“No! They knew you’d made a mistake but that in no way changed their opinion of you or their love for you. No one is perfect all the time, Ellie. They never expected that from you.”
She allowed that knowledge to settle within her for a moment before the guilt returned with a vengeance. “But it’s still my fault they died. They wouldn’t have been out there in the first place if it wasn’t for me.”
“I’ve thought the same thing about myself over the years.” She shook her head sadly. “If only I’d paid more attention to the storm, I might have noticed it was getting worse in time to warn them to stay in town. Then perhaps you wouldn’t have lost your parents and I wouldn’t have lost my best friend. ‘If only’ can’t change what happened. Your parents made their own decisions and that is no reflection on you or me. Neither of us controls the weather, or has any say in God’s plan. I’ll never stop missing them, but it’s not anyone’s fault that they’re gone.”
“I don’t know, Ms. Lettie. I’ve felt that shame and guilt for so long—even before I remembered what I’d done to make me feel that way. Hearing you say these things doesn’t make it disappear.” She hugged her arms about herself. “Why, I don’t know what I’d do if Sean or Kate found out about this.”
“Your siblings knew.”
Ellie’s eyes widened in a mixture of surprise, horror and confusion. “They did? But they never told me. They never even acted as though they knew. I thought for sure they’d blame me even if they tried to hide it.”
“Perhaps you should talk to them about it. However, I don’t think they ever blamed you. That may be why they never made an issue of it.”
Ellie shook her head in disbelief. “Mrs. Greene led me to believe she was the only one who knew about it. I’ve spent the last few weeks doing my best to keep this quiet.”
“Amelia Greene needs to learn a few lessons about forgiveness. She’s carried that anger in her heart until it turned her into a bitter woman. You just leave her to me.”
“This is my battle.”
“You are my best friend’s daughter. If I can’t fight for you against the likes of Amelia then who can? It’s time she dealt with someone of her own age and standing. I mean to see that she does. Don’t worry about her one more minute.”
Ellie smiled at her. “Thank you for telling me all of this. I feel better—not exactly exonerated but better than before.”
“I’m glad, dear.” She paused thoughtfully before continuing, “I think in this situation, the only sin you might be guilty of is that you spread gossip when you were eight. I don’t think you’ve indulged in that since then but you can ask God to forgive you of that and He will. However, if you really want to get rid of the guilt you feel, you need to forgive yourself.”
“I know you’re right.” Ellie bit her lip.
“Yes, but knowing it and doing it are two separate things, aren’t they? You have to make the decision for yourself. Think it over. I’ll be praying for you.”
“Thank you. I’m sure I’ll need it.”
* * *
Lawson followed Ellie up the porch steps of Sean and Lorelei’s house, inspecting the hat in his hands thoughtfully. “Ellie, do you like this hat?”
“What?” she asked distractedly. “Yes.”
“That’s what I said when Mr. Johansen asked me at his mercantile. He said he wouldn’t be able to sell that hat to anyone else and outright asked me to take it off his hands for practically nothing. Don’t you think that’s odd? This is a perfectly good hat and I feel kind of like I stole it.”
Ellie stopped to survey him laughingly. “Maybe he meant it as a gift.”
“Why would he give me a gift?” He reached out to stop her when she continued walking toward the door. “Come to think of it, that happened a lot today. Maddie wouldn’t let me pay for the pie and coffee I had at her café.”
“Uh-huh.” She tugged him onward.
“Maybe the town is trying to make up for the matchmaking fiasco—”
“I don’t think so.” She knocked on the door.
“Well, it’s downright peculiar.”
Lorelei’s voice called from inside, “Come in. The door is open.”
“People have been really nice—almost overly so. There has to be an explanation.” Ellie stared at him with an amused smile but she was listening intently, so he kept going. “Nathan took me aside to tell me what a good job I’ve been doing. At first I thought he was going to fire me or... Aren’t you going to open the door?”
She stepped aside. “Be my guest.”
He frowned but complied. She went in ahead of him so he pulled the door closed behind them. He realized the house was full of people only an instant before they all yelled, “Surprise!”
He glanced around at the familiar faces in confusion before settling on Ellie’s. The party must be for her. He echoed “surprise” to pretend that he’d known all along. Why hadn’t anyone told him this was a surprise party for Ellie? He hadn’t gotten her a present or anything. Wait a minute. Ellie’s birthday already passed.
“What is going on?”
“It’s your birthday,” Ellie explained. “Everyone is here to celebrate you.”
He pulled her closer as if that would give them some modicum of privacy. “Ellie, you know I don’t celebrate my birthday because I don’t know when it is.”
“It’s today. Your birth certificate says so.” She handed him a folded piece of paper.
“My birth certificate?” He stared at the paper. Lawson Clive Hardy. His gaze stumbled over his middle name and he frowned before he moved on. Born... His head shot up. “It’s my birthday!”
Cheers echoed through the room. Suddenly, he was receiving hugs from everyone, which was no small feat since it looked as though half the town had shown up. Everyone had a quick word or good wish for him. It was overwhelming. He was glad when his parents finally made it through the fray for their chance to hug him. “Y’all didn’t have to do this.”
