“You are too different from him. You are ambitious. He is not. And that’s only one out of many differences. He’s not a practical person. I don’t want you to end up with a dreamer who isn’t man enough to face the realities of real life.”
“You have no idea, and you know nothing about Jamie. He is the most ambitious man I’ve ever met. Just because he doesn’t fit into your idea of what an ambitious man looks doesn’t mean he isn’t one.”
“Chelsea, you’re just being naive. The boy has no future. I don’t want you to end up with someone who will be a parasite. You are smart girl with lots of potential. You don’t have to settle.”
“Settle? Parasite? No future? Mom, you honestly don’t know how mean you sound when you talk like that. I can’t do this right now...I just can’t.” She shook her head in disgust, pushed herself out of the chair and stormed out of the room.
19
There was no doubt in Jamie’s mind that it was Chelsea’s text that night that did it. It was that text which jolted him into deciding that it was time to tell her the unsaid dark secret of his life.
She sent him a random text just after they said goodnight to each other over the phone.
-No matter what or whomever comes between us. I will always stand by you. I’ll never leave you. I love you Jamie Collins.
On one hand, he wondered if someone was trying to come between them. His guess was that she told her mother more about them and it didn’t go well. On the other hand, what he felt when he read the words “I love you” was the kind of feeling that people often find impossible to explain. It was the type of feeling that could only be understood by personal experience.
That night Jamie came to know just how serious their romance had become. He dated occasionally earlier in college but this was his first exclusive relationship. The first time he could confidently say that he was truly in love with someone. He always knew it was neither crush nor mere lust. This was far above the fleeting ways of a shallow physical attraction with no roots or foundation. This was the real thing.
She was also not any random girl but his dream girl and he couldn’t imagine allowing his past to jeopardize what they had. He knew he still had his work cut out for him with regards to his mother. Even she needed to know what he was about to tell his girlfriend, but first he had to see Chelsea in the morning and get the load off his chest.
When he woke up the next morning, he went for a run at the park because he needed to clear his head and get himself ready for the task at hand. It wasn’t going to be easy especially not knowing what Chelsea’s reaction would be but it had to be done.
The woods smelled of earth and dead leaves made moist from the morning dew. Branches rustled, a few gray bushy-tailed squirrels ran up and down the trees. The morning breeze blew against Jamie’s face as he jogged along Sauga's Freedom Path, a common destination for early morning runners who lived close to Jefferson Park. The jogging path was named after a Native American historical figure who led his people in a battle against the tyranny of a chief, long before the arrival of Europeans in the New World. People believed that the battle occurred near the Freedom Path, now a place for battling calories and fat.
The history of the path was the type of random information Jamie liked to read about for hours on the internet. He loved running there because the backdrop of trees and whistling birds helped him to meditate and clear his mind. It was like his own personal quiet time.
So there he was on a historic battleground, fighting his own personal battle, an inward one.
Should he tell Chelsea his secret or not? Could it mean losing her?
There were times his mind tried to convince him it never happened but there was no way he could forget with the type of heart he had.
The greatest lie is lying to oneself. It happened and I must deal with it, he thought.
He wondered why he was always so afraid of disappointing his mother. Maybe it was because she regarded him as the most perfect of sons and he never wanted that image to change.
Isn't it too late too late now? Maybe this is one of those things one could keep as a secret to protect people you love, he thought. But he loved Chelsea so much he knew it would hurt every day of his life knowing he was keeping secrets from her. He tried to picture how he would feel if he found out Chelsea was hiding something from him. “Not good. Not good at all,” he said to himself. He would prefer her honesty and would be able to deal with any mistakes she made in her past.
Everyone makes mistakes so she would understand, he reasoned. She would, just like I would.
The fact that Chelsea understood him, that she got him, made him bolder about the situation. He didn't think she would see him as a despicable human being just because of a mistake in his past.
He would tell her how he thought about Ji-Min every single day of his life but was too ashamed to go back.
I find it hard to forgive people when they betray my trust. Chelsea’s words reverberated in his head.
When he ran half way into the ten-mile path, he turned around and headed back home. Now walking briskly, he felt his soaked shirt cling to his skin but the sweat made the wind feel even cooler. He passed by a plump woman who was trying to catch her breath. It looked like she was bent on losing her excess weight but the way she gasped made Jamie think she could pass out any minute.
He looked back to catch a glance of her. She moved to the side under a tree, panting, then she sat on the ground.
Jamie felt an urge to go ahead and check that she was OK but immediately a picture of Ji-Min entered his mind and he stopped. He remembered how he met her in South Korea when he went there to teach English for a year. It was the year between high school and college. A gap year. He learned that term from Ji-Min and many more things he shouldn’t have been learning from a married woman.
If he could rewind time, he would make different choices. So desperate to save a lot of money, he took an extra job. If only he hadn't taken that weekend job as a fitness instructor, everything could have been avoided. He felt that if he hadn’t accepted to work extra hours, the probability of them meeting would have been very low?
