Highland Angels

by Ceci Giltenan

  Things seemed to be improving, until last night. Andrew had become cool and distant even as the spark of joy Ena had begun to see in Anna flickered and died.

  Ena could only guess that the Sinclairs’ arrival had stirred up painful memories and Andrew had once again withdrawn.

  If that was the case, it had to stop, and Anna herself stood the best chance of accomplishing that, but someone had to encourage her a bit. Ena smiled.

  After the morning meal, when the household staff had been set their tasks, Davy was with his grandparents and Ena’s littlest ones, Lara and Rhona were in the care of their nursemaid, Ena said, “Anna, we haven’t decided what ye’ll wear to yer wedding. It’s less than a fortnight away now, let’s go see what we have to work with.”

  “I don’t really have much to choose from.” She smiled apologetically. “I have what I was wearing the day I arrived and have made a couple of léines since then.”

  “Nay, pet, I didn’t mean to choose from the clothes ye already have. I thought yer options might be limited, so I brought several pieces of beautiful fabric. We’ll be able to make ye something lovely.”

  “Ooh, can I help?” asked Mairi.

  “Me too?” asked Ena’s oldest, Allison.

  Ena smiled. “Of course ye can. Mairi, does Janet’s mother still weave flax?”

  “Aye, she does.”

  “Excellent. I think Da is in the bailey. Go and ask him to send someone with ye to the village and bring me several lengths of the finest white linen she has.”

  Mairi nodded eagerly. “Aye Ena. Do ye need anything else?”

  “See if she has any dark green thread and perhaps some gold.”

  “I will. Will we come to yer chamber when we get back?”

  “Nay, pet, if we aren’t already in Anna’s solar when ye return, we will be soon. Meet us there.”

  Mairi grabbed Allison’s hand and practically ran to the door. “Allison, let’s go find my dal. We’ll be back soon,” she called over her shoulder.

  Ena smiled. “Ye needn’t rush so. It’s a lovely day. Enjoy the walk.” But the lassies were already out of the hall. She shook her head after them. “That sister of mine. She’s almost fifteen and one minute she’s poised and mature, but then ye blink and the wee lassie comes bubbling up.”

  Anna laughed, knowing how very true those words were.

  Ena gave an exaggerated sigh. “Ah well, come with me to my chamber and we’ll decide what to use.”

  As Anna followed her up the stairs, she asked, “Ena, have I done something wrong?”

  Ena laughed. “Goodness, lass, of course not. What would make ye ask that?”

  “Well, since ye’ve been here, I’ve noticed if ye make a point of getting someone alone, it’s because ye need to, how is it ye put it?”

  “Help them recognize a minor error in judgement?”

  Anna laughed. “Aye, that’s it. Since ye sent the lassies away, I thought perhaps ye might be planning to help me recognize a minor error in judgement.”

  By this time they had reached Ena’s chamber and she ushered Anna in. “Nay, Anna, ye’ve done nothing wrong, but I did want to speak with ye privately.”

  “About what?”

  Ena considered her for a moment. She probably should make certain that Anna herself was not the problem. “Anna, ye seem very sad and I want to know why.”

  Anna looked a bit taken aback. “Ena, I’m not—I mean—there isn’t anything…” As Anna’s voice trailed off, she looked away.

  Ena smiled gently at her. “Ye’re unhappy, Anna. Ye try very hard to hide it and ye do rather well most of the time. None of the men seem to notice, eejits that they are, but I do. I thought it was getting better but…well, I know ye’re still sad.”

  “I’m just missing my home, I suppose.”

  “There’s more to it than that. I thought at first it might be that ye didn’t like Andrew and dreaded marrying him, but I think ye do…like him that is.”

  Anna smiled sadly. “I do.”

  “So, I figure the problem is that ye believe he doesn’t like ye.”

  Anna shook her head. “He doesn’t.”

  “Nay, ye’re wrong. He clearly adores ye.”

