Echoes of Love

by Rosie Rushton

  ‘That is one sexy guy,’ Shannon commented. ‘If you weren’t my mate, I’d fight you for him!’

  ‘So when’s he going away?’ Lauren asked pointedly. ‘I’d like to know so I can prepare for your moping about, you know stock up on tissues and stuff!’

  That day came all too quickly. They’d agreed to meet for one last time at the crack of dawn that morning down by Kellynch Lake, before Felix met up with Zac and headed off to Lympstone and Anna went to school.

  ‘I love you, Anna,’ he had whispered, his lips caressing her neck and brushing across her cheek. ‘I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.’

  ‘And I love you too,’ she had murmured, her whole body quivering as he pulled her towards him.

  ‘Don’t cry,’ he said, knotting her scarf more tightly round her neck as she shivered in the chill breeze. ‘Remember, it’s only three weeks till Families Day. You will come? Promise?’

  ‘Just you try stopping me,’ she had replied. ‘I’ll be counting the days.’

  And then he had pulled her down on to the grass under a canopy of newly budding ash and beech trees, and kissed her with a hunger and intensity that sent shivers of electricity through her body.

  ‘Don’t forget me,’ he mumbled, his voice thick with emotion.

  ‘I never will, never ever,’ she replied.

  And that, she thought now, was one promise she had never broken.

  CHAPTER 7

  ‘There is nothing so bad as separation . . .’

  ( Jane Austen, Persuasion)

  THE THREE WEEKS BETWEEN FELIX LEAVING AND ANNA going to see him at Lympstone had been agony. Anna had tried to lose herself in her school work and music, but whatever she did and wherever she went, Felix was in her mind twenty-four seven. For the first couple of days, his texts had been full of how many press ups he’d done and how he was learning close quarter combat, but then the messages got shorter and shorter, till by the end of the second week all she got was Speed march today – too tired to speak and, on a couple of occasions, she got no text at all.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Phoebe had reassured her when Anna confessed that she was worried that Felix wasn’t missing her at all. ‘Zac’s just the same – Mum sends him loads of texts and all she gets back is, All OK here. I guess there’s no chance of Gaby coming down for Families Day,’ she ventured.

  Anna shook her head. She had tried to persuade her, because Felix had said that Zac still missed her like crazy. For once, Gaby had been honest with Anna.

  ‘I can’t do it,’ she had admitted. ‘I mean, it was a bit of a laugh, and he was fun to hang out with – like concerts and parties and stuff; but I can’t get all heavy about it. I can’t do all the waiting at home, and worrying myself sick about him. And besides, you know what? I met this boy at Sophie’s party – he works for Zing! magazine and that’s much more me than all this war stuff.’

  So, in the end, Anna had travelled to Lympstone with Mrs Harville and Phoebe. Felix had told her that no one else from his family was coming – his father obviously couldn’t, his brother and sister led their own lives now, and his mother just wasn’t interested. Mrs Harville hated driving long distances and so they went by train. Most of the journey was taken up with Phoebe dithering about whether to ditch Jamie (‘He is just too good and too nice’) or stick with him till the summer because his family were hinting that they might take her to their house in Umbria in August. When she wasn’t talking about Jamie, she was arguing with her mother who had been unwise enough to comment that she wished Phoebe had put on a nice dress like Anna, to which Phoebe replied that jeans were just fine for Families Day and no way was she going to dress up and look like an over-iced cupcake. That made Anna worry that she had overdone it, but when they changed on to the branch line at Exeter, they found themselves surrounded by lots of anxious-looking parents, chattering children and several girls like herself, all dressed in their posh dresses and all trying to look nonchalant and laid-back – but clearly as keyed up and excited as Anna was.

  And then they were there, and Felix was waiting for her and they kissed with the kind of eager desperation that comes from wanting time to stand still and the moment never to end. Anna closed her eyes, breathing in the musky smell of him and relishing the way he gently swept the hair back from her face and kissed her eyelids, her cheeks, her lips . . .

  ‘It’s so good to see you,’ he murmured, as Zac dragged his mum and sister off. ‘Look, there are a load of displays and stuff, and then later on, a talk all about how they look after us, and what happens when we get deployed – but really you don’t have to . . .’

