Everything around Lawson seemed peaceful, homey and warm. He was beginning to think this sort of life might be possible for him.... His gaze slid to Ellie. For them. He was going to ask her soon. He just needed to figure out what to do about getting a ring.
Nathan seemed to give special emphasis to the last few passages, which conveniently focused on forgiveness, before closing the Bible. Kate and Nathan ushered their children off to bed, leaving him alone with Ellie. Kate paused at the door on her way out. “Lawson, I finished mending that sweater of yours. Be sure to get it from me before you leave.”
He agreed to find her as Ellie yawned and stretched like a drowsy cat. He smiled at her. “Don’t tell me you were sleeping. I’m pretty sure Nathan read that selection specifically for us.”
“I wasn’t sleeping.” She groaned as she pushed the wisps of hair away from her face. She’d taken to wearing it up more often but by the end of the day it always seemed to anticipate its escape from the orderly style. “I barely slept last night. I just lay awake thinking.”
“About your parents?” At her nod, he frowned. “I had no idea you were going through that. I wish I could have helped you in some way since you’ve been so supportive of me.”
“I was ashamed. I didn’t want anyone to know. I thought it would be easier that way.”
“Was it?”
“No.” Her smile signaled she was ready to change the subject. “I know Nathan read those passages to try to help me forgive myself. Why do you think he was directing them at you?”
He smiled wryly. “I decided to forgive my father.”
“Really?” She leaned forward with interest. “How is that working for you?”
“Better than I thought it would, actually.” He rose to bank the fire. “It seems like you just have to decide that’s what you’re going to do and stick with it.”
Her silence made him glance over his shoulder at her. She watched him thoughtfully for a moment then joined him in front of the fireplace. “I don’t think I’m quite as brave as you are.”
“I’m not brave. I just got tired of feeling so many negative emotions all the time.” He shoveled ashes over the fire logs then paused, realizing this was as good a time as any to try to get one last reading on her feelings for him. Setting the shovel aside, he captured her gaze. “I thought maybe I’d try a few more positive ones for a change.”
Her fingers stilled for an instant before they continued on their route to tuck an escaping piece of golden hair behind her ear. Curiosity tinged her green eyes with gold, or perhaps that was just from the remnants of the fire. “Like what, for instance?”
He hid a grin, thankful that somehow she’d asked exactly the right question. He stood to his feet. Should he tell her he loved her right here and now? He couldn’t seem to form the words. Despite her talk of his bravery, he didn’t have the courage to declare his independence from his personal history. Surely that’s what those three little words would mean—that he believed the abandonment of the past would stop here and now because he loved her and she loved him. Or did she?
He might not be able to ask that question with words but he needed to know how she felt. She must have recognized his intent, for her eyes widened as he erased the distance between them. She didn’t step away. He lowered his head. Her lashes drifted down to rest on her cheek, so she didn’t see the hopeful smile that passed across his lips in the moment before he kissed her.
She leaned into him. One hand came to rest on his chest and the other behind his neck. His arms encircled her waist before he broke away to press a kiss against her temple.
Well, that settles it, he thought as he held her close. There is no way she’d kiss me like that if she didn’t love me.
Footsteps sounded in the hall. He released her just before Nathan walked in. His friend took one look at them and raised his eyebrows. “Don’t mind me. I just needed one of these lamps.”
Ellie blushed then said good-night to both of them before slipping out of the room. Lawson ignored the knowing look on Nathan’s face to ask, “Is Kate around?”
“In the kitchen, I think.”
Lawson found Kate folding his sweater. “Thanks for doing this.”
“You’re welcome. Before you go... Nathan can’t keep a secret from me to save his life so I wanted to give you this.” She opened a small leather pouch and pulled out a ring. “This has passed down through the women in my family for generations. My grandmother gave it to my father before he asked Ma to marry him. Now, I’m giving it to you.”
“Didn’t you want it?”
She smiled. “Nathan gave me a ring of his own. I didn’t want to refuse it. Lorelei ended up using her family’s ring since she was an only child. I hoped to catch you before you made any arrangements and that you’d want to give it to Ellie.”
“Of course I do.” He accepted the gold ring from her to examine it carefully. Two hands embraced a heart-shaped emerald that rested under a crown. “I’ve never seen anything like this.”
“It’s a traditional Irish token of undying love called a Claddagh ring.”
“I think I’d better keep it in that pouch until it’s time for me to use it.” He carefully slid the ring inside then tucked it into his shirt pocket. “I was thinking tomorrow might be a good time.”
“You move fast.”
He nodded. “I’ve made up my mind so I see no use in stalling. Do you think you could prepare a picnic basket for us? She’d probably enjoy another visit to the creek before it gets too cold.”
Kate’s blue eyes began to dance. “I’d be honored.”
He nodded his thanks. He was finally going to put his past behind him. He was ready and he was pretty sure Ellie was, too.
