“I believe you,” he said nodding.
The door opened and Chase kicked it closed.
“I believe you too,” I whispered so only Eddie could hear.
Chase dumped the bags on the counter, one of his hands automatically going up to where I was holding my throat and pulled it away. “Breathe, baby,” he said, kissing my temple as he moved past.
I sucked in a breath.
It was always that easy with him.
Two Years
Ava
“I'm so sorry,” I said, hiding my face in my hands to block the tears from view. I shouldn't have been crying. I needed to pull it together. I needed to be strong. For him.
“Baby...” he said, his arm going around my back and crushing me to his chest. His lips kissed the side of my head and he squeezed me tight. “It's okay. You're allowed to cry.” He always had to be so nice. So good. So giving. It was all the more reason I needed to pull myself together. “Just stay here with me,” he said, taking a deep breath.
I pulled back and looked up at him, handsome as ever in his black suit. Black tie. Black shirt. No buttons. His hands went up and brushed the tears off my cheeks. And I saw it then.
Wrecked.
That was what Eddie had said.
And that was how he looked.
I lifted my chin, feeling my stomach clench painfully at the sight. “I'll be right back,” I said, squeezing his hand as I moved up the aisle.
The casket seemed huge. But then again, so was the man inside of it.
He looked silly in a suit.
I had never seen him in a suit before.
It didn't, well, suit him.
He should have been buried in jeans and a tee.
I lowered myself onto the bench beside the casket, laying my hands on the side.
“I believed you,” I hissed, surprised to feel the anger well up strong and unstoppable. “We stood in that kitchen and we made promises. And I believed you,” I said, the tears flowing freely. “And now he has that look, Eddie. He has that look he had that night that you said you would never put on his face again.”
It felt wrong to be angry at a dead person.
But then again, it felt wrong for Eddie to be a dead person.
When we had walked up to find a bunch of Eddie's work buddies laughing and joking and Chase had felt me tense, he ran a hand up my back and murmured in my ear, “There's no wrong way to grieve, baby.”
So I was allowed to be angry.
Even at a dead person.
As soon as I acknowledged that right, though, the anger drained away... leaving only the sadness. Sadness because he was a good man. He had been a good brother to Chase, a good friend to me. He had made me laugh over dinner hard enough for wine to come out of my nose. And he hadn't teased me about it. At Christmas when we were all decorating a tree, he had knelt down in front of me and told me to climb on. Then he hoisted me up like a kid so I could put the star on the top.
Sadness because he was such a good man, but so full of demons that the only way he could deal with them was to drown them at the bottom of bottles or in pills or powder or whatever else he got himself into.
“I'm really going to miss you,” I said, standing up, wiping my eyes, and making my way back to my man with tears still clinging to my lashes.
I found him standing toward the back of the room, his hand on a redhead's arm, giving her a small smile. The redhead was tense, her gaze on Chase's hand on her arm. And I recognized that look. Panic. Fear. Chase noticed too, squeezing her forearm slightly before letting his hand drop. “Ava,” he breathed when he saw me, his arm sliding across my hips. He leaned down and kissed my nose before turning back to the woman. “Ava, this is Mae.”
Three Years
Chase
At first, it was wrong to ask her. Because she was still struggling to settle in, still jumpy. Still worried like she was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
When that finally went away, well, Eddie died.
And we both needed to grieve.
But it was time.
Three years.
Three years I spent every night with her resting on my chest. And I wanted to make damn sure she knew that that was where she belonged. Forever.
My hand went into my pocket, worrying the small blue case as I waited.
She was late.
I still smiled every fucking time she was.
Because it was a reminder of how far she had come, how comfortable she had gotten with me.
“Why would you have me come all the way to your office when we could just meet at Jake and Shay's?” she asked from the doorway, making me jump almost guiltily.
“Come over here, baby,” I said, holding out an arm.
“We're going to be late.”
“Don't worry about it. They'll understand,” I said, pulling her toward the seating alcove and pressing her into the couch as I took the chair across from her.
A smile toyed at her lips. “Am I suddenly in need of some therapy?” she asked playfully.
“It all started here,” I said, ignoring her comment.
“What?” she asked, her head tilting.
“Us,” I clarified. “It all started right here.”
“Oh my god,” she said, realization crossing her face, making her pale slightly.
“Jake and Shay will be okay with us being late,” I repeated, reaching into my pocket. “Because I need to ask you something,” I said, sliding down by her feet.
“Oh my god,” she said again, her hand closing over her throat.
I pushed open the box, taking out the platinum band with a princess cut diamond. “Breathe, baby,” I said as I took her hand from her throat and slowly slid my ring on her finger. She sucked in a shaky breath. “Will you marry me?” I asked simply, having spent the last month trying to think of what to say when I asked her. But in the end, she didn't want flowery words and I just needed an answer.
