B-ry: A Steel Paragons MC Novel (The Coast: Book 4)

by Eve R. Hart

  I could tell he was trying not to bust out laughing.

  Ky had once been a player. A low-key player, if that was such a thing. He didn’t really boast and brag about his conquest like some people around here did, but he also didn’t hide the fact that he was heading off to get some tail. That changed once he really started seeing Chris. He didn’t talk about his sex life or hint to it, even. Not that he needed to. It was clear as day when those two were together. I mean, damn. I always felt like I wanted to shout ‘why don’t you two just go and do it already?!’ like all the time when they were around.

  “I’m not going to ask, but I am going to say something,” he said and I gritted my teeth and waited for it. “I’ve noticed. And if I have, I’m sure other’s have as well. I’m going to guess that you have something going on that you don’t want to talk about. But the whole sneaking off in the middle of the night thing, it’s going to raise some suspicion. Especially because you’ve kept whatever it is on lockdown for months.”

  A blanket of silence fell around us. This was my chance. Maybe? To say something and possibly even get some advice. But I kept my mouth closed for some reason.

  “I get it,” he finally said and slapped me on the back. “Looks like they’re done. I’m heading up to the bar. Come on.” The way he said it made it seem like not going to the bar wasn’t an option for me.

  We went in the back way because it just made sense. The music was blaring and the chatter was at a level a few notches above that. It sounded like everyone was having a good ole time.

  I, for sure, was ready to kick back and have a few. I figured I’d let someone take the weight off my shoulders for the night. So when I found Mouse sober as could be, I asked him to keep an eye out for anything that might go down. He seemed kind of in an off mood and said he didn’t mind at all. I got the feeling like he was almost glad to have a distraction.

  I didn’t think any more of it as Ky walked over to where Brand, Cami, and Chris were huddled. I grabbed a beer and joined my brothers by the pool table. Cable was on a roll and I didn’t dare try to play him. By the stack of money sitting there, I would have figured he’d cleaned everyone out already.

  “Come on, man,” Sketch said as Cable racked the balls for the next game. “You’ve got to step up and win one for all of us losers.”

  I shook my head and swallowed down half my beer. The table was surrounded by people now. Not surprisingly, half of those people were barely dressed, super made-up women looking to score one of us for the night. I had half a mind to just shrug it off and take my ass as far away from this scene as possible, but then someone called me a chickenshit and well, I couldn’t back down.

  “Make it good,” Sketch said grabbing my shoulders from behind and shaking me back and forth. Well, trying to anyway. I was a hard guy to move when I didn’t want to. “Damn. Maybe I should start working out with you. Bet you could get me real buff in like two minutes.”

  “Shut up,” I said with a laugh. “You’re too busy chasing ass to ever have enough focus to get this kind of body.”

  Which was very true.

  He laughed it off and agreed with me. See? I was right.

  I was so into the game that I didn’t really pay attention to what was going on around me. I wanted to win but not because I was an asshole that couldn’t stand losing. It was that if I was going to do something like this, then I was going to give it my all. At least that way if I lost, I knew I had tried my damnedest.

  “Eight ball, corner pocket,” I called out and did my best to keep the smirk at bay.

  I was smart enough to know that you never counted all your eggs before they hatched… or something like that. My dad used to say that to me all the time. No, it was chickens. Yeah, don’t count your chickens before they hatched. That made more sense. The eggs went with the basket saying. What was with all those stupid sayings anyway?

  I shook my head and focused really hard. I waited until it felt just right. The cue ball hit the right spot on the eight ball and that thing shot in the pocket like a rocket.

  But then the cue ball decided to wander into the other corner pocket.

  It seemed like half the bar joined in one big, sad ‘awwwww’ as my heart stopped for a split second.

  Oh, well.

  What could ya do?

  “Good game,” Cable called out coolly. “I’ll buy you a beer. I don’t think anyone else is going to play me tonight.” He shrugged and I laughed.

  Then I let him buy me a beer.

  I gave up on playing anymore that night and decided to join in on the conversation that Tripp, Dade, and Charming were having. It really wasn’t about anything specific. We all ended up bullshitting about random stuff, both club related and not. It was kind of nice to have a chance to get to know Dade and Tripp a little better.

  Then it happened.

  I got this chill down my spine.

  The same one that set me on high alert.

  I sat up straight and noticed what it was right away.

  Walking in behind one of the new prospects was Laurel.

  The prospect had his head down and that was the only reason I didn’t get to my feet right away. My guess was that Brand had probably sent him out to pick her up because he knew she didn’t have a car.

  She was stunning, like always.

  And for a moment the world around me ceased to exist.

  Her hair was up in a way that said she’d spent a little time getting it just right. Her eyes were lined with black and she had this smoky thing going on around the lids. Her lashes were outstandingly thick and noticeable. Her perfect mouth was painted red.

  There was nothing subtle about her makeup. Which threw me for multiple reasons. I’d never seen her done up like this. Not even when I’d first met her. Everything had been light and barely there back then. Her lips had been glossy pink. And while her lashes had been thick, the stuff on her lids had never been dark like this.