This is not time to ruminate on probabilities, he thought. He screwed up and that was the reality.
He only wanted to help Ji-Min and had no ulterior motives when he approached her. She was a new customer at the gym and he was only doing his job.
He saw her struggling on the new cardio equipment and despite her slim figure, he could tell right away from her excessive panting that she wasn't physically fit. One of his colleagues, Jung, was in charge of that particular equipment. He even remembered the name. The Super XT Cardio-Cyclo. But Jung had gone for his toilet break so Jamie covered for him.
He walked up to Ji-Min and communicated in the very little Korean he knew but was taken aback when she asked in crisp English accent, “Do you speak English? Your Korean is killing me.”
After they finished laughing together at his hopeless Korean, he asked a few questions and designed a fitness regime for her. That was how it all started, their frequent discussions at the gym, dates and their illicit relationship.
20
Chelsea stretched her muscles, getting ready to go for a run around the neighborhood. She was feeling tired lately and knew she had to get back to fitness like Jamie suggested. With the load of work she had coming up soon, she couldn't afford fatigue now. She was going to start helping her supervisor with running participants on Saturdays, analyze a lot of data and coordinate some of the undergrads volunteering at the lab. Coupled with all the classes she had to attend during the week, it was going to be a hectic period.
She decided she would still hang out with Jamie late in the evenings as she wasn't going to let work come between them. Spending time together is important to any relationship, she thought. She believed if you truly cared about someone, you would create time for them.
She checked for Jamie in the basement but Helen told her he already left for his early morning run.
“Coul
d you please tell him to call me when he gets back? I called his phone but he didn’t answer.”
“OK I will,” Helen said. “He left his phone on the table.”
Chelsea wanted to talk to him about what she was considering after the discussion with her mom.
She was already thinking of moving out.
She would get a downtown condo because she didn’t want her mother prying into her relationship. No, not at the age of twenty-one am I going to allow her dictate who I should or should not date, she thought. She figured it would definitely be better if she had privacy away from her.
She thought about eighteen-year-old girls she knew who already had their own rented places so it wasn’t as if she was too young to move out. She’d never been away from home but after thinking about it for hours she came to the realization that it wasn’t going to be a big deal. Plus she would visit during the weekend. Tyler could also come hang out at her place anytime he wanted.
She loved her mother dearly but Teresa Braithwaite was the last person she would ever take counsel from about men or relationships. The way she spoke about Jamie the night before was too hard to take, like he was beneath Chelsea, and the idea of moving out had become inevitable.
Once she found out Jamie’s opinion, the next dilemma was how she was going to have time to search for a place. I might as well just go see an estate agent. But when? They aren't open on Sundays, she thought. Searching online had become so futile because of the increase in the rental market. People weren’t buying homes but they were renting in droves so one needed an expert who would keep an eye out for available apartments. I guess I'll have to call an Estate Agent then, she thought.
She always believed you could get people to do things faster if you spoke to them face-to-face rather than over the phone but she had no choice, there would be too little time to spare in the coming week.
She walked past the orchids which were her favorite plant and a smile formed on her face. Apart from her mother's disapproval of Jamie and her strained relationship with her father, her life seemed to be blossoming and the world felt like a wonderful place. Jamie made her world beautiful.
As she set her timer, the boy himself appeared.
“You didn't wait for me. I thought we were running together. Now I have to go all by myself,” she said sticking out the inside of her lower lip like a child about to cry. Gladness wrapped around her heart like a comforting blanket. His presence still made her blush.
Jamie smiled at her and said, “I know, I'm sorry babe. I had to do a bit of thinking this morning and didn't wanna wake you up.” Then a straight face appeared as quickly as his smile had disappeared. “Can I talk to you? It’s important.”
“Sure, what's up hun?”
“Umm not here...let's go to my room?”
“Yeah, sure. After you lover boy,” she said slipping her hand into his. “I love it when you call me babe.”
They walked back towards the side of the house and took the door that led into the basement. As they strolled into the living room, Chelsea noticed Jamie’s trembling hand and was about to ask about it when Jamie suddenly froze in front of her.
“Hey what’s going on?” Chelsea asked tilting her head to see why he was stalling. Then her eyes caught the image before Jamie.
An Asian woman sat with three little boys squeezed around her on the couch. Helen who stood near them looked dumbfounded and her face was covered in tears. The look of shock on Helen’s face and Jamie’s unreadable facial expression began to worry Chelsea. What’s going on? Who is this woman and who are all these kids?
A silence settled over the room, the type that makes one hear the heart beating away in anxious nervousness.
The Asian woman broke the silence with her high-pitched voice.
“It’s taken me five years to find you Jamie. Five long years but looking at you now,” she said shaking her head, “I don't know if finding you was worth all that trouble.”
Helen’s throat was too dry to speak, her teary eyes fixated on the faces of the three four-year-old boys she just discovered were her grandchildren. Two of them had brown hair and dark eyes like Jamie. The third looked like Ji-Min but had blonde hair that could have come from their grandfather (Helen’s dad).
