Highland Angels

by Ceci Giltenan

  “Ye don’t know what ye’re talking about.”

  “Ye think not? When was the last time ye did anything with yer son, other than sit at the same table?”

  “I do things with my son.”

  “When, Andrew? When was the last time?” she demanded.

  He scowled and didn’t answer.

  “I’ll tell ye when it was. It was the day he fell through the ice almost five weeks ago, and that happened because ye only spent a few hours with him in the morning, before giving him to someone else’s care. I’ll warrant I’ve spent more time with that sweet child in the last five weeks than ye have in the last few years.”

  “I have a great many responsibilities, Anna. You couldn’t possibly understand.”

  “Clearly, I don’t. I thought one of a father’s responsibilities was to raise his child. Davy loves ye with all his heart. I would have thought nearly losing him would have reminded ye of how precious he is to ye.

  “This is none of yer business.”

  “Did ye actually just say that to me? We’re to be married. Ye told me ye came as a pair, didn’t ye?”

  “Aye, we do. And I’m glad ye care about Davy. He needs a mother, but that doesn’t give ye the right—”

  “He needs a father too, and ye’re doing everything in yer power to avoid being that.”

  “Ye don’t understand.”

  “Don’t I? Let me ask ye this, how difficult was it for ye not to have a mother? Oh wait…I forgot, yer da married Kenna when ye were younger than Davy is now. From what I hear she was a wonderful mother.”

  “Aye she was.”

  “Mairi was at least old enough to remember her too. Davy and I don’t remember our mothers. I had Grizel, but she wasn’t exactly a mother, and I had my da. Davy has had no one for the last several years.”

  “He’s had me.”

  “He hasn’t. Andrew, he only wants a tiny bit of yer time once in a while, and yet ye rebuff him every day. To his credit he simply accepts it with no argument or pleading. But every day I see how much it hurts him and how he increasingly seeks love and approval elsewhere. Ye have given me one task and I am trying to do it. But do ye remember what ye said? Ye told me that the best thing I could do, what ye needed most, was for me to care for Davy so that you didn’t have to.”

  Andrew’s eyes narrowed and he clenched his fists at his sides. “I said I wanted ye to care for Davy so I wouldn’t have to worry.”

  “As it turns out, it’s pretty much the same thing. So, pardon me, I have a wee broken heart to go tend.” She turned to walk out of the room.

  Andrew grabbed her arm, “We aren’t finished.”

  She yanked her arm away from him. “Yes we are. Since ye’ll neither go riding with us nor allow us to go with anyone else or even leave the keep, I’ll find something else to occupy Davy’s time today. Go train yer men. Yer son is no longer yer problem. I’ll see he doesn’t bother ye again.”

  ~ * ~

  Andrew fairly trembled with suppressed rage as he watched his betrothed stride angrily toward the door again. “Don’t take another step.”

  She spun back around. “Nay, Andrew. Ye don’t have the right to—”

  “And don’t tell me what rights I have. Ye have levelled a serious accusation. How dare ye suggest I don’t love my son?”

  Anna squared her shoulders. “I suggested no such thing. I know ye love him. I said ye avoid him.”

  “I don’t avoid my son either.” Even as the words left his lips, he knew they weren’t completely true. He avoided anything that reminded him of Joan.

  Immediately after she died, he moved out of the chamber they had shared because the memories were too raw. He hadn’t attended the celebration of Bram Sutherland’s wedding to Joan’s cousin several years ago because her family would be there in force and he didn’t want to be reminded of his loss. Likewise, he hadn’t wanted them invited to his upcoming wedding to Anna, but his father had overruled that, not wishing to insult either the Sinclairs or the Sutherlands.

  Davy was little more than a bairn when Joan died, but as he grew older and lost his soft, baby features, he resembled her more and more. Truth told, it caused Andrew’s heart to ache with loss each time he caught sight of his son.

  “Aye ye do avoid him, Andrew.” Her tone had become soft and gentle. “Help me understand why.”

