Taking Shots (Assassins)

by Aleo, Toni

  When Jakob walked into the locker room, Shea’s team mates greeted him like he was the captain, not that it bothered Shea much. He probably did deserve the title more than Shea did. Jakob wasn’t a future mental patient, he was doing great. With a ring on Harper’s finger and a baby in her belly, Jakob was on cloud nine, while Shea was trying to find someplace to crawl to and die. Jakob’s happiness actually made Shea sick. He was so jealous of Jakob that he was disgusted with his self. He should be happy for his best friend, not wish the man was down in the dumps like him.

  But, hey, misery loves company.

  “I see you made it,” Jakob said under his breath as he sat down beside Shea, slipping off his shoes.

  “Yeah, I was with Grace this morning.”

  “Good. I’m glad, and will excuse the fact that you weren’t at practice.”

  “Thank you, captain,” Shea said sarcastically, receiving a glare from Jakob. They didn’t say much else to each other as they started to suit up.

  “Are you going to make it tonight?”

  Shea looked over at Jakob, with his eye brows raised. “What?”

  “The last time we played here, you had that-”

  “I’m fine Jake, I’ve prepared myself,” Shea said irrupting Jakob from telling the whole locker room his business.

  The last home game they played, Shea hadn’t prepared his self for the pain that came. When he skated out and saw that she wasn’t there in her regular seats again, Shea had to leave the ice because he couldn’t keep it together. The first time she wasn’t there he wrote it off as her needing time to heal, even the second and third time and even the seventh, he thought nothing about it, but the last time he went out and she wasn’t there. He lost it. Why it took eight times for him to realize that she wasn’t going to be sitting there was way above his comprehension, but it hurt him bad.

  “Okay good.” Jakob said, with a nod of his head as he started to lace up his skates, “Have you talked to Damon? He called me again today.”

  “No, I’ll call him tomorrow.”

  “Have you made a decision yet?”

  Shea shook his head, “No.”

  “Well if it’s worth anything, I vote you stay here. Just saying,” Shea smiled weakly over at him, and Jakob returned the smile with a bigger one, “I don’t want to play without you, and I can’t leave. Harper would flip.”

  “I know.”

  “You know with her running the studio and with the house,” Jakob continued. Shea didn’t want to seem rude, but hearing about Jakob’s perfect life was not what he wanted at the moment.

  “I know, dude,” Jakob looked over at Shea nodding before going back to lacing his skates, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “Okay.”

  They were silent again as they continued to suit up. All Shea could think about was if he was really ready to skate out on that ice, knowing he would not see her. He wished like hell, he would go out on the ice and she would be sitting there, grinning. With her hot dog and beer, a number six on her cheek, and his jersey on her beautiful body. God, how he wished for that. How if he could, he would go back in time. Not take Victoria with him to get her engagement ring, go alone, because he knew that if he had left that crazy bitch at home, he would be engaged right now, living in their house together, being happy.

  But that was all a dream, this was his realty.

  “Are you still going to the event tomorrow?” Jakob asked knocking him out of his dream land and back to real life.

  “Yeah, I gotta get back to the way I was, starting with practice in the morning and the event tomorrow night,” Shea answered with a nod, Jakob smirked over at him.

  “Good, I feel good about tomorrow.”

  Shea didn’t know what the hell there was to feel good about but whatever; Jakob was a weird dude sometimes.

  When Shea was fully dressed, he got up and headed towards the hall that would lead to the entrance to the ice. He grabbed his stick, and with every step the roar of the crowd got louder. This is what he loved; hockey is what always loved him. He was good at it, he loved it. Why couldn’t it be enough? When he stepped on the ice, his eyes immediately went to her seats. Two older guys sat there, both pointing at the opposite team, and for the love of hockey they didn’t even have Assassins’ jerseys on, but Duck ones.

  Shea was sure that the tightness in his chest was from the fact that she had sold her tickets to Duck fans, and not because she wasn’t sitting there.

  Who was he kidding?

