Skin: He wanted full contact

by Johanna Hawke

  Our naked skin pressed against one another, it was hard to control the moans I so desperately had to keep quiet for the sake of not getting caught. Jesse caressed my nipples with his tongue as I ran my fingers along his cock. He was just as well-equipped as I remembered. I must’ve been too quiet, because Jesse said, “Roni, you ok?”

  There were two things I considered saying. The first one was some snarky comment about how he never before asked how I was during sex. In high school, he’d been selfish and self-fulfilling. Now, while reuniting our aching bodies after all this time, he was stopping to ask if I was alright? There was something inherently chivalrous about that, but I didn’t want to cool down the scorching heat boiling between us. Instead, I said the other thing that had been on my mind. “Fuck me hard.”

  Jesse thrust himself inside me, filling me fully and sending quiet moans from my mouth. As he moved back and forth, I arched my back and joined him in a rhythm I’d missed so deeply. He was so damn sexy. I ran my hands up and down his arms, trying but failing to peel his t-shirt from his body. Jesse moved in deeper, deeper, until I was sure that he couldn’t go any further without sending me spinning into ecstasy. That he did.

  Jesse’s well-endowed hardness made me quiver with relief as I felt him finish inside me. He tugged at my erect nipples with his teeth and kissed his way up my chest and back to my mouth. We laid in silence for a few moments until Jesse gathered up enough energy to stand up and dress himself. I followed suit, still unsure what exactly had just happened. I hated myself for letting Jesse get to me so easily. I’d fallen like a house of cards, just like I always knew I would if given another chance with Jesse. On the other hand, I was leaving the Rusty Bucket having just had the best—and most unexpected— sexual encounter of my life.

  Chapter 5

  Jesse

  Try as I did, I simply couldn’t forget about Roni. Everything about her was just as sexy and wonderful as I remembered. Since the moment I woke up, I worried that maybe, possibly our hot encounter had been a dream. Each time I doubted the reality, I looked down at my receipt from the Rusty Bucket, a little memento of our reunion. God, it was lucky I decided that last night was the night I needed a few drinks.

  What did this mean for us? I knew with all my heart that I wanted a second chance with Roni, but who knew what she had become in the past four years? Maybe unplanned sexual encounters were her thing. No. Not the Roni I knew. I could never see her as the casual sex type. Then again, that wasn’t really who I was either, and that didn’t stop me from sleeping around to fill the void. My life had been a whirlwind the past few years, enriching and fulfilling at some times, but as lonely as it could be at other times. It crossed my mind for the first time that maybe I would no longer have to go around having meaningless hookups just to fill the void. I shook my head. I was being ridiculous.

  Don’t get ahead of yourself, man, I told myself. Roni and I spent all of ten minutes together and I was already planning our future. I suppose I was just anxious to undo all the screwing up I had done. I threw on a pair of jeans and double-checked my client book for the day. I had four appointments, the first of the day not starting until four in the afternoon.

  Today was about Roni. Something in my gut told me it had to be. I wished there was someone I could talk to about our little rendezvous, anyone at all, but no one would understand. Even Jimmy and Roger, my best friends since middle school, couldn’t possibly know what I was feeling. They were my buddies, but also complete idiots without an ounce of motivation. They’d surely slap me on the back and tell me good job for nailing Roni, and that would be that.

  Seeing Roni again was about so much more than the sex. Sure, I went to bed dreaming about the touch of Roni’s curves and woke up tasting her intoxicating kiss, but I wanted the whole deal. I was ready for it all. But I knew we had to take it slow. I had to see things from her perspective. I’d abandoned Roni, then basically taken back any romantic feelings I ever had for her, then disappeared for two years to go to jail. If I were in her shoes, I sure as hell wouldn’t be so fast to jump into a relationship.

  I’d changed since high school, since my days of practical jokes and cutting class and treating people like crap. I’d gotten closer to becoming the man I always wanted to be. I hoped that Roni, on the other hand, had stayed exactly the same. She’d been the kindest, most giving person in school, and I was finally ready for her. I had to see her again. I had to see if the spark was still there, or if I was simply building it all up in my head.