  I would have sworn my jaw dropped to the floor.

  “Damn, she’s fine,” Sketch said from out of fucking nowhere.

  I clenched my jaw.

  I counted to ten.

  I gripped the edge of the wooden booth.

  I barely held back the urge to punch him.

  Even though I had no right to be upset.

  It was when I noticed what she was wearing that I calm down a little. I actually smiled on the inside. Because that dress looked even better than I imagined it would on her when I’d picked it out. Damn.

  Her eyes met mine, but before I could get a reaction out of her, she turned to Cami as she called her over to their little corner.

  Minutes turned into hours.

  I sat there and stewed.

  Finally, I’d had enough.

  Because she’d spent the night ignoring me. I sat there all that time watching her drink and flirt her way around the bar. I watched from afar as she laughed and chatted with Cami, Chris, Ky and Brand like they were old friends that hadn’t seen each other in ages. I sat there, pretending it didn’t bother me to be on the outside. Pretending that I wasn’t a part of her life. That I wasn’t the man that she spent most of her nights with. And like I wasn’t the one that knew every little thing about her body.

  Like that sexy beauty mark on her left shoulder.

  Like the cute little freckle on the arch of her right foot.

  Like the way she whimpered in the back of her throat when I ran the rough pads of my fingers down her spine.

  Like that cute little thing she did with her lip right before she laughed.

  Or the way she would dig her nails into my scalp when she came on my tongue.

  And how her perfect nipples pointed slightly upward when she was turned on.

  Or how she looked at me when her guard was down. And then the way she freaked out and got into her head, only to cut off my view of those beautiful silver eyes at the last second.

  And yet, I sat there trying to hide the fact that I knew her so well. All these months
I had tried to give her space and time. She was going through so much and I knew it would take a little while for her to adjust. She was still working on the adjusting part. For some reason, I wanted to be the one that was there for her. I wanted to be the person she turned to when she felt like she was about to crumble. The person she sought out when she needed to be held. The one to listen to her while she was trying to work through it all.

  But I was stupid.

  Because I only ended up being the one she called when she needed a distraction.

  I was a fool.

  An idiot.

  A joke.

  Waiting and holding out for her to admit how she felt, for her to open her eyes and see how much I truly cared about her had done me no good. It had only managed to cut a little more away from me each day that passed.

  I realized everything we might have had, or could have had, was bullshit. We weren’t heading in some direction because there was never going to be anything more than what there was. I had spent these last few months falling harder and harder for the girl that I thought could be the one. All the while, she never saw me past the wrinkled sheets that covered her bed.

  So as I downed the rest of my beer, I decided that I was done. Sure it was going to be hard to quit her cold turkey but I knew it would be the best thing for both of us. I never thought I was a weak man. Not until Laurel came along. We weren’t going anywhere. I was just keeping her distracted when what she really needed to do was face her problems head-on.

  And as far as I went? Well, I needed to stop wishing and hoping for something that was never going to be.

  I set my empty bottle down on the table. I really wanted another one but I wasn’t going to have it here. I’d be damned if I was going to spend another second sitting in this bar and suffering in silence like a pathetic asshole.

  I stood, said my goodbyes to my brothers around me, and made my way to the back door.

  It became clear to me tonight, that I cared about her more than she wanted me to. And sadly, that made me one pathetic motherfucker. She would never let me in all the way. She’d never want to be mine in the light of day. She wouldn’t ever want me to stay.

  All the things that I’d been holding onto suddenly didn’t matter. Things that I thought made me special because I knew them or was the lucky one that got to be a part of them. I knew things that not many people knew. I saw parts of her that she tried desperately to keep hidden. Those were the moments that got to me the most, when she would unknowingly let her guard down and let me in. It was that part of her that like a stupid fuck I couldn’t get enough of. Those private moments were the ones that I’d come to crave as they carved themselves into my heart each time.

  It was her laugh. Not the fake one that she let everyone else hear. No, it was the one where her head fell back and she got those cute little crinkles next to her eyes. The very one where she temporarily forgot all her worries of showing laugh lines and wrinkles. The one that was so open and free that her tongue jumped along with the beautiful sound.

  Or the times I could see the insecurity in her eyes. When the high and mighty, need to be perfect woman was gone and in its place was the one that was unsure if her true self was good enough.

  Like I’d really ever be after her for her name or prestige. Or gave a fuck what kind of connections would come along with being with her. Not that she had that now, but I knew those thoughts were always there in the back of her mind. It was how she was raised and it would be something that would take a long time to shake.

  I started thinking about all the times I had spent with her. All the things that only I got to see. All the shit that I loved about her. Most of it she probably wasn’t even aware of. And I realized that I had tricked myself into thinking that it had meant more than it did. Simple things that were actually big, in a way. Like the fact that she pretended to hate it when I called her my Queen. But really she melted inside and her eyes always gave her away. Or the way it always made her grow a little stronger, her spine sit a little straighter, her shoulders pulled back a little more, and her chin tilted upward just the slightest amount.

  But after her display tonight, I realized that it meant nothing. That I was just seeing things that I wanted to see.