* * *
Ellie spread out the picnic blanket on the grassy bank of the creek, making sure to stay far enough from the water to keep from getting muddy. She set aside the picnic basket Kate had given her and lay in a warm patch of sunlight to read her book as she waited for Lawson to arrive. It was awfully sweet of him to invite her on this picnic. She smiled, thinking of last night’s kiss. His attentions had certainly been marked as of late. Perhaps he would ask to court her again soon. Then maybe she would have rectified at least one mistake. Not that doing so was the only reason she hoped he’d ask. After all, she was pretty sure this was what love must feel like.
Had it only been a few months since she’d resolved to find a husband and petitioned God to help her? She’d had no idea what a mess she was going to get herself into. Thankfully, that mess seemed to straighten out after she’d asked God to lead her in her relationship with Lawson. She was thankful for that so why did she still feel as if she was holding back? Why could she only say she was “pretty sure” this was what love was like?
She lowered her book to frown at it thoughtfully. I guess I’m still expecting my problems to vanish because Lawson cares for me. Kate told me that wouldn’t happen. Why am I still longing for someone to ride in on a white horse and save me—rescue me from the stains of my past?
Suddenly, the words of a hymn she’d learned as a child sprang to her lips. “What can wash away my sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.”
She sat up abruptly. How on earth could she have forgotten something as basic as that? Romance didn’t have the power to heal her hurts or make her feel clean. Only God could do that. Even He could only do that if she let Him. Lawson could and had been a tool God used to accomplish that but ultimately the hero she longed for was God. Could that be right?
It was. She could feel it all the way down to her soul.
“Oh, what a fool I’ve been! Lord, I’m so sorry! Forgive me for seeking a man when I should have been seeking You. Wash me clean. I let go of my past and place it in Your hands.”
Relief spread through her and blossomed into a burgeoning sense of peace. She’d l
oved her parents with all of her heart. She never would have done anything to hurt them intentionally. She’d made a mistake but that hadn’t changed their love for her. It hadn’t changed God’s love for her. They would never have wanted her to live a life filled with guilt. God certainly didn’t. So...though a tear slipped down her cheek, she finally let them go. She finally let their memory rest in peace.
She smiled and allowed herself to fall back onto the blanket. What a long journey it had taken to get to this point, but she was here and that’s what mattered. She shook her head ruefully. Poor Lawson. All this time I’ve been putting unreal expectations on his love. Given his past, I wonder how he could even care for me at all.
It would be different now. She was different now, changed by love—God’s love—the way she’d wanted to be. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t hear the sound of Lawson’s approach until his boots landed in her peripheral vision. She sat up to greet him with a smile that stalled on her lips.
It wasn’t Lawson.
Alarm filled her as she met the too intense gaze of the man before her. Donovan.
Ellie quickly stood to her feet, clenching her book in her hands nervously as she faced the man who watched her with what appeared to be a desperate hunger. “Donovan, what are you doing here?”
His hands slipped into his coat pockets as he seemed overcome with a sudden shyness. “I’ve wanted to talk to you for days but you were never alone.”
She crossed her arms. “Have you been watching me all that time?”
“I wanted to talk to you,” he repeated, avoiding her gaze.
She took that as a yes. Her gaze swept the woods around her as she suddenly became aware of their seclusion. No one would hear her if she screamed for help. Then again, she might not need help. She met Donovan’s gaze once more. Maybe he really did just want to talk to her. Alone...after he’s been watching me for days...I don’t think so.
Suddenly, relief surged through her as she remembered. “Lawson will be here soon. You should leave. Come to the house later today and we’ll talk then.”
His entire demeanor changed from shy to contemptuous. “You’re meeting Lawson? Why? That spoils everything.... No, that makes it better...much better.”
“Yes, it does,” she agreed. No doubt Lawson would be able to handle him in no time. “You two can figure things out and I’ll just stay out of it.”
“You don’t understand.” He caught her arm, which was crossed at her chest and thus brought him uncomfortably close to her. “I love you. I won’t stand for you being with him anymore.”
Right. She stepped away from his touch. “I don’t see how you have any say in that matter.”
“Oh, I’ll have a say, all right. As a matter of fact, you’re going to do exactly what I say. Do you understand?”
“Certainly not. I—” Her words stopped abruptly when she saw the gun he eased from his coat pocket. She realized that for now it was probably best to stop talking and listen to what he had to say. “What do you want me to do?”
He grinned and rocked back onto his heels. “That’s more like it. First things first. You’re going to sit down right where I found you and act like nothing has happened when he rides up. Then you’re going to break things off with him. I want to hear you do it so no mumbling or whispering or trying to warn him because if you do—” he waggled the gun in her face “—that’s it for him.”
She stared at him trying to understand the strange words he was speaking. He couldn’t be serious. But he was. He definitely was. Fear muddled her thoughts. He seemed to realize that for he stepped forward with the gun pointed at her chest. “I know I’m scaring you, Ellie. I’m sorry for that but you have to do what I say. I promise not to hurt you, but one little slip and I’ll kill him.”
He took her arm and led her back to the blanket. “That’s it. Sit down right there. Read your book. I’m going to hide. I’ll be close enough to hear and see you jilt him. Don’t make a mistake. Remember that now.”
