Bethany stopped in the middle of the kicking sequence in the travelling steps.
‘Riley,’ she said, ‘do we turn to the front or back on the last backwards kick? And do we do all of the kicks on demi pointe? I’ve noticed that some of us are and some of us aren’t.’
I blinked. I hadn’t noticed that, I’d been so lost in my miserable little daze.
‘Uh,’ I said, ‘um.’
Bethany stood there looking at me, and everyone else turned to me for confirmation, too.
I really had no clue. I couldn’t for the life of me remember. I risked a quick glance at Ellie, then Ashley, but both of them avoided my gaze. Paige just gave me a little shrug when I glanced at her; she wasn’t sure either. The only one who would have known for sure was Jasmine, and her group was currently in with Miss Caroline.
I had to make the call. It was my job. It was time to take command again and get my head back in the game.
‘You turn to the front on the last kick,’ I decided. ‘And the kicks are all on flat feet.’
‘Are you sure?’ one girl, Opal, asked. ‘I thought Miss Caroline said …’
I paused, just for a second. ‘The kicks are all on flat feet,’ I repeated, louder. ‘It shows that you’re grounded and your working leg is strong. Also don’t forget to keep your arms out in second on the first two kicks and in the layout.’ I nodded and put the music on again, signalling they were to continue.
I actually had no idea if what I’d told the girls was the right thing. It seemed my whole life revolved around having this stupid ankle injury and I didn’t remember anything before it.
But it sounded correct and I stood by my decision.
Chapter Sixteen
Thursday and technique class again. I sat in the corner of the studio, my eyes drooping. I was feeling very weary. Being at Silver Shoes helping Miss Caroline out every day sure was tiring! My shins hurt from the one-sided way I’d been walking and all the fighting with my friends was playing on my mind. But I’d said I would assist Miss Caroline, and so here I was.
‘Riley,’ she said to me as she walked over to switch songs on the iPod. ‘You still with us?’
‘Yes, Miss Caroline,’ I said.
She eyed me down. ‘You know, you’ve been a great help lately, but if you want to take an afternoon off, you can.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘How’s your ankle? Have you been doing your strengthening exercises?’
‘Yes,’ I lied.
The truth was, I’d been so busy with my chores at Silver Shoes that I hadn’t even really looked at them, much less tried them. I still thought I could do my own exercises and stop when my ankle said ‘ouch’.
‘Don’t wear yourself down, though, I’ve told you this before,’ she said, referring to my ability to think I can do everything. ‘We want you rested, strong and confident by the time exams roll round. That’s your goal.’
I just smiled and looked out at the class sadly.
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Now you might be feeling sprightly, but this old body needs a coffee. Do you mind making me one, Riley?’
‘One sugar, not too much milk,’ I said, sliding myself off the seat. ‘Coming right up.’
I walked along to the teachers’ room and over to the kettle. The teachers’ room had lost its thrill, and I didn’t even have the heart to laugh at the picture of Justin Bieber surrounded by girls that someone had taped to the fridge with the word ‘Jay’ scrawled next to it with an arrow.
I measured out the coffee and sugar robotically. Milk, hot water, stir.
I sighed. The last thing I wanted to do was go back into a room full of unfriendly faces. But Nana always said you should never run away from what you’re scared of, you always face it. Her advice had worked out well when I’d followed it before. So I picked the coffee mug up and made my way back to the studio.
To meet the unfriendliest face yet.
Miss Caroline’s.
‘Thank you,’ she said, taking the mug from me and setting it down without even looking at it. ‘Can I talk to you for a minute?’
Geez, what had I done now?
‘Sure,’ I agreed, following her into the hall.
‘Riley,’ she said, once we were out of earshot from the rest of the girls, although I could feel their eyes on us. ‘Did you tell the girls the kicks in the travelling step for jazz were done on a flat foot?’
‘Um … I can’t really remember,’ I said. ‘Maybe.’
