No Such Thing As a Good Blind Date: A Brandy Alexander Mystery (No Such Thing As: A Brandy Alexander Mystery)

by Shelly Fredman

  My stomach flipped at the sight of him and I automatically scooted farther back along the wall, willing myself invisible. He squeezed through the narrow entry, his entire being radiating a manic energy. Once he was all the way through, he shoved the door open wider with his hip, revealing another figure.

  She was a stark contrast to Glen, with her beautiful, almost angelic face and luxurious dark hair. His arm was wrapped around her and I would have thought they were partners in crime, had it not been for the look of sheer terror on her face. There was a slight swelling under her eye, where I’d decked her. Tears stained her cheeks. Obviously, Marie DiCarlo didn’t have a lot of practice being held captive by lunatics. Well, it was her own stupid fault. I didn’t invite her to this shindig; she crashed it all on her own.

  “Oh, Christ, who’s this?” Keith grumbled.

  Glen shoved Marie into the room and she tripped, landing about two feet in front of me. It was sort of nice to have the company, but I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

  “I found her snooping around outside. I figured she’s a friend of the bitch here.”

  Oh Glen, you couldn’t be more wrong. And what’s with everyone calling me a bitch?

  Marie was openly sobbing, her entire body convulsing with fear. I completely understood how she felt, but I simply would not allow myself to give in to the urge to curl up in a fetal position and wait to die.

  “Marie,” I said as compassionately as possible, “shut up. This isn’t helping.”

  “My baby,” she whispered, taking in huge gulps of air. “She’s in the car.”

  Oh fuck.

  “Now what do I do?” Glen was saying to Keith.

  “You have to kill them both.”

  This started Marie on a fresh wave of hysteria.

  I braced myself against the wall and tried to stand up. It was a fruitless effort. “Let her go, you guys. She probably hates me worse than you do. In fact, you’d be doing her a favor by killing me.” I glared at Marie with all the energy I could muster. Marie picked up her cue and glared back, spitting on the ground at my feet.

  Glen laughed. It sounded like a cartoon hyena. “Why does she hate you?”

  “I slept with her husband.” I didn’t add that it was before they’d ever met.

  Marie flinched, and this time her glare was for real.

  “She keeps following me around, trying to catch us in the act, I guess.”

  “So then why do you care if she lives or dies?” Keith asked.

  I shrugged. “She’s got a kid. I’m a sucker for babies.”

  Glen closed the gap between us. He ran the barrel of his gun along my jaw line, openly leering at me. “I’ll bet you suck real good.”

  I turned green or whatever color revulsion is.

  Harrison’s voice was sharp. “Don’t be an asshole, Glen.” If Glen was insulted, he didn’t show it. My guess was he heard that a lot.

  “You sure are a funny little thing,” Keith continued, directing his next comment to me. “You went to all this trouble to get a low-grade moron out of jail, and now you’re trying to save a woman who despises you.”

  “I’m a regular Mother Teresa.” It was getting harder and harder to come up with wise cracks, what with death looming over my head and all.

  Glen was becoming impatient. “Hey, I don’t got all day. And I’m not crazy about killing two of them. What am I supposed to do with the bodies?”

  Keith limped over to the door and opened it a crack. “It’ll be dark soon,” he said. “Just sit tight for a little while and then we can get this thing over with. Where did the tall one park her car?” he asked as an afterthought. “Maybe we should move it before it attracts attention.”

  Marie paled and made the sign of the cross and began reciting a rosary in Spanish. At least I think that’s what she was saying. My Spanish is limited to the holiday classic “Feliz Navidad” and old Arnold Schwarzenegger movie catch phrases.

  I scooted over next to her. “Look,” I whispered, “we’re in deep trouble here. We’ve got to work together if we’re going to survive.”

  She gave a slight, begrudging nod. I guess she was still thinking about that whole ‘slept with her husband’ crack.

  I glanced over to the door. “One of us has to create a diversion while the other one makes a break for it. Are you with me on this?”

  Marie responded with a tearful hitch in her throat. “I’ll do anything to keep my baby safe.”

  “Good. Now here’s the plan—”

  “Hey, you at the door.” Keith whipped around and Marie stood up, arms akimbo, like Wonder Woman.

