When Ji-Min found out she was pregnant, there was no doubt in her mind as to what she would do. It was illegal to have abortions in South Korea but people always found ways to navigate their way around the system. Besides, if she didn’t find a way, she could go on a trip back to England and get it done. She knew a friend who had done it so she asked for help and thankfully she got it.
She was introduced to the doctor who conducted her friend’s procedure. There was no way she would jeopardize her marriage with the fling she was having with a teenage American boy who was only in Korea for a year to teach English and who she knew nothing about.
Nine weeks into her pregnancy, she went through with the abortion and stopped seeing Jamie who was the most relieved eighteen-year-old boy in the world at the time.
It was a bit of a shock when six weeks later, Ji-Min still felt pregnant. She went back to the hospital where she was told it was common to feel that way after an abortion and there was nothing to worry about. Days later, still feeling weird, she went back to the doctor and demanded an ultrasound.
Sadly it was discovered that she had a failed abortion and was in fact pregnant with three babies.
“How did you guys miss the fact that I was pregnant with three babies?” she barked. Then because of new complications, the doctor told her she could not go through with another procedure as it could cost her her life. At midnight, she called Jamie.
“I have bad news. The abortion failed,” she said with a low tone. She snuck downstairs to speak to Jamie while her husband snored away in their bedroom. He was too exhausted from his trip to even notice the little bump around his wife’s belly.
“What? What do you mean failed?” Jamie asked, his eyes widening. He sat on the bed beside his open suitcase and folded clothes. He was leaving South Korea in three days and didn’t expect another call from Ji-Min at all. He thought they closed that book.
“I’m still pregnant Jamie. My husband is back and I don’t know what to do. Look I need to see you, can I come over tomorrow morning? There’s more. I can’t have this conversation over the phone.” She needed to tell him about the number of babies they were having face-to-face. Lying to her husband was out of the question, besides, the babies were going to look mixed.
“Yes, let’s talk about this tomorrow.”
It was when an airline ad came on TV that Jamie remembered he bought a flexible return ticket to John F. Kennedy Airport that was on sale. Even if they were going to charge him, he was willing to spend his savings just to get out of there.
He called the airline and changed his departure time for the next morning at 6:00 a.m. He searched throughout the house and destroyed anything he found with his name and his American address on it. Thankfully all of his housemates already returned to the US and his landlord didn’t have his US details.
He flew back to America with guilt weighing him down like a heavy iron crown. It was the most selfish thing he’d ever done. At the airport in New York, he looked at his reflection through a glass door and a word formed vividly in his mind, almost like a real sound–“coward.”
21
Nudged by the gentle wind that entered through the half-opened window, the curtains moved back and forth while Chelsea remained tucked under her blanket, fully awake, feeling the coolness of the wet pillow beneath her cheeks. The creases on her bed were deep; she thought hard all night, twisting and turning. She couldn’t tell if it was the heating that gave her a headache or the events of the previous day.
Still crying in the dark room, she tuned the radio on her bedside table to a Classical FM station, but even those beautiful stringed melodies couldn’t to soothe her pain.
How could Jamie do this? she wondered. She trusted him. Despite just coming out of a relationship, she didn’t think twice about giving her heart completely to him. Once when she considered the rapidity of how things were going, she said to herself, it’s Jamie, I know him, he’ll never hurt me. But after what happened she accepted that her mother was right all along and she should not have allowed things to go so fast. How could he have hidden such an important part of his past from me? She wondered if all men were born with the ability to deal heavy blows like these. Are they given a talent from birth to hurt your soul so deep? she wondered.
She couldn’t believe Jamie could be so heartless as to impregnate a girl and run away from her. If Jamie could do something so out of character, then in her opinion, there was no man she could trust again because Jamie was supposed to be one of the few good men left.
So that was why he never said anything about his trip to South Korea.
Anytime she tried to bring it up, he would almost immediately change the topic or say very little about it. Everything now made sense to her. She decided there were probably many more things he was hiding. He could have other women with babies scattered all over, who knows where.
At 8:00 a.m., she pulled herself out of bed, took her phone from the table and went into the bathroom. She sat on the pink toilet seat, fiddling her android phone in her hand, checking if she had any messages or missed calls. There was nothing. Even if Jamie tried to reach her, she wasn’t convinced she was going to respond anyway.
Her grandmother was visiting that morning so she had to get herself together. She looked at herself in the mirror.
I look awful. I better clean up before going downstairs, she thought. Her eyes were puffy and red. She splashed some water on her face, mopped it with a clean towel, applied some lip balm and went back into the room to replace her pajamas with something casual but more presentable. She wasn’t in the mood for her mother’s “I-told-you-so speech.” She opened up a textbook and tried to study for her afternoon class, but it was like reading in a language she barely understood. She couldn’t process any serious information so she gave up and lay down on the bed again.
At noon, the aroma from the kale and potato soup Teresa was making downstairs woke her up from sleep. She sprang to her feet and quickly checked her phone to see if she was late for her 3:30 p.m. class. She felt a calm ease over her when she saw she still had over three hours.
“Chelsea, your grandmother is here,” Teresa suddenly called from downstairs.