  Anna met her gaze unflinchingly. “Nay, Ena, he doesn’t. It isn’t that he dislikes me. In fact I rather thought he was beginning to enjoy being with me until last night. He changed almost instantly when the Sinclairs arrived. I suppose it’s because he loved Joan so. He’s made it very clear, nearly from the start, he does not wish to love anyone else.”

  Ena frowned. “No one’s that stupid. Ye must have misunderstood him.”

  Anna gave a chuckle followed by a sigh. “I don’t think so. I believe his exact words were, ‘I can never give my heart to anyone like that again’.”

  Ena was dumbstruck. “The roaring arse. Oh, Anna, I’m sorry he said something so hurtful and I’m not sure why he did, but he’s wrong. He may think he can control his heart, but that isn’t possible.”

  “But…”

  “Nay, I’m right. I know him better than anyone. For some absolutely asinine reason, he may be trying to convince himself that he doesn’t love ye, or can’t love ye because of what he felt for Joan, but I tell ye, he’s wrong. He already loves ye. I know he does. It looks like someone needs to apprise him of his major error in judgement immediately.”

  “Please don’t.”

  “Why? Do ye plan to?”

  “Nay, Ena, but—”

  “Anna, if ye weren’t his betrothed and ye knew he had spouted such nonsense to the lass he was marrying, what would ye do?”

  Anna just shook her head.

  “Don’t deny it to me, pet. I know what ye’d do. Ye’d go nose to nose with him.” Ena smiled. “Of course ye’d have to stand on a block to reach his nose, but ye wouldn’t let him believe something so ridiculous, for his sake as well as hers.”

  “Is it ridiculous? Maybe he can’t love me as he did her.”

  Ena huffed, exasperated. “Of course he can’t. He loves ye as he loves ye. Anna, love isn’t quantifiable. Just because he loved Joan doesn’t mean he can’t love ye completely and just because he loves ye, it doesn’t mean he didn’t love her completely. It isn’t an issue of more or less.”

  Anna canted her head. “But it feels as if he has built a wall to keep me out.”

  “Well then, ye shall just have to break that wall down. Ye’ve done it before, but always for someone else.”

  “I haven’t—”

  “Don’t even try to deny it. I know how ye pushed him about Davy, and ye are relentless with Mairi.”

  “Mairi? I haven’t done anything to her.”

  “Anna, my da and brothers might be blind but I’m not. I notice what ye do. Ye find ways to mention Tasgall when she’s around. Ye reveal bits and pieces about him, about how kind, and smart, and funny he is. Ye’re wearing her down. Before long, she’ll be starry-eyed about meeting yer ‘brother Tasgall’ instead of dreading the arrival of ‘the MacKay she’s being forced to marry someday’.”

  Anna blushed and smiled.

  Ena laughed. “I knew ye were doing it with a purpose. So now lass, ye must use yer considerable powers of persuasion on my hard-headed brother.” Before Anna could argue, Ena wielded her most powerful argument. “Can ye do that for him, Anna? Ye gave him back his son. Can ye finish mending his heart and bring him happiness again?”

  ~ * ~

  Finish mending his heart? Hours later Ena’s words still echoed in Anna’s mind. Could she do that? During the midday meal she sat with him as was normal, but she paid closer attention to him than she ever had. His mask of cool indifference was back in place. It made Anna wonder if his sister had been wrong, but as the meal progressed, it was clear she hadn’t been. His actions and responses were forced, as if he wasn’t allowing himself to become engaged or enjoy anything overmuch. It was exactly how he had behaved around Davy weeks ago.

  The meal was over before she could do anything about it. She
needed more time with him—alone.

  “Andrew, would ye care to go riding again this afternoon?”

  “Nay, Anna, there is business I need to attend to.”

  “Perhaps just a brief walk then? On the shores of the loch?”

  He shook his head. “I really can’t today. Another time perhaps.”

  She smiled to herself. It was just as he had been with Davy. She decided not to push today. Gentle persistence was called for. “Aye. Another time. Ena and I were working on my dress for the wedding anyway.”

  She kissed his cheek before leaving the table to seek out her sister-in-law. She would try again later.

