Miss Caroline divided us up into our exam groups. She took the first group – which included Jasmine, thank god, because her last name was de Lacy – and everyone else was sent with me to studio two to run through any parts we were unsure of.
I took my place by the stereo.
‘What do you guys want to run first?’ I asked. ‘What bits are you having trouble with?’
‘I’d like to do the travelling steps, if everyone else does,’ said Tove. ‘I keep messing up the third set.’
I didn’t really think the travelling steps were that hard, I mean, I could have done them in my sleep. But everyone else agreed with Tove. So I found the right track and got the girls to line up in their exam groups.
‘One and Three go first,’ I said. ‘And stop on the other side to come back left. Then Two and Four go and repeat.’
‘We know, Riley,’ Ellie said, only half joking. ‘I think we all at least understand that part.’
‘I wanted to check that everyone is clear,’ I said, sitting up straighter. ‘Remember last year, when Bethany got confused and went first when she should have gone second? I’m just making sure stupid mistakes like that don’t happen again.’
Bethany flushed and twisted her skirt in her hands. ‘I was nervous,’ she muttered. ‘Not stupid.’
My cheeks might have gone a little red but I turned the volume up on the stereo and clapped for the first group to line up.
‘Remember to stand in prep while you’re waiting,’ I called out sternly, because two of the girls weren’t. ‘For your turns, the right leg is out in a held tendu.’
The two girls unwillingly shifted their feet. Geez. You’d think I just asked them to do fifty sit-ups.
They launched into their first travelling step, which was a turning sequence of chaines, chassés, posés and lame ducks. I yelled out things like ‘Bethany, you need to spot,’ and ‘Serah, that lame duck looks more like a posé,’ and ‘Ellie, sit lower in your chaine’.
Ellie flicked me an annoyed look as she finished the sequence and lined up again to go back left. ‘I know how to squat in second, Riley,’ I heard her mutter.
On the second travelling step, which was a series of waltz steps, I banged my crutch against the chair leg and shouted out ‘One two three, one two three,’ even louder than the music, because some of the girls had their timing really off. It frustrated me – how hard could it be to do three steps to a beat? I would have given anything to be up there, doing it with them, and they just seemed like they couldn’t be bothered. So that made me bang and shout even more, trying to get the girls to listen to me. Some of them flung these stinky little looks my way, but if I didn’t tell them, who would?
The third travelling step involved a switching battement jump, but the majority of the girls were having trouble with the transition. I watched them keep muddling through it and eventually I threw up my hands, stopped the music and barged into the middle of them.
‘No, it’s like this,’ I said, and I did the step exactly as Miss Caroline had showed us, sweeping my left leg up into a battement jump, then turning my body in mid-air so I ended up facing back the way I had come. It was exhilarating. This is how you do it, my face said to them.
But then, of course, I landed on my bung ankle, which couldn’t take the weight, so my knee buckled and I ended up on the floor.
I mean, that was embarrassing, but you know what was the worst part? No one, not even Ellie or Paige, came forward to help me. They even looked a bit gleeful that I’d ended up on my butt staring at them.
‘Well, Miss Caroline never showed us that part,’ Tove said, and a few of the girls tittered.
Only then did Ellie glare at them and toss her hair, grabbing Paige’s arm as she bent down to me.
‘Need a hand, Riles?’ she asked.
Paige knelt down on my other side and put her small, cold hands under my arm to help me up. As she and Ellie pulled me to my feet, Ellie fixed each and every other girl with a look of disdain.
‘Riley’s injured, you know,’ she said. ‘I didn’t see any of you even come near to being as good as her just then, and I’m pretty sure none of you have a sprained ankle. So why don’t you all stop staring and go and practise.’
I was too mortified to even thank her as they took me back to my seat.
Chapter Thirteen
‘I heard you had a bit of a topple on Saturday morning.’ Miss Caroline stopped out the front of her office.
The light coming in the stained-glass windows made her face look pretty and soft, like a butterfly lady. I watched a dust mote as it wafted aimlessly in the air.
