Learn to Fly

by Heidi Hutchinson

  “Yeah, he has that effect on people,” Lenny laughed a little then and eased back in her chair.

  “And your dad seems pretty cool, too,” Luke added, trying to get a decent conversation flowing. He'd never been good with small talk.

  “I probably give my family a harder time than they deserve.” Her demeanor was shifting, ever so slightly back to confidence. The strange awkwardness that had been present a moment ago was dissipating and Luke internally high-fived himself.

  “I'm sorry I'm so weird about the snowboarding thing,” Lenny suddenly blurted out. “I haven't dealt with it very well, or at all, actually.” She looked up at him sheepishly, “I don't handle failure gracefully, if you hadn't noticed.”

  Luke chuckled and leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees, “You think we deal well with failure? I'm pretty sure that's just part of being human.”

  He began to point to his fingers one at a time, “Let me give you some of my favorite examples of how well we dealt with the failure of our last tour. Mike: started his own carpet laying business after he was clean and then refused to speak to me. Sway: got married to a stripper in Vegas and divorced within the week, twice. Harrison: tried to become a carpenter with disastrous, and might I add expensive, results. Blake: tried his hand at the culinary arts but mostly he gained twenty-five pounds. It wasn't pretty.”

  Lenny snickered at his examples, “What about you?” she asked, “What did you do?”

  “You’ve met my ex, right? Tall, brown hair, answers to Satan?” Luke rolled his eyes at himself, “Yeah, I bought her a house.”

  “Whoa! I didn’t know that! No wonder she had a hard time moving on, you were her sugar daddy.” Lenny teased, trying to stifle her laughter.

  “As you can see, you don’t have anything to be embarrassed about,” Luke reassured her.

  “Did you love her?” Lenny asked, unexpectedly serious.

  Luke was taken aback, he had never thought about it. He shook his head, “No, I just hated being alone and she seemed to really like me. Not my proudest moment.” He paused as he thought about it, “I didn't even like her back then. I think I bought her the house because I was hoping she would stay there, and away from me.

  “What about you?” He turned the question around, “Have you ever dated someone you couldn’t stand?”

  A mixture of confusion and hurt swept across her face and Luke knew he'd touched a nerve. Her brows drew together and she licked her lips before answering.

  “I really only ever had one boyfriend. I liked him a lot.” Her voice grew quiet, “I never got to know him enough to find out if I could love him.”

  “What happened?” Luke tried to sound mellow. But he wasn't. The idea of another man in Lenny's life had him feeling on edge instantaneously.

  “We broke up after the accident.” Lenny was being dodgy and he could tell there was more she wasn't saying.

  “That was kind of a dick move.” Luke defended her. How could someone let a girl like this get away? Whoever it was, was an idiot.

  “It wasn’t...I'm the one who ended it. I broke up with him,” her voice was strained and she was avoiding his eyes again.

  “He should’ve fought for you,” Luke argued. Her words weren't matching her demeanor and Luke was suddenly very angry at the guy who had obviously put a fracture in her heart.

  “That's not really...” Lenny shook her head and closed her eyes, “It wasn't meant to be, that's all.”

  After an uncomfortable pause Luke spoke again, needing to drive his point home,

  “I would’ve fought for you.”

  When Lenny looked at him, his heart about stopped in his chest. Her eyes were watery and her lips were parted, as if to say something into the silence. But nothing came. Her eyes sought an explanation, one she couldn't outright ask and Luke knew this was the moment.

  Very few times in Luke's life did he know exactly what step he was supposed to take. He usually guessed wrong and had to go back and try again. His past was filled with apologies, misunderstandings and broken fences that no one could mend. Not this time. Not with this moment.

  He unpacked his guitar and set it on his lap, his hands beginning to tremble. He grit his teeth. He needed to do this. It would be worse not to. He ached to hold her, to kiss her, to make her feel what he felt. He needed to have some sort of absolution to the dance they were in. He couldn't possibly be the only one feeling overpowered by his own heartbeat.