She closed her eyes. Don’t make a mistake. Don’t make a mistake. Don’t...
You did a bad thing, Ellie. A very bad thing.
She pushed away the memories but her mother’s disappointed words lingered in her head. Maybe Lawson won’t come. Oh, Lord, please don’t let him come.
Her eyes jerked open at the sound of approaching hoofbeats. Dread filled her stomach. She scanned the woods for some sign of Donovan. Nothing—but he was there. She could feel him watching her. Could he hear her accelerated breathing? Probably. It seemed to fill the air around her.
Lawson appeared, riding on Starlight’s sire, Samson. A hero on a white horse, but that wasn’t right. She couldn’t let him save her. Instead, she had to save him.
Chapter Twenty
She watched Lawson dismount and approach her with a grin so full of joy that it nearly broke her heart. She glanced down at the lines of black text to get her bearings. Regulate your breathing. Unclench the book. Good. Now, hold it casually. Pretend to read.
He knelt on the blanket beside her. “Aren’t you going to say hello to me?”
She glanced up to see him eyeing the book in her hands. She set it aside and folded her hands nervously in her lap. “Hello.”
“Hello,” he responded, then proceeded to kiss her. She melted into his arms just like she had last night until she remembered who was watching them. She placed a hand on his chest and forced herself away from him.
“Lawson,” she chided.
He searched her face. “I was just making sure. After that greeting—”
“I need to talk to you.”
“I need to talk to you, too.” His fingers threaded through hers. She almost removed them but realized that their position probably made it impossible for Donovan to see that connection from wherever he hid, so she didn’t pull away.
She lifted her chin. “I’m—”
“No. Let me go first.”
She bit her lip and scanned the forest. He was insisting so she had to let him if she didn’t want him to suspect anything was wrong. Would Donovan understand that? She glanced down at their hands. “All right. If you insist...”
“I do.” He smiled at his statement for some reason, then raked his free hand through his hair. “I didn’t think I’d be this nervous. I guess I’d better just come out and say it. I love you, Ellie O’Brien.”
Ellie’s head shot up. She stared at Lawson. She must not have heard him correctly. This could not be happening. Not now. “What did you say?”
He grinned. “I love you! I love everything about you. I love the small things like the way your hair is always slipping out of place and the way your eyes dance when you laugh. I love the big things like the way you stand by me no matter what.”
“Oh, Lawson.” Her words came out half ecstasy and half despair but he didn’t seem to notice.
Sincerity filled his every word as he continued. “You know how hard it is for me to believe that anyone, especially someone as wonderful as you, could care for me, but I have to take this chance to ask you. Do you love me?”
This was the question she’d been asking herself for weeks. She hadn’t been sure of the answer before but right at that moment, looking into his eyes, she knew without a doubt what the answer was. Yes, she loved him. It wasn’t even a question anymore. He didn’t have to change her life to make her love him. She loved him just the way he was—strong yet scarred, caring and gentle yet protective and fierce. He was a true friend, but one glance from him could make her head spin.
Her heart begged to shout those three words loudly enough to shake the heavens, but the jubilant sound would only turn into a death knell. She held his hand tighter as her gaze raked the woods. She knew what she had to say.
“Ellie?”
Her gaze caught his and held on for dear life. Oh,
what a silly fool I’ve been. I couldn’t tell if I really loved him. Now I know I do. Yet, I’m going to break his heart and that will break mine just as surely. She allowed her heart to show in her eyes. He saw that and relaxed. She swallowed. “No.”
He froze. “No?”
“No. I don’t. I think you’d better leave.” The words sounded hollow to her ears but she prayed he’d obey them. She wondered if he noticed that despite her rejection she hadn’t released his hand. Please, know that means something. Know that as soon as I can get away from Donovan I’ll run straight to you.
He couldn’t know that. He couldn’t read her mind. He didn’t even seem to notice that they held hands as his hazel eyes filled with hurt and confusion. “You’re lying. You love me. I’m sure of it—even if you never said it directly. I’m going to stay right here until you tell me the truth.”
“No!” she cried in alarm before she could catch herself. She had to make something up—anything to make him go away before Donovan got impatient and shot him. “I’m not going to explain anything. I said I don’t love you and that’s that. It’s over between us. Leave me alone.”
He glanced down at their hands then back at her face. “You don’t mean that.”
She was glad he realized that but it didn’t make him safe. Ellie grew desperate. She threw one more glance toward the woods then pushed him away. “Will you get out of here already? Go away! Please.”
Lawson stared at her as if he’d never seen her before. She watched his hurt turn to anger. Finally, he stood to his feet, rushed to his mount and rode back down the trail he’d come. Tension seeped from her body in relief. Donovan surfaced from behind a nearby bush. “You were brilliant. That performance would have made any actress proud.”
“Why would you make me hurt him like that?”
“He was devastated, wasn’t he? That, my love, was just an unexpected little treat. I had no intention of running into Lawson but I’m glad now that I did.”
A Texas-Made Match Page 21