  ~ * ~

  Andrew stood by the hearth in the great hall, waiting for the evening meal, staring broodingly into the flames, but his eyes were pulled to Anna the instant she entered the room. She had kissed him as she left the table that afternoon. She had never done that. He had kissed her chastely before, on the head, hand or cheek. She had never pulled away from his touch. He smiled to himself; that wasn’t quite true. When she was ill and barely had the strength to move she had tried. And there was the day coming home from the straight when she was hopping mad, but later that same evening she had clung to him as she sobbed.

  He liked holding her in his arms.

  He liked her kiss.

  He imagined how it would feel if she clung to him in passion instead of sorrow.

  He had to stop this line of thinking.

  After greeting several people, Anna’s eyes found his. Her face lit with a warm, happy smile.

  For him.

  It nearly took his breath away.

  After a moment, she looked away, her attention drawn to Davy, who rushed into the hall followed by his Sinclair uncles. She crouched down, giving him her full attention. The sight of her with Davy had warmed his heart from the moment Andrew had found his son asleep in her arms before she had even recovered from her illness. He could have searched the earth over and never found a better mother for his son than Anna MacKay.

  Davy’s voice drew him from his musing. “Anna, do ye mind if I sit with Uncle Nivan and Uncle Eller tonight? I don’t get to see them often.”

  “Of course I don’t mind,” Anna assured him.

  “Ye could sit with us too.”

  Nay. Andrew didn’t want that. He wanted her to sit with him and her next words pleased him no end.

  “But then who would yer da sit with? We wouldn’t want him to be lonely would we?

  Davy shook his head. “I didn’t think about that.”

  “Well don’t worry, I’ll see he doesn’t get lonely. Ye have fun with yer uncles.”

  Dear God. He had been lonely for so very long.

  Anna stood smiling after Davy as he led his uncles to the table. Then she joined Andrew where he stood near the hearth.

  “Good evening, Anna.”

  “Good evening.” She smiled up at him and slipped her hand in his. “Did ye have a good day?”

  Did he have a good day? Everything seemed washed from his memory but the feel of her small hand in his, and that made it a very good day. He smiled at her. “Aye, I suppose so. Did ye?”

  “Yesterday was better.”

  “It was?” Yesterday they had spent the afternoon alone together. She had asked him to go riding again this afternoon, but he declined. He had refused to even take her on a short walk. Why would he have done that?

  She smiled. “Aye it was. But Ena and I made quite a bit of progress on my dress.”

  “I’m looking forward to seeing ye in it.”

  For the next few minutes, she kept him engaged in small talk, never letting go of his hand. This pleased him until he realized he was holding her onto it so firmly she couldn’t have pulled her hand away even if she had wanted to. Still she hadn’t tried.

  During the evening meal Andrew fought an internal battle. One moment Anna’s smile, laugh or casual touch would draw his attention and he allowed himself to become intoxicated by her nearness. He told himself there was nothing wrong with enjoying her company. After all, he was marrying her in less than two weeks. Why had it been so important to keep her at arm’s length?

  Then a glance at Lady Sinclair would remind him. He loved Joan. How could he love anyone else or risk that pain again?

  When the meal was over, Andrew’s mental war had exhausted him. He offered his apologies, intending to retire early. “It’s been a long day, I will wish ye all good night.”

  “It has been,” agreed Anna. “Will ye walk me to my chamber?”

  “Aye, of course, Anna.”

  She slipped her arm through his as they left the hall.

  It felt as if she belonged there, as if a part of him had been missing and now he was whole.

  Neither of them said anything until they reached the door of her chamber. There she turned to face him, looking deeply into his eyes. Her brow furrowed. “Andrew, is something wrong?”

  “Nay, I’m…nay, nothing’s wrong.”

  She reached up and caressed his face. He could only lean into her delicate touch. He put his hand over hers and turned his head to kiss her palm, then folded his fingers around her small hand.

  She was gentle and sweet and so very beautiful.

  “Andrew, ye confuse me.”

  Not to mention forthright, he added to the list of her charming attributes.

  He chuckled. “Ye confuse me too.” Letting go of her hand, he raised her chin to peer into her eyes. He saw a deep yearning there—so like one he had fought all evening. He caressed her cheek and just as he had done, she leaned into his touch.

