Bad Rep (Southern Ink Book 1)

by S. N. Garza

  I walked back out to the kitchen, where my parents were ready to go to bed for the afternoon.

  “I’m gonna go check up on Deke.”

  “Alright, be careful. It’s supposed to rain.”

  My mom. She always thought it was going to rain. Ignoring her warning, I grabbed the house key and walked out the door. Shutting and locking the door, I knew my parents would be sound asleep until evening.

  I pocketed my key and walked to SoIn. Ever since the incident almost three years ago, no one ever bothered me. Deke had seen to that. Most guys I thought were cute and nice, well they ended up being jerks and avoided me when I tried showing interest towards them. That’s why I was so happy that out of all of those boys, I chose Deke to give my virginity to.

  This cemented our relationship. His kiss had been sweet and gentle at first and that second time we made love, it was total passion personified. Like he couldn’t get enough of me. I felt the exact same way.

  Feeling him inside me had been exciting and thrilling. The first time he had been slow and easy. Tender, loving and careful. Deke took his time exploring my body. I was only a little shy, but he made me feel alive with his touches and slow kisses. Deke loved my whole body. Even the soft spots on my hips and belly. My breasts were bigger than an average girls but Deke hadn’t minded one bit. He lavished over my body with his tongue and thinking about the naughty things he did with that tongue made me feel all sorts of heat pool in my belly. He was rather enthusiastic about playing and sucking on my nipples and breasts. I knew he was experienced but this? I never knew one could do those things. It sent shivers down my spine. I wouldn’t mind doing all of that again. And soon.

  He second time was even better. He became more animated. Playful and teasing. When he finally pushed in, one of his hands had threaded through mine, pushing them into the mattress by my head and he became intense. His other hand had reached under my knee and lifted it high against my chest until my mind fogged over as he pushed into me with strong, hard strokes.

  I couldn’t contain my smile as I turned onto the main street from the alley way, walking until I reached SoIn.

  Johnny was outside sweeping. He really was a great influence on Deke since his own father was still very lacking in that department. Now, Deke was working full time and taking care of his old man. He didn’t buy him booze but his father always managed to get it somehow. That day before my birthday was the last time his father laid a hand on him though.

  I only saw his father a few times in the three years we’ve been friends. Deke made me promise to keep my distance. Since his father was an abusive alcoholic, I listened.

  “Penny! Hey, honey. How was prom?”

  “It was good. You know, dancing.”

  Johnny laughed like a bear. Deep, throaty and gravelly. He sure hugged like one. He became a makeshift father figure for Deke over the years. I was glad Deke found him. Johnny seemed to be a perfect fit for Deke, too.

  “You talk to our boy lately?”

  I couldn’t help the blush that stole over my face. It made me freeze for just a second, but that second is enough for Johnny to notice.

  “Penny?” He set me away from him and it felt like I was under a microscope. Johnny’s blue eyes darkened when he muttered, “Fuck. He didn’t? Did he?”

  Chapter 10

  Penelope

  Johnny looked almost as if he was ready to commit murder.

  “Did he what?”

  Don’t say it. Don’t say it. I closed my eyes tightly and I prayed he didn’t say anything out loud.

  Then I heard a heavy sigh and I opened my eyes to see him wipe a hand down his face as he shook his head.

  “He’s in the back, getting the shop ready for the afternoon shift.”

  I nodded and just as I turned, thunder rolled dangerously in the background. We both turned to the sky. About a mile out, the sky was growing dark.

  I turned back to Johnny and asked, “Can I talk to him, please?”

  He looked at me like I was a wounded animal. Did he know something I didn’t? But then his smile turned fatherly and he nodded.

  “Of course, Penny.” He sounded wary and worried.

  I squeezed his massive bicep with gratitude and walked inside. The piercing specialist, who happened to also be Johnny’s niece, Trixie, was setting up her station and the register.

  “Hey Penny! If you’re here to see Deke, be warned. He’s been in a bitch of a mood since he got here.”

  He was mad?

  “Uh. Okay.”

  “Trixie.” We turned to see Johnny’s expression was hard and emotionless. What was going on here? “Go on, honey.”

  I looked between them and then shook my head. I wanted to see Deke and I wanted to see him now. I went to the back office where I heard the familiar voice muttering a curse.