  ‘I want to go,’ Anna said firmly. ‘I want to know every last detail about what’s happening to you.’

  Catching the fleeting look of gratitude on his face, she took a deep breath. ‘Is it hard – I mean, with all this going on around you?’ She gestured to the groups of parents hugging their sons. ‘Your mum not being here, I mean?’

  He shook his head. ‘Don’t go there,’ he said with a slight edge to his voice. ‘You’re here and that’s what matters.’

  ‘Well, I’ve got a surprise for you,’ Anna told him, fingering the tickets for the Sugar Lumps New Year concert at the O2 that she blown her monthly allowance on. ‘Do you want it now or . . .?’

  ‘Later,’ Felix grinned. ‘Come on, let me show you round and then you can watch what it’s really like to be in training!’

  Half an hour later, Anna was standing in the sunshine, watching Felix and several other recruits attempt the assault course. The instructor acting as their guide pointed out the obstacles while others yelled encouragement – and occasionally expletives – at those taking part. Felix had tackled the swing bridge and the gate vault and was running towards the ten-metre wall when he stumbled to his knees.

  ‘Come on, Felix, go, go, go!’ A sharp-featured, fair-haired woman in a scarlet coat and black knee-length boots elbowed her way in front of Anna, craning her neck as Felix, panting hard, staggered to his feet and began scaling the wall.

  ‘Yes!’ The woman punched the air with both hands and Anna was aware of flash bulbs going off behind her. Just then, the woman turned and looked at Anna apologetically. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to barge in front of you – just that, seeing my son . . .’

  ‘Your son? You mean – oh! You’re Cassandra Wentworth!’ Anna gasped. ‘But Felix said you weren’t coming?’ The words were out before she’d had the chance to think.

  ‘What do you mean, Felix said . . . Oh my goodness! Don’t tell me you’re the new girlfriend he’s been going on about?’ She peered at Anna through heavily mascaraed eyelashes in much the same way as one might examine an exhibit in a museum. ‘So you’re this paragon of female perfection!’ she commented with wry amusement. ‘The girl who is everything his mother is not.’

  ‘I – er – I’m sure he’ll be over the moon that you’re here,’ Anna mumbled, hardly knowing how to respond.

  ‘I doubt it,’ his mother replied equably, glancing down the assault course where Felix was nearing the last obstacle. ‘At the moment, I can’t do anything right in his eyes. It was wrong that I didn’t want to come, and now I’ve turned up you can bet that’ll be wrong too.’ She pulled a face. ‘I guess that’s the price one pays for motherhood,’ she murmured.

  Anna thought she made being a mum sound like a particularly nasty dose of flu. She also knew she should be pleased that Cassandra had decided to show up but in reality she was furious; she could hardly snog Felix with his mother hovering in the background and it would be weeks until she saw him again.

  ‘He told me you’re standing for Parliament,’ Anna said, trying to get on to safer ground.

  ‘That’s right!’ Cassandra became very animated. ‘You see before you the Independent candidate for Muckleborough and Bythorn.’

  ‘So you think you’ll oust the Lib Dems?’ Anna commented. ‘But surely the Conservatives look set fair to . . .’

  ‘Not since their candidate blotted
his copybook with that rather sleazy moment in Corfu,’ Cassandra muttered. ‘Not to mention the first-class flights and chauffeur-driven limo courtesy of the taxpayer. But . . . are you telling me you’re interested in politics? Felix never said. Mind you, Felix never says much these days. So – how do you feel about this crazy idea of his?’

  ‘What? Wanting to join the Marines?’

  Cassandra nodded. ‘So you think it’s crazy?’ she asked.

  ‘No, what I meant was . . . well, of course, if I’m selfish, I wish he’d chosen another career . . . but on the other hand . . .’

  ‘Of course you do.’ Cassandra nodded. ‘And you haven’t been able to dissuade him?’

  ‘I didn’t try,’ Anna replied. ‘I mean, if this is what really gets him going, makes him happy . . .’

  ‘But what about your relationship? I mean, do you see you two having a future together?’