‘Well, that isn’t right. The kicks are done on demi. All of them. And you turn to the back, not the front. I appreciate you helping me out, but you can’t go telling the girls the wrong thing. It confuses them so close to exams, and they’ll get a lot of points taken off if they do the step incorrectly, all because of something you’ve told them.’
‘I didn’t do it on purpose!’ I said defensively. ‘I … thought it was done on flat feet,’ I finished lamely.
‘The whole point of the kicking step is to show strength and balance and turnout,’ Miss Caroline said. ‘Demi pointe is crucial for that. You know that, Riley. I wouldn’t have let you run through exams with them if I thought you were unsure yourself.’
‘I just forgot!’ I protested. My voice cracked on the last word and I had to suck my breath in, loudly. Why was everyone picking on me! All I ever did was try to help!
‘Well then, you should have checked with me,’ Miss Caroline said, a little kinder. ‘Never just guess. Always be sure.’
Shaking my head, I bit my lip, crossed my arms and looked away.
Miss Caroline put a friendly hand on my arm. ‘Why don’t you go and help Billie with the tinies,’ she said. ‘She’s not feeling very well today. And it might be a bit of fun for you.’
Great. So now I’d been dumped down to helping out with the tinies. The unfairness of everything was building up and up in my chest. The flames were roaring now. I didn’t even thank Miss Caroline. I just turned on my heel and stomped as best I could into the studio next door.
I couldn’t do anything right.
Chapter Seventeen
When I stepped through the door, I was greeted with angelic faces and cute little tutus. But the fire in my chest was burning away all the nice feelings I had, so I couldn’t even smile. I must have seemed like the wicked witch of the west to the tinies.
‘Riley! My saviour.’ Billie stumbled over to me, coughing and covering her nose with about ten tissues. She really didn’t look well, even her brightly coloured hair seemed to have faded. ‘Can you take the tinies for a bit?’ she gasped. ‘It’s beginner’s ballet. I just need to go and get … something … for this head.’
‘Um …’ Taking the tinies was the last thing I felt like doing right now.
‘Girls,’ rasped Billie, ‘this is Riley. She’ll do all the positions and some twirls with you. Be nice to her. I’ll be back to check on my ballerinas in a bit.’ She pushed her way out of the studio. ‘Thanks, Riley,’ she added.
I blinked at the door as it swung shut. Then I turned around to see all these faces looking up at me, waiting for me to teach them how to hold their arms and place their legs, when I couldn’t even control the feelings whirling around inside my body.
I didn’t know what to say or do. It felt like an impossible task, so I just stared at them.
‘Hello,’ said one little girl with blonde pigtails. ‘My name’s Jessie.’
I gaped at her.
‘With Miss Billie we’re doing first and second positions … and all the others,’ she told me helpfully.
Fantastic. Now four-year-olds had to tell me what to do.
‘Yes. All right,’ I said.
‘The music is ready to go,’ she added. ‘You just have to press play.’
I did just that and some carousel-sounding soundtrack came on. The little girls started jumping about. They looked so happy and I was so miserable. The flames in my chest leapt higher and made my throat all dry and parched.
‘Okay.’ I cleared
my throat. The tinies kept jumping about. ‘Okay, girls,’ I said, a little louder, trying to keep the wobble out of my voice. ‘First position. Who remembers?’
They all looked at me expectantly. Gosh. I was meant to show them. What was first position? For the life of me I couldn’t think what it even meant.
Feet turned out. Arms in front. I forced my body into the sloppiest version of first position I’d ever done.
Focus, Riley, focus. But I couldn’t. I just had to get out, and away.
I heard the door to the studio crack open. Thank God. Billie was back.
But it wasn’t Billie. Instead, Paige’s sweet, friendly face was looking at me, worry in her blue eyes.
‘Hi girls,’ she sang to the tinies. ‘Lovely first positions!’ They all beamed at her.
Paige hurried over to me. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked. ‘Miss Caroline sent me to quickly check on you.’