  “Marie, what are you doing?” She ignored me, keeping a steady eye on Harrison.

  “Look, you want her dead. I don’t know why and I don’t care. I just want to get out of here. I’ll shoot her.”

  My mouth flew open and stayed that way. So much for team building.

  “I kill her, you let me go. Everyone’s a winner.”

  That’s it. I’m gonna die. Now I’ll never get to sleep with Nick again. Alright, I swore I wouldn’t anyway, but now I’ll really never get to. And what about Rocky and Adrian? They’ ll be orphans. I mean who would take in a dog who could literally eat you out of house and home?

  A lump the size of Utah began to form in my throat.

  “It’s a trick,” Glen decided.

  Keith sneered at him. “Of course it’s a trick.”

  I wasn’t so sure.

  “Actually, this gives me an idea,” Keith continued. He grabbed Marie by the wrist. She cursed him and tried to jerk free, but he held fast, pinning her arm behind her back.

  “Settle down there, honey. I’m about to make your wish come true.” Keith turned to me, aiming his gun at my head. “Get up,” he growled.

  I struggled to get to my feet, but Keith is an “immediate needs” kind of guy and I guess I wasn’t moving fast enough for him. He reached out and yanked me upwards. I stumbled against him, nearly knocking him flat. “Take her,” he called to Glen.

  Glen moved in and Keith released my arm. “Put her over there.”

  Davis dragged me to the other side of the room. If he knew what Keith was up to, he wasn’t saying.

  The pain in my head worsened. Whatever Keith had in mind, I wished I could do it sitting down.

  He eyeballed me for a while and then turned to Marie, who had gotten over her crying jag and had replaced it with major attitude.

  “Do you know who my husband is?” Marie challenged Keith. He didn’t seem to care, but she told him anyway. “He’s a detective with the Philadelphia police force. He’s going to hunt you down and you’ll be sorry you were ever born.”

  “Is that true? Her husband’s a cop?” he asked me.

  “Yeah,” I said. “A good one. He’ll find you alright.”

  Keith shrugged. “I’m not even going to cross his mind. The poor guy is going to be overcome with grief, once he discovers that his wife shot his lover and then killed herself in a fit of remorse.”

  “Oh, please, who’s going to believe that?” Shit. Just about anyone who knew Marie.

  Keith began shuffling us around as if he were staging a high school production of High Noon, Marie on one side and me on the other. I tried to catch her eye, but she wouldn’t look at me. I guess I couldn’t blame her. After all, I was the one who gave him this brilliant idea by telling him she wanted me dead. I wondered if her offer to shoot me had been legitimate. Well, it was a moot point now, wasn’t it?

  Glen tightened his grip on my arm and rubbed up against my side. I could feel his excitement pressing into my hip, and a picture of Andi flashed through my mind. Did he have a hard-on when he slashed her throat? Bile rose up in mine and I squelched it down.

  He rubbed one filthy finger against my cheek, lifting my chin so that I was eye level with him. I met his gaze, refusing to play the helpless victim.

  “We need some alone time,” he whispered in my ear.

  “Just shoot me now,” I hissed back.


  Glen swung his left arm back and popped me hard in the mouth. I reeled back in pain, blood spurting from my upper lip. He let go of me and I slumped to the floor in a heap.

  “What the hell are you doing?” Keith began walking toward us, his limp more pronounced now. It had been a long day for him. Marie was tucked in behind him, shackled by Keith’s free hand. He released her and bent down to examine my face.

  “How are we going to make this look legit if her face is all smashed in?”

  Out of the corner of my eye I detected a slight movement. Marie was slowly inching her way toward the door. I decided to help her out, although it was real iffy as to whether she’d return the favor.

  “He’s nothing but a stinking coward,” I said, nodding towards Glen. “All he knows how to do is get high and beat up on women. Is that why you killed Ilene? Because she found herself a real man?” I braced myself for another punch in the mouth.

  “Shut up, you God damn bitch. You don’t know anything about me and Ilene.”

  There was surprising emotion behind his words and for once it wasn’t pure anger. Could it be he’d really cared for her?

  Marie was almost to the door. If I could just keep their attention for a moment longer.

