Learn to Fly

by Heidi Hutchinson

  They had just wrapped up the last show on this leg of the tour and the bus got stuck in a snowstorm on its way back to Chicago. They had made it to a truck stop but the drivers announced that it would be too dangerous to continue, they would have to wait for the roads to clear. It was fortunate that it happened that way and they didn’t have to cancel or postpone any shows.

  The band members gathered in the Blue Bus and were playing various games and having a few laughs. They toasted to a successful tour, they toasted to no one killing Ashton and they toasted to the promise of a successful overseas tour after the break.

  “Are you coming with us?” Blake asked Lenny in regards to the overseas tour starting at the end of January.

  “I don’t see why not.” Lenny raised her eyebrows, “Unless you don’t want me around anymore?”

  “No, we voted last night. It was unanimous, you have to come with us.” Harrison said from the back of the bus, joining them.

  Lenny nodded, knowingly. She smiled at the rag tag group of dudes who had become her family over the past couple of months. She couldn’t picture not being with them.

  “Are you going home for Christmas?” Sway asked.

  “I think I should, yeah.” Lenny admitted. It was strange how things had changed so much for her and how different she felt. When this tour had started she had expected to end up in a different town with a different life. But now she was thinking that maybe she should salvage the life she already had. If she still could.

  “What about you guys, where do you go for the holidays?” Lenny asked.

  “We’ll all head home to Boston.” Mike explained, “It’s where our families live.” He nodded fractionally at Luke who looked down and rubbed his brow line casually.

  Lenny knew so much more was said between them in that moment than she would ever understand. What must it be like to not have a family to go home to? But to have a friend so close that you know you belong in their family events without the verbal invitation? Lenny's heart hurt at the thought of Luke being alone for the holidays. And she suddenly felt very selfish for having avoided her own for so long.

  “Except Blake,” Sway interrupted her thoughts, pulling her back to the conversation. “He goes home with Harrison.”

  Lenny frowned, waiting for the explanation.

  “I'm not from Boston.” Blake glared at Sway.

  “Can we still come with you to the X-Games?” Harrison asked suddenly, changing the subject.

  “Of course,” Lenny said, a little confused by the question. “Wasn’t that the plan?”

  Harrison breathed a sigh of relief, “I was afraid you were going to change your mind. You can get pretty elusive when it comes to you other life.”

  Lenny chuckled, “That’s true, I suppose.”

  She thought about it for a minute and realized that the guys would be totally out of their element in Aspen. They were used to being the rock stars, she wondered how they would fair being regular civilians. It was true, they would be recognized and some people would probably ask for autographs but she knew that there was a whole other reason for the crowds.

  “It could get weird for you guys, you know.” She thought she might try to prepare them.

  “Oh, we know.” Mike grinned. “The roles will have flipped: we’ll be your assistants.”

  Lenny felt a tinge of apprehension. It must have showed on her face because Luke rested his hand reassuringly on her thigh. She looked at him and his expression quieted her mind instantaneously. She loved how just looking at him had such a powerful effect on her.

  “You guys gonna be okay during break, being separated and all?” Sway addressed Lenny and Luke. The room laughed at their startled expressions.

  “What do you mean?” Luke tried to play it off and be cool.

  “Seriously?” Sway raised his eyebrows at where Luke’s hand was resting familiarly on Lenny’s thigh.

  “Yeah, it’s the worst kept secret around, guys.” Blake prodded.

  Lenny blushed and looked down.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Luke obviously knew he was caught but kept trying to signal the guys to drop it. “We’re friends, what?”

  “Yeah, okay.” Sway said sarcastically, deliberately ignoring Luke’s attempt to deflect the truth.

  Luke looked to Mike for help but he just shrugged.

  “It’s really okay, guys.” Blake said. “We’ve known for a while.”

  “Known what for a while?” Luke continued to play dumb. Lenny smiled at how he was trying and she knew it was just to make her comfortable.