I looked at her, and I knew I was about to cry. Someone actually being nice to me was the hardest thing of all. I was going to bawl and I had to leave the studio.
‘Please help me, Paige,’ I said.
Paige nodded. ‘Go and get a glass of water,’ she said, squeezing my arm. ‘I’ll take over from here.’
I swallowed and stumbled out.
‘Okay, cuties,’ I heard Paige say, ‘Riley is just going to check in on Miss Billie, so Miss Paige is going to help you today. Now, who can show me a nice second position?’
I legged it to the drama studio as fast as my injured ankle would take me. Once I was there, I sat near the mirror in silence for a very long time, thinking all my bad thoughts and feeling my chest get bigger and bigger, and hotter and hotter.
Then I cried: about my ankle and my friends, and all the unfairness of the last two weeks. About all the mean things I’d done just because I was frustrated, about the ache in my heart because I couldn’t dance, and when all that was out, I swiped at my tears and pushed my hair back and got up to face the mirror.
And then I started jumping and leaping about, and throwing myself into some crazy kind of Riley dance because I thought that was the only way I could truly get my feelings out. I pushed through the pain in my ankle and I beat away my rasping breath, and I fought for the feelings that dance had always given me – power, beauty, focus, strength.
I didn’t stop until three girls appeared in the doorway.
Ellie, Ashley, and Paige.
Chapter Eighteen
‘Riley, what are you doing?’ cried Paige, rushing over to me. ‘You know you’re not meant to be dancing on your ankle.’
Ashley and Ellie shuffled in after her slowly.
I collapsed on the floor and took in some big, heaving breaths. My ankle tingled a little, like it was scolding me. But my chest was wonderfully light and cool – all the flames had gone. There was perhaps a small piece of coal in there, barely warm. But my head, and my heart, felt clear.
‘Sorry for dumping the tinies class on you,’ I said to Paige.
‘That’s fine,’ said Paige, kneeling down next to me. ‘I’m more worried about you. You looked terrible back there.’
‘It’s been a rough couple of weeks,’ I said, avoiding the desire to look at Ellie and Ash. But then I decided that, no, it wasn’t doing me any good to keep everything all bottled up, so I pushed on.
‘Miss Caroline made me her personal assistant and I thought that was really cool,’ I said, poking softly at my bad ankle, ‘because it let me be at Silver Shoes and stay in-the-know. I only ever wanted to do a good job. But some people thought I was being mean and bossy when I was just trying to help.’
‘You were being mean and bossy,’ Ellie muttered. But then she sighed, and slumped down on the floor next to me. ‘But I guess I can be too when something’s bothering me.’ She tossed her hair and plucked at her pink tights. ‘Also, you were right about what you said, you know, about my back arching and not finishing off movements and stuff. Miss Caroline mentioned something about it today.’
‘Oh?’ I said, trying to look surprised.
‘Yeah,’ said Ellie. ‘I know you were just trying to help when you told me.’
I pulled on my braids. ‘But I probably could have told you in a nicer way,’ I admitted, before turning to Paige. ‘Also, that time in the studio. I could have said those things too without being mean. Or, like, not in front of the whole class. I never wanted to embarrass you.’
‘I know you didn’t,’ said Paige. ‘Also I do rely too much on other people in the exams. I just needed to be told because I was fooling myself that I was fine. But I’ve been trying really hard this week to remember everything on my own.’
‘And you’re doing great,’ Ellie added, smiling at her. ‘You always need to trust yourself more, Paige. You’re just as good as everyone else.’
‘I’m working on it,’ said Paige.
There was a silence while everyone wondered if Ash and I were ever going to speak to each other.
Finally I decided, for my own happiness, to break it.
‘Look, Ash,’ I began.
‘Hey, Riles,’ she said at the same time.
Finally we caught each other’s eye. Then she started to grin, the big, jokey, Ashley smile that was so infectious. I think it’s what I love about her best.