“I’ll be down in a second,” Chelsea answered loudly.
Teresa stood by the base of the stairs to hear Chelsea’s response. They hadn’t spoken much since Thanksgiving, but she was convinced she had done the right thing. She believed Chelsea was too naive when it came to dealing with boys and it wouldn’t have been in Chelsea’s best interests if she didn’t said the things she said. Love is not blind. Why should I pretend when I know he’s no good for her? she asked herself.
Chelsea practiced smiling as she walked down the stairs to meet them. She hoped she didn’t look as bad as she thought she did.
“Hello Grandma,” she said embracing her grandma, Elizabeth Cole, in the kitchen. “You look gorgeous.”
“Hi pumpkin.” Elizabeth kissed her granddaughter and held her close.
At sixty-nine, she still liked to dress up and look chic but there was something different about her that afternoon. She was wearing a short flower skirt she bought from Paris, a black long-sleeve tee and huge hoop earrings which sort of made her look twenty years younger.
“Grandma has a boyfriend now,” Teresa said. She wondered if Chelsea was still upset.
“Ooooh so that’s it. I was wondering what that twinkle in her eyes was all about. I bet he is cute,” Chelsea said excitedly. “Who’s the lucky man? Let’s hear it.” She dragged a stool and sat beside Elizabeth.
“They met on a boat trip,” Teresa added. She was glad to see Chelsea’s response had no hint of hard feelings but she could tell something was off about her demeanor. Chelsea wasn’t fully herself. She could never miss that look Chelsea had when something was bothering her.
“Where is he from?” Chelsea asked smiling and looking at her grandma’s face fondly.
“He’s Dutch. He runs a shipping company in Monaco. Divorced with thr
ee kids and five grandchildren. He can’t wait to meet you all,” Elizabeth said and then threw Chelsea a worried look.
“You told him about us already?”
“Of course I told him about you, and Tyler too.”
Elizabeth tilted her head and studied Chelsea’s eyes. “Chelsea are you OK? What’s wrong? Your eyes look puffy. Have you been crying?”
“Me? Cryin’? No. I think it’s ‘cause I woke up really late. I’m fine Grandma.”
“OK baby, if you say so. By the way, when is my Tyler coming back from school? I miss my little booboo.”
“He has karate class after school so he’ll be a little late,” Teresa answered as she served some of the soup she made into three bowls. Then they all started to eat.
“So you’re in graduate school now? At twenty-one? I’m so proud of you,” Elizabeth said after she wiped her mouth with a napkin. She looked at herself keenly, making sure there wasn’t a drop of soup on her top.
“Aww, thanks Grandma. It’s only because UK colleges are three years and I started at eighteen. It’s not because I’m so smart.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “Regardless, you’ve done really well. Let me know what you want as your graduation gift. I think you deserve a reward. With the way things are going, you might even have a PhD by the time you are twenty-five and then you’ll be ready to get married. I can’t wait to take care of my great-grandchildren.”
Teresa laughed mockingly and said, “You? Mom? Take care of great-grandchildren? You are always on holiday on some boat somewhere in the Caribbean. How do you intend to take care of these great-grandchildren of yours?”
“Teresa, don’t underestimate me. I’m full of surprises,” Elizabeth said then turned her attention back to Chelsea. “So who’s the lucky boy? You do have a boyfriend don’t you?”
“Yes...he’s...” Chelsea started then stopped midway.
“Yes? Go on,” Elizabeth said. She looked at Teresa and then looked back at Chelsea, wondering what the sudden silence was for. As if that was not enough to confuse her, Chelsea pushed her bowl of soup away from her and put her head on the table. She started to cry and cough uncontrollably.
“Chelsea what’s wrong?” Elizabeth asked looking alarmed.
The next minute, Chelsea was puking all over the floor. Teresa immediately dropped her spoon and moved closer to Chelsea. “Are you OK baby, what’s wrong?” She started to rub Chelsea on the back as she let out the rest of the soup she had eaten on the kitchen floor.
“I think we should call 911,” Elizabeth said.
“I’m fine,” Chelsea said sobbing. “I’ll be fine.”
They followed her to the guest restroom and watched in astonishment as Chelsea cried and threw up a bit more. She rinsed her mouth, washed her face and said, “I have to go to school now.”
“You are not going anywhere like this. You are not well young lady,” Elizabeth said. “What is going on Teresa? One minute she was fine, the next she was puking.”
Teresa answered with a shrug and let out a sigh. She too was in the dark as to what had gone wrong. She knew her daughter enough to know it could have been triggered by something emotional. This always happened whenever she was really upset about something. She wondered if it had something to do with Jamie.
Five minutes later, they were all seated in the living room and eventually Elizabeth forced the truth out of Chelsea. Teresa was glad and not surprised at all. As she listened to her daughter, she commended herself inwardly for her intuitive brilliance; she always knew the boy was no good.
“So let me get this straight. He never told you about this?” Elizabeth probed.
“Mom she just said so,” Teresa said. “She’s too upset to answer these questions right now.” Then she said to Chelsea, “Just go upstairs and relax baby. I’ll bring you some green tea later.”
