“Why were you crying at all?” I asked, fighting the urge to reach out and touch her face.
“You already had your question,” she said with a slight chin raise.
“You're impossible,” I said, shaking my head, wanting to smile. “Ava, it would be wrong to bill you for those sessions.”
“How would it be wrong? You did what you were supposed to do.”
“Yes and no.”
“How no?”
“Because I pushed the lines of professionalism.” Hell, I fucking plowed over them.
“What because you like... went to my apartment or fed me?”
“Yes, those things but...”
“But what?”
I felt a smile toy with my lips, but shook my head. “Tell me why you were crying first.”
Her gaze went to her lap, her hair falling like a curtain to block her from view. “Chase...” she said in a pleading tone.
“Baby, tell me...” I said, my hand landing on her thigh.
She took a slow breath. “Do you remember when I was drunk and you came over and I started blabbering about Dr. Bowler?”
“Something about something being fake. But maybe not. But maybe yes. You were pretty wasted.”
She sucked in a breath and looked at my hand as it slid to her knee. “Yeah.”
“What was Dr. Bowler right and wrong about?”
“I... went to see her about my sessions with you.”
“That was a good idea.”
“Yeah, well. I went to see her because I was having some issues...”
“With our sessions?” I asked, feeling like she had stolen my air. She was having issues with me? And I didn't even fucking see it? “Babe... why didn't you tell me?”
“Because I wasn't sure if what I was experiencing was what I thought it was. Dr. Bowler, well, she confirmed it.”
“Confirmed what?” I asked, squeezing her knee, feeling my guts twist hard.
“That I had transference.”
Jesus Christ.
“Transference,” I repeated, my voice an odd croak. “You thought you were having transference?”
“Yeah,” she said, swallowing hard. “But, um, it turns out I wasn't.”
“Baby, what are you trying to say here?”
“I didn't have transference,” she repeated. “I... I was in love with you.”
No.
Fucking... no.
That wasn't possible.
Or... was it?
Could it have been mutual?
But one thing struck me...
“Was?” I asked, letting the word hang in the air.
“Am,” she corrected and I felt like the swirling black hole just suddenly still in my chest.
She was in love with me.
“You're in love with me?” I asked, needing confirmation.
“Yes.”
“Fuck me,” I said, closing my eyes tight against the strange current of emotions working their way through my system. “Fuck me...”
“Chase...”
My eyes opened slowly to find her perfect face watching me with pure, raw vulnerability. It was something I would never get tired of seeing from her. Because she trusted me with that. She gave me that freely. And I felt so fucking unworthy of it.
“I couldn't bill you, baby, because this wasn't therapy.”
“What?” she asked, her brows drawing together.
“I mean... we followed the schedule, but it wasn't therapy.”
“What was it then?”
“It was... courting. It was genuine attraction and mutual feelings and...”
“Mutual feelings?” she asked with what sounded like a desperate sort of hope in her voice and I realized I hadn't really told her yet.
“Baby... fuck,” I said, running my hands down my face. “I knew the second I saw you sitting on my couch that first day that this was different. This wasn't a job. I wanted you. I wanted you more than I have ever wanted anyone. And just how you were. Shy and modest and anxiety ridden. I wanted that girl. And then when you started coming out of your shell around me, letting down your guards, letting me in... I wanted you even more. Every moment with you was like the first time. It was real, Ava. It was real for me. It wasn't work.”
“Chase... what are...” she started, needing to hear it like I needed to hear it from her.
“I love you, Ava,” I said, reaching out to hold her face. “I have never loved anyone. No one. I wasn't even sure I knew what it was until I found you.”
Her eyes widened and watered slightly before she whispered, “I love you too, Chase.”
My eyes closed as I inhaled. “I never thought I was going to get to hear that. I thought...” I shook my head, not wanting to think about what I had thought anymore. “There was a time when I had hope that you felt the same way.”
“When?”
“Anytime I touched you. When you kissed me. When you dressed up for me. When you said my chest was your spot. When you called it the safest place in the world. But I didn't let myself think, or hope, that it was true.”
“It was true,” she said, giving me a small, sweet smile.
“When did you know?” I asked.
“Around the fourth session. I thought... I thought it was a crush. And then I was sure it was transference. So I spent all my time making sure I understood that you...”
“That I what?”
“Saw me as a patient.”
That was the look. The look she gave me anytime I said something that she mistook as professional. That was why she looked so pained, yet determined to be cold.
Jesus.
“Never,” I said, shaking my head. “Not once. Not for a moment.”
Then she was reaching for me, pulling me toward her as her lips sought mine. And we both sank into it, into each other. We kissed with all the frustration, all the misunderstanding, all the time wasted. We kissed hard knowing we had all the time in the world to do so.
My arms went tight around her, lifting her, and bringing her toward the bed. We stood beside it, breaking free just long enough to rip her shirt off of her. Her hands went between us, frantically unbuttoning my shirt and slipping it and my jacket off my shoulders. I sat back, getting free of my belt, pants, and boxer briefs. She got onto the bed, lying against the pillows and my body came down on hers as I tugged her pants and panties down her thighs, legs. Until there was nothing between us anymore.