‘You caught me on a bad day that time in Miss Caroline’s office,’ I said. ‘I was feeling yuck ’cause I missed dancing and I took it out on you. And I guess I got carried away with being a personal assistant. It’s just that it made me feel useful and important, while having an injury made me feel exactly the opposite. So I’m really sorry if I was rude.’
‘Ah, well,’ said Ash. ‘It’s like my dad says – never interrupt a man at his work. Except you’re not a man. Well, I don’t think so, anyway.’ She prodded me with her toe. ‘I was a bit much with the attitude too, in the change room. Sorry about that.’
‘Yeah, you gave Jasmine a run for her money.’ I giggled.
Laughing, Ashley threw herself on me in a big hug. ‘Whatever, Riles. You’ve missed me, attitude or not.’ Untangling herself from me, she patted my leg. ‘Now that all the emotional stuff is out of the way, what about this ankle? You were dancing like your old self just then. So it’s feeling better? Back in the exam race?’
‘It is feeling better,’ I said happily. ‘Definitely not 100 per cent, and I probably shouldn’t have been dancing like that. But … it did make me remember how much I love dancing, and how soon I want to get back to it. I think I need to amp up my recovery program.’
‘You haven’t been doing your strengthening exercises, have you?’ Paige asked.
‘Not really,’ I said. ‘I’ve just been trusting my own instincts. But I’m no doctor.’ I looked round at all of them. ‘Which is why I need you guys to help me and make sure I’m doing everything I absolutely can to get this ankle right.’
‘A chance to be bossy,’ Ellie joked. ‘Apparently, I’m quite good at that.’
I stood, pulling the girls up with me. ‘Will you come with me to see Miss Caroline, now? I want to ask her advice on the best things to do for my ankle so it’s right for exams.’ I gave an embarrassed cough. ‘And I’ll actually listen this time.’
‘You want me to piggyback you there, ol’ Peg Leg?’ asked Ash.
‘I can go and get a wheelbarrow,’ said Ellie.
‘I think there was a horse and cart out front,’ added Paige.
‘All your bad jokes are hurting my brain,’ I groaned.
But inside, I was so, so happy. I had my friends back, and soon, if I did the right things, I would have my ankle back, too.
And then I would be able to dance again.
I was ready to ace exams.
So You Think You Know Modern and Lyrical Dance?
Fun facts about modern, contemporary, lyrical and neo-classical dance:
It’s easy to get confused about what exactly modern or lyrical dance is, when it has changed, evolved and been influenced by so much in the past one hundred y
ears. So here’s a simple outline of the main differences in styles.
Modern or contemporary dance:
A natural, often instinctive way of movement that allows you to use creative lines and body weight to produce distinct ways of moving
Lines are often abstract or isolated from other parts of the body
Movement is centred around a central axis
Movements often begin with one body part, transitioning into another
Fall and release, movement and suspension, isolations and contractions, and travelling steps done in plié are a key to this style of dance
A big reason for the growth in popularity of the modern dance in the early 1900s is that it signified a rebellion against the rigid, uniform lines of classical ballet
Lyrical or neo-classical dance:
The fusion of ballet and jazz technique, which is held together by the expression of the dancer’s inner emotion
Traditional lines taken from the classical style
Choreography usually has movements that flow very naturally and smoothly into each other, with little or no stopping, or moments of stillness
Movements are flowing, carving, or arcing with emphasis on pathways merging into one another
Focus on how the dancer expresses themselves, with less concentration on precision and more on individual style
Connection between music and movement is central, which means the audience can easily understand and connect to the dancer, the choreography, and the music
Popular modern and lyrical dancers
Maddie Ziegler
Mia Michaels
Lady Gaga
Martha Graham
Isadora Duncan
Alvin Ailey
Cirque du Soleil
Best of modern and lyrical on YouTube
Chandelier – Sia
Wandering Star – Polica
Bad Romance – Lady Gaga
White Nights – Oh Land
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