically deep as she imitated Alexei’s accent appallingly.

  Chelsea wrinkled her nose. “He called you babe? Then you should definitely dump him for good.”

  Evie laughed again. “No! I was being descriptive.”

  “Okay, look. That’s the ideal scenario, right? That a man realises his faults once you point them out and makes an effort for the better. That’s why Mr. Darcy is such a fucking hottie—he takes Elizabeth’s set down to heart and goes, ‘holy shit I’m an asshole’. But unfortunately, men are rarely perfect to start with, and really reluctant to change in real life. So you have to decide whether his faults are something you can live with, or not.”

  Evie was silent for a long time, pondering her friend’s wisdom. A row of chocolate squares appeared in front of her and she took them from Chelsea and absently took a bite.

  “I’m still not sure,” she admitted eventually with a shrug. “He really frightened me. And I’m sick of feeling frightened.”

  “Well, that sounds like you’ve decided.”

  “Yeah,” she said sadly. But a pit had opened up in her gut and tears sprang to her eyes at the thought of never seeing Alexei again. “But I love him,” she choked out as the tears gushed out, leaving Evie sobbing.

  Chelsea immediately wrapped her arms around Evie and held her tight as the tears flowed.

  “I’m sorry,” Evie whispered when she could talk coherently again. “That’s been happening a lot.”

  “I understand. Love certainly complicates things.”

  Chelsea handed Evie a tissue.

  “I loved Jimmy, too, briefly. So obviously I have awful taste.”

  Chelsea shrugged. “Alexei seemed pretty decent, from what you said. He just had at least one flaw that was incompatible with what you need.”

  “Why are you so reasonable?” Evie asked with a pout.

  Chelsea cracked a grin. “If you’d rather eat ice cream and badmouth men for the whole night, I’m here for that, too. Just figured you want a more level-headed sounding board until you were sure the relationship was done for good.”

  Evie smiled gratefully and wiped away the last of her tears. The pit in her stomach still yawned, and part of her wanted to run back into Alexei’s arms to fill it. But she couldn’t do that. Not until she knew for sure what she wanted.

  “What should I do?” she asked her friend, curling up on the couch with her head in Chelsea’s lap.

  Chelsea stroke her hair. “You don’t have to do anything just yet. Decide when you’re ready.”

  Evie let out a shuddering breath. “But what if by then it’s too late?”

  Chelsea had no answer for that.

  Chapter 19

  Graduation day came, and Evie readied herself with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. It wasn’t the degree—she’d fought so hard for this that it felt like she’d climbed Mount Everest just to get it. And it wasn’t the company. Chelsea would be there, getting her own degree. And Evie’s mother had finally come for a visit and would be in the crowd.

  Everything was perfect. Except Alexei wouldn’t be there.

  She still loved him. After everything, she still loved him.

  But she also knew she couldn’t be with him. Not unless he made a concrete effort to change. But did she even have a right to ask that of him? Would he make the effort to change if she did? Those questions haunted her.

  With her mother in town, Evie had been out of the apartment enough to neatly avoid seeing Alexei, but he still consumed her thoughts. Some days she convinced herself she’d done the right thing. Maybe Alexei hadn’t done anything wrong, but she was still too damaged to be with a man like that. It was her, not him, that was the problem. But the outcome was the same.

  Other days, she thought she’d made a terrible mistake. Alexei wouldn’t hurt her, she knew that. She’d just run from a wonderful man out of fear that he was like a man who had hurt her in the past.

  Most of all she just missed him. Missed the man she’d believed in before that bar fight. Missed their time together, in bed and out. Missed what they’d shared.

  But she was determined to enjoy this day. She deserved to
celebrate her achievements instead of moping over a man. Surely she could set aside her grief and confusion for a brief moment in time. There was always tomorrow to wallow in her heartbreak.

  The ceremony went off without a hitch. And it was a moment of triumph as she was handed her diploma cover, even if it was tinged by a slight sliver of melancholy.

  She, her mother, and Chelsea went for their own celebration after, and Chelsea studiously avoided any mention of Alexei. A few days before, Evie had broken down in her mother’s arms and confessed what had happened with Jimmy. She’d been wonderfully supportive, but it was too much to expect she deal with two of Evie’s heartbreaks in one visit.