  “Hey, maybe she was having a thing with Harrison. I hear he’s quite the ladies’ man.”

  Confusion clouded Glen’s face and he cut his eyes to Keith, who looked like he was about to strangle me with his bare hands.

  “Just shut the hell up, would ya?” Keith demanded. He turned to Glen. “Can’t you see what she’s doing? She’s trying to cause trouble between us. We’ve got to stick to our plan if we’re going to get you out of this mess.”

  The warehouse door screeched open with a wrench of its rusty hinge and Marie slipped through the crack.

  “Goddamit,” Keith yelled, slapping Glen on the shoulder. “Go after her.”

  Glen shook Keith’s hand off of him, a pronounced twitch pulsing above his left eye “Why don’t you?” His voice was steely and left no room for argument. Harrison swore and lunged for the opening. I prayed that Marie would reach her car and drive her daughter to safety.

  Glen turned back to me. “What do you know about Harrison and my girlfriend?”

  The gun was trained on my temple so I chose my words carefully. “Nothing, I swear it. But haven’t you ever wondered why Keith is so willing to help you cover up her murder? Let’s face it, you don’t exactly run in the same social circles.”

  “I do good work for him. He doesn’t want to lose me.”

  “Yeah, but kidnapping is a federal crime. Not to mention accessory to murder. I’m sure you’re one hell of a worker, but I’m afraid your pal Keith has an ulterior motive.”

  “Is that so?”

  I nodded. “Keith kidnapped me because I have some information he wants to keep private. If you kill me, you’ll be doing him an enormous favor.”

  The hand that held the gun shook and he placed the other one on top to steady it. His eyes had that glazed “overdue for a fix” look I recognized from my volunteer work at the mission in downtown Los Angeles.

  “Ask him yourself.”

  Glen got quiet, his poor, drug-addled brain hard at work, trying to digest this new information.

  “Tell me something.” He didn’t respond, so I plunged right in.

  “Why did you kill Ilene? I mean I get the feeling you really liked her.”

  Davis seemed rooted to the spot, lost in thought. In the failing light, he didn’t look quite so cadaverous, and I could see faint traces of the little brother Turk had once adored.

  He lowered his head, the gun still trained on me. His entire body began to quiver, and I realized with a mixture of equal parts horror and fascination that he was crying. I held my breath, not daring to move a muscle.

  “I don’t know why I killed her. I loved her.”

  My butt was growing numb from the icy cold floor, but I didn’t think now would be a good time to mention it. I shifted minimally and when Glen didn’t protest, I raised myself up on my knees.

  “What happened?” I asked, in what I’d hoped was a soothing, “Dr. Phil” sort of tone.

  Glen rubbed at his eyes, as if trying to erase the memory. “All I know is Harrison called and was coming over to pay me for a job. Ilene had come by earlier. I was in my bedroom, getting high. The next thing I know, I’m lying on the ground next to her with a knife in my hand. Keith is standing over me, trying to wake me up, and Ilene’s body is full of stab wounds.” His voice broke and it was all I could do to keep from patting him on the shoulder and murmuring, “there, there.”

  “Keith told me what happened,” Glen continued. “He’d walked in on us just as I was sticking the knife in her. He said I must’ve stabbed her like about twelve times before she died. He said he tried to stop me, but I was too fucked up to listen.”

  Something clicked in my brain. “He said he saw you stab her to death?” I repeated.

  The warehouse door flung open, and Keith reappeared hauling Marie in with him. Sophia wailed in her arms as Marie desperately tried to quiet her.

  “If you can’t make her stop screaming, I will,” Keith said, taking aim at the toddler. He was sweating like a pig, his bum leg dragging behind him.

  He turned to Glen. “Let’s get this thing over with.”

  “What do we do with the kid?” Glen asked.

  “She’s a witness.” He didn’t need to finish his thought. Even Glen got the implication. Keith pulled Sophie from his mother’s arms and set her on the ground. The little girl began to wail again.

  “You bastard,” Marie screamed. She pounded Keith’s chest with her fists, stopping only when he wrenched her arm completely out of its socket.

  “Just shoot them, already,” he told Glen. “We’ll figure out the logistics afterwards.”