  “Lenny, I haven't done the best job at showing you or telling you what you mean to me,” he cleared his throat, “But I communicate better through music so...” He took a cleansing breath before he brought the pick to meet the strings in his chosen method of confession.

  “You're not pushing but I'm falling

  you're soaring and I'm stalling

  and it's not a secret

  that my strength is your weakness

  the beauty you have inside

  shines out through your eyes

  you wear your heart on your sleeve

  your wings flutter and you leave

  and when you fly

  can I be your blue sky

  when your heart beats alone

  let my arms be your home

  if I say it first

  will you say it second

  if I give you this verse

  will you feel protected

  I need you

  could you need me too...”

  He waited for what felt like too many breaths before he sought her eyes. Did she understand the enormity of what his soul had admitted? Did she know that this wasn't some elaborate attempt to get in her pants but that he meant every freaking word?

  “I do need you.” Her voice came out rough and Luke stared at her mouth, wanting her to say it again. She licked her bottom lip and took a shaky breath.

  For the all the daydreaming that Luke had done about her and exactly how he would kiss her for the first time, he was suddenly very nervous. The first kiss with her could very well be the most important of his life.

  Luke put the guitar down and crossed the small space between them. He pulled Lenny to her feet and grabbed her around her waist with one arm, pressing her against him. With his other hand he cupped her neck and angled her face upwards. He looked from her eyes to her lips, hesitating for a fraction of a second. She didn't pull away. She didn't protest. His mouth came down against hers, feeling the firm softness of her lips as they returned his kiss. He thought that the taste of her would finally quench his desire, but it only fed his hunger for more.

  He had planned on kissing her slowly, taking his time, making it last. But when the moment came, he lost control. He lost himself in her.

  He felt her hands fist into his t-shirt, pulling him closer. His heart raced as he realized his eagerness was being reciprocated. The intensity of their kiss grew as their weeks of self-restraint were suddenly released in that one moment. Her hands worked their way into his hair and Luke let out a groan.

  They were yanked back into reality by the sudden knock at the door. They jumped apart as if they'd been shocked.

  Luke took a deep breath to steady himself. Lenny straightened her clothes and made her way to the door, checking the peep hole. She took one more calming breath before opening it.

  “There you are,” Carl smiled at Luke, “The guys wanna know if you want to join us for a game of poker in Blake’s room?” He looked back and forth between Lenny and Luke, frowning. “You guys weren’t fighting, were you?” He asked, misreading the tension.

  Lenny smiled, “No, just talking. I’m actually pretty tired so I’m going to get some sleep. But you should go, Luke, win some money back from Blake.”

  Luke tried to read her face but she was as unreadable as ever. He nodded as he thought about it, “Yeah, I’ll be right down.”

  “Great!” Carl turned to leave, “See you in a bit. Goodnight, Lenny.”

  “Goodnight, Carl.”

  The door closed and Lenny and Luke stared at each other
in silence. Everything between them had changed in the span a few breaths.

  “I don’t want to go.” Luke finally said, his soul screaming at him to say more.

  “I know, but you have to,” she whispered.

  Her cheeks were still pink from their momentary passionate embrace. She looked at him with clear eyes and Luke knew she wasn't asking him to leave because she didn't want this. It was because she wanted it as badly as he did.

  Luke charged across the room and crushed her to him. His hands started on her hips, making their way up to her hair as he kissed her desperately. She responded strongly, wanting him just as badly.

  He stepped back, breathless, her kiss making him dizzy. He held her face in his palm and touched her lips with his thumb. “This is far from over,” he whispered roughly.

  He left reluctantly, looking at Lenny one last time before closing the door. As he walked down the hall and to the elevators he tried to calm down. He had kissed lots of girls, more than he could count. But no one had knocked the wind out of him. No one made him feel like the earth had been slightly knocked off it's axis.