But she didn't say yes.
No.
She flung herself at me, sending us both falling backward as I wrapped my arms around her and her head rested on my chest. “It's mine,” she declared.
“What is?” I asked, squeezing her.
“My safest place in the world,” she said, lifting her head from it. “It's mine forever.”
My hand went to the side of her face. “It always has been,” I told her.
“I love you, Chase.”
“I love you too, baby,” I said, wrapping her tight as I knifed up and walked her toward the bedroom.
We were late at Shay and Jake's.
Very late.
“Let's see it!” Shay shouted across the crowded apartment where Ava used to live.
A shy smile spread over Ava's face as she held out her hand.
“Damnnnn girl,” Shay said, nodding at her. “About time, Dr. Sex,” she said, turning to look at me. “Now if someone,” she declared loudly so everyone in the room could hear, “would take a damn hint and slip one of those on my finger, all would be right in this world.”
“Woman,” Jake said, making his way toward us, “you turned me down,” he reminded her, rolling his eyes at us.
“I was fat!” she said, eyes wide like he had completely lost his mind.
“You were pregnant,” he corrected, putting an arm around her waist, the arm that wasn't holding their eight month old son.
“Yeah. And my stomach looked like I swallowed a god damn basketball. I wasn't getting married like that. I want to be able to see my feet in their kickass heels when I am walking down the aisle.”
Ava laughed, shaking her head at them like she always did as she reached to pull the baby out of Jake's arm.
“Hey buddy,” she said, jiggling him against her hip.
I felt my eyes looking at her hard, liking what I saw way too much.
“You'll make a cute one,” Shay said as if sensing where my mind was heading. “Not as
cute as Ranger. Everyone knows mixed babies are the cutest. But cute,” she winked and led Jake away.
“What?” Ava said, noticing me watching her.
Oh yeah. I was going to marry her.
Then I was going to get my baby inside her.
“I love you, baby,” I said instead, snaking my arm around her.
She looked up at me for a long minute then burst out laughing.
I smiled, touching her cheek. “What?” I asked when she got a hold of herself.
She shook her head at herself.
“Thank god I was such a mess, huh?” she asked.
I snorted, nodding. “Yeah, baby. Thank god you were such a mess.”
“And thank god you didn't end up having moobs or meat hands.”
I laughed, my brows drawing together. “Was that a possibility?”
“Well it seemed a lot more likely than a cover model walking into that office.”
“A cover model?” I smirked, my brow raising.
“Oh, shut up and learn to take the compliment, would you?” she said, leaning into me.
“Okay, baby.”
She paused, turning her head to kiss my chest.
“I love you too, Chase.”
Fuck me.
xx
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Acknowledgments:
To all the lovely ladies who read and loved “The Sex Surrogate” and wanted more. You kept my chin up on the days when the bad reviews seemed to outweigh the good and thereby saved a story that was truly wrenched from my own soul from becoming something tainted in the negativity.
To Ray Lamontagne for writing and singing “Shelter” which was, during the course of this writing process, Chase Hudson's heart and soul in song form.
And to Nikki. Even though this is the first book in a long time she didn't beta read for me. Having her around to keep me sane and motivated means she gets an acknowledgment every single time.
Also, to all of you who have struggled with crippling anxiety. I know how you feel. You're not alone. I hope you saw a bit of yourself in Ava as I did. And I hope that one day, you all meet your very own Chase Hudson who won't love you DESPITE it, but BECAUSE of it. He's out there I swear. Never give up.
Also By Jessica Gadziala:
The Stars Landing Series
What The Heart Needs
What The Heart Wants
What The Heart Finds
What The Heart Knows
The Stars Landing Deviant
The Scars Series
For A Good Time, Call...
Dissent
Reign
The Sex Surrogate
Dark Mysteries
Monster
About Jessica Gadziala:
Jessica is a full-time writer from New Jersey who believes coffee is a food group and that her parrots can totally understand her when she talks to them. She can not be trusted with houseplants or to respond to text messages in a reasonable amount of time.
Writing was the only acceptable career path for her from the first time she learned that with just twenty-six letters, she could create whole new worlds. She attempted a string of odd jobs before quitting and taking the blind leap of faith that was trying to make a career out of her passion.
Jessica is a firm believer in snark, strong secondary characters, and HEA.
When she is not writing (which is practically never), she is obsessively trying to read as many books as possible and has totally been known to throw temper tantrums over fictional characters.
You can find her on:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Jessica-Gadziala-746940975355564/
GoodReads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/13800950.Jessica_Gadziala
Twitter: https://twitter.com/JessicaGadziala
She is also very active on her own GoodReads group. Stop by and say hey:
https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/177944-jessica-gadziala-books-and-bullsh
♥/ Jessica
Dr. Chase Hudson (The Surrogate Book 2) Page 18