“I missed you,” I said, my words heavy with the truth. “Every day. Every hour. You were all I could think about.”
“You too,” she admitted.
“So beautiful,” I said, leaning down and kissing the space between her breasts before shifting to the side and taking her nipple into my mouth. I sucked the sensitive point and her hips pressed up hard into me. I had to focus to keep myself from burying deep inside her right then and there. I teased her other nipple before moving to kiss a line down her stomach, hungry for a taste of her. But her hands moved out and grabbed my head, pulling me upward. “No?” I asked, brows furrowing.
“No,” she said, stroking a hand down my face. “I need you inside me,” she said, her legs wrapping around me. “Now.”
“Fuck me,” I groaned, laying over her, my head pressing down to her forehead as I gained some control.
“Chase... now... please,” she begged, sounding just as far gone as I was.
My hips shifted until my cock pressed against her heat. “Fuck... so sweet,” I said as she groaned and arched against me. “So wet for me.” And, fuck, she was. Dripping.
“Always,” she said, her eyes heavy with desire as I started to press inside her.
“God, I like hearing that,” I said, leaning down and nipping her lower lip.
Her hands went around me, stroking up my back as I buried deep. “Fuck,” I groaned, feeling her tight, wet pussy grab my cock. “You feel so good. But, baby...”
“It's okay,” she said
softly, her hand moving up to stroke my hair out of my face.
“You're sure?” I asked, praying she was. I wanted nothing between us anymore.
“About ninety-nine percent sure,” she said with a small smile. “I want to really feel you,” she said, leaning up and kissing my chin.
I felt my eyes close for a second as I rocked my hips into her. “My baby is so fucking perfect,” I murmured, my pace slow, gentle.
But not for long. Soon we were both too far gone, too needy to do slow and sweet, and I was slamming into her hard and fast, driving us both toward oblivion.
“Chase...” she gasped as she started to tighten around me.
“Oh... come for me baby,” I growled as she pulsated hard around me, taking what was left of my control with her as I slammed hard and buried deep, groaning through my orgasm. “Fuck.”
“I love you,” she murmured close to my ear as my orgasm slammed through me.
“Fuck... I love you too,” I said, riding the last waves.
My weight fell down on her for a second before my strength came back and I rolled us onto our sides, still inside of her.
My hand moved up to stroke her cheek. “I'm done with this,” I said, partly to myself.
“With what?”
“This,” I said, waving a hand to the room at large. “As of an hour ago. I don't ever want to touch anyone else.” And I didn't. It was an easy decision. Nothing had ever felt more right. “I don't think I've ever truly helped anyone until you anyway.”
“Chase...”
“I'll keep my practice. But I'm done with surrogacy. It's just you. It's always been you. I just didn't know it until I met you.”
She paused a second as the words settled in. “I think you should keep this room, though,” she mused, a smile at her lips.
“Oh yeah?” I asked, smiling too. I was thinking the same thing.
“Yeah. We might need somewhere to sneak off to when I take a lunch break.”
“That insatiable, huh?” I asked, smiling wider.
“Only for you.”
“Come here,” I said, rolling onto my back and tapping my chest.
She flew at me and lay on her spot.
The safest place in the world.
The place I always wanted her to be.
Two Weeks
“They're going to think you kidnapped me or something,” Ava said, untangling from my arms and moving toward her clothes scattered all over my floor.
“They're too busy with their own thing to even notice you're gone,” I said, propping myself up on my arm to watch her ass as she walked away from me.
“For three days?” she countered, looking over her shoulder. Seeing me watching her, she blushed crimson and quickly yanked her panties up her legs.
“I liked the view better without the panties, babe,” I said lazily.
“Too bad,” she said, an arm crossed over her breasts as she turned toward me to reach for her shirt.
She was getting better about the shyness. Before and directly after sex, I could whip out a camera if I wanted to and she wouldn't even flinch. But it was still new. We were new. Her being naked around a man at all was new. She would get there someday. And I wasn't going to push it.
“Shay texted me three times last night,” she said, moving back toward the bed and sitting by my feet as she slipped into her shoes.
“We were occupied,” I smiled, my mind flashing back to stumbling through the front door, me naked from the waist up because she had been at work with my buttons in the elevator. I took her from behind against the kitchen counter, yanking her pants and panties down to her knees and slamming inside her. Rough. Feral.
“Tell me who your pussy belongs to,” I growled into her ear as I yanked her back by her hair.
“You,” she said on a moan as my free hand moved down her belly and pressed against her clit. I knew the second I was inside her that it wasn't going to be an all night session. I was too on edge. She was too fucking tight.
“God damn right,” I said, thrusting faster as my fingers pressed hard circles around her clit until she came, crying out my name loud enough to wake the neighbors.