  A few days later, Evie’s mother left, leaving her alone again to endure her thoughts of Alexei. Hearing him move around his apartment was both a knife to her chest and a balm to her soul. He was so near, and yet so far from her reach.

  She had to talk to him, to explain. But not yet. She wasn’t ready just yet.

  It took Alexei a few days to admit there might be some truth to Evie’s words. A man who uses violence to solve his problems. Maybe that was true. Over the next few days, he thought back over his recent encounters. The bar fight, yes, where he’d escalated the situation more than necessary. He could have walked away at any time. He’d seen the fear in their leader’s eyes, and the bravado he used to hide it. Alexei could have just taken him out, or even scared him into leaving them alone. But instead he’d wanted violence. Wanted revenge. Wanted to scare the man away. His intentions had been noble, but perhaps his actions had not been.

  Alexei also thought about the way he’d handled Jimmy the night he’d met Evie. Again, he’d come in, primed for a fight and escalated the situation. It hadn’t been his intention, but he’d scared Evie again that night, too, so it had been much harder for her to trust him.

  While he didn’t live a life of pure violence, he certainly relied on it a little too much because of his upbringing. His father had used violence until Alexei was big enough to punch back. Maybe he only understood that fighting back with your fists was the only thing that stopped a bully.

  But regardless of why he’d done it, he knew he’d scared her. And that wasn’t acceptable, not with any woman, let alone the woman he loved.

  And he did still love her, despite everything. His ego had been bruised by her accusations, but once he’d cooled down he understood. She’d been through something awful and it still impacted her. It might always have an effect on her thoughts and actions. If he wanted her in his life—and he did—he’d have to understand that and make allowances. Take steps to make sure she was never frightened of him again.

  He had to fight for her, but first he had to make sure he wouldn’t scare her again.

  After his fight on Saturday he stopped by to see Doc in his makeshift surgery to get a small cut tended.

  “Hey Doc,” he greeted the man.

  Doc looked up from where he’d been packing away his medical kit. “Alexei. Were you hurt?”

  Alexei shook his head. He’d beat Chen easily enough. “Not badly.”

  Doc nodded and gestured to his chair. Alexei eased himself into it as Doc pulled out a few items ready to treat Alexei’s cut.

  “How’s your girl?” Doc asked, eyes shrewd.

  Alexei blinked in surprise. “Which girl?”

  “The one you asked me about.”

  Alexei deflated as memories of Evie overwhelmed him. It hurt worse than any hit he’d gotten tonight, like his heart was one big bruise.

  “She broke up with me,” Alexei said, bitterness lacing his tone.

  Doc raised an eyebrow in surprise. “I’m sorry to hear that.” After a moment where Doc focused on Alexei’s cut, he continued. “Were you slow and patient like I said?”

  Alexei pressed his lips together. “Yes. Mostly.”

  Doc gave him a side-eyed look and Alexei huffed.

  “I scared her,” he explained. He squirmed in his seat, not sure he wanted to be talking about this. Noise from the crowd leaving the warehouse filtered into the office as Alexei tried to ignore the memories his explanation had conjured.

  “Do you want to make it up to her?” Doc asked. “Get back together?”

  Alexei exhaled, resigned. “Yeah.” Fuck yeah. She was his. That hadn’t changed. “Why do you ask?”

  Doc shrugged, but there was some underlying emotion in his expression. “I guess I feel some responsibility for you all. Believe it or not, I like you kids.” He glanced out through the doorway where Weston and Spider hovered in the distance. “Most of you, anyway.”

  Alexei chuckled.

  Doc’s eyes grew serious. “I don’t know what happened between you, but if you want to talk to someone more qualified about it, I can recommend someone with more expertise than I have in this area, if you like. He’s like me—he’ll see you off the books.”

  Alexei considered the other man. Was Doc suggesting some kind of therapy? His first reaction would be a hard no. He didn’t need that.

  But would he if it was the only way to get Evie back? He swallowed, digesting that possibility. Maybe, he allowed. Even if just to prove to Evie that he’d do better.