  Roni’s dad sat on the front stoop Roni and I had spent far too many late nights making out on as teenagers. “Hi, Jerry,” I said. The look on his face was exactly what I was expecting but somehow hoping would’ve disappeared. Clearly, he still hated me.

  “This is a convict-free zone,” Jerry said, not even the slightest of smirks on his face. Something about him looked different. I couldn’t decide if it was just age or something more. The last time I’d seen him had been from afar, at Roni’s mother’s funeral from the back row in the church. I’d known that he hadn’t wanted me there, but Roni’s mom had always been so kind to me, and I couldn’t bear the thought of not going. Still, that had been months ago, and from a few hundred feet away. Maybe it was just the way the sun was hitting his face.

  “Look, I know you must hate me,” I said, hoping honesty might get us somewhere.

  Roni’s dad shook his head. “Damn right. You broke my baby girl’s heart.”

  “I’m sorry. I was young and stupid. I never stopped loving your daughter, and I was hoping maybe I could see her.”

  “She’s at work,” Jerry said, frowning, and I knew better than to ask where exactly her work was. Linfield was a small town. There had to be someone else, someone whose daughter I hadn’t crushed, who could tell me where to find Roni. I offered up a thank you and some polite jargon about how I hoped he was doing well. It was clear that Roni hadn’t told her dad she’d seen me last night, and I didn’t blame her. We were either proof that fate believed in second chances, or a perfect storm about to blow up in smoke.

  Heading down Lenox Drive, I had to pick my next conquest. Who would be my best bet at getting Roni’s number, or at least some information on where she worked? I thought back to our high school days. Our group of friends had overlapped to a point, but she had definitely been closer with the girls in the group. Georgia had been Roni’s closest friend, but she wasn’t an option. Rachel. I knew where Rachel Wilson worked and was sure she’d know where to find Roni.

  I made a sharp U-turn and headed to the Linfield Community Center, where Rachel was some sort of event coordinator. I ran into her there from time to time, once at the wedding of one of my friends from jail, and several other times at some speaking events I attended. I meandered through the hallways of the community center until I spotted Rachel’s bright red hair peeking out beneath a beanie that was about two months too early to be needed.

  “Rach,” I said, hoping she’d hear me from a few feet behind her.

  Rachel turned around and flashed me a toothy grin. “Hey, Jesse! What brings you to my neck of the woods?”

  “I actually need your help with something.” I suddenly felt a tad guilty. After all, I hadn’t made much of an effort to keep in touch with Rachel, or any of the girls from our friend group, and, now, here I was, seeking her out for help.

  “What’s up?” Rachel asked. “We’re running a special this week. If you book a banquet for January or February, there’s no venue fee.”

  “Oh…uh…”

  Rachel giggled. “I’m kidding! Jesse Parker isn’t exactly the venue-booking type.”

  I let out a half laugh. “I know this is going to sound crazy, but do you know how I can reach Roni? Do you have any clue where her new job is?”

  “Roni’s back in town?” Rachel asked, jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas.

  “You didn’t know? She’s back for good.” Something in Rachel’s eyes changed, as if she was hiding something she didn’t wan
t me knowing. “What’s wrong?”

  Rachel led me down the hall to her office and sat beside me in one of the desk chairs. “I haven’t talked to Roni since graduation,” she said. “She kind of fell off the face of the earth for a while.”

  “What do you mean?” Deep inside, I could see what she was getting at, but I needed to hear it for myself.

  “She sort of fell apart when you broke up with her,” Rachel shared. She paused and drew in a breath. “She was heartbroken, and I think New York was sort of her fresh start. I lost touch with her, and so did most of the others.”

  “Oh,” was all I could muster. I wanted to punch eighteen-year-old me in the face, the guy who had made Roni feel so terrible. Not only had I ruined our future together, but I drove her away from her friends. All for some silly mistake.