  Anna was painfully perceptive. He did avoid Davy, but, and he couldn’t deny that she was right. But he didn’t want to discuss this with her. “Leave it, Anna.”

  “Nay. Ye asked me not to shut ye out. Now I’m asking ye the same thing. Davy is doted on by every member of this clan except the one person whose attention he most seeks.”

  “Ye can’t possibly understand.”

  “Perhaps not. But here’s what I do understand. The day Davy fell through the ice, ye were terrified at the thought of losing him. And yet, what ye don’t realize is, ye are losing him bit by bit anyway. He grows older and farther away from ye as each day passes. If things keep going as they are, someday he’ll stop seeking yer time and attention altogether, and on that day ye will have lost a thing of great value.” Anna looked down for a moment, blinking as if she held back tears. When she looked at him again she said, “And he will have as well.”

  Andrew stared at her in stunned silence as the truth washed over him. Had he wanted to avoid the pain of his own loss so completely that he shut the dearest piece of Joan remaining to him out of his life? Dear God what have I done?

  Perhaps reading his silence as stubbornness or anger, Anna sighed. “Excuse me. I’m sorry if I angered ye. It was for Davy.”

  She started to leave and once again he stopped her. “Nay, Anna, wait. Please…wait.”

  She turned back to face him again but said nothing.

  “Ye’re right. I’ve been a coward.”

  “I never said that.”

  “I know ye didn’t, but it’s the truth. I’ve told ye before that I loved Davy’s mother. The truth is, Davy grows more like Joan each day, and not just in looks. He is as full of life and joy as she was. My heart aches for her every time I look at him…and so until now I suppose I have done whatever I could to prevent that pain.”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed.”

  “Nay, I needed to be pushed. I have been so wrapped up in my own sorrow, I held myself away from the only person who will ever be as precious to me as Joan was. I can never give my heart to anyone like that again. I thought solely of my own pain and, as a result, denied a motherless lad his father too. Even coming so very close to losing him didn’t change anything.” He reached out and took one of her hands in his. “Thank ye, Anna. Now that I look back, I realize others may have tried to tell me the same thing but ye’re more relentless than the Highland winds in a winter gale.”

  She blushed. “I—I…”

  “I know. Ye did it for Davy and I’m grateful.”

  “Ye’re welcome. I…uh…I should get back to Davy.”

  “I’ll walk back to the great hall with ye. And, I’ll take ye both out riding this afternoon.”

  “Perhaps ye should just take Davy today.”

  “Whatever ye think is best.”

  Once they reached the great hall Davy was thrilled to learn they would be able to go riding later. Andrew’s heart caught a little—his son’s glee so resembled Joan’s. But at that moment Andrew knew he needed to embrace their similarities instead of hiding from them. He had to focus on what remained to him rather than what he had lost.

  ~ * ~

  Anna had needled Andrew intentionally that morning. She wanted him to see how he had been ignoring his son. She thought maybe, if over the course of days or weeks he realized that other men were filling the role that he should have in Davy’s life, he too would spend a little more time with his son.

  She hadn’t expected him to become so angry.

  She hadn’t expected to become so angry herself.

  And she really hadn’t expected to hear the reason h
e seemed to ignore his son.

  But perhaps the thing that took her most by surprise was how much it hurt to hear him profess the profound love he held for his first wife. Of course Andrew had already told Anna that. He said until his father forced the betrothal, he “had absolutely no intention of ever marrying again.” She knew it had to be devastating to love someone so profoundly and then lose her.

  However, when he said, “I held myself away from the only person who will ever be as precious to me as Joan was,” the pain she felt was surprisingly sharp.

  It was foolish really. Once Anna had decided she would do what she could to make the best of the situation in which she found herself, she had allowed herself to imagine loving Andrew. Perhaps worse, she had allowed herself to imagine receiving his love in return. But it seemed Andrew had already ruled out that possibility. I can never give my heart to anyone like that again. Rather suddenly, Anna realized she was destined to marry a man who would do his duty by her and perhaps even be kind and affectionate towards her, but would never love her.

  That prospect seemed shockingly bleak.