‘Nothing major,’ I said, shrugging my shoulders.
It was Monday afternoon, when I’d usually have ballet. I’m proud to say my latest progress was I only carried the crutch around now and used it for the hard bits, like getting up stairs.
‘Nevertheless,’ said Miss Caroline, ‘you have to be careful. You shouldn’t even be thinking about dancing until next week. If you rush to get better, you deny your injuries the process of healing. An injury isn’t a quick or easy thing, Riley. It’s an annoying ordeal, but unfortunately it’s part and parcel of being a dancer.’
‘Well, the stupid thing is I didn’t even get it while I was dancing,’ I said, and then I felt uncomfortable under Miss Caroline’s stern, kind gaze, so I blew at the dust mote and changed the subject. ‘You want me to print something else off for you, Miss Caroline?’
She handed me her USB. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Just the document on the official exam uniform. I copied it on there this morning. Thirty copies would be great. Afterwards, come and find me in ballet. I need you to take note of everyone who wants a practice CD for exams.’
It was very quiet in Miss Caroline’s office; all I could hear was the faraway clatter of someone typing. There was a half finished cup of tea on her desk. I pushed it to one side and inserted the USB into the computer, tapping my fingers while I waited for it to load.
Up came the familiar icons. I saw ‘Exam Uniform Printout’ and went to click on it. Then I stopped. My right pointer finger hovered over the mouse. I could faintly see my reflection in the computer screen, staring at the forbidden icon. The icon I shouldn’t click. The icon that was none of my business.
I clicked it.
‘Don’t tell on me, tea,’ I told the cold cup of Earl Grey. ‘I’m doing this for the benefit of the other students.’
Yeah, right.
There everyone was, listed in alphabetical order. My eyes darted from the door to the screen as I hunted for the names that interested me.
My own, of course.
But a quick check revealed a blank page for Riley Nason. Obviously my injury counted me out of any critiques.
Never mind. Let’s see what Miss Caroline had to say about Jasmine de Lacy.
Ew. Pretty much under every style was a heap of positive notes: ‘Excellent lines, rotation and turnout has improved significantly, lovely grand battement.’
Blah, blah, blah.
Looks like Little Miss Perfect had her exams in the bag.
I hesitated only a moment before I clicked into Ellie’s. I was leaning forward so far, as if my body would shield the light coming from the computer and not give me away.
You shouldn’t be doing this, I told myself. But at the same time my body felt all tingly, like it was excited about my secret life as a Silver Shoes sleuth.
Ellie had some positive things written in her practice notes, too. But, to my surprise, she also had some negatives. One was what I’d already told her: she needed to get down into her plié more on the chaine. Under ‘Technique’ was written, ‘overextends the back in barre work, funny lines, fix next session’. But it was jazz, Ellie’s favourite style, that surprised me the most, because Miss Caroline had written ‘in enthusiasm and energy, sometimes does not finish movements properly, so can come across as lazy.’ Ellie would NOT be happy about that. She’d been bragging how easily she would ace the jazz exam.
> ‘Hey Riley, whatcha doing?’
My skin jumped from my bones. I pushed back in the seat. I frantically clicked the ‘x’ at the top of the screen, and almost knocked the cold tea over in the process.
‘Ashley!’ I eventually said (well, really, yelled). ‘What are you doing?’
‘I asked first,’ she joked. ‘Living large in the boss’s office, I see.’
My heart was pounding out of my chest. ‘Miss Caroline asked me to print some stuff off for her,’ I stammered.
Ashley looked at the printer, which was silent.
‘There was a paper jam,’ I snapped. ‘What do you want?’
‘Uh.’ Ashley looked at me in surprise and pushed her hair out of her eyes. ‘I was on my way to the costume room,’ she said. ‘Saw you and thought I would say hi.’
‘Well, I’m busy,’ I said. ‘I have work to do.’ I was being crabby, I know, but I was so flustered at almost being caught that I just wanted Ashley to go away so I could calm down.