  He smiled to himself as the lift opened and he stepped inside.

  She had kissed him back.

  ***

  Luke stared at the ceiling. He had lost every hand in the poker game. He didn’t care. He kept thinking about Lenny, alone in her room. He wanted to go to her, keep her company. Hold her. Kiss her. Explain the things that remained unexplainable without her around.

  “I kissed Lenny.” He said out loud to the ceiling.

  Mike was lying in the next bed and he propped himself up on his elbow and looked at Luke in the dark. “Whaaat?” He sounded like he was laughing but Luke couldn’t see his face.

  “When?” Mike asked.

  “Tonight. Before the game.”

  Mike was definitely laughing. “Where?”

  “On the mouth.”

  Mike really laughed then, “No, dude, where were you when you kissed her?”

  “Oh, in her room.”

  Mike waited for more information then asked, “Was it awesome?”

  “Yeah.”

  Mike laid back down and chuckled again. “It’s about freakin' time, that’s all I have to say.”

  Luke smiled broadly.

  “It also explains that stupid grin you had on your face the whole night.”

  “I lost a lot of money to Blake.”

  Mike guffawed.

  “Is it wrong? Am I screwing up all our lives?”

  “Don't be ridiculous,” Mike chided. “You two make the most sense of anything ever.”

  “You really think so?” Luke felt his nerves settle into a bundle in the pit of his stomach.

  “Oh yeah.” Mike said confidently. “She's your song.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Every good lyric, melody or riff is Lenny in a package. Anyone can see it. You look at her and you just know...she's the one you've been singing about all this time. You just didn't know it.”

  Luke felt his mouth tug up on the side in a smile. That's exactly why he told Mike stuff like this. For answers like that.

  “Mike, don’t tell the others yet.”

  “You know me; I always got your six, brother.”

  Luke sighed contentedly. He knew they were moving in the right direction finally but he didn’t want to go too fast and scare her away. This was a whole new ballgame.

  ***

  Lenny was all smiles when she woke the next morning. She had slept better last night than she had in years. She took a shower and dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt with the black band hoodie. She literally skipped to Carl with his coffee.

  “You’re awfully spunky today,” he eyed her suspiciously.

  “The healing power of sleeping in a real bed,” Lenny joked. “Well, that and finally having all those secrets come out last night lifted a weight off me.”

  Carl nodded, “That’s why honesty is always the best policy.”

  A wave of guilt washed over Lenny and she changed the subject quickly.

  “I better get the buses put back in order before we leave tomorrow.” She was already hurrying off before Carl could ask any more questions. She had promised him that nothing would happen with any of the band members and something had definitely happened.

  She had a lot to do, moving Blake, Sway and Harrison’s things back to the Red Bus, changing the sheets in the Blue Bus and restocking food.

  She was just finishing up in the Blue Bus when Luke appeared. They had eye contact and Lenny couldn’t hide her excitement to see him. He grinned and rushed to her, kissing her face and lips passionately.

  He looked over his shoulder to see if anyone was coming. Satisfied they were alone for the time being, he let his fingers linger in her hair as he kissed her again and again.

  “I missed these lips,” he whispered between kisses.

  “We have to keep this quiet, Luke.” Lenny pulled away from his kisses and gave him a serious look. “If Carl finds out, he'll fire me so fast.”

  He gave her a lopsided grin, “Hey, I totally got this.”

  She rolled her eyes and he planted one more kiss on her lips before he really had to go. Someone would get suspicious if they weren’t careful.

  He walked to the door, turned and let his eyes rove over her face, unapologetic. He tapped the door frame with his finger tips like he had something important to say.

  Instead, he gave her a wink, “I’ll see you later.” And he ducked out the door.

  Lenny grinned, she felt like a teenager. She knew she was behaving ridiculously but it was hard to stop. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she could breathe again.