Lettie smiled knowingly. “We didn’t. Ellie was the main one who planned and carried this out.”
Doc nodded. “A few others chipped in but it was her idea.”
“Why would she go through the trouble of doing all this?” He frowned as he spotted her talking with Amy, Sophia and Lorelei.
Doc placed a hand on his shoulder. “Son, I think it’s pretty obvious to everyone how that girl feels about you. Don’t you think it’s about time you figured out what you’re going to do about it?”
A wry smile touched his lips. “I’m working on it.”
“Well, praise the Lord for that,” Lettie said with such obvious relief that he laughed.
Lawson was surprised to discover that an entire meal had been planned in his honor. Sean and Lorelei’s dining room was too small to accommodate a sit-down dinner inside, so pretty soon everyone headed outside to a small clearing behind the house. It seemed this was where the real party was going to take place. Several long tables filled the clearing, including one that functioned as a buffet. Lanterns hung from the trees in preparation for nightfall. Guests wasted little time in filling their plates and settled in for a night filled with friends and laughter.
Lawson found himself seated at a table with his parents, the Rutledges and the O’Briens. They automatically saved the seat beside him for Ellie, who, after bustling about to make sure that all was well, finally made her way to the table. He waited until they were nearly finished eating to say, “I can’t believe you did all of this for me.”
She blushed in the fading light of sunset. “It was fun. Honestly, it sort of took on a life of its own once the town caught wind of it. I hadn’t planned on this many people coming. Apparently, this town is very fond of you.”
“I never would have imagined this many people
really cared about me.”
He didn’t realize how pitiful that statement must have sounded until Ellie’s eyes filled with compassion. “Of course they do. You grew up here. It’s your hometown. You belong here.”
“I didn’t stumble into Peppin until I was fourteen,” he corrected doubtfully.
She lifted her chin. “I don’t see how that changes anything I just said.”
He grinned slowly and shook his head. “That’s because you’re stubborn.”
“This town is blessed to have you and we know it. You’re blessed to have us, too, so it’s equal all the way around.” She hesitated a moment before shifting closer. “You know what I’ve realized since we came back from the ranch?”
He found himself leaning toward her. “What?”
“If your parents hadn’t abandoned you, your life would be completely different and not necessarily for the better.”
He stiffened slightly but decided to hear her out. “What are you getting at?”
“You would have stayed with them. Your father told me that coming to terms with leaving you behind was what made him turn his life around. If you were with them, your parents would have continued with the drinking, the fighting, the stealing. You would have been subjected to the lifestyle they led and the environment they lived in. You wouldn’t have had the same opportunities. You probably never would have come to this town, which means you wouldn’t have met Nathan. He’s the one who led you to the Lord, so you may not even have become a Christian. Doc and Ms. Lettie wouldn’t have adopted you. You would never have known what a normal family is supposed to be like. You might have followed in your father’s footsteps and become an outlaw. Should I go on?”
“No,” he said quietly as he leaned back in his chair to take it all in. He’d known all along that he was blessed to live in a town like Peppin, to have met Ellie’s family and have been adopted into one of his own. However, he hadn’t been willing to connect his parents’ abandonment to the life he led now. Was this what the Bible meant about God taking the bad and working it out for something good? Was that what grace was—being able to live in the “good” that wasn’t a sensible outcome of life’s events?
He remembered Pastor Brightly’s sermon on the subject not so long ago. He’d focused on the Scripture about the sins of the fathers not being visited on the sons, but if he remembered correctly, there was another key component to living in grace—forgiveness. Suddenly, he thought about his father. He swallowed hard. Surely he didn’t have to forgive his parents for what they’d done to him. It wasn’t fair of God to ask such a thing of him.
What would I get in return for that, Lord? Would the pain go away? How about whatever stigma I might have that keeps people from loving me? Something inside of him seemed to check that thought and make him take stock of all the people who had gathered to celebrate him. It was then he realized the truth. People did care about him. They did love him. He was the one who kept holding back out of fear they would abandon him.
Would it take forgiving his parents to break free of that fear? His jaw clenched. He hoped not because he wasn’t even sure if doing that was possible.
“Lawson, did I say something wrong?”
He glanced up to meet her concern and covered her hand with his. “No. You said something right. I am a very blessed man. I appreciate the life God has given me. The problem is that the past is just always...there.”
“I know it is but so is God.” She glanced at their hands and turned hers to allow her fingers to thread through his. She met his gaze. “And so am I.”
He stared at the incredible woman before him in awe. Physically she was so beautiful that she could make his heart forget to beat with just a look. But more important, she was everything he’d never allowed himself to hope for on the inside. She was warm, genuine, committed—and to him, no less. She saw past his protective barriers to the man he truly was. Yet, her time, her attention, even the look in her eyes, telegraphed that he mattered—not only to her but to the world in general.
He knew right then and there that she was the only woman he’d be willing to risk his heart for. He also knew that to do so would take courage on his part. Not just when he asked her to marry him, which he surely would, but every day for the rest of his life. It would take courage to believe that he was enough to make her stay. He couldn’t—not yet...but one day. One day soon.
