Wicked Witches of the Midwest 9

by Amanda M. Lee

  “That’s not true,” Landon protested. “I really am that egotistical.”

  “No, you’re not,” Chief Terry said. “You want people to believe you’re egotistical. In truth, you’re a big softie – especially where Bay is concerned.”

  Landon slid his eyes to me. “Do you think I’m a big softie?”

  “I think you’re my hero.”

  “Oh, such a cute answer,” Landon teased, poking my side. When he risked a glance in Noah’s direction he found Aunt Tillie standing directly behind his young partner. She was making faces. Given her leggings and the over-sized sweatshirt – which appeared to have the neck missing and be inspired by Flashdance – the entire sight was somehow jarring. “Aunt Tillie, how are you this evening?”

  “I’m ready to rock and roll,” Aunt Tillie answered, smiling brightly when Noah jolted and swiveled so he could stare at her. “Hello, Agent Ten.”

  Noah swallowed hard. “What’s Agent Ten? Is that like Agent 007? If so … thank you.”

  “No, it’s like ten, as in ten is your IQ,” Aunt Tillie shot back. “I know that’s probably being generous, but I’m a good person at heart.”

  “That’s just what I was thinking,” Landon said dryly, shaking his head. “Okay, I have to ask: What’s with the leggings?”

  “I’m starting a fashion trend,” Aunt Tillie answered.

  “And what would that be?”

  “Leggings.”

  Landon blew out a sigh. “I saw that coming and I asked anyway,” he said. “I have no one to blame but myself.”

  “That’s certainly my motto,” Aunt Tillie said.

  “What are you even doing here?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “I thought you were eating dinner at the inn before meeting us at … the Dandridge.” I switched course at the last second. I had no idea why I didn’t want to mention the tanker, but for some reason the idea of letting Noah know what we had planned for the evening seemed a bad idea.

  “I decided I didn’t want to eat pork loin,” Aunt Tillie said. “I thought I would show off my leggings to everyone at the festival instead.”

  That sounded suspicious. “Did you get in a fight with Mom about the leggings?”

  “I did,” Aunt Tillie confirmed. “She said she wouldn’t feed me if I wore them and I said if she didn’t feed me I was going to wear them to the festival. She thought I was bluffing. It turns out I wasn’t bluffing.”

  I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing. “Well, at least you stuck to your guns,” I said, following Aunt Tillie’s gaze as she stared in Mrs. Little’s direction. She seemed interested in her enemy’s appearance even though she’d never admit it.

  “I saw Mrs. Little today,” I offered. “She was in the cemetery.”

  “What were you doing in the cemetery?” Noah asked.

  “She was visiting the dead,” Aunt Tillie replied, cuffing the back of Noah’s head. “The adults are talking. We’ll point at you if we want you to interject any of your wit and general obnoxious attitude into the conversation.”

  “Hey!” Noah was affronted. “You’re not my boss.”

  “That’s a pity,” Aunt Tillie said. “I could whip you into shape in two weeks flat.” She shifted her eyes to me. “What was Margaret doing in the cemetery?”

  “She seemed to be chasing Kelly Sheffield,” I replied. “Kelly came through in a huff, and she was angry and mean. I didn’t think much of it because she’s always angry and mean. Then Mrs. Little came in and said some mean things about you.”

  Aunt Tillie’s eyes narrowed to dangerous slits. “What did she say about me?”

  “That you reap what you sow and she thought you were due for some payback.”

  Aunt Tillie tilted her head to the side, considering. “I do love payback,” she said after a beat. “Speaking of payback, how long do we have before we have to leave for our … thing?”

  “Three hours,” Landon answered.

  “What thing?” Noah asked.

  Aunt Tillie ignored him. “I’m going to play a little game with Margaret, but I’ll be ready to leave on time,” she said. “Don’t take off without me. I’m driving with you.”

  Landon made a face. “Why can’t you drive yourself?”

  “Because then you wouldn’t be forced to see my leggings, and I enjoy torturing you with them,” Aunt Tillie answered honestly. “I’ll be ready to go in three hours. Don’t forget me.”