‘Oh,’ Ashley stepped into the room. ‘Need any help? The costume room is pretty much –’
‘Miss Caroline asked me to do it,’ I said haughtily, turning to the computer screen. ‘Just go and do your cleaning stuff. You shouldn’t be in Miss Caroline’s office. It’s off limits to students.’
‘But you’re in here,’ Ashley pointed out.
‘I’m her personal assistant,’ I practically shouted. ‘Not you! You’re the cleaner!’
Ashley stared at me a moment and then a look came over her face that I’d never seen in all our months of being best friends.
I didn’t like it at all. It made me feel about the size of a crumb.
‘That’s cool,’ she said, ‘I get it. I’ll leave you to your important business, queen, and take my humble servant self to where I’m wanted.’
I watched her walk away and I didn’t feel like a crumb anymore.
I felt like a speck of dirt instead.
Chapter Fourteen
Our age group didn’t have any classes on Tuesday, so thankfully I didn’t see Ellie, Ashley or Paige at the studios. It was nice to just help Miss Caroline with the younger kids. I knew things would be awkward with Ash after yesterday, and it had been bugging me since I was rude to her. We’d never had a fight and I wanted to apologise. Plus, I really wanted to talk to her about my frustration at not being able to dance – she was so good at cheering me up.
I also didn’t want to see Ellie, knowing what I knew.
Should I tell her? Or should I try to show her what she was doing wrong in practice? Maybe I should say nothing, seeing as it was secret information, and I wasn’t supposed to know at all? Would it give her an unfair advantage over the other girls if I told her?
I hated having a secret. It was such a miserable feeling. I knew that when I looked at Ellie, that’s all I would think about. I wished I’d never opened the stupid file at all. It was hanging over my head like a bad smell.
‘Curiosity killed the cat, Riley,’ Nana always says to me. She’d be disappointed I’d looked at the file in the first place, and somehow that made me feel the worst. I didn’t want to be a disappointment to anyone.
On Wednesday I decided to just face the music and apologise to Ash straightaway. I walked right up to my friends in the change room while they were getting ready for jazz.
‘Hi guys,’ I said. ‘Look, no crutch!’
‘That’s great, Riley!’ said Paige. ‘Your ankle is feeling better then?’
‘Oh,’ said Ashley, not looking up from her packet of snakes. ‘Look who’s decided to lower herself to talk to us today. Haven’t you got better things to do?’
The grin shrank from Paige’s face and it clouded over with worry. I was so hurt by Ashley’s tone, it was the coldest and meanest I’d ever heard her sound. She wouldn’t even look at me! The apology I’d been about to say curled up on my tongue. I turned on my heel and left the room without another word.
Ellie caught up to me in the hall outside of the studios.
‘Riley!’ she panted. ‘What happened back there? Are you and Ash fighting?’
‘Why don’t you ask her?’ I said.
‘But you guys never fight!’ said Ellie. She reached out a hand and pulled me to a stop.
‘Watch my ankle,’ I growled at her.
She dropped my arm and leant away from me, her green eyes narrowing. Great. Now she was going to give me a tongue-lashing, too.
‘What’s wrong with you lately, Riley?’ she asked. ‘I know you’ve hurt your ankle, and that sucks, but you’re being really bossy and a bit mean to everyone. Like in class …’
‘Miss Caroline asked me to be her personal assistant!’ I shouted. ‘I’m just doing my job. If that means I have to be bossy and tell people they’re doing something wrong, then that’s what I have to do! No one’s going to improve if I’m nice to them all the time and tell them they’re perfect.’
‘Riley –’ began Ellie.
‘Do you know how frustrating it is,’ I continued, ‘to just want to dance, and you can’t, and it’s all trapped inside of you, and on top of that you have to watch everyone do everything and make mistakes when I know that I could be up there, putting all my hard work into practice, but I can’t because I have THIS.’ I gasped for breath and held my foot away from my body in disgust.