  “So, she’s back now?” Rachel asked, drawing me from my thoughts.

  “Yeah,” I said lamely. “I saw her over at the Rusty Bucket last night.” I kept the part about the incredible sex to myself. That was our little secret.

  Rachel stood up from the chair. “I have to get back to work. If you’re going to start something with Roni, just please don’t break her heart again. You didn’t see her the first time.”

  Rachel’s words hit me hard and stayed with me as I drove to Shawna’s house. Every bit of me hoped that Roni drifting apart from Rachel had been a coincidence, not a result of my actions, but I was fairly certain that wasn’t the case. Shawna would be my next best indicator. Shawna had been my least favorite of Roni’s friends back in high school, but, lucky for me, she didn’t know that. She had always been a bit of a badass, and just a tad too bossy. In hindsight, I suppose she was sort of the female version of me.

  Since I had no clue what Shawna was up to, but knew where she lived from the parties she had thrown in high school, I figured the half-mile drive from the community center to her house was worth it. Shawna’s greeting was less enthusiastic than Rachel’s, likely because, the last time she’d seen me, I was being handcuffed and thrown in the back of a police car. Like Rachel, Shawna hadn’t talked to Roni in a few years. She gave me an earful about how I ruined Roni’s life, the exact opposite of what I intended to do. Shawna told me that the girls had tried inviting Roni to hang out the entire summer before she left for art school, but she completely cut off contact with the world.

  I was a horrible person. I hated myself for what I’d done to Roni, but it gave me all the more motivation to work to make things better. Kayla was the last person I could think of who might have even the slightest idea about Roni. I was feeling emotionally and physically defeated, completely torn apart by the way I’d broken up not only Roni’s relationship with me, but her relationship with the world. If it wasn’t for my favorite cannoli cake at Pritchett’s Bakery, I probably would have headed back home, but I figured I could at least get something out of my visit with Kayla.

  “Well if it isn’t my number one customer,” Kayla said with a smile when she saw me. Without waiting for a response, she went back to frosting the cake she was working on. “A slice of cannoli cake? Or are you finally just going to splurge and buy a whole one?”

  “It depends what you have for me,” I said. It came off snooty, maybe even a tad dirty, so I decided it was best to explain myself right off the bat. “I’m in need of some information.”

  Kayla, ever the gossip girl, took her eyes off the cake and moved closer to me. “What kind of information?” she asked, like we were two kids swapping secrets in middle school.

  “Have you heard that Roni’s back in town?” I asked. After my last two visits without any luck, it was better to start there than to waste our time if she didn’t even know Roni was back.

  “Yeah, I saw her last night,” Kayla said. Finally, a glimmer of hope.

  I already knew the answer to my next question, but I had to be sure. “Did you stay in touch with her when she went to New York?”

  Kayla’s response came in the form of a laugh. “Rachel just called and told me you were snooping in Roni’s business. What’s this all about?” I didn’t answer her question, hoping that would lead her to answer what I’d asked her first. “No, Mr. Jailbird, I didn’t stay in touch with her. Or, more accurately, she didn’t stay in touch with me. Or any of us.”

  “I know it’s all my fault,” I said, as if that would somehow make things better.

  “At least you’re more self-aware than you were in high school,” Kayla said. She smirked and walked over to the display and cut a piece of the cannoli cake. “So, what do you want to know about Roni for, anyhow?”

  I shrugged, unsure of what a proper answer would be. “I just need to talk to her. I need to let her know how sorry I am, but not a damn person in this town has her number except her dad, who may be the only person who hates me more than she does.”

  A mischievous look appeared on Kayla’s face as she walked over to the register and wrote something down on a pad of paper. She tore off the bottom portion of the sheet and slipped it over the counter to me. “You’re welcome.”

  “What’s this?” I asked.

  “Roni’s number,” Kayla said. “Got it last night. If she asks, you didn’t get it from me.”