  When Shea’s phone alarm when off the next afternoon, he rolled over, turning it off. He moved to his back, looking up at the vaulted ceilings of the room that they would never share. He figured the nap would do him some good after the vagarious practiced he had that morning, but he probably needed to sleep for the nap to help. With a huff, he got off the blown up mattress and headed into the bathroom to take a shower. He really needed to bring his things over from the condo, the damn blow up mattress was doing hell on his back and he missed sleeping in his bed.

  As Shea washed his body, he knew he wouldn’t be able to bring that bed over to the house to sleep in because of the same reason he couldn’t sleep with a female in that bed. She had slept in that bed with him for months, they made loved in that bed. Even after kicking the females out of the condo, he always slept on the floor or on the couch. The bed held to many memories and he couldn’t do it. So Shea decided he needed to go shopping for a new bed the next day.

  After doing his hair, he looked himself over. His playoff beard was growing in nicely; it was probably the only thing that was doing good in his life. Last year he placed fifth on the list for best beard, he was hoping for first this year. Hey, he didn’t have much to look forward to in life right now. After putting on his suit, and tying up his chucks he was ready to go. Even though he’d rather stay home, he knew he had to go.

  So he went.

  Walking into the Ronald McDonald House event wasn’t easy. It wasn’t that Shea didn’t love the program, he did, but he didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to suck up to the big heads, he didn’t want to see his teammates that didn’t like him much, and he definitely didn’t want to see Bryan Fisher. Seeing him always made Shea want to break out in hives. Shea knew Bryan could see that he was hurting by just looking in his eyes. Shea hated that, he hated people knowing he was weak, but he just couldn’t put on the ‘everything is fine’ act.

  Shea wanted to drop off his donation and leave, but he couldn’t. He had to put on a smile, act like life was grand, and he had to entertain his date. Some country singer Damon had hooked him up with, Alexi Lynn. She was nice, Shea guessed. Quiet, sweet, but not what he wanted. The big blonde hair, deep brown eyes, huge breasts, and small waist was not his thing anymore. No matter how hard he tried.

  Alexi hung on Shea’s arm in her long yellow gown, that accentuate her breasts, with a grin so large, that he was blinded by her perfect white teeth. Alexi’s teeth made Shea miss her teeth, the way the front one bent into the other one always drove him mad. It was crazy how he missed even the simplest things about her. When Shea saw Jakob, he put on a smile, but it promptly fell when he saw the look of horror on Jakob’s face.

  “Jake, are you okay?”

  “I didn’t know you were bringing someone,” Jakob said looking at Alexi before looking behind him.

  “Yeah, this is Alexi Lynn, Alexi my best friend Jakob.” Alexi smiled, shaking his hand as Jakob looked around.

  “Nice to meet you,” Jakob mumbled before stopping and looking off to the side. Shea followed his gaze, and when his eyes met with the same green eyes he had been missing the past two months, he took in a sharp breath.

  “Elli.”

  Elli stood in a long shinny purple gown that had rhinestones lining the low dipped front; it was the dress she bought in Boston. He had picked it out for her. Her beautiful green eyes were wide, filling with tears as seconds turned into minutes while they stood with their gazes locked. He couldn’t look away thoug
h; she had lost weight, a lot of it. As he took in every single detail of her, the dark circles under her eyes, the sullen look on her face, she looked as bad as he did, but he still thought she was beautiful. Shea wondered if she was here to see him. Was this his chance?

  Shea took a step towards her, but she shook her head before turning and taking off towards the exit.

  “Elli! Wait!” Shea called as he tried to get by the hundreds of people that stood in his way. Shea received dirty looks as he pushed and moved past people, almost knocking over a waiter that held a platter of champagne, but he didn’t care. He had to get to her. When he made it outside the arena, Elli was gone. He took out his phone, pushing on her icon, before putting it up to his ear. It surprised the hell out of him when her voice ranged through the phone.

  “What, Shea?”

  “Elli, come on talk to me,” he said pinching the bridge of his nose, “Let’s meet up, talk.”