  The air was thick from the humidity but there was a coolness starting to settle into the night air. As I took in a lungful, I felt like my lungs were as weighted down as my soul. And I wasn’t sure how to move on from here.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Laurel

  I had no intention of going to the cookout tonight. I really didn’t. And no, I hadn’t spent the afternoon going back and forth about showing up. Okay, that was a giant lie.

  Sadly, it wasn’t Bryan that had invited me. Cami and Chris had been the ones that asked me to come. There was some big celebration going on for new members or something. I honestly had no clue. I still didn’t really grasp how the whole thing worked.

  The only reason I had decided to stay in was because I didn’t want to go and ruin the night. I may have also been afraid of what I would see given that Bryan hadn’t invited me. What if he had some whole other life going on there. I was almost sure he did. We didn’t have any kind of commitment to one another so, in a way, he was free to do as he pleased. And whatever that was, I just didn’t want to know. So I figured it was best if I didn’t try to mix the two worlds when he clearly didn’t want me there.

  However, when Cami called me half-drunk and demanded that I come to the bar that the club owned, I couldn’t turn her down. I mean, she was my little sister, I had to make sure she was alright. It didn’t matter that she had Brand there to watch over her and that I knew he would never let anything happen to her. Or that she told me Chris and Ky were there too. Or that I knew every single person in that club would look out for her.

  Sure, that was what I kept telling myself.

  Even as I pulled out the sexy dress that Bryan had bought me.

  Even as I tried my best to make my hair look halfway decent.

  Even as I painted my lips bright red.

  None of it had to do with the biker that had stolen my heart but kept me hidden.

  I didn’t think of him as some strange guy that Cami swore up and down was okay, picked me up and drove me over to the bar.

  I didn’t even think of him as I walked myself into the packed bar, praying that I was pulling off the sexy thing.

  At least, that was what I tried to believe.

  It was a total lie. I did all of this because of him. I knew it even though I tried so hard to deny it. I wanted to be the only one he saw tonight. I wanted him to eat me up with hungry eyes.

  I felt sexy. I felt on fire. I did. But was it enough? Could I catch his attention while he was around all his brothers? Was that my goal here?

  Maybe.

  Maybe I was a bit tired of feeling like a dirty secret. I had a little tiny shred of hope that tonight would be the beginning of a change for us. But I was also smart enough to realize that I was reaching for something I would never be able to grab.

  Like a magnet, I saw him immediately. He was sitting with a few other guys but his eyes were already on me. Completely taken by surprise, I lost my breath for a moment. I wanted to smile but Cami called my name and my head whipped in the opposite direction. Before I knew it, I was tucked away in a corner far away from Bryan.

  I kept waiting for him to come over and say something. Maybe even act as if he knew me. But he didn’t. The minutes ticked by and I began to lose all hope that I meant something to him.

  So when some guy offered to buy me a drink, I didn’t turn him down. It wasn’t my intention to play games. But I was also broke and in need of something to make me forget. Forget that I was hurting. That I wanted to cry. That I felt cheap and stupid.

  I tossed down a drink, and then another. I ignored the fact that Bryan was sitting across the room playing me for the fool that he thought I was.

  I decided that I wasn’t going to let another man ruin my life. Ok
ay, so he had kind of been that man that did ruin things, to begin with. But, as much as I hated what had transpired back then, I had stopped blaming him long ago. He had sent me on a path that was hard but I didn’t regret taking.

  Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him slip out down the back hallway. By the determination of his walk, I knew he was leaving. I bet he thought he could just sneak right out the back and I wouldn’t even notice.

  I made a decision right then and there. I didn’t stop to come up with a plan or rehearse some kind of speech. And I may have lied and told everyone that I was tired and had already gotten an Uber, which was waiting for me out front. Chris and Brand tried to walk me out, but I assured them that I would be fine because it was already waiting and all. It helped that they knew there were people hanging around out front more than likely smoking and whatnot.

  I said my quick goodbyes then slipped out the front door. They were right, a few people were out front but no one paid me any attention as I walked passed them and around the side of the building.

  I saw him just barely in the dark night. He was slipping away from me so fast I didn’t even think I would be able to catch up. He didn’t even notice that I was following him. But then again, I was pretty far away. I had no idea which room was his because he had never once invited me here to see it. That should have made me turn my butt around and go home. It was another clear sign that he didn’t want me here. Or want me beyond hot sex and the occasional take-out meal.

  But I was a little tipsy and feeling bold.

  I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do once I got to his room, or wherever he was going. I was torn between telling him off and letting him know how I really felt. I figured that I would make up my mind on the spot even if I knew that was the worst idea ever.

  I waited to climb the stairs because I was a ball of live-wire nerves. In fact, I ended up pacing for a few moments while I tried to shake the nervousness out of my hands. Then I heard him in my ear whispering words of my Queen and I stood tall. I climbed the stairs slowly because I didn’t want to fall and break my neck. Being tipsy, wearing heels, and trying to go up concrete stairs was not a good mix. But I did it and didn’t even stumble a little.