  Doc scribbled out a phone number and handed it to Alexei, who reluctantly accepted it. “Just in case,” the older man told him.

  “Thank you.”

  Doc just nodded with a smile and finished tending to Alexei’s cut.

  As Alexei was leaving, McCready gave him a slight nod. Whatever the man’s beef had been with Alexei, it seemed he’d finally gotten over it. Either way, it was too late. Alexei knew his days here were numbered. He had to get out before he did something else seemingly innocent and McCready forced him out.

  To do what, he didn’t know. He wished he had Evie to talk to about it, but maybe that would happen soon, if he was lucky.

  He would get her back, he vowed to himself.

  Whatever it took.

  Chapter 20

  The night was cool as Evie walked home from the diner. She shivered into her thin cardigan, wishing not for the first time that Alexei was here with her. Not just because she knew he’d offer his jacket if he was, but because that creeping sensation of being watched was back.

  Evie quickened her pace, but the feeling didn’t dissipate. She couldn’t hear any footsteps over the thundering of her heartbeat in her ears, but she was mostly sure no one was actually there. It was only that the feeling of safety she’d slowly built up during her time training with Alexei had been an illusion all along. It hadn’t been that she’d got her confidence back, it was only that Alexei had been at her side most nights and she had become used to his protective presence. She’d felt safer with him nearby.

  Now, all that was shattered. She was back to her usual paranoid self, with cold sweat breaking out all over her, and her breath coming in thick pants. She wanted to flee to safety, but she forced herself to keep walking at a normal pace. She wouldn’t let her paranoia defeat her. This isn’t who she was anymore. She was stronger. Better.

  Less than a block to go.

  A hand closed over her mouth.

  Evie tried to scream but no sound emerged from behind the leather gloves on her attacker’s hands. She struggled, but the man closed his arms around her chest to lock her to him and dragged her into the dark alley to her left.

  The stench of alcohol and cigarettes reached her as she tried to breathe through her nose. Fear gripped her as she got an inkling of who might be holding her.

  She froze for a moment, terror locking her limbs. But as he dragged her further into the dark alley, away from the slanting light of the streetlamp that lit the entrance, she twisted and fought his hold with a clawing desperation.

  He adjusted his grip over her mouth and she drew a breath to scream, but his hand clamped down again before she could make a sound. Her jaw ached from him shoving it so roughly. Bile rose in her throat from the potent mixture of fear and bad smells. The rotting garbage of the alley almost overpowered her attacker’s
aroma of alcohol, cigarettes, and excitement.

  He kicked at her knees, trying to get her to kneel in the darkness. But Evie managed to stay upright because he could only kick one knee at a time.

  It was only then that Evie’s mind cleared. She knew some self-defense. Alexei had taught her. Clearly they hadn’t done the drills enough because it hadn’t been second nature to her, but that didn’t mean it was too late. She could fight back. She could get out of this.

  She dropped in his arms, taking him by surprise so he loosened his grip. It wasn’t enough to get free, because as she squirmed away his arm clamped down tighter around her waist. But the grip wasn’t perfect, and she managed to wrench her right arm free and drive her elbow back into his stomach.

  Her attacker grunted, doubling into himself, and Evie experienced a powerful thrill from knowing she’d hurt him.

  She kicked back, getting him in the knee, and this time he crumpled. Evie threw herself out of his grip and stumbled forward, only to realise there was a dead end up ahead. The only way out was behind her attacker.

  She spun around and tried to race past him before he recovered, but it was too late. He grabbed her around the waist and used her own speed against her to throw her to the ground.

  Evie screamed, as loud as she could, until a hand clamped over her mouth again.

  Her attacker crawled forward and the dull illumination from the street light was enough to reveal a familiar, horrible face.

  “Jimmy,” she tried to say, but his gloved hand muffled her voice. Instead, she pleaded with her eyes. He ignored her, his grin growing wider.

  “Now I have you where I want you.”

  She shook her head, trying to buck him off, but he pressed his weigh more heavily over her, trapping her legs with his knee.

  “You’ve deserved punishment for what you did to me. But you’ve had that beast following you around so long I almost gave up. But now he’s gone, and you’re all alone.”