Learn to Fly

by Heidi Hutchinson

  “Oh,” was all Lenny could get out.

  Duke shifted uncomfortably as he waited for Lenny to say more. He grimaced again at her appearance and she knew this was not her best look.

  “I’m sorry for my…” Lenny looked down at herself, “Hideousness,” she finished.

  Natalie gave her a smile as warm as sunshine. “Don’t apologize, I’ve been there.” She was so gracious that it caused Lenny to want to fling herself into the woman’s arms and start sobbing all over again.

  “Are you the girl that can fly?” Tyler inquired with wondering eyes.

  Lenny turned her gaze on the young boy and felt tears start to form in the back of her eyes. “I used to be,” she choked out.

  Duke grabbed Tyler around the shoulders and turned him around. “Let’s go see if we can find a snowboard your size, what do ya say?”

  “Okay!” Tyler agreed amicably with the distraction.

  Duke glanced over his shoulder, “Nat, can you try to get her to shower or...something?” He motioned his head in Lenny’s direction and Natalie nodded at him.

  As the guys disappeared into the other room, Lenny continued staring at the gorgeous woman in her kitchen. She studied her openly and shoved another cookie in her mouth. Maybe she was some sort of angel. Or mystical princess.

  “How about we get some real food in you.” Natalie said and took away the package of cookies. She removed her coat, hat and gloves, setting them aside. Then she went to the fridge and effortlessly whipped up eggs, sausage and toast presenting it to Lenny who had managed to shuffle to the counter and sit on a stool. She was still staring.

  “Where did you come from?” Lenny finally asked as she apathetically shoveled food into her mouth.

  “My car broke down and Shawn towed us into town.”

  “Shawn? You call him Shawn?” Lenny was incredulous. And weirdly jealous. Duke was hers, she'd never had to share him with anyone before.

  “Well, that’s his name,” Natalie smiled.

  “He’s always been Duke to me, I guess.” Lenny mumbled. Shawn? That was new. This whole thing was new. So, was this woman Duke’s girlfriend? She had a different last name than her dad, she was probably married. Was she going to get Duke killed?

  “Are you married?” Lenny asked bluntly.

  “Widowed. My husband was a Marine. He died in combat three years ago.” Natalie poured Lenny a glass of orange juice.

  Lenny swallowed hard. Now she felt like a vile wretch.“Sorry.”

  “It’s all right.” Natalie leaned across the counter on her elbows and looked Lenny in the eye. “Bad break up?” She asked with such compassion that Lenny started to cry again.

  Natalie came around the side of the counter and gently hugged Lenny to her side. Lenny sank against her. She didn’t know this woman but she suddenly needed her.

  Natalie pulled Lenny up and towards the stairs. As they made their way to the top floor, Lenny spilled her heart out.

  “I told him I loved him! I mean, how stupid is that? I just said, ‘hey, I love you, goodbye.’…He hasn’t even called!…I know, I know, I’m the one who left but I thought they would call. I thought someone would call. Even Shane called! I thought I was important. I guess I’m not. I’m just a…loser!” Lenny collapsed on her bed, face down. She twisted her face out of the pillow and continued, “and I know it would have never worked. I mean, how could it? He has this whole other incredible life. Of course he didn’t want me hanging around forever. I was a…fling…an experiment…convenient.” Her breath caught on the last word, “Just like Ashton.” Fresh tears pooled in her eyes.

  Natalie moved to the bathroom and started a hot shower. She came back and helped Lenny into a standing position.

  “You’re not a loser,” Natalie spoke firmly. “But you really need to get cleaned up. Just because he hasn’t called doesn’t mean you can forgo basic hygiene.”

  Lenny nodded begrudgingly and began the arduous task of getting showered. She toweled off and Natalie coached Lenny into getting dressed in fresh clothes. Then Natalie sat Lenny down on the bench at the end of her bed and took careful time to comb out Lenny’s long tangled hair.

  “Why are you being so nice to me?” Lenny whispered.