‘We’re ten years old,’ Ellie said. ‘We’re still learning. It’s just exams, not the Olympics. If you keep being bossy and mean to us, instead of saying things nicely and helpfully –’
‘Oh, be quiet!’ I interrupted her. ‘You’re bossy and mean all the time! My nana would say that’s the pot calling the kettle black! Half the girls here don’t even like you.’
‘What?’ said Ellie. Her eyes brimmed up and she jutted out her chin.
I felt so, so bad because it takes a lot to make Ellie cry, she’s pretty tough. But I had so much frustration and anger and disappointment inside that it was pushing these poisonous flames up through my throat and out of my mouth.
‘And you need to work harder anyway,’ I blurted. ‘You over-bend your back and you don’t finish off movements properly because you’re so eager to show off. Maybe you should be practising instead of having a go at me!’
A tear slipped down Ellie’s cheek and she wiped it away angrily. ‘Is that what you think?’ she asked quietly.
‘No, that’s, that’s what … that’s what Miss Caroline told me!’ I lied.
Ellie didn’t say anything but she looked absolutely crushed. Great. Now, in addition to being injured and useless, I was the biggest meanie on the planet.
‘Oh, just leave me alone, Ellie!’ I pushed past her and ran off and didn’t stop until I found a dark corner where I slumped down and then I cried, and cried, and cried.
Chapter Fifteen
Of my three best friends, I was sure only one actually liked me, and even then I was afraid of talking to Paige in case she thought I was mean and bossy, too.
I was super sorry I’d said those things to Ellie, and that I’d been rude to Ash the day before, but I didn’t know how to fix it. I could admit that I’d gone over the top with the attitude but, really, I thought they needed to be more understanding of my situation, too. They couldn’t expect special privileges from me when it came to exam critiques just because I was their friend. It wasn’t fair to me and it wasn’t fair to the other girls.
It was so awkward in class. When I took the rest of the girls into studio one to practise the jazz exam while Miss Caroline ran through the first group, there were two sets of eyes staring at me. Not to mention Jasmine and Tove standing up the back, tittering and whispering with their hands over their mouths.
‘Is it just me, or is there tension in the air today?’ Jasmine drawled, while I fumbled around putting the music on.
I went to tell her to be quiet but at the last moment my shoulders drooped and I couldn’t get the words out. The fire in my chest had gobbled them all up.
‘It’s good to see your ankle
has got better, Riley,’ Jasmine continued. ‘Hopefully your attitude has improved along with it.’
Paige turned around angrily. ‘Hopefully yours has, too,’ she said, in a very un-Paige-like outburst. ‘Riley’s been unwell. What’s your excuse?’
Jasmine was so shocked about being told off by Paige that she shut up immediately.
‘First group in standing exercise positions,’ I said, quietly. ‘Rest of you stretching or practising on the sides.’ I paused. ‘Please,’ I added.
Paige, her cheeks bright red, but a secret little smile on her face, went off to stretch in the corner. I saw Ashley give Paige a hearty pat on the back, and I felt very proud of Paige for speaking up, and a big rush of affection towards Ashley for making her feel good about it.
We went through the groups, one by one, but I didn’t say anything, except for generic things like ‘Thanks, girls,’ and ‘Flat backs, feet together,’ to the group as a whole.
I felt extra uncomfortable when it was my friends’ turn. Because I’d told Paige off last lesson for copying other people, I noticed that this time she tried very hard not to look anywhere but at the front. So she forgot a few things but, instead of looking to the other girls, she would simply bite her lip, gather her thoughts, and pick up once she’d remembered what came next.
I was so proud of her for trying, but didn’t know how to say so. There was a weird kind of imaginary barrier between us.
Ashley made a point of not looking at me at all, and ignoring everything I said completely. Ellie, on the other hand, made a show of doing everything really lazily, almost daring me to correct her. We both knew that it wasn’t her best work, but I bit down on my tongue and just watched the other girls.
I felt all hot and floaty at the same time, like I had a temperature. I was lost among my gloomy thoughts and I had to try really hard to not collapse and have a good old cry.
Rhythm and Blues Page 4