  When they returned to the great hall that morning, her heart had been heavy. Seeing Davy’s joy at learning his father would go riding with him that afternoon truly pleased her, but nevertheless, a terrible shift had occurred. She had lost the shred of hope to which she had been clinging—the hope that she and her husband might grow to love each other.

  Chapter 12

  Once Andrew had been forced to admit to himself that he had intentionally avoided Davy to protect himself from the pain of loss, he vowed to make amends. The next morning after addressing some clan business for his father, he went in search of his son. Davy had asked so many times for Andrew to allow him to watch the men train—Andrew intended to do just that. He entered the great hall and called to one of the maids who was cleaning in preparation for the Easter celebrations. “Janet, do ye happen to know where David is?”

  “Aye, sir. Well, that is I’m not certain, but he’s usually in Lady Anna’s chamber this time of the mornin’.”

  “What is he doing there?”

  Janet laughed. “Did ye not know? Lady Anna is teaching him letters and numbers. After the first day or so she convinced Mairi to join them too.”

  “Anna can read?”

  Janet shrugged. “I expect she can, seein’ as how she’s teaching them to.”

  Andrew smiled at her. “Thanks for not just coming right out and telling me that was a stupid question.”

  “I’m happy to serve, sir,” she said giving him a mischievous grin.

  He chuckled as he left the hall, climbing the stairs to Anna’s chamber. The door was open and he heard their voices, so he stopped for a moment to listen.

  “H” said Davy, gleefully.

  After a moment Mairi said, “B.”

  There was another pause and Davy said, “F.”

  Then he heard Mairi sound puzzled. “Eh…Eh…I don’t know elbow.”

  “Elbow begins with an ‘E’,” said Anna. “I’ll give ye the point if ye can guess what the next letter in ‘elbow’ is.”

  “But we haven’t done second letters,” said Mairi petulantly.

  “Nay, we haven’t, but say the word and think about it,” said Anna. “I bet you can figure it out.”

  “Hmm. Elbow. El…el…oh, the next letter in elbow is ‘L’!”

  “That’s right. And what do ye think is next?”

  “Elb…buh…buh…it’s a ‘B’,” Mairi said confidently.

  “Aye, it is.”

  Andrew smiled with pride in his little sister.

  “Can I guess the next letter?” asked Davy.

  “All right. The first three letters are ‘E-L-B’ what do ye think comes next?”

  His son repeated the word “elbow” several times, very seriously, until he said, “Is it ‘O’?”

  “Aye, very good, Davy.”

  Andrew didn’t want to be caught eavesdropping so he stepped forward, tapping on the door as he entered the room. “What’s going on here?”

  “Da!” squealed Davy as he jumped up from his chair and threw his arms around his father.

  “Anna is teaching us to read,” said Mairi.

  “Is she? That’s wonderful.” He smiled at Anna. “I didn’t know ye could read.”

  Anna’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “There might be one or two things ye don’t know about me.”

  He canted his head. “Aye, I expect there are.”

  “Look, Da, I can write my name.” Davy proceeded to show him a parchment on which he had written “David” in a blotchy, slightly crooked hand.

  “Well done, son. Mairi, can ye write yer name too?”

  Mairi gave him a brilliant smile—something she almost never did. “Aye, I can.” She showed him the parchment on which she had written her name in a slightly neater script.

  “Very nice, Mairi.”

  Mairi beamed.

  Andrew chanced a glance at Anna, who stood quietly to one side. She looked rightfully proud of her students. “Anna, I didn’t realize ye were teaching these two to read but ‘twas a very good idea. Thank ye.”

  She nodded but didn’t meet his eyes. “Ye’re welcome.”

  “I’m sorry to have interrupted.”

  “Ye didn’t.”

  He arched a brow at her.

  “What I mean is, we were finishing up for the morning.”

  “Well, in that case, I thought Davy might want to go with me to watch the men train for a bit.”

  “Do ye mean it, Da?”

  Andrew ruffled his hair. “Aye, Davy.”

  “Can I go too, Andrew?” asked Mairi.

