“Ellie.”
A moment later he opened the door with what seemed to be reluctance. Her eyes widened at his disheveled appearance. His short brown wavy hair looked as though he’d combed it with his fingers in myriad directions. He wore the same cream-colored shirt from earlier but it was half-unbuttoned and haphazardly tucked into the waistband of his brown pants. He didn’t bother to meet her gaze. Instead, he stared down at his bare feet. “Sorry for leaving early.”
“That’s all right,” she said, looking everywhere but the expanse of his exposed chest. “I understand why.”
His gaze jerked to hers. “Ethan told you?”
“No, Nathan told me you were sick. I didn’t see Ethan.” His eyes lowered but not until she saw a hint of relief there. “I’m sorry if I awakened you. Are you feeling any better?”
He shrugged then leaned against the door frame. “I suppose.”
“It must have come on suddenly.”
He hardly seemed to hear her. He stared unseeingly at some distant object. “I’ll be fine.”
She wasn’t so sure about that. He certainly seemed dazed. She remembered Nathan acting the same way when he’d had a high fever. “You don’t have a fever, do you?”
He shook his head but she lifted her hand to his forehead, anyway. Suddenly, his hazel eyes focused on her. For the first time since he opened the door, he seemed exactly like himself, only somehow more intense. Her hand drifted back to her side. “Kate sent this basket. I don’t even know what’s in it.”
He reached out and caught her arm to pull her closer.
“She threatened to send Nathan with the shotgun if I didn’t come back in ten minutes.”
His gaze captured hers. His other hand cradled her jaw while his thumb brushed her cheek.
“I told her that wasn’t funny but she...” She stopped trying to talk the moment his forehead touched hers. How she’d managed to speak at all as breathless as she felt was beyond her. They stood there for a moment, neither of them speaking or moving. Finally, he lifted her chin and kissed her. She immediately began to pull away from the new sensation then hesitated. His hand pressed gently against her back and she allowed him to guide her into another kiss.
It seemed to take him a moment to gather his thoughts. His gaze finally found hers. “You didn’t slap me.”
She let out a breathless laugh. “Did you think that I would?”
“I wasn’t sure.”
She pushed away from his chest slightly to look up at him and dared to ask, “Lawson, what is happening here? I can tell you aren’t sick but obviously something is wrong. Won’t you tell me what it is? Maybe I can help.”
“You can’t help, but thank you.” He leaned down to kiss her once more then set her away from him. “You’d better go. Tell Kate I’ll be fine in the morning.”
He quickly took the basket then shut the door behind him, leaving her with no choice but to walk away. Nathan was still unhitching the horses from the wagon so she wandered into the barn and found him in the tack room. “How is he?”
She watched him put away the last harness. “I don’t think we need to send for Doc.”
“That’s good.” He closed the tack room door and grinned. “You and Lawson seem to be getting pretty close these days. I’m really happy for y’all, Ellie. I told him courting you would be the right thing to do.”
“Thank you. I...” Suddenly, her heart gave a little hiccup of disappointment. “Wait. You told him that he should do it?”
“I sure did. I also said he would be perfect for you and that we’d love to have him in our family if things progress.”
“Oh.” She tilted her head to watch him closely. “Was that before or after he asked your permission?”
“Well, he didn’t ask for my permission exactly.”
“I see.”
“Did I say something wrong?”
She squeezed her brother-in-law’s shoulder to try to chase the furrow from his brow. “No, you were very sweet. Lawson hasn’t officially said that we’re courting, which is fine. I just wanted to make sure I was reading the signs right.”
“I’m sure you are. Be patient. Lawson tends to hold his feelings close to his vest.” He led her out of the barn and closed the door behind them. “How about a game of checkers before dinner?”
“Thanks, but I think I’ll take a walk.”
A few moments later, the few horses out in the pasture ran up to greet her when she reached their fence. Starlight was the only one who stayed when they realized she hadn’t brought them any treats. She rubbed the horse’s strong neck. “I wish I could be as sure as Nathan is, Starlight.”