  “We could never forget you,” I said. “Just out of curiosity, though, what are you going to do to Mrs. Little?”

  Aunt Tillie’s smile was so wide it almost swallowed her entire face. “I’m going to show her my leggings up close and personal.”

  “That sounds like torture,” Chief Terry said. “That right there must be the war crimes Tillie was talking about the other day.”

  All I could do was laugh. “Have fun,” I said. “Meet us in the parking lot in three hours. Don’t make us find you.”

  “Like we could miss her in those freaking leggings,” Landon muttered.

  “I heard that,” Aunt Tillie barked. “You’re on my list.”

  “I guess it’s better than being close to your pants,” Landon said. “I’m honestly never going to be able to eat a sausage link again. That’s all I can think about after seeing those leggings.”

  “At least she doesn’t remind you of bacon,” I said, looking on the bright side of things.

  “There is that.”

  TWENTY-NINE

  “I ’m sorry, you want me to do what now?”

  Landon’s expression was hilarious as his gaze bounced between Aunt Tillie and me. We stood on the dock next to the tanker shortly after dusk. I had to explain the issues with Aunt Tillie and the ladder twice before he responded. Apparently it still wasn’t sinking in.

  “She needs help getting up the ladder,” I said, hoping that if I appealed to his macho side he would capitulate. “You’re the strongest one here. You’re … the strongest man ever, in fact.”

  “Oh, don’t stroke my ego,” Landon complained, glaring at Aunt Tillie’s leggings. “Bay, you know I love you, right?”

  I had a feeling I knew exactly what he was about to say. “We need Aunt Tillie do this right,” I reminded him.

  “But … .” Landon broke off, swearing under his breath as he stalked the small area in front of the tanker. I left him to pout while Sam rubbed his chin and stared at the side of the vessel.

  “I really need to get the docking situation figured out for this thing,” Sam mused. “I’m not going to have Landon around to carry up every senior citizen every weekend. I’ll only be able to rely on that for six weeks at the most.”

  I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing as Landon scorched Sam with a hateful look.

  “Keep it up,” Landon warned. “I’ll carry you up and throw you over the side if you’re not careful.”

  “Wow,” Clove said, stepping between the two men as if she worried they would suddenly start throwing punches. “Landon seems to have lost his sense of humor.”

  I wasn’t remotely worried about Landon and Sam throwing down. Sam wasn’t much of a fighter, and Landon preferred even odds when taking on someone else. “Would you have a sense of humor if you were him?” I challenged.

  Clove shifted her eyes to Aunt Tillie’s cupcake-covered legs. “You have a point.”

  Aunt Tillie seemed annoyed with the entire discussion. “I don’t need help with the ladder,” she snapped. “I’m fully capable of climbing up and down on my own. You act as if I’m … old.” She said the word “old” as if she really meant that I called her decrepit and near death.

  “You are old,” Thistle shot back, moving to my side. “I suppose you somehow managed to forget that Bay and I had to carry you down that ladder the other day, huh? Did you forget that little trip?”

  “Of course I didn’t,” Aunt Tillie said. “It was the highlight of my week. The way you two grunted, groaned and complained about my leggings was something straight o
ut of a comedy show … and I’m talking about one of the good ones. I’m not talking about one of the bad ones like you see on television today. What you two did was Three’s Company funny, not Fresh Off the Boat funny.”

  I ignored the dig and focused on Landon. “If you don’t want to carry her up there … um … maybe we can do the séance down here.” I wasn’t serious, but I figured I needed to propel him to move faster and that was all I could think of given our limited timeframe. “That might work and save your back at the same time.”

  “Yes, because we all believe this is about you,” Thistle said, earning a dark look from Landon. “What did I say?”

  “Fine,” Landon said, heaving out a sigh as he moved in Aunt Tillie’s direction. “I’ll carry her up the ladder. If my hands slide on that slippery legging fabric and touch something that will haunt me for life, though, I’m going to blame you.”

  I fought the urge to grin, somehow managing to keep my expression solemn. “That seems completely fair.”