Chelsea felt a bit embarrassed by the whole thing and didn’t look at her mother in the eyes. She knew what she was probably thinking even though she didn’t say it. She got up and went straight to her room.
The first thing Teresa said when Chelsea left them in the living room was, “I warned her Mom. I warned her not to jump into a relationship with him. But she wouldn’t listen.”
One thing was sure, Teresa was glad the whole Jamie farce ended quickly.
22
Two weeks of no response from Chelsea coupled with the increasing distance between he and his mother weighed heavily on Jamie’s heart. At least it would have been easier if he had his mother to talk to. He sent a long email to Chelsea spelling out everything honestly and how sorry he was, but a reply had yet to be received.
He sent her text messages but those too were greeted with silence. He felt as though his behavior was starting to border on stalking so he decided to let her be. The red line, he thought.
Not only did he hurt the people he loved, he had also hurt himself in the process and it was very hard to forgive himself.
The images of those three boys wouldn’t leave him and neither would he let go of them. They were his flesh and blood. His offspring. His sons. Looking at them felt like looking into a mirror, which was surprisingly magical because it was a beautiful thing to look upon a real human being whose existence was linked to you. Three real human beings. But then it was painful because of all the hurtful things he had done in the process. Would I ever be part of their lives? he wondered. He so much wanted to be. He needed to because they were a part of him. He knew he would trade all those self-centered reasons that made him run away five years ago to be part of their lives now.
In any case, one of the things he was afraid of, disappointing his mother, had happened. His cowardice led to the entire mess he was now saddled with. Was it worth it? All those years of keeping quiet and dealing with guilt all by himself. If he had come clean from the beginning, wouldn’t things be better now? Chelsea would have understood if he had told her before they started dating.
He lay on his bed and fiddled with a blue ballpoint pen, wondering if this was how it was going to be forever and whether he’d ever get to talk to Chelsea again.
Later, he remembered that he and his mother had two more weeks to live at the Braithwaite’s home yet he hadn’t even been able to discuss what the plan was with Helen. Surely, he thought, we’ll have to talk about where we are moving. Then suddenly he heard a knock on his door.
“Hi.”
“Hi Mom.” He sat up straight on his bed. He didn’t expected her to initiate their first conversation in two weeks.
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing.” He cleared his throat. “Nothing at all. How...how are you?”
“I’m fine. I umm...I wanted to talk, but if you’re busy, I mean, we could talk later.”
“Oh no no, please. I have nothing to do right now,” he said glancing at her face, looking to see if he could read her mood.
She sat near the bottom part of the edge of the bed, crossed her legs and folded her arms.
“I found a one bedroom on Main Street, it’s very affordable so I think we should take it. Except if you wanna go see it first before I decide. The estate agents need my response by tomorrow morning though.”
“No, I don’t need to. Please, tell him we’ll take it. I trust your judgment.”
She usually never made decisions like that without Jamie’s approval or contribution but he couldn’t accept that type of privilege right now. He knew he really didn’t deserve that type of consideration.
“OK, I’ll call him in an hour.” She got up and started for the door.
“Mom?”
“Yes?” She looked back.
“I’m really sorry about everything. You can’t imagine how really really sorry I am.”
“I know son. I know.” She paused and smiled. “We’ll be OK.”
“Thanks,” he said, feeling as if a quarter of the weight on his shoulders had been lifted off.
“Do you wanna come with me for a walk?” she asked.
“Yes.”
Of course.
They walked around the block, headed North, went past three streets and then turned back just before hitting a major intersection. They were both silent for the most part. It was on their way back home that Jamie told her he changed his mind and was going to accept the job offer.
“I see,” she said. He looked at her wondering what she was thinking now. He thought she’d be excited to hear his turnaround, to hear that he was going to be more practical. He figured she was overwhelmed. It would take sometime before everything could go back to normal, if it ever would.
It was past 5:00 when Jamie and Helen got back home. Helen went ahead to take a hot shower while she pondered what Jamie said about taking the job. Jamie went straight to the kitchen to grab one of the beers he got from Chelsea on Thanksgiving.
He opened the can, sipped the beer’s frothy foam and then sat at the kitchen table, playing back the events of that day in his head. He remembered how he woke up with a hunch that it wasn’t going to be a normal day, went for a run and before he could count to ten, everything had changed.
I don’t even know their names, he thought regarding the boys. Their faces were graphic in his mind. With Ji-Min appearing and disappearing like a ghost, he was left in a sort of limbo. He wasn’t sure if or when he’d be required to start contributing money for the upkeep of the boys nor did he have an idea of how much would be required. In any case, he knew there was a possibility that he would have to do something. He had to take steps to increase his income and start taking some responsibility, even if Ji-Min never mentioned it. It was necessary that he contributed something, but all of that was still predicated upon Ji-Min letting him into their lives. He had no idea if he’d still be able to find her number from before; perhaps she had even changed to a new number. He didn’t have her address either. As she had looked for him, it was his turn to do the looking.
An Autumn to Remember: A Novel (Elmtown Series Book 1) Page 16