Instead, Donovan’s words sifted through her mind to reveal the doubts she’d been afraid to face. What if she was mistaken and he was right? What if Lawson was only expressing an interest in her to please the town and their families? If so, then it was her fault because she’d encouraged everyone to matchmake on her behalf. Essentially, that meant that poor Lawson had the whole town pressuring him to be in a romantic relationship with her. Even the people who he normally went to for advice, like his parents and Nathan, had gotten caught up in the matchmaking fever.
What if I made the wrong choice in encouraging the matchmakers? Did I even stop to consider how Lawson might feel about that? No, because I wanted to feel important. I wanted to feel wanted. Isn’t that exactly how I made an enemy out of Mrs. Greene? What if the same thing ends up ruining my relationship with Lawson?
She shook her head to rein in those thoughts. It was too much to take in. Maybe it wasn’t true. Maybe the town wasn’t the driving force behind his decision to court her.
She pulled back to look into her horse’s large brown eyes. “He kissed me, Starlight. That has to mean something, right?”
Starlight gave a low nicker of agreement. A flash of color in the woods that led to the creek drew Ellie’s attention for a moment until Starlight nuzzled her shoulder. When she looked again there was nothing there, so she patted her horse’s shoulder. “I know you love me, darling. That wasn’t in question.”
Her gaze slid to the cabin and she bit her lip. At least now I know to keep my eyes open. I’ll find out the truth and if I’ve made a mistake—if I’ve made him feel obligated to court me—then I’ll fix it. Even if it hurts me to do so.
* * *
Lawson sank onto the chair realizing he’d nearly frightened Ellie away during that little interlude at the door. He glanced down at his shirt and grimaced at the sight of the collar hanging open. He’d been changing when he’d heard her knock. He’d become so afraid that Ethan might have followed him that he’d forgotten what he was doing. Then he’d gone off and kissed her.
That kiss had been building inside of him since their muddy foray in the field, but he wasn’t sure if he’d done right to give in to it. Lawson didn’t kiss women often but when he did, it meant something. Usually that something was that they were eventually going to hightail it out of his life.
He pulled in a calming breath as he continued unbuttoning his shirt. A metal button broke from its place and tumbled to the ground. He placed his boot over it to keep it from rolling away then froze.
His raggedy boot covered the gleaming metal coin that rolled his way. He tried to look nonchalant as the gentleman stopped to look around. The man muttered about hearing something fall before he continued on his way. Lawson picked up the coin with a satisfied grin.
A moment later, he ducked under the swinging doors of the nearest saloon. No one seemed to notice him stop and stare to get his bearings. None of these rowdy places had exactly the same layout. He spotted an empty stool at the bar so he climbed it and placed his elbows on the shiny wood. The bartender did a double take then ignored him. Lawson frowned at him. “Hey, I’m thirsty. I found five cents and I want a drink.”
T
he man next to him glanced down and pushed away from the bar. “Starting them a little young, aren’t you, Cal?”
The burly bartender turned to greet him as though unsure whether to laugh or snarl. “You’re chasing away my customers.”
He held up the shiny nickel. “How about it, Cal?”
“You’ve got a smart mouth.” Cal didn’t seem to think it was a bad thing because he grinned. “How old are you, anyway?”
“I don’t know.”
A man sidled up to the bar and winked as he slid a few coins toward the bartender. “Give the boy a drink on me.”
“Sure, Lem.” Cal quirked a brow. “What’ll it be, son? Whiskey, Scotch or gin?”
Lawson shrugged. “No one ever asked me that before. They usually just give me water or sarsaparilla.”
“Whiskey,” Lem said.