  Landon locked gazes with me, something crackling between us. “Oh, don’t placate me,” he said finally, breaking the stare down. “This is totally going to bite.”

  “I think you should look at it in a different way,” Marcus interjected, his eyes flashing as he watched Landon shift closer to Aunt Tillie. “The way it is now, we’re basically saying that we think you’re the strongest man here and you’re the only one we trust with our precious cargo.”

  I had to hand it to Marcus. If he was attempting to drive Landon insane, he was doing a marvelous job of it.

  “You’re our hero, man,” Marcus continued. “Way to take one for the team.”

  The look Landon blasted Marcus with was chilling. He opened his mouth to respond, but Thistle cut him off.

  “I’m glad you feel that way, Marcus,” Thistle said. “You need to go up right in front of Landon so you can help if Aunt Tillie starts slipping.”

  Marcus’ face drained of color. “Excuse me?”

  “Sam, you need to go right after Landon,” Clove ordered. “We need to make sure Aunt Tillie makes it to the top, so we need her buffered. That means the three of you have to work together.”

  Landon puffed out his chest and flashed a smug grin as Sam and Marcus groaned in unison. “It’s not so funny now, is it?”

  “Oh, it’s still funny,” Marcus said. “You still have to do the bulk of the work.”

  “Going up,” Thistle agreed. “We can’t expect Landon to be responsible for the heavy lifting on both trips, though. Someone else will have to help her down.”

  “And down is worse,” I added. “Trust me. I know.”

  Marcus’ jaw tightened as he met my gaze. “You really know how to suck the fun out of a good torture party, don’t you?”

  “I learned from the best,” I said, smiling at Aunt Tillie. “Let’s get this started, shall we? I’m ready to put some ghosts to bed, and we can’t do that until we get on board.”

  “I’m definitely ready,” Aunt Tillie said, tossing the bag of spell ingredients in my direction and opening her arms so Landon could pick her up. “Giddyap, horsey!”

  “THAT WAS the worst thing that ever happened to me,” Landon announced when we were on the tanker’s deck. He kept rubbing his hands against the thighs of his jeans and glaring at me. “You’re a terrible girlfriend for making me do that. You know that, right?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at his outrage. “You’ll live,” I said, running my finger down his cheek. His hands slid over the leggings three times during the trip – each time landing someplace Landon refused to speak about – and by the time he hit the deck he was a shaking mess. “I’ll make it up to you later.”

  Landon’s expression softened as he regarded me. “We’re going to need a bath when we get back to the guesthouse, so you’ll have to make it up to me there.”

  “Done.”

  Landon pressed a quick kiss to my mouth before straightening. He hadn’t bothered glancing around the tanker yet, and as his eyes took in everything the vessel had to offer he appeared surprised. “This thing is huge. How are we going to find the ghosts?”

  “We’re not going to find them,” Aunt Tillie replied, snatching the bag of supplies from me. “We’re going to bring them to us.”

  “Is that a good thing?” Sam asked nervously, wringing his hands as he stepped closer to Clove. “What if they get angry about us calling them as if they were dogs?”

  “We’re not calling them like dogs,” Aunt Tillie clarified. “We’re simply using magic to harness their souls and make them do what they don’t want to do.”

  Sam’s expression darkened. “Is that somehow better?”

  “It’ll be okay,” Clove said, patting his hand. “I’m here to protect you.”

  That was fairly hilarious coming from the woman who believed Bigfoot would get her one day, but I let it slide. Apparently it was a turn-on for Sam, because he smacked a loud kiss against her lips.

  “That sounds like the best thing to happen to me all day,” Sam said, cupping the back of her head. “I love you.”

  Because Clove and Sam lived together I didn’t get a chance to see them interact in a romantic way very often. Even before that happened, Sam was always leery of spending too much time with us. Seeing them together now made me realize what a good fit they were.

  “What are you thinking?” Landon asked, moving up behind me and resting a hand on my shoulder. “Do you want to protect me from the ghosts, too?”

  I snorted as I shook my head, lifting my eyes so they could lock with his. “I’ll always protect you.”