  “You’re important to Shawn.” Natalie said simply. “And Shawn is important to me. Besides, I’ve been through my fair share of break ups, it helps to have a friend.”

  “How long have you guys known each other?” Lenny was touched at this woman’s kindness and compassion.

  “Oh, about two weeks.” Natalie laughed lightly. “I know that seems fast but when you’ve been through as much as I have you know what to look for in a person.”

  “I used to think I knew what to look for.” Lenny said, more tears threatening to spill over. What was wrong with her? She’d never acted this emotional before in her whole life. She was stronger than this. She had to be. She'd forgotten or something.

  “Just because he let you walk away doesn’t mean he didn’t have feelings for you.” Natalie came around to look Lenny in the eyes. “Sometimes, guys get scared and they act badly.”

  “He hasn’t even called.” Lenny whispered, folding her hands helplessly in her lap.

  “I know, and he might not.” Natalie said honestly. “It’s important to grieve. You’re not doing anything wrong.”

  “But I’m acting like a crazy person,” Lenny protested. “This isn’t me! I’m always focused and in control and level headed…Now I’m…just a mess.”

  Natalie touched Lenny’s chin gently and offered a small smile.

  “It’s okay to be messy. Love does that to us.”

  “When will I feel better?” Lenny asked.

  “It’ll take some time.” Natalie admitted. “But from what Shawn has told me about you, you’re strong and courageous. You’ll get through this.”

  “I’ve never been in love before.” Lenny mumbled, looking at the floor. “It hurts so bad. Like a piece of me is missing. Not something small like a finger…more like a lung.”

  Natalie patted her knee. “Yep. I know what that feels like.” She swallowed hard. “But it will get better. I promise.”

  Lenny looked into Natalie’s dark eyes and wanted so badly to believe her. She had to hope it would get better. She just wished she didn’t have to miss Luke so badly while she was waiting for it to get better. Was that too much to ask?

  ***

  Duke brought Tyler back inside to warm up and found the ladies in the living room sitting by the fire. It brought a special peace over him that he couldn’t explain.

  “There’s hot chocolate on the stove,” Natalie directed him.

  Duke filled a cup for both he and Tyler and then they joined them in the other room. Tyler lay down on the floor and took off his socks, propping up his feet to face the fire. Duke sat in the chair adjacent to the couch.

  “I’m glad you got cleaned up,” he lifted his chin to Lenny, taking in her fresh face and clothes. She was wearing a fuzzy gray sweater that he hadn’t seen her in since their trip to Alaska a few years back. She had bought it in a little shop of handmade items. It reminded him of a phone call he’d gotten a couple days prior.

  “Yeah, I guess I just didn’t know what to do with myself…I still kinda don’t.” Lenny was blue.

  Duke frowned. He had really believed that Luke was the one. It had all seemed so clear but he’d just let her walk away. What a fool, Duke decided internally.

  “Hey, Nick called the other day.” Duke changed the subject.

  “Nick?” Lenny frowned quizzically, “Nick Federa?”

  Duke nodded, “Yup. He and Serge and a few of the guys are heading to Alaska this week. He heard you were back in the game and wanted to know if you’d be up for it.” His offer hung in the air. The perfect escape. A two week trip to the back country of Alaska with some of the best riders in the world. No television, no distractions. Nothing but the purity and thrill of riding ancient mountains.

  “Are you going?” Lenn
y questioned, a small spark stirring in her blue eyes.

  Duke sighed and glanced at Natalie. “Nah, I’m gonna stick around here. I’ve been helping Natalie get her cabin in order and I can’t very well bail on her now.”

  “You’ve done enough already,” Natalie’s eyebrows went up. “I can get the rest finished. I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to go on a trip with your friends.”

  Duke’s eyes crinkled at the sides as he smiled at her. “I know you wouldn’t mind. I think I’d miss you guys too much.” He stared adoringly at Natalie, forgetting for a moment that Lenny was sitting right there until she cleared her throat in an obvious manner.