Lawson’s eyes widened as everyone began throwing money on the counter in front of him to place bets on whether he’d drink it or not. The tension mounted as he took the cup into his hand. He wrinkled his nose dubiously at the smell of the liquid, then lifted the glass to take a sip. Suddenly, a man on his left snatched the glass from his hand and threw its contents in Lem’s face. “You no good—”
The man didn’t get to finish before he reeled from Lem’s punch. Lawson suddenly found himself in the middle of a brawl. Noticing everyone was distracted, he gathered all the money and crawled out on his hands and knees.
He stuffed the money in his pockets and grinned. He was rich! He could buy himself a sandwich, some new clothes and maybe even some new boots. Not in this town, though—the next one. It wouldn’t do to get caught. He glanced back at the saloon to make sure he was in the clear, then started making tracks...
Lawson clenched the button tightly in his closed fist. He leaned back against the chair and closed his eyes. His memories would have their fun for a while. There was no avoiding that. He’d grit his teeth and bear it because they wouldn’t last forever—not when he’d finally found someone in the present he might be able to hold on to. The choke hold of his past couldn’t be as strong as it seemed...or could it?
Chapter Ten
Nathan had told him that someone was interested in buying a few of their horses and that he wanted Lawson to help with the deal. But when the next morning rolled around, Lawson could hardly keep his mind on his job. To say that he’d had a rough night was a bit of an understatement. He hadn’t been able to shake those memories or the feelings they inevitably brought with them of anger, abandonment and fear. Between that and the preparations for the important buyer coming today, he hadn’t had time to speak with Ellie. He wanted to make sure that he hadn’t hurt her feelings by refusing to tell her what was bothering him.
In the meantime, he needed to get his head together enough to show the buyer the horses’ full potential so he wouldn’t make Nathan lose the sale. He finished the last exercise near where the buyer—who’d insisted they call him Alex—stood talking to Nathan. Alex nodded in appreciation. “Nathan, you have some of the finest horses I’ve seen in a long time. I’d like to buy the three you showed me today.”
Nathan shook the man’s hand. “Let’s go inside and talk specifics.”
Lawson finally found himself alone with Ellie. He circled the arena on Sheba a few times to cool the mare down then stopped the horse in front of where Ellie stood. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”
“What are you sorry for?” She stepped onto the bottom rung on the fence and peered up at him with what seemed to be trepidation. “Kissing me?”
“What do you think?” He leaned across the saddle horn to kiss her pert nose. Her cheeks turned rosy and a hesitant smile tugged her lips but she stepped down from the gate leaving a big gap between their heights. Lawson dismounted. “I just wanted to make sure I didn’t mess anything up with my strange behavior.”
“Your strange, unexplained behavior.” She lifted a prodding brow.
“Right. So we’re fine?”
She held his gaze long enough to tell him that she was aware of his not-so-artful avoidance, then gave a single nod. “I am if you are.”
He covered the hand she’d placed on the fence between them. “Good.”
“When did all of this start between us, Lawson?” She placed her other hand on top of his. “Was it at the café when the town suggested it? Or maybe at the engagement party?”
“I don’t know. I kind of think it started that first day I got back.”
“You do?”
He smiled at the strange tone of hope in her voice. “Sure. Of course, it took me a while to figure it out, and I probably wouldn’t have done anything if our families hadn’t encouraged it.”
Her gaze dropped from his and she pulled her hands away. “They were pretty convincing, weren’t they?”
Before he could respond, they spotted Alex ambling toward them from the house. Ellie smiled at him. “Did you want another look at them, sir?”
“No need. The contract is signed.” The man propped his boot on the fence and trained his gaze on Lawson. “I’d like to speak to this young man alone for a minute.”
Ellie sent him a curious and questioning glance. At his shrug, she left him alone with the man. Lawson absently tied the horse’s reins to the fence as he watched her go. Alex shifted slightly. “You haven’t been able to keep your eyes off that gal since I got here. I looked at your ma the same way before she ran off and left me.”