  “Yes,” Lenny finally said. “We are a little bit closer than just friends but we’re not labeling it right now.”

  “Frickin' hipsters,” Blake snorted. “Fine, I’ll label it for you. Perfect for each other, there! Was that so frickin' hard?”

  Lenny didn’t know what to say after that. Luke smiled at his friends. Leave it to them to take something to a whole new level. He squeezed Lenny’s leg and chuckled low in his chest.

  “How long have you guys known?” Lenny asked them.

  “Since Denver.” Blake answered, surprising both Luke and Lenny.

  “How?” Lenny was perplexed; she thought they had been careful.

  “Well, it was kind of obvious. I mean, Lenny had needed a good kiss for a while. Why do you think I was always asking to make out?” Sway joked.

  “Yeah, you were both suddenly very happy.” Blake winked at Lenny.

  Lenny shook her head and smiled. She was afraid they wouldn’t approve but that wasn’t the case at all. Carl might be a different story.

  “So, you guys gonna see each other before Aspen?” Sway asked again. “The reason I’m asking is because it is gonna be weird not having you around for like, two weeks.”

  Lenny shrugged, “I guess we hadn’t really talked about it.” She looked at Luke who was beaming at her. “I talked to Scott the other day and I decided to stay at the Lodge with duke and see if I can talk him into joining us for dinner on Christmas Day.”

  “Have you even talked to him yet?” Mike asked.

  Lenny clenched her jaw slightly. “No. I was gonna surprise him.” She tried to clear the emotion from her throat.

  “What’s the deal with you guys anyway?” Harrison asked. “I mean, I get he’s like your Miyagi and all but why the avoidance?”

  It was a legitimate question. One that Lenny didn’t really have a legitimate answer for. Duke had been more than just a mentor. He was the only one who had truly supported her in …everything. They had a similar spirit and drive, hating the social norm and rebelling against the standard. She never had to explain things to him, he already knew. Even when she decided to be more ‘conventional’ and pursued qualification in the Olympics, he supported her. But she knew he didn’t agree. He thought her best lines were made in the back country, amidst the unpredictable elements.

  She felt like she had let him down more than anyone. She became too cocky, ignored her instincts and that’s what really caused her to lose control out of the chute. How was she supposed to talk to him now? What could she say?

  “I guess I just wouldn’t know what to say.” Lenny’s words sounded lame even to her. She looked at her hands in her lap and picked at a stray thread on her jeans.

  “You want me to come with you?” Luke’s voice was so sincere and full of concern that it made Lenny feel even worse about her actions.

  “No, I think it would better if I see Duke alone at first. Besides, if he’s mad, I don’t really want to get yelled at in front of you guys.” She smiled, indicating she was half joking.

  “You think he’ll yell at you?” Blake questioned.

  “Trust me, I deserve it.” Lenny rolled her eyes, “So much you don’t know.” An idea came to her then, “Hey, you guys wanna come out for New Year’s? We can chill at the Lodge for a couple days and then all fly to Aspen together.”

  ***

  They all exchanged glances, thinking similar thoughts.
Lenny was so elusive about her past; she would never really talk about herself openly. Now suddenly, she’s inviting them to her home in the backwoods of Wyoming for a major holiday. This was such a big step that they agreed without much thought.

  Lenny relaxed against Luke’s side then, leaning her head onto his shoulder. Luke squeezed her leg again and smiled faintly. The guys resumed their video game session and Luke let his thoughts wander. He was concerned about Lenny but couldn’t explain it. He knew there were issues she still wasn’t dealing with and he wasn’t sure if she trusted him enough to let him help her through it. Being on the road had its advantages of keeping them separated from ‘real life’ and he knew how jarring a return to the norm could be. Especially for someone who was running away from their reality. He tried not to let his concern cloud his mind, but a fear was lurking he couldn’t seem to shake completely.

  ***

  Cody: she's coming to Aspen

  Shane: are you sure?