  ***

  Cody bullied her way into the arena using a combination of flirting and threats. It always seemed a touch harder to get what she wanted than she thought it should be. You catch more flies with honey. Her grandfather's words echoed in her head and she rolled her eyes at the memory. Foolish old man.

  She spotted Lenny immediately despite the security giants trying to block her way. Her hair was longer and not in that god-awful braid she had insisted on wearing since...well, since then.

  “Lenny Effing Freebird Evans!” Cody shouted at the top of her lungs, ignoring security as they tried to muscle her back out the door. Her voice echoed through the open space and she smirked with satisfaction when she saw that brilliant head of golden hair whip around in her direction.

  Lenny nodded to security and they let Cody through. She sauntered to the stage, taking careful note of Lenny's posture and body language. Cody wasn't sure if Lenny was happy to see her or not. She'd been pretty guarded since the wreck and even more reserved in the months leading up to her unexpected departure with a rock band.

  “What the hell? You're in town and you weren't gonna call me?” Cody smiled widely and ignored the fact that Lenny didn't smile in return.

  “Scott called you?” Lenny asked instead, slipping her hands into her back pockets and walking to the edge of the stage.

  This would be easier than Cody thought. The only reason she was here was to keep up appearances anyway. What kind of a best friend would she be if she didn't at least feign interest in Lenny's life? Besides, if she thought Scott was her source then maybe that meant she was thinking about coming back.

  “Damn, girl. When you want to disappear, you do it in style.” Cody didn't answer her question, the same as Lenny had done to her. She would play every game Lenny wanted to. She would just do it better.

  Cody hopped on the stage and hugged her oldest friend. Their relationship had always been complicated, but Cody had never found anyone who could truly replace Lenny. She was one of a kind. Perfect Lenny, with her perfect hair and her perfect teeth and her perfect life. She was so...perfect.

  ***

  Mike watched Lenny talking to her friend from his usual place behind the drums. Was it just him or did Lenny look a little stiff? He shifted on his stool and saw Sway texting out of the cor
ner of his eye.

  “Who you talking to?” He asked. It wasn't any of his business and normally he could care less who Sway was talking to, but Mike was feeling curious today.

  “A girl,” Sway mumbled. “You don't know her.”

  Mike frowned. Sway didn't give his number out to girls. Weird.

  “She a friend?” Mike was actually pushing. He seriously didn't even want to know, he didn't know why he was asking.

  “Yeah, dude, she's a friend. Why do you care?” Sway looked up in exasperation.

  “I don't,” Mike rubbed his hand down his face and turned away.

  “Whatever, man. I really wish you'd get over it.”

  Mike glared at Sway whose head was bent back to his phone. He wanted to yell at him, curse him, tell him to shut up but he couldn't. Sway was right, Mike was acting paranoid. Again. Private conversations always set him on edge.

  He knew being on the road would make him jumpy after a while. The stress and the travel and all the crap that somehow goes along with it. Having Luke around helped. A lot. But being alone still sucked. And now that Luke and Lenny had finally kissed...kind of solidified his forsaken nature once again.

  Why did he care who Sway was talking to? Because he knew who he was hoping it was... But it wasn't. And it never would be again.

  Mike looked up to see Lenny approaching with her friend. He really didn't feel like meeting new people today but Lenny meant a lot to him so he'd attempt his best behavior. Fake it till you make it, right?

  “This is my friend, Cody.” Lenny introduced with a tight smile.

  Mike shook the girl's hand and ignored the once over he received. He wasn't interested. She seemed nice enough and being Lenny's friend, she probably was. Mike just wasn't that guy.

  Sway was overt in his praise of the new girl and Mike found himself backing away from the group ever so subtly. Lenny caught his eye and they exchanged what he could only describe as a painful look. She didn't want Cody there either. And she needed an ally. Mike sighed inwardly; he could be that for Lenny. It might give him something to focus on besides the turmoil.