Lawson’s entire being stilled. He slowly turned from the closed door of the farmhouse to pierce the shadowed gaze of the man before him. Alex removed his Stetson and met Lawson’s eyes straight on. “I guess I should introduce myself properly. I’m Clive Alexander Hardy.”
“Clive Hardy.” The words came out in a disbelieving echo.
Clive nodded as a slight smile briefly appeared on his lips. “I’m your father.”
Lawson stared at the man in shock. He had the strangest sense that those words should make him feel something, but he couldn’t seem to feel anything at all. Finally, he spoke as though from rote memorization. “No, you aren’t.”
“I can prove it.”
A slow leak of anger began to drip from his soul to his tongue. “I don’t care if you can prove it.”
Lawson suddenly realized that the man didn’t have to. If someone looked, really looked, it was obvious. They were practically the same height and build, though Lawson was a bit taller and Clive was stockier. The man had remnants of the same brown hair in his silver hair and beard. The shape of their eyes was different but the hazel coloring was the same. His jaw tightened. “You should go.”
Clive shook his head. “I didn’t come all this way just to purchase a few horses. I want to talk to you.”
The frayed thread he’d been holding on to for years suddenly snapped. “How dare you? How dare you possibly think you can just waltz into my life like this? I told Ethan I didn’t want to see you but you ignored that completely.”
“I was already on my way.” Clive held his gaze urgently. “I wanted to see you.”
“Why? How did you expect me to react? Did you think this would make me happy?”
“I guess not,” Clive drawled. “I thought I’d at least try to start a relationship—”
Lawson shook his head in disgust. “I don’t want anything from you and you’re too late to give it. I think you’d better leave.”
Clive stared at him for a long moment, then smiled wryly as he put his Stetson back on. “I guess I have no one to blame but myself for the way you turned out—just like me.”
His eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”
Clive shrugged lightly. “You’ve got the same anger, same stubborn mindset, apparently the same weakness for pretty women, and from what I hear, you’d make a pretty good outlaw.”
“I’m nothing like
you.” The crack in his voice belied the firmness he was searching for.
“Sure you are. Don’t fool yourself into thinking otherwise. You’re a Hardy, from your hazel eyes to that smile you flashed when you met me. I think it’s about time you figured that out.”
“I asked you to leave.”
Clive tipped his hat. “Sure, for now. But this isn’t over, kid.”
Lawson hardly waited for the man to head toward the house before he mounted Sheba and pointed her toward the woods. It was only when he dismounted at the creek that he was able to reel in his racing thoughts and breathe. It wasn’t fair. After all this time and all the ways he’d struggled to distance himself from his past, he’d wanted to believe that he was finally free of it. He wasn’t. It kept reaching out to pull him back—forcing him to remember who he was, where he’d come from, what kind of person he could expect to be. He’d never truly forgotten, but having his father come and point it out seemed like the stamp in the wax that sealed his fate.
He’d even thought that he might be able to create a new life with Ellie. Oh, he hadn’t let himself truly plan that far ahead, but the intention had been there all along. He’d been working up his courage bit by bit in preparation for that final plunge. Too bad it was all for nothing. His father’s sudden appearance served as a stark reminder of what usually happened when he let people too close—they left.
He picked up a rock and tossed it into the lazy creek. It was his parents’ fault. When they left him, they’d left some sort of invisible mark that warned others off or so it seemed. Maybe it was the Hardy family curse—abandoning or being abandoned by the ones who were supposed to love you the most. Whatever caused it, the result was the same. He was still lacking, still missing that special ingredient that would make him worthy of the family he’d always wanted.
“Who am I fooling?” he muttered above the low grumble of the waterfall. He wasn’t enough. It was time he realized that.
* * *
Ellie placed a stilling hand over her nieces’ to end their exuberant hand game when Alex stepped back into the parlor with his hat in his hands. “It’s been nice to meet all of you but I think it’s time I head back to town. Nathan, would you mind if we left now?”
A Texas-Made Match Page 11