A throat cleared a few feet away. He suddenly realized how close he was to Ellie and how they must appear to everyone with their heads together and hands clasped. He released her hand to direct his attention to Lettie, who stood at his side. Her smile barely hid her excitement at the scene before her. “I hate to interrupt but I can’t find the candles and it’s nearly time to cut the cake.”
“I think I left them in the kitchen.” Ellie pushed back from the table. “I’ll get them.”
Both Ellie and Lettie walked away, leaving Lawson to take a swig of his forgotten glass of cider. He’d also forgotten that Ellie’s brother had been sitting on the other side of her until Sean took the opportunity of her absence to turn toward him. “So when are you going to propose to my little sister?”
After a momentary pause in which he decided against playing dumb, Lawson set his cup aside and shrugged. “I’m not sure. I didn’t even know I was going to marry her until about a minute ago.”
Sean nodded. “Yep, I saw that poleaxed look from all the way over here.”
“When the time comes will I be asking your permission or Nathan’s or both?”
“Why don’t the three of us talk about it on my day off next week?”
Lawson nodded soberly. No doubt they would have a few deep questions to ask, most likely spiritual in nature. Lawson would be ready for them. At least, he hoped he would be.
Chapter Eighteen
Ellie breathed a prayer of thanks for Lettie’s timely interruption. She’d never seen Lawson’s gaze quite as intense as it had been a few minutes ago and had certainly never been the subject of it. It had done funny things to her...chiefly, it had stopped her ability to think and hampered her ability to breathe. The connection between them had been so real—nearly tangible. What did it mean?
She brushed her cool hand across her warm cheek and tucked a wisp of hair behind her ear as she forced herself to focus on the task at hand. She entered the house to find a few stragglers remained. Her eyes narrowed at the sight of Mrs. Greene conversing with Donovan Turner in the sitting room. I definitely did not invite him, either.
“I guess some people think they can just show up anywhere whether invited or not,” she muttered to herself as she snatched the candles from the counter, then searched for matches. She let a drawer close with a bit too much force. The bang was enough to draw the attention of the two people she was glaring at. Caught, she quickly turned her grimace into a detached smile, though she felt more like sticking out her tongue.
Mrs. Greene glanced away almost guiltily. No doubt she’d been gossiping about Ellie and Lawson. Donovan didn’t have the sense to look away. He even offered Ellie a smile, which she pretended not to see before she breezed out the door. She wouldn’t let either of them ruin her evening. She’d promised to leave Mrs. Greene to Lettie. She’d also promised Nathan and Lawson to avoid Donovan. She planned to do both of those things starting now.
She pulled in a deep breath of cool autumn air as she followed the lighted path back to the clearing. The combination of perfect weather and clear skies prepared the way for the dusky descent of twilight. It would be easy to enjoy the rest of the evening. If her resolve to do so was ever in danger, she knew she’d only have to take one look at Lawson’s joyful if slightly stunned face to remember the true purpose of the evening.
She finally reached the clearing. As she glanced around for Lettie, a shadow separated from the trail behind her to step into the light. She swallowed her alarm. Donovan. He had probably been only a f
ew feet behind her the entire time and she’d never even noticed. She tried to calm her nerves. There was no reason to be frightened. Perhaps he just happened to be walking the same direction at the same time.
Right, she thought sarcastically. Still, there was no real cause for her to be jumpy. It was just Nathan’s overprotective warnings that had her on edge. He stepped toward her as if her frown was an invitation to speak. “I got my pig farm back.”
Oh, thank goodness. He had some reason for seeking her out after all. “Did the judge help you?”
“No.” His chest expanded with pride. “The man I sold it to gave me my deed back.”
She tilted her head in confusion. “He gave it to you—just like that?”
His smile seemed to take on an almost sinister gleam in the dim light. “Well, I might have used a little persuasion.”
She blinked and his smiled seemed normal again. She backed up a step. “I should probably go.”
“What’s the rush?”
“Ellie, there you are,” Ms. Lettie said, unintentionally coming to her rescue. She didn’t seem to notice that Ellie was speaking with someone else. Perhaps because Donovan remained in the shadows. “Let’s put the candles on the cake. I think people are getting restless.”
Grateful for the interruption, she gave a little wave to Donovan, then helped Lettie place the candles on the cake. After a few minutes, she was able to put the unsettling episode out of mind—or at least save it to examine later. They were about to light the candles when Lawson stopped them. “Before we cut the cake, I’d like to say a few words.”
It took a moment for everyone to gather around. Ellie stepped closer to Lettie when Mrs. Greene appeared at her husband’s side. Lettie whispered, “I haven’t talked to her yet but I will.”
Ellie nodded, then focused on Lawson. He cleared his throat, looking endearingly unused to being the center of attention. “I just want to thank everyone for coming. It means the world to me to have you all here. I can tell you right now that it’s the best birthday I’ve ever had.”
A Texas-Made Match Page 19