  There was dead silence in the room as Glen took aim at me and released the safety. Even the baby had stopped crying. Glen paused.

  “Oh for Christ’s sake, Davis. She knows you stabbed your girlfriend to death. If you don’t kill her, you’ll get ‘life’ or worse. Do it,” he urged.

  “Wait,” I screamed, scrambling to my feet. My heart was in my mouth, making it difficult to speak. “Glen, you deserve to know the truth about the way Ilene died.”

  Keith dragged me up off the ground, his face distorted by rage. How could I ever have found him attractive? “Can’t you ever just shut the fuck up?” he yelled.

  “What’s the matter, Keith, the truth make you nervous? Glen, Ilene was murdered all right, only you didn’t do it.”

  “Don’t mess with me, bitch.”

  “I’m not messing with you. You told me that Keith saw you fighting with Ilene. That he saw you stab her a bunch of times. Only that’s not how she died.”

  Keith leveled his gun at me, but in a sudden gesture, Glen knocked it out of his hand. It landed at Keith’s feet. “Keep talking,” Glen said to me.

  I breathed deeply, willing myself to stay calm. “The detective told me that Ilene died of severe head trauma. Not stab wounds. Keith couldn’t possibly have seen you stab her while she was still alive.”

  “But I saw her when I woke up. There were wounds all over her body.”

  “Think back, Glen. Did you see any blood?”

  “I can’t remember.” He was straining so hard he was on the verge of a mental collapse.

  “You’d remember if she were lying in a pool of blood. Those wounds were inflicted after she was already dead. That’s why there was no blood flow.”

  “Glen, she’s lying. Kill her. Do it now.”

  Keith bent down to pick up his gun, but Glen kicked it across the room.

  I kept a steady eye on Harrison.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Keith sneered. “Why would I concoct such an elaborate ruse?”

  “Because you wanted to make sure people knew it was Glen’s handiwork, not yours. If you were identified as being at the scene, no
one would suspect you of doing something so heinous. Glen, on the other hand, was a natural. No offence,” I added, giving a nod to Glen.

  “That’s crazy.” Keith spun around, addressing Glen with an air of superiority. “Look, Glen, you’re the one in trouble, not me. But if you choose to believe this lying cunt—”

  “Excuse me?” I exploded. “Listen, you vile, disgusting, piece of—”

  “Everybody just shut up, okay!” Glen suddenly snapped, breathing hard. He got up close to Keith, seemingly unaware of the tears that were now streaming down his ravaged face. “Why’d you do it, Keith?” he asked. Why’d you kill her?”

  “I didn’t. I—”

  Glen backhanded him so hard I heard teeth crack.

  Keith seemed to shrink before my eyes. His voice was small and thick with pain. “It wasn’t my fault. Her—her dog ate something I needed. I threatened to cut him open to get it back. Ilene went crazy. She attacked me. I was just defending myself, when she fell back and hit her head on the kitchen counter. I didn’t mean to do it,” he ended, pathetically.”

  Glen stood over him, his rail thin body swaying slightly. His voice was calm, but his eyes were not. They did a manic dance over Harrison’s face. “You set me up. You made me believe I’d killed her. I even killed that other girl just to cover my tracks. You said it was a good idea.”

  Keith took an automatic step back. “I—I was scared. I—”

  Glen closed the gap between them, his finger resting on the trigger. “Are you scared now, Keith? You should be.”

  The sound of gunfire reverberated like a sonic boom in the empty warehouse. Keith’s eyes grew wide with surprise as his brain fought to catch up with what his body already knew. He reeled back from the force of the impact, simultaneously clutching his chest as the bullet penetrated its target. A dark stain appeared and rapidly began to spread. Blood seeped through his fingers as he tried to stem the flow. It was such an ineffectual gesture, I actually felt sorry for him and I blinked back hot tears.

  Glen watched with detached interest as Harrison fell backwards, landing face up on the floor. I gagged at the sight of Keith’s eyes, unmoving, still wide open.

  There was blood everywhere. Glen stretched out his foot and deployed a vicious kick to Harrison’s lifeless body. I shuddered with the realization that I would be next, and the thought propelled me into action.