Then I yanked her pants and panties up and led her to the bedroom where I stripped her, cleaned her up, then got on my knees and ate her until her legs wobbled so hard that they gave out beneath her.
“Stop looking at me like that,” she said, her lips twitching, dragging me out of the memory.
“Like what, babe?” I asked, raising my brows innocently.
“Like you want me again,” she said, her gaze dropping away for a second before she looked back at me.
“I do want you again.”
“You just had me!” she said, laughing.
And I had. I'd woken up to her kissing my neck and then she rode me slow and soft, making herself come twice.
“I guess it can wait until tonight,” I shrugged.
“I'm going home tonight,” she reminded me unnecessarily.
“Yeah. I was thinking it was about time we broke in that bed too,” I nodded and watched her beautiful eyes bug out.
“We can't have sex,” she whispered the word like someone might overhear her, “in my bed.”
“Why not?”
“Because Shay and Jake share a wall with my room!”
“So?”
“So they might hear us!” she said, slapping my leg like I was being unreasonable.
I knifed up toward her, putting my hand over the front of her throat lightly. “Then maybe you'll just have to be a good girl and be very quiet.”
Her eyes flashed and she swallowed hard. “I don't know if I can be quiet,” she admitted and if the past was anything to go by, she was probably right. But that being said, by the time we got into it, she would forget about sharing a wall with Shay and Jake. Hell, she would forget they fucking existed.
“Sure you can,” I said, lying through my teeth.
She exhaled loudly and I knew I had her. “Alright, fine.”
Two Weeks & Ten Hours
“I hate you,” she said, lowering her eyes at me, her face redder than I had ever seen it as Shay banged her hand on the wall.
“That a girl! You get yours!” she called.
“No you don't,” I said, not able to hide my smile as I pulled her toward me. “You love me.”
“Not right now I don't,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest, trying to hold onto her anger.
“Always,” I countered easily.
A knock sounded at the door. “Cover up your naughty bits, I'm coming in,” Shay warned and I barely had a chance to flick the sheet over us before the door opened. “You guys might want to, I dunno, put some music on or something,” she said, giving me a pointed look that Ava totally missed. “Post-coital pancakes in an hour,” she declared, turning and slamming the door and going to 'get hers'.
“Post coital pancakes?” Ava repeated, two small lines between her brows. But then the bed in the other room started slamming on the wall and her mouth fell open. “Oh my god...”
“Music, babe,” I laughed and she jumped out of the bed, beautifully naked and not bothering to cover up as she jammed a few buttons on her stereo until it almost, just barely drowned out the racket Shay and Jake were making.
“We're never having sex here again,” she grumbled as she climbed back in the bed.
She was wrong about that.
Because after post-coital pancakes, she let me insider her as we spooned. But only because I promised to keep my hand pressed against her mouth the whole time.
Four Months
Ava
“So you're who I have to thank,” Eddie said when Chase walked out the door to go grab dinner.
“Thank for what?” I asked, hoisting myself up on Chase's, no... our... kitchen counter. The us thing had finally stopped feeling odd. But the our thing still sent a tiny surge of panic through my system. It wasn't bad per say, just odd
. A thrill. Half excitement and half fear. I wondered how long it would take for the fear part to go away. But it had only been two weeks since I officially moved in. I had to give it time.
“For making him happy,” Eddie said, moving to stand across from me, making the space feel a little too small and my hand went to my throat where the anxiety felt like it was crushing my windpipe slightly. “He's had a rough life. He deserves a little happiness.”
“I agree,” I said, thinking how odd it was that the man in front of me and I were the only two people in the world who knew Chase, really knew him.
Eddie was a stranger to me still. We had just met fifteen minutes before when Chase brought him in after his stint in rehab. He looked good. I mean... to my untrained eyes. He seemed healthy. Bright-eyed, at ease.
“I know I'm one of the many reasons he's had a rough life...”
“Don't say that...” I started to break in even though I knew it was the truth.
“It's true, honey. We both know it. But, fuck,” he said, running a hand through his somewhat shaggy dirty blonde hair. “That night? That night when you left him...” he started and I felt a pain shoot through my chest at the memory. How I felt that night- hopeless, devastated, like I was more screwed up than I had been before. Chase never talked about how he felt that night. He told me that later that night Eddie OD'd and he went to the hospital, but that was it.
“That night...” I prompted, a hand still over my throat, but the pressure was easing slightly.
“Ava, babe...” he said, his eyes holding mine and I saw the grief there. “I'd never seen him like that. He was fucking wrecked.”
Wrecked.
I couldn't picture him that way. I didn't want to picture him that way.
“I could see it as soon as I opened my eyes. It was like every ounce of happiness was sucked out of him. And trust me, love, he didn't have much in there to begin with. I swore that night that I would never fucking ever be a part of making him look like that again.”
I felt those words settle deep into my own soul. “Me either,” I agreed. “I mean... I, um, I didn't see him like that. But if he felt anything like how I did... I never want to make him feel that way again. I never will.”
Dr. Chase Hudson (The Surrogate Book 2) Page 17