  “Right back at you,” Landon said, gracing me with a soft kiss before separating. “What should I do while you guys are doing this?”

  “Just stand back,” I replied, my mind turning to business as Thistle and Aunt Tillie created a circle with candles and prepared the baggies to use for our spell. “Er, wait. Where is the eyebright? That’s for Marcus and Landon, right?”

  Aunt Tillie nodded, distracted. “Sam can already see ghosts, so he shouldn’t need it,” she said. “Given how frisky these ghosts are, I don’t want Marcus and Landon to be caught unaware should they attack.”

  Marcus swallowed hard. “The ghosts are going to attack? That sounds like a terrible reality show on the Syfy channel or something.”

  “I’m right there with you,” Landon said. “I’d rather see what’s coming than make up things in my mind. Where is this eyebright stuff?”

  “I didn’t have time to make a solution to use as drops, so you’ll have to eat it,” Aunt Tillie said, opening a package and handing a white bloom to Marcus before turning to Landon and doing the same. “It’ll taste awful, but you need to suck it up.”

  Landon took the small flower and stared at it. “This won’t kill me, right? It’s not poisonous, is it?”

  “It’s fine,” I said, resting my hand on his arm. “I promise.”

  “I believe you.” Landon gave me another kiss before shoving the flower in his mouth and chewing. He made a series of disgusted faces until he swallowed it. “Well, that tasted like … ass.”

  “You’ll live,” Aunt Tillie said. “Not everything can taste like bacon.”

  “Oh, that would be an awesome world to visit,” Landon mused, taking on a dreamy expression. “You should write a fairy tale about a bacon world and curse us there for a day. I wouldn’t complain at all. I might even thank you.”

  Aunt Tillie rolled her eyes. “I’m going to write a story about a cabbage world and send you there.”

  “Whatever floats your boat,” Landon said, his eyes busy as he scanned the deck. “Is this eyebright stuff going to work? Can you see anything?”

  “We haven’t called for the ghosts to join us yet,” Aunt Tillie reminded him. “There’s nothing out there that we can see. Besides, from what I hear, you might not even need the eyebright. Did you really see the ghosts in the mirrors at the festival?”

  Landon’s mouth dropped open. “Who told you?
”

  “You saw ghosts?” Sam leaned forward, intrigued. “That’s new, right?”

  “Thistle had to tell you,” I said, glaring at my cousin, who refused to make eye contact. “She’s the only one I told.”

  “That’s not fair,” Clove complained. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I didn’t see you right away,” I shot back. “Don’t give me grief.”

  “I’m going to give you all grief if we don’t get this train moving,” Aunt Tillie said, drawing our attention to her. “It’s time.”

  “Oh, she’s using a creepy voice,” Marcus complained. “I don’t like that.”

  “Then come over here and dislike it with me,” Landon suggested, grabbing Marcus’ arm and pulling him away from the circle. His eyes landed on me before he could move too far away. “You be careful. I’ll be extremely upset if something happens to you.”

  “Will you swear off other women forever and become a shell of your former self as you mourn me?” I teased, going for levity.

  Landon didn’t crack a smile. “I’ll never get over it. And I don’t like jokes about you possibly dying.”

  I stilled. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. Be safe.”

  I blew out a sigh as I turned to join Aunt Tillie, Clove and Thistle in the circle. Aunt Tillie made a clucking sound as she shook her head and glared at me. “What?”

  “You’re such a girl sometimes,” Aunt Tillie complained. “You’re worse than Clove when you want to be.”

  Clove was affronted. “I heard that.”

  “I wasn’t whispering,” Aunt Tillie shot back, grabbing my hand. “It’s time to make our circle and call the spirits to us.”

  I clasped hands with Thistle and Aunt Tillie before shooting a reassuring look in Landon’s direction. He looked tense as he watched us, but otherwise remained silent. Aunt Tillie lifted her head to the sky and began to chant.

  The words weren’t important. We didn’t call to the four corners of the winds like we usually did, instead calling to the powers of the underworld to grant us strength. We overlapped our words, pleas for rest and conversation on the tips of everyone’s tongues as the magic started to build.