  Anna was feeling more and more uncomfortable. If she said yes, she’d sound too eager, and if she said no, she’d be lying.

  ‘I don’t know – I mean, we only got together a few months ago, and we’re young. Who knows? It depends what happens . . .’

  ‘What’ll happen is that he’ll be sent off to some remote corner of the globe to kill people,’ Cassandra said emphatically. ‘Doesn’t that bother you?’

  ‘Well, yes, of course – I mean war’s awful and I know I could never shoot someone, but on the other hand, if people like Felix weren’t prepared to . . .’

  ‘Oh look – here he comes,’ Cassandra butted in. ‘Time for a change of subject, I think.’

  As he drew closer, dodging the clusters of onlookers, Felix caught sight of his mother. He stood stock-still, staring at her open-mouthed.

  ‘Surprised to see me, darling?’ She went up to him and planted a dainty kiss on his cheek. ‘Thought for a moment back there that you were going to fall flat on your face. So good on you for —’

  ‘I tripped, that’s all,’ he retorted, eyeing her suspiciously, turning to Anna. ‘So this is your surprise?’

  ‘No,’ Anna said, without thinking. ‘As if I would do that, knowing . . .’ She checked herself just in time. ‘I’ve only this minute met your mum.’

  ‘Oh. Sorry. Anyway, why are you here, Mum?’

  ‘It’s Families Day, Felix,’ Cassandra replied. ‘And I’m family.’

  ‘You swore you wouldn’t come. So what’s changed?’

  ‘Darling, I may not agree with what you’re doing but I do care about your welfare. I wanted to see where you’re based, what’s in store, all that sort of thing. And it’s lovely to meet Anna,’ she concluded, giving her a glittering smile and patting her arm.

  ‘Yeah, well . . . you’d better come and see my quarters,’ he replied grudgingly, slipping his hand into Anna’s and gripping it tightly.

  For a minute or two they walked in silence towards the accommodation block.

  ‘So how was Dad last weekend?’ Felix asked suddenly, turning to face his mother.

  ‘Well, I didn’t see him . . .’

  ‘Don’t tell me,’ Felix cut in, ‘you didn’t go? You’re unbelievable!’

  ‘I didn’t see him last weekend because I had a bug and that’s the last thing he needs,’ Cassandra said firmly.

  Felix had the good grace to look embarrassed.

  ‘But Oscar went and said he was much the same as usual. One of the carers said he is still trying to wander off.’

  ‘Like, maybe he wants to go home?’ Felix snapped.

  ‘Felix, we’ve been over this a hundred times,’ Cassandra replied. ‘It hurts me as much as it hurts you, but having him back is simply not an option. He needs specialist care.’

  She touched Felix’s arm. ‘But he seemed really happy with the new keyboard I bought.’ She turned to Anna. ‘He is – was – a great musician. He does still seem able to play a bit but playing the piano in the lounge disturbs everyone, so I got him one of those little electric things. Now he’ll be playing the same thing over and over because he won’t remember.’

  Anna could see that, behind her unconcerned manner, Cassandra hid real sadness. And she was obviously very caring and generous. She couldn’t work out why Felix was so hard on her. She was relieved when Felix went off to change and directed Anna and his mother to the hall where there was to be a talk by his commanding officer. They were about to sit down when Cassandra suddenly turned to Anna, an anxious expression on her face.

  ‘Sorry about all that back there,’ she murmured. ‘You probably think like Felix, that I’m self-centred, career-minded . . .’

  ‘No, I . . .’

  ‘And maybe I am,’ she went on. It seemed as if the floodgates had opened and, once she’d started, she couldn’t stop. She wasn’t really addressing Anna; it was as though she was talking to herself.

  ‘But you know what? The point that Felix doesn’t seem to get is that I can do far more good pressing the Government for changes, more help for carers, wider availability of drugs to deal with this awful disease, than I ever could keeping myself shut away at home trying – and failing – to look after my husband.’ She smiled ruefully. ‘I’m a very determined woman, and when I believe in something, I’ll stop at nothing to bring it to the notice of as many people as I can . . .’