“Is this bad timing? 'Cause you look very disturbed.” She rubbed the head of one of the triplets affectionately. “I just wanted you to see your sons. To see if you think it was worth running away. Hope this isn't too inconvenient,” Ji-Min said sarcastically.
Chelsea removed her hand from Jamie’s hold and clasped it over her mouth, her eyes widened in horror. What on God’s earth is happening? she screamed in her mind.
Jamie couldn’t process what he was seeing. He couldn’t form any words. “I’m sorry” seemed too insufficient for a situation of such magnitude.
“Jamie can you please tell me what is going on?” Chelsea demanded. She could barely move.
Jamie looked at her then cleared his throat. “This was what I wanted to talk to you about...umm, this is Ji-Min. Umm...” Jamie stammered. He sighed regretting that he hadn’t told Chelsea or his mother earlier. What was shocking for him was that the day he decided to come clean, Ji-Min emerged from the darkness. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how she found him.
“I guess you are his girlfriend,” Ji-Min cut in. “Please allow me to give you some advice for free, it will help you darling. If you want him to stick around, don't get pregnant. He never waited to even know I was pregnant with triplets.” Everyone’s eyes moved toward the three candy-eating four-year-old little men. Ji-min intentionally made it sound like she had been his girlfriend. She was going to take advantage of the situation and make his life as miserable as he made hers. It was like twisting the knife that already pierced his heart.
“The boys don't need you in their lives but I still had to find you. I wanted to have answers when they start asking about their father in the future. At least they’ll know where you are and that I wasn’t lying to them. Besides, I was itching to see that look on your face. I think its time for me to leave now as I can see you have a lot of explaining to do these two women.”
“Would you like something to drink?” Helen asked. She had no idea what to say or do. Her mind was far removed from the words coming out of her mouth.
“Thank you but I think it’s better we leave now. Our flight to England is tomorrow morning. Maybe I’ll keep in touch. Maybe I won’t, who knows. I really can’t promise anything but thank you Helen for letting us in. I can see you are a wonderful woman. It’s a pity you have a selfish boy for a son. Goodbye now.” She passed by Jamie and Chelsea, the boys following behind her like tiny little carriages.
“Please...” Helen started but Ji-Min was gone before she could finish her sentence.
Chelsea felt an urge to pinch herself so she could wake from this horrible nightmare. With pain in her chest, a furrowed face, a lump in her throat and confusion in her head she could not yet make sense of what she had seen and heard. Sinking into a nearby chair, she began to sob uncontrollably as though someone just died. Her head was pounding like her brain was trying to burst out of her skull.
Jamie moved with fear slowly toward her to offer some comfort and said, ”Chelsea look I can explain...”
“Don't,” she snapped, “just don't.” He moved away quickly. Her eyes were red with anger and wet with tears.
“To think that I trusted you more than anyone else I've ever known makes me sick to my stomach. I guess Mom was right about you after all,” she said with tears flowing down her cheeks unfettered. She shook her head and then stormed out of the apartment, just like Ji-Min had. She left like Jamie left South Korea, with a sense of finality and no intentions of looking back.
Helen didn’t know that it was possible to feel anger and compassion at the same time but that was exactly how she felt that morning. Without saying anything to Jamie, she went into the bathroom and cried as she got ready for work. She was angry that she was just finding out abo
ut her grandchildren after five years. Triplets? she thought. But then she felt so sorry for Jamie. I can’t imagine what he’s going through right now but how could he do this?
***
The first time Jamie and Ji-Min had sex together was a week after they met at the gym. It was also three days before she told him she was married.
“I wouldn’t have slept with you if I’d known,” Jamie said angrily. “That’s a very important piece of information to forget, don’t you think?”
Regardless of being upset by her confession, it could hardly hold him back from doing it again. He always imagined his first experience with sex as the moment when all those hormones that came with puberty would finally calm down. He would be free. But he was wrong all along; having sex for the first time only increased his appetite for it. It only ignited a fire in him and he wanted more.
It all happened so quickly that first time. They were making out in his apartment when it got really steamy on his couch, then his bed. When she realized he wasn't going any further despite her being naked, she asked, ”Wait, are you still a virgin?”
“What makes you think that?” he asked defensively.
“We've been making out for two hours and...” she giggled and continued, ”never mind.”
When he shyly admitted that he was, she kissed his forehead and said, ”Don't worry, I'll teach you.”
That was the beginning of two weeks of unrestrained sex, but it was safe. Her husband was away on a one-month business trip in Europe and they always used a condom. It was very safe. Until one day she forgot to bring condoms like she normally did. He protested saying they could wait till the next day, but she said it was OK, she would take her morning after pill–she promised. She knew about these things more than he did, so he trusted her. They did it on his bed, on the floor and in the common living room because his housemates were out clubbing.
And that was the only time they had unprotected sex. Just that once. Everything seemed fine after that, except that she had forgotten to take the promised morning after pill.
An Autumn to Remember: A Novel (Elmtown Series Book 1) Page 15