  Cody: yes, don't be a baby about it

  Shane: don't be a jealous bitch, Cody

  Cody: you're such a dick

  Shane: at least I'm not fake

  Chapter 10

  The Outsiders

  Snow had started to fall as Lenny approached the Lodge. She was always amazed by its massive beauty, no matter how many times she had seen it. It was enormous, with a wooden and stone structure, perfectly nestled into the mountainside with an expansive view of the range from the back.

  She hadn't planned on coming up until tomorrow, but after dinner with her parents and a disconcerting conversation with her father about Duke's whereabouts, she had felt a rush to check on him sooner rather than later. She knew she was worrying unreasonably. He was a grown man and had no trouble taking care of himself. But, then again, most of their relationship had been fairly irrational.

  Lenny parked her old Bronco in the drive, not bothering with the garage door. She grabbed her duffel and started up the walkway. When she opened the front door, all the interior lights were off.

  “Hello?” She called into the darkness. She reached for the switch on the wall by the door, flicking it on.

  “Hello?” She called again, stomping the snow off her shoes and slipping them off before leaving the foyer.

  “Duke?” She called into the living room, but received no answer. She traveled through the empty area and into a smaller den off to the side. She flicked the light switch, but the room was empty. She backtracked and went through an adjacent door leading to the kitchen. The floor to ceiling windows faced the west, and the sun was beginning to set, giving the illusion that the stainless steel appliances were made of pure gold. But it also was void of human presence.

  Lenny touched his cell phone on the counter and picked up her pace across the granite floor and sprinted up the stairs leading to the bedroom area. She saw a light on in Duke’s room at the end of the hall and she breathed a sigh of relief. He's here. She slowed to a walk, her socked feet silent on the wood floors as she came to the open doorway.

  Duke was sitting with his back against the headboard, reading a book. His thick, dark hair matched his full beard, making him look older than he really was. Lenny smiled at his red flannel pajamas, a mountain man to a fault. He was wearing reading glasses and his lips moved just noticeably with the words as he read. Lenny leaned her body against the door frame, watching quietly.

  A million different emotions began to toy with her heart and she felt its pace quicken the longer the silence continued. She hadn't been fair to him. Of all the people she had been trying to escape, Duke should have never been on that list.

  “It’s kinda early to get ready for bed, isn’t it?” She finally asked into the stillness.

  Duke didn’t even look up. “Nope.” He continued reading.

  Lenny swallowed; she knew she deserved the cold shoulder. She slowly slid down the door frame and pressed her back against it, bringing her knees up to rest her arms on them.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call, Duke.” She said trying to keep the tremble out of her voice.

  Duke turned the page in his book and kept reading. Lenny sighed and leaned her head back.

  “I made up your bed for you.” Duke broke the silence but still didn’t look up.

  Lenny felt a smile start at the corners of her mouth. And her heart started to make the long climb from the floor back to its proper place in her chest.

  “How did you know I would be here?”

  “The wind told me.”

  Lenny chuckled softly. “Scott told you I was coming, didn’t he?” She shook her head as realization swept over her. “You weren’t missing, you guys planned this.”

  “I have no idea what you are talking about.” Duke kept his tone even and conversational.

  “I was really worried about you, you know.” Lenny tried to make him feel bad even though she knew he wouldn’t. She didn't have a right to that anyway.

  Duke finally closed the book and put it down on the nightstand, giving Lenny his full attention. She shifted uncomfortably from her seat on the floor. Maybe this is where she’d finally get lectured, she had it coming and she knew it.

  ***

  “Did your mom send any of her chili with you?”

  Lenny frowned, confused. “What? How did…no, what?”

  Duke stood up and shuffled past her and down the hall. He turned to see if she was coming. She pushed herself to her feet and followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen. Duke opened the fridge and started to pull out ingredients for a sandwich.