  There was no mirror in front of me, but I was fairly certain the smile on my face was visible. Finally, I could have my chance to talk to Roni… but not before a little snack break. “You’re the best!” I exclaimed. “I’ll take the whole cake.”

  Chapter 6

  Jesse

  I wasn’t sure what exactly had brought me here, but I was never one to turn down a dare. Trash the school gym. How hard could it be? I looked down at my watch, which read 4:34. Good. I still had a few hours before I was supposed to meet Roni at the prom, plenty of time to be victorious and still take a quick shower and change into my suit.

  It had been seven months since Jimmy, Roger, Miguel, and I started this stupid competition, completing dares for points, but it felt like it’d been years. I felt a bit childish for feeding into it all, but I couldn’t help it. High school was supposed to be our glory days, right? Looking down at the spray paint, hammer, saw, and miscellaneous trash I’d brought with me, I suppose a small part of me was doing this to get out my own frustration.

  Roni had been accepted to art school, just like I knew she would. She was the most talented person I knew, not to mention the hottest and kindest, so of course some fancy New York college would give her a full ride. Here I was, some small-town loser who didn’t even know if community college was in the cards. Three days later and we still hadn’t discussed what the acceptance meant for our relationship, but I knew it wasn’t good.

  Roger was just lucky that his dare had come at the right time. This was the king of all dares, the last one of the year, the one that would make me the champion. Champion of what, I didn’t quite know, but I wasn’t about to lose to those boneheads. The dares up until this point had been mild compared to what I was about to do. Roger faked a nosebleed with ketchup during an algebra test. Miguel started—well, attempted to start—a food fight, which landed him in detention for a week. Jimmy asked a teacher on a date. It was all harmless stuff.

  I had no clue why Roger had come up with this, but I wanted it done so I could claim victory and enjoy what could very well be one of my last nights with Roni. As I spray painted “Wildcats Suck”, an ode to the school’s mascot, along the closed-up bleachers, I found myself wondering if Roni was destined for more than this, more than us. That only fueled my anger with myself, and I headed over to the supply closet, sawed some gymnastic mats into pieces, and tossed them all over the gym floor.

  After emptying bags of trash I’d picked up along the way all over the floor of the gymnasium, I continued on with the spray paint, writing “Class of 2013 forever”, Jimmy’s addition to the dare, as my grand finale. I was impressed with my work, albeit feeling a bit guilty for defacing a place that had given me nothing but good memories. Hurriedly, I collected my supplies and rushed for the side exit.
Before I knew what was happening, I was met by the school security officer and a town police officer, reading me my Miranda Rights.

  Linfield was by no means a large town, but the ride in the back of the police car felt endless. How could I be so foolish? In a matter of seconds, I went from feeling invincible to worthless. Damn Roger. I knew he hadn’t meant any harm, but this felt like a lot more than nothing. I put on a tough façade as an officer escorted me into the police station, took my fingerprint, and placed me in a holding cell.

  In all my years in this sleepy little town, I’d only ever stepped foot in this jail once before. It was for a fifth-grade field trip, to finish off a unit about law enforcement and show us what police officers did on a day-to-day basis. I never thought I’d be here like this, like some regular criminal. On the other hand, maybe I wasn’t so surprised after all. I’d always been trouble. I could never quite put my finger on why, but, up until now, it had been harmless bits, like cutting class or smoking the occasional cigarette.

  As the officer directed me to the holding cell, I wondered if this was what my future held. Was I destined to be a convict, just like the burly guy who sat next to me on the metal bench? “Son, is there someone you’d like to call?” the officer asked.

  My mind flashed to Roni and I suddenly remembered the prom. I looked up at the clock. It was too late. Roni was surely already at the ballroom, waiting for her date that she didn’t know was locked up like a criminal, who now was a criminal. Holding back the tears I didn’t even know I had, I called my mother, who, through her anger, told me she’d come right over to the police station.

  “Excuse me,” I said to the officer through the bars, surprising myself. In all of the commotion, I hadn’t spoken any words in hours, with the exception of the call to my mother.