  “No, Shea, I came here thinking that maybe I was wrong, maybe I needed to see you to prove to myself that we can work it out, because I’m not over you but God I was wrong!”

  “Baby, you aren’t wrong, we need to talk, please, come back.”

  “No, I’m done, Shea, you’ve moved on, now I need too,” she yelled into the phone. When he heard her take in a shaky breath, he knew she was crying. “You’ve moved on, while I’ve been a mess for the last two months, but no more.”

  “Elli, I haven’t-”

  “No, I’m done. Don’t you ever call me again, if you see me, act like you don’t, cause you are dead to me Shea Adler. Dead.”

  When the line went dead, Shea let out a frustrated yell, throwing the phone into the street before sliding down the wall till he was sitting; his legs sprawled out in front of him. Shea cradled his face in his hands, listening to the traffic drive by while quiet sobs ripped through his body.

  Why wouldn’t she listen to him?

  Why couldn’t he catch a break when it came to Elli?

  All Shea could do was ask why?

  Chapter 33

  When Elli arrived home, she stomped through her house, ripping off one of the most expensive dress she had ever bought, throwing it against the wall before throwing on a tee and going back into the foyer of her house. She had been torturing herself, leaving pictures of that asshole up on her walls so that every time she passed by them, he would be fucking grinning at her! Her heart would break a little more each time she passed the picture because she couldn’t put her pride aside and go to him! Go and tell him that she loved him more than she needed to breathe.

  But no more!

  Elli ripped down every single picture of Shea, placing each one by the door. Taking down the signed jersey was probably the hardest, and heaviest, but she did it. Even through the tears that fell down her cheeks, she continued to de-Shea her house. She had to. If she was gonna move on like he had, she was going to have to get rid of anything the reminded her of him. When she was done, a mound of things sat beside her door, staring back at her.

  Elli closed her eyes, letting the tears leak out her eyes and down her cheeks as horrid sobs raked through her body. Elli never thought de-Shea-ing her house was gonna hurt so bad, but it had to happen.

  It had too.

  When Elli woke up the next morning, she went through her usual morning routine. As she walked through her house, Adler bounced beside her, ready to go out. When she reached the foyer and saw the mound of things she had piled up the night before, it was as if her legs gave out from underneath her, and she crumbled onto the ground, bawling as she stared at Shea’s beautiful face that was staring back at her.

  Adler came over to her, nudging his way into her lap. Elli needed the comfort, so she wrapped her arms around her oversized pup, crying into his thick fur. Elli let the tears fall, soaking her poor dog’s fur, not that she thought he minded. He would probably cry if he could, Elli knew he missed Shea, probably as much as she did. When she was done crying, she stood up, letting Adler out before sitting on the waiting chair that sat in front of the front windows. Her eyes moved along all the things that piled up so high against the wall, and felt like things wouldn’t get better until they were gone, but she couldn’t just throw them away.

  It took about two seconds before Elli knew what to do with them. All she had to do was have the balls to go give them to him.

  “Elli, it was so good to hear from you,” Grace said as she held the door open, letting Elli in. Seeing Grace hurt as much as it did seeing Shea the night before, Grace looked so much like Shea that it was almost as if she was staring into Shea’s eyes. She remember when she thought her life wouldn’t go on without seeing Shea’s family, that how it would kill her not being able to see them when she wanted and it had. She had missed Grace, James, Ryan and Amelia like she had missed Shea. There was a point in time when she felt that they were her family too, but that was ten weeks ago.

  Now she was just another one of Shea’s ex’s, a notch in his bed post, a total loser.

  When her eyes started to water up, Elli took in a deep breath, looking down at her heels.

  “Yeah, um, everything’s in the truck,” Elli said, mindlessly messing with the bottom of her shirt. She couldn’t look Grace in the eyes, it hurt too much.

  “James will get everything, come into the kitchen with me for a bit, we’ll have some tea while he unloads.”

  “Oh, well, it shouldn’t take long,” Elli said as Grace started walking towards the kitchen. Grace stopped, looking over her shoulder at Elli. Elli wasn’t sure but she swore that she saw tears in Grace’s eyes.