  “Here, let me do that.” Lenny took the packages of lunch meat out of his hands and gently shoved him out of the way. Duke made a satisfied grunting noise and meandered over to one of the stools against the counter facing Lenny.

  As she sliced cheese and tomatoes he watched her movements closely. Her hands were steady, they’d lost the tremble she had the last time he had seen her. She moved deftly around the kitchen, like she hadn’t been away at all, remembering where each and every thing was kept. Her hair was loose and more than halfway down her back, very different from the tight braid she had insisted on after the wreck. Her cheeks were a healthy pink and she had put on some muscle, filling out the sunken places the accident had left her with two years ago.

  Duke rested his elbow on the counter and put his bearded chin in his palm, rubbing his whiskers above his lips. Six months, that’s how long it had been since he had last spoken with Lenny. Six months ago she ran off with rock stars and scared him nearly half to death. And now she was suddenly back, making him a sandwich in the kitchen in the home they had shared for five odd years.

  “How long you staying this time?” He asked gruffly. He noticed she winced just a bit but she looked up at him and met his eyes.

  “Through the New Year…then I have to go to Aspen…then on to Europe for the end of the tour.” She placed the perfectly structured sandwich in front of him.

  “What happens after Europe?” Duke sunk his teeth into the thick wheat bread. It was perfection. He hadn’t had a sandwich this good in a long time.

  “I’m not really sure…” She came around the counter and sat on the stool next to him. He swiveled slightly so he was angled toward her.

  Duke chewed thoughtfully for a few minutes. “When do I get to meet the guy?” He tried not to smile at Lenny’s surprised expression.

  “What?” Lenny blushed and she tried to fight the dopey grin that wanted to commandeer her face. “What guy? What are you talking about?”

  “C’mon, Lenny, don’t bullshit with me.”

  “How did you know there was a guy?” She narrowed her eyes at Duke.

  “Don't insult my intelligence. Of course there's a guy. No other reason why you’d have that dumb grin on your face.”

  “How are you not mad at me?” Lenny frowned at him, perplexed.

  “I was mad at first. But I got over it.” Duke finished his sandwich and rubbed the crumbs out of his whiskers. “Don’t change the subject, which one
was it? The drummer? The guitarist?” He studied her coy expression. “Nah…you’re too flashy for that, you went for the lead singer, didn’t ya?”

  Lenny’s eyes widened and she smacked his shoulder. “Flashy?”

  Duke chuckled, “I knew it.”

  She shook her head, her hair falling over her face, hiding her expression. “We’re still working out the kinks, it’s all very new.”

  “What’s his name?”

  “Luke Casey.” Lenny couldn't hide the grin as she said it and Duke chuckled.

  “Geez, you got it bad.” Duke shook his head in mock disappointment. “Is he coming for New Year's?”

  “How do you already know everything?” Lenny exclaimed. “Seriously, are you spying on me?”

  Duke chuckled again, “I told you, I know you better than anyone.” He looked out the big windows and watched the sun slip completely behind the mountain line. “Well, I hope he’s better than the last guy you brought home.”

  “Shane was nice.” Lenny chastised seriously.

  “He was an idiot. All caught up in the technical.” Duke let out a tiny belch.

  “You just didn’t like his style.” Lenny quietly defended.

  “What style? The guy was afraid to even try fresh pow. Besides, who has more style than me?” Duke raised his eyebrows and pointed to his red flannel pajamas.

  Lenny laughed, “You're right, no one compares to you.”

  “Damn straight.” Duke gave a satisfied grunt.

  He watched her as she gazed out across the last few flashes of orange sunlight shooting through the clouds. He willed her to soak in the calm climate of the the home they had created together. Could it be the refuge that they had planned so long ago? Could she finally feel safe again?

  Her face had lost its pinch, her eyes were soft in the low light and she wasn't nearly as jumpy as she had been a few months prior. Duke felt a combination of elation and heaviness settle over him. She was better, but still not whole.