  “Anyways, I told Federa I wasn’t going but you might be up for it.” Duke directed back to Lenny. He knew she didn't have any plans, her future was wide open if she wanted it. All she had set out to do was die in her room under a pile of blankets and cookie crumbs.

  “Yeah, I’ll go.” She sat up straight. “When do I have to get out of here?”

  Duke was a little shocked by her abrupt agreement. Maybe he shouldn’t have been. She did have a history of running away when things got tough. Was this another example of that? No, she told Luke goodbye, she didn’t just disappear. He knew where she was going and he hadn’t called or tried to get a hold of her at all. Going to Alaska on a whim is exactly what the old Lenny would have done.

  “You’d have to fly out tonight.” Duke challenged her.

  “Dang, I don’t even have time to pack.” Lenny showed a small lopsided smile that gave Duke hope. She wasn’t gone, she was just hurt.

  “You don’t have to impress those idiots, you know.” Duke lightly scolded.

  “I know.” Lenny stood up, “I’m gonna call the airline and see if I can even get a ticket.”

  After Lenny had left the room, Duke moved over to sit next to Natalie on the couch.

  “You really think it’s a good idea for her to do this?” He asked her softly. Tyler had fallen fast asleep on the floor.

  “I do,” Natalie nodded. “Sometimes you have to run away to see is someone if going to chase you.” Her dark eyes shined in the firelight and Duke found himself leaning in to kiss her.

  He paused, considering what this next step would mean. He studied her delicate features and soft lips, savoring the closeness that they were sharing at that moment.

  “I’d chase you anywhere.” He whispered and then he pressed his lips to hers. This was it, he decided, no more screwing around. This was the ride he'd been waiting on for some time now.

  Chapter 18

  February Stars

  Luke had gotten as far as Ohio before his truck got a flat tire. It wasn’t a big deal, he changed it and continued on. Another hundred miles and something under the hood started to smoke. He was basically in the middle of nowhere and it was cold.

  He slammed his hand against the steering wheel and yelled. He had left town in such a way that he didn’t have a car charger for his phone and the battery had died the day before. He hadn’t thought, he simply headed west.

  Luke flipped his hazards on and popped the hood. He stepped out into the bitter wind of the Ohio interstate and tried to figure out what was wrong this time. He’d worked on this truck for years. It had been passed down to him from his grandfather and was one of the only possessions he'd inherited when everyone started dying off. Luke had babied it and had kept it running like a top. But like everything else in this world, it could and would fail on occasion.

  Maybe it was a sign. Nothing about this trip had been going right. If Lenny wanted to be with him she would’ve stayed, right? Obviously she had gotten whatever she had needed from her stint as a roadie and was ready to return to her real life. I was just collateral damage, he thought cynically.

  He slammed the hood down on the truck and cranked the motor. It fired right up and Luke yanked the wheel back onto the road. He saw the next exit fast approaching and he took it. Why should he have to drive clear across hell and gone for her? If she wanted to talk to him, she knew where to find him.

  He pointed the truck east and slammed on the gas. Luke was tired. He was tired from the drive, he was tired of the games, he was just too damn tired of everything. The guys would have to get over it. Just like he would have to get over it.

  ***

  Lenny hadn’t been able to get a flight that day but she called Federa and said she would only be a couple of days late. He agreed to pick her up at the airport in Anchorage so she wouldn’t have to drive to the interior alone.

  That gave Lenny an extra day to wash her clothes and pack. It was nice to have something to do keep her mind off of Luke. She tried to stay as busy as possible, even making a few runs with Duke and Tyler.

  Natalie and Tyler hung around pretty consistently and Lenny could see the bond between them and Duke growing. Whatever feelings of jealousy she had experienced initially had completely disappeared. Duke was a good man and he deserved a good woman. It warmed Lenny’s heart to know that he wasn’t going to be alone anymore.

  She shoved the last of her socks in the suitcase and paused, Luke’s t-shirt was neatly folded on the edge of her bed. She bit the inside of her cheek as she considered taking it with her. No one would know who it belonged to, only her. She grabbed it and shoved it under her socks and zipped the suitcase shut. She couldn’t have Luke with her, she should at least be able to take a piece of him. Especially since it felt like he had retained rights to a fairly large chunk of her heart.