  ‘Yes, I know,’ Anna smiled. ‘My dad was really keen to get you on the show after that time when you threw all that underwear out of —’

  ‘Oh my God.’ Cassandra stared at Anna. ‘Anna Eliot,’ she said. ‘Walter Eliot’s your father, isn’t he?’

  Anna nodded. ‘He’d really love to get you on his programme – I mean, what you’ve just said, it’s right. It’s so important and if the major parties aren’t doing enough to change things, then the public should realise that it’s time to vote for the individual, not the party.’

  ‘You’re clearly smart,’ Cassandra commented. ‘I’ll think about it. Although, as I told the producer at the time, I prefer to walk the . . .’

  ‘Walk rather than talk the talk,’ Anna finished. ‘But sometimes you have to talk so that other people get fired up to walk the walk, right?’

  Cassandra eyed her thoughtfully. ‘I like that,’ she said. ‘I like it very much. Talk to get others to walk – I might use that.’ She nodded. ‘You might mention our chat to your father, and I’ll get on to it my end. Oh look, here comes Felix – about time. Now let’s hear what these military types have got to say for themselves.’

  By the end of the talk, Anna’s heart was beating rather too rapidly for comfort. It had been one thing to imagine Felix in a war zone, and quite another to see pictures on the screen of what he would be facing. She was relieved when the meeting drew to a close, and people began drifting off to to lunch.

  Cassandra had got up and left her seat quickly, without waiting for them.

  ‘Oh God, now what’s she doing?’ Felix grabbed Anna’s wrist and pointed across the room. Cassandra was striding up to the commanding officer, and her shrill tones could be heard above the babble of the assembled guests.

  ‘Glorifying war, that’s what you lot are doing . . . hypocrisy . . . make it sound like a jolly game of soldiers . . .’

  The commanding officer grew more red in the face with every second, and several people paused and turned to stare in amazement.

  ‘All your talk about a nuclear capability . . .’

  Felix pushed his way through the crowd and strode over to his mother. Anna couldn’t catch what he was saying as he seized Cassandra’s arm but she noticed the officer nod imperceptibly before turning and walking briskly away.

  ‘It’s all propaganda and . . .’ Cassandra stopped in mid-sentence and glared at his retreating back.

  ‘Well, that makes a change from the usual routine I must say!’ A short, stocky man glanced at Anna as she pushed past him and shoved a notebook into his breast pocket. ‘Livened things up a bit, that did.’

  ‘They say there’s lunch!’ Cassandra beckoned to Anna as if nothing untoward had happened. ‘
I need the loo – see you in the mess hall in ten minutes?’

  She gave a cheery wave, apparently oblivious to the critical glances of the other parents, and headed for the door. Anna scanned the room for Felix, and saw that he had caught up with the officer and was deep in conversation. He was rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand, the way he always did when he was uptight.

  ‘Are you OK?’ she asked, several minutes later, when he finally made his way towards her.

  ‘I’ll never forgive her, never,’ he said, his voice shaking. ‘The Commandant was great; he said he didn’t hold me responsible.’

  ‘He could hardly do that, could he?’ Anna reasoned.

  ‘I’ll be a laughing stock with the lads,’ he mumbled. ‘Thank God she’s gone.’

  ‘Actually, she’s waiting for us over at the mess hall – they said lunch is ready,’ Anna ventured.

  ‘She’s what? You mean, she expects us to sit and eat with her after all she’s done? She’s got to be kidding.’

  Anna followed as Felix strode across to the mess hall. They found Cassandra sitting calmly at a table surveying the menu card.

  ‘Now before you start, I’m sorry,’ she said, the moment Felix was within earshot.

  ‘It’s a bit late for that,’ Felix said. ‘Mum, what were you thinking?’

  ‘I know, I know, I should have kept my mouth shut,’ Cassandra admitted. ‘I just got so angry when that man went on about . . . Oh damn!’

  She paused as her mobile phone shrilled from her handbag.

  ‘Mum, they’re supposed to be switched off,’ Felix hissed.

  ‘Sorry, I’ll just take this . . .’ She flipped the cover and clamped the phone to her ear.

  ‘What? No! Really? They said that – oh my God!’