  “Are you really going to run out on me Elli? I haven’t seen you in months.” Grace was guilt tripping Elli, and she knew it, but she followed Grace anyways into her spacious kitchen. What would it hurt to catch up for a minute or so?

  When Elli saw Ryan, her heart got caught in her throat. She hoped he would have been at school, but nope, there he was grinning at her. Ryan popped up, running towards her, wrapping his small little arms around her waist, almost doing Elli in. Elli bent down some, taking the boy in her arms, hugging him tightly.

  “Ms. Elli, I’ve missed you so much!”

  “Oh, Ryan, I’ve missed you buddy, what are you doing home?”

  “They took my tonsils out! So I get to eat ice cream and lay around with mommy and daddy all day!” he said in his rambunctious five year old way. Elli had to smile at him; he was just so damn cute and she had missed him so.

  “Oh my, are you alright?”

  “I am! I’m strong just like my Unky, is he with you?”

  The air rushed out of Elli, causing her to stop for a minute to try to breathe, he looked up at her with his innocent eyes, waiting for an answer. Elli slowly shook her head, “No sweetie, he’s not.”

  Ryan’s little face scrunched up as he looked up at her, “Have you seen him? I haven’t seen him in so long, and I just want to see him.”

  Thankfully Grace swooped in, taking Ryan in her arms as she walked out the kitchen, cooing something about Shea coming to see Ryan soon. Why hadn’t he been by to see Ryan? What the hell is wrong with him? Ryan needed him.

  Selfish ass.

  Ryan was a just a kid, a baby and knowing that Shea couldn’t even come see him caused Elli to be so disgusted with him that angry tears threaten to fall down her cheeks.

  When Elli realized she wasn’t the only one in the room, she met eyes with James. He gave her a half grin as he walked towards her, wrapping her up in his arms.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey, James, how are you?”

  “Good, better than you, I’m guessing.”

  Elli nodded as the consent ache in her chest got worst. When Elli was in Boston she had bonded so much with James, and the fact that she hadn’t seen or spoken to him in the last couple months made her just as big of a selfish ass as Shea was. Elli was more a bitch though, how could she intertwine herself with these people and then just complete forget about them. How dare she? They deserved better.

&n
bsp; “I think my stuffed wolf fish is better than I am.” James chuckled, his arm still around her shoulders.

  “We miss you. You can still come see us, you know?”

  Elli nodded, feeling worst than she did two minutes ago, “I know,” she said as she swallowed.

  “Jenna and Mark are coming in next week; maybe we all can do dinner. Shea will be out of town if they win tomorrow.”

  “Which they will,” Elli said as James nodded in agreement, “Give me a call, we’ll see, okay?”

  “Okay,” James said as Grace came back into the room.

  “James, can you get everything out of Elli’s truck?”

  “Sure can,” he said walking towards her, placing a kiss on her cheek before leaving the kitchen.

  “Have a seat, Elli. I’ll pour us some tea.”

  Elli did as she was asked, pulling out the large chair before settling in it. She watched as Grace moved through the kitchen, gathering the cups, sugar, and spoons before coming to the table, laying everything down for them. Nothing was said as they made their teas, they didn’t even make eye contact.

  Finally Elli couldn’t take it no more and said, “How have you been?”

  “Good, Amelia is finally sleeping through the night,” they shared a smile since that was one of the first things they talked about so long ago, “Ryan is doing wonderful in school, James is working a lot and so am I.”

  “Good,” Elli said, and she meant it. “Why hasn’t Ryan seen Shea?” Elli blurted out, Grace shrugged her shoulders as she swirled her spoon in her cup.

  “I’m not really sure, Shea’s been taking time to himself I guess,” Grace said before sharing a look with Elli that took Elli’s breath away. What was she supposed to make of that? Time to his self? For what? “How are you doing, Elli?”

  “That’s a loaded question, Grace. You know that.”

  Grace smiled, taking a sip of her tea, “Elli, there was a time when I was convinced you would be my sister, so yeah it may be a loaded question, but I want to know.”