  She checked her phone again. It was becoming compulsive. Still no calls or texts. She sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at the screen. Her heart started to beat crazy hard as she typed out Harrison as a recipient. What could it hurt to say, “hey”?

  Lenny : Miss you guys, how is everything?

  She pressed send and set the phone down, hands shaking. Was it too much? Should she cut all ties? What if he didn’t respond?

  Lenny stood up, frustrated with herself for being so weak. She’s the one who decided to end it. This wasn’t their fault. The blame landed entirely on her.

  Her stomach clenched when her phone chirped softly. She grabbed at it, eager to read the reply.

  Harrison: Miss you too. Luke is a douche bag. We want to come and see you.

  Lenny smiled. Leave it to Harrison to spill the opinion of the group. She impulsively called him, texting would no longer suffice.

  “Hello?” Harrison asked cautiously.

  “Hey, it’s me,” Lenny greeted quietly.

  Harrison sighed audibly, “Did you get my reply?”

  “Yeah, but I wanted to call.” Lenny tapped her her knee with her forefinger.

  “I’m glad you called. I’ve missed your voice. Blake and Mike aren’t as nice to me as you.”

  “They love you.” Lenny admonished with a smile.

  “I know…But seriously, we were thinking about coming to see you.”

  “Well…” Lenny looked over at her suitcases. “I’m actually leaving in the morning…for Alaska.”

  The phone was quiet as Harrison processed the information.

  “How long will you be in Alaska?”

  “Probably two weeks. It’s a trip for some pro’s and old timers. Just for fun. We live in these cabins with no plumbing and spend all day riding these crazy huge lines. It’s pretty awesome.”

  “That sounds cool…How about when you get back?”

  Lenny paused. She missed them. A lot. But wouldn’t that be like joint custody in a separation? That wasn’t fair to Luke, they were his friends first. What was she even doing calling Harrison, she had no right. She was being completely selfish.

  “Maybe.” Was all Lenny would commit to. She didn’t want to make it harder for her to get over Luke and she didn’t want his friends to feel like they had to choose between them.

  “Is it okay if we call you and stuff?” Harrison sounded hesitant.

  “Of course, you guys can always call me…I might not have great reception in AK but you can leave me messages.” S
he tried to laugh and ease his mind.

  “Has Luke called you?” Harrison's voice was guarded.

  Lenny swallowed hard, “No.”

  The line was quiet for a long time, neither of them really knowing what to say.

  “It’s okay, Harry. It has to be like this,” Lenny said gently.

  “I disagree.” Harrison was more serious than Lenny had ever remembered hearing him.

  “You’ll see…we’ll stay friends and Luke will move on…One of us had to be the grown up...” Lenny tried to pour comfort and belief into her tone even though she didn't feel it.

  “We're gonna come and see you when you get back. You’re part of us now, Lenny. It’s not the same without you around.”

  “I appreciate that.” Lenny smiled into the phone. She meant it. But she knew that given enough time, they would move on too.

  They would all move on.

  ***

  Duke and Lenny had ridden to the airport in the Bronco quietly and he helped her get her luggage and equipment checked in. She turned to face him, all she had to do was head through security, so this would be goodbye. Duke motioned to a bench off to the side.

  They sat down next to each other and Duke could see the emotion building on her face. She swallowed hard, pushing back the tears that were already turning her eyes red. Duke took one of her hands and held it both of his own. Goodbyes were never easy but this one seemed more...final than ever before.

  “I’m sorry he let you go,” he said quietly.

  Lenny looked away. “I can’t do this here, Duke,” she whispered.

  “He’s a fool, Lenny,” Duke continued anyway. He didn't know when he'd see her again and she needed to know these things. “You’re going to find someone who makes you as happy as you deserve someday.”

  “Huh,” Lenny laughed sardonically. “You were my backup plan. I thought I'd come home and make a go of it with you but you had to go off and get a girlfriend.”