  She was there, in front of him, lips parted and trembling. Putting his other hand on the wall, behind her, he leaned in, tilting her head back ever so slightly. In the instant before his lips touched hers, voices drifted to them from the stairwell.

  Startled, he straightened. What was he doing? He couldn’t. “Anna, I…goodnight, Anna.” He turned and walked away, his brain scarcely registering the stricken look on her face.

  ~ * ~

  Anna stood for a moment, watching him stride away, barely able to process what had just happened. Graham emerged from the stairwell, glancing first toward Andrew’s retreating figure, then back at Anna. A look of realization crossed his features, replaced quickly by anger. He turned and strode after Andrew.

  Anna spun away, entering her room, mortified. She had all but begged him to kiss her, and he’d simply turned away. Ena was wrong. Andrew did not love her. He couldn’t possibly love her and have humiliated her like that.

  After a moment her embarrassment and disappointment morphed to anger.

  Embarrassment ached, but righteous anger didn’t, and she had every right to be angry.

  She paced as memories of the last six weeks came crashing down on her and she began a litany in her head. Captured, accused of horrible things, thrown in the dungeon, allowed to freeze. By all that’s holy, I was so ill, they gave me the Last Rites in this very room.

  They wouldn’t let me go home, even after the precious betrothal was signed. I have accepted everything, I have tried my best to find happiness here. But what is the result? What can I look forward to? I don’t expect all-consuming passion, but at least consistency would be nice. One minute it seems as if he reaches for me—the next he pushes me away. It hurts more each time he does.

  She could no longer keep it in, saying to the empty room, “I will not accept that. I’ve had enough. No priest will preside over a wedding if I refuse to consent…and I refuse.” She grabbed her mantle, charged out of her chamber and down the stairs. She took a deep breath to calm herself before stepping into the great hall.

  Laird MacLeod was still there, sitting near the hearth with Lairds Chisholm and Sinclair, tankards of ale in their hands. “Anna, my little dove, where are ye going? Why do ye have yer mantle on?”

  She forced a smile to her lips. “I need to speak with Father Ninian.”

  “It’s a bit late isn’t it? Surely this can wait until morning.”


  “Nay, Laird, I assure ye, it cannot.” She strode to the door and out into the bailey before he could respond. She knew the quiet priest chose to say the liturgy of the hours, at least those from prime to compline, in the chapel. If he wasn’t already there, he would be arriving soon—it had to be nearly time for compline.

  She slipped inside the chapel. It was bathed in soft candlelight as Father did indeed stand before the altar reciting the Divine Office.

  She sat on a bench near the back of the church, bowed her head and let his words wash over her, calming her.

  When he had finished, he turned towards her, a small smile forming on his lips. “Anna, child, what brings ye here so late?”

  “Father, I seek sanctuary.”

  He blinked at her. “Surely ye don’t mean that. Ye haven’t committed any crime.”

  “Nay but I refuse to marry Andrew MacLeod.”

  “Ye don’t mean that. Come sit with me and tell me what has upset ye so.”

  “I do mean it, Father.”

  More seriously he said. “Anna, ye can’t just refuse. The betrothal is signed.”

  “But ye need my consent to marry us do ye not?”

  “Aye, but lass, a betrothal is binding. It cannot be set aside.”

  “It can if I chose the religious life, can’t it?”

  “Aye, but—”

  “Nay, Father, I am asking for sanctuary until I can be taken to an abbey. Will ye deny me?”

  Chapter 18

  Andrew had barely reached the confines of his chamber before Graham charged in.

  “By the Almighty, Andrew, what have ye done?”

  “Get out, Graham.”

  “Not until ye tell me what ye did to crush Anna.”

  “I didn’t crush her.”

  “The hell ye didn’t. I saw her as ye were walking away, and I’ve never seen her look like that. She was shattered.”

  “It’s better this way. She shouldn’t have any romantic notions about me. I cannot love her.”

  “Ye’re an idiot. Why are ye so dead set against letting her into yer heart?”