  There was no way he was taking Mairi to the lists, but before he said so, Anna stepped in.

  “Nay, Mairi. Andrew, I don’t care what ye say, the lists are absolutely no place for a young lady.”

  Andrew stared at her for a moment, speechless. “Anna, I—”

  “Nay, Andrew. Absolutely not.”

  What was Anna doing? He certainly had no intention of taking Mairi.

  Mairi pouted. “Anna, that’s not fair.”

  “I’m sorry, Mairi. It cannot be allowed. Go now and get your tapestry frame. We will work on that a bit.”

  Mairi frowned and stomped out of the room.

  Andrew was perplexed. “Anna, I—”

  She put up her hand and shook her head, saying very quietly, “Andrew, ye don’t always have to be the bossy one.”

  By all the saints. “Ye did that on purpose?”

  “Ye weren’t planning to take her too, were ye?”

  “Nay, but now she’s mad at ye.”

  Anna grinned. “Aye, but she won’t stay mad long. Ye and Davy go on before she realizes that not only am I not her father or her laird, I’m not even her brother.”

  He laughed. “Aye, we’d better make our escape.” Then for some reason he could not fathom, he brushed her cheek with a kiss before leaving with Davy.

  ~ * ~

  Anna touched her cheek where he had kissed her, slightly confused by the unexpected show of affection. Then she chuckled to herself thinking of how astonished Andrew had looked when she had forbidden him to take Mairi to the lists. Sometimes Anna saw so much of her relationship with Eoin in Mairi’s interactions with Andrew. Maybe it was simply because the difference in their ages was similar. Mairi had seemed inordinately pleased when Andrew complimented her. Anna smiled, knowing she would have reacted exactly the same way to praise from Eoin. Knowingapproval like that from one of her brothers had meant to her when she was Mairi’s age, Anna couldn’t stand seeing the moment ruined.

  Very soon, Mairi returned with her tapestry frame—pouting. Anna tried to hide her amusement. Mairi was beginning to love needlework as much as Anna did. If Andrew had refused to take his sister, and there was no doubt he was going to, Anna would have consoled her with the offer of working on her tapestry. She, so she had simply skipped a step. And while Mairi continued to pout for
a while, she soon forgot her pique and was back to her talkative self again.

  ~ * ~

  Andrew continued to make time for Davy and after what Anna had done with Mairi, he looked for ways to include his little sister occasionally too. On Saturday afternoon before Easter, he was teaching them both to play quoits. It was an easy enough game to learn, even if it took practice and skill to master. Mairi was actually getting rather good at it for a young lass.

  “That was close, Mairi. Don’t forget to let yer arm keep going after ye release the quoit. It will fly truer.”

  As his sister prepared to throw her next quoit, her brow furrowed as if she were pondering some great problem. She took careful aim, tossed the quoit and, exactly as he had instructed, she followed through with her arm. The iron ring landed over the spike in the ground just as it was supposed to.

  “I did it!” Squealed Mairi.

  Andrew smiled at her. “Well done.” Her face lit with pleasure.

  “Aye Mairi, that was perfect,” said Graham as he joined them.

  “Did ye see me do that, Graham?”

  “Aye, sweetling, I did.”

  “Mairi, can I show Uncle Graham how I can throw them?” Davy asked.

  She smiled. “Aye go fetch them. It’s yer turn anyway.”

  Andrew and Graham stood back to watch Davy and Mairi play for a few minutes, calling the odd instruction and offering praise when it was warranted. Mairi particularly seemed to blossom with the slightest compliment.

  “Has it always been this simple to make her happy?” Andrew asked.

  Graham snorted. “Aye, Andrew, it doesn’t take much, just a bit of attention.”

  “I guess I’m guilty of not paying much attention to either of them.”

  “Aye, ye’ve been a bit wrapped up in yer own problems for a while. But the important thing is that ye know it now and ye are changing things.”

  “Why did ye never say anything?”

  “Well, I’ve tried to make subtle suggestions before but I guess we all understood how much ye’d lost. At what point do ye tell someone ye care about that they have mourned long enough?”