  “Fucking idiot, Morgan.”

  I knocked on the office door and Deke’s head flew up and surprise lit his gaze.

  “What are you doing here, Penny?”

  Penny? He never called me Penny. Something was seriously wrong. My heart was racing now. I heard the thunder rumble and then a crack of lightning through the building making me flinch.

  “What happened this morning? You just left. You never just leave. You always say bye to me.”

  “I had things to do. I don’t have to give you my itinerary, Penny.”

  Penny again? What was his problem?

  “I know you don’t. You just—

  “Well maybe that should have given you a clue. When I didn’t and when I declined your calls.

  So he did decline them. Somehow hearing it confirmed was like a shot straight to my heart. Why was he being so cruel?

  “I thought I’d see you in church.”

  "Church isn't for me. You know I’ve never paid attention in those things anyway."

  "Deke? What's happening here? I thought last night—

  "That’s what you get for fucking thinking, Penny. It's nothing more than what it was."

  Suddenly my body felt strange. What was going on? The sweet things he said to me, the tender touches. Had it all been for naught? I told him I loved him. Was that wrong? He'd been my best friend since freshman year. He was the only one I trusted with all of me and I wanted him to be my first. He wouldn't just take my body and not give me his heart. I knew he wouldn’t. No way. He couldn’t be this cruel.

  I looked around the office, trying to think of something to say. But his next words felt like bullets shooting right into me. A knife piercing through my heart.

  "I finally found out what it was like to have you. I’ve been wanting between your legs for a long time, Penny. Lush, innocent, and so naive. But it wasn't as good as I thought it would be."

  My eyes went to his and began burning with tears. Don't cry. Isn't that what you always tell yourself, Pen? Don't let them see you cry.

  But he didn’t stop there. The knife went deeper.

  "I mean come on, you didn't think I’d want you after having you, did you? I had you. It's time to move on. I fucked you, Penny. Gave you your first ride on the wild side."

  The word fuck in that context made me flinch and I backed up a step.

  "First ride? Deke?"

  "I don't fucking want you, Penny. You kept begging me and begging me to take it from you last night so I felt sorry for you. No one wants you."

  The gasp flew from my lips and I knew I couldn't contain the tears that began streaming down my cheeks.

  "Sorry for me?"

  "Yeah. I felt sorry for you. I mean, no one wanted between your legs, I thought I’d at least help you out so you know what to do the next time."

  "The next time? Was I that bad?"

  "You were okay. But not to my tastes."

  "All those things you said to me? The way you ...touched me. That was what? A lie?"

  "Well, I had to pry your legs open, didn't I?"

  "No. I opened them willingly, Deke." Now I was getting mad. I was still crying and my heart was sti
ll threatening to burst from my chest, but that wasn't true. I gave myself to him, wholeheartedly.

  "You can't handle what I want from a woman. You're still a girl, Penny. Stick with kids your own age. I got what I’ve wanted from you since I was eighteen. But I knew I had to wait until you were eighteen. An adult. I sure as hell didn't want to go to jail for statutory rape."

  "I don't understand. We've been friends."

  "I never wanted to be your friend. You're female, and also a virgin. I knew I could be your first and now I see the error of it."

  "I told you I loved you."

  "Well, I don't love you, Penny."

  "Stop calling me that! You never call me Penny. Why are you being like this? This isn't you, Deke."

  "Yeah, sadly, it is. Now why don't you run off and play with your stupid, little flute and stop making yourself look like a pathetic teenager? I don't need a stalker."

  "Stupid, little flute?"

  "Did I fucking stutter? I don't want you. I don't love you. I fucked you and got exactly what I wanted. That little cherry you've been keeping under lock and key for almost four years. Thanks, but you need to grow up. You think love had anything to do with it? Ha. Love is for pussies. Get the hell out of here. You need not come back here again."

  I backed away, my heart bleeding from the wounds he kept cutting me with.

  "Deke. I thought we were friends."

  "We'll never be friends, Penny. You're just a stupid, little girl who doesn't know the first thing about satisfying a man. Learn a few things and then we'll talk."

  "I trusted you!"

  "That was your first mistake." His voice was tight and his eyes were dark grey, almost black with his anger.

  "But—

  "You're so fucking stupid, Penny. LEAVE!"

  "You don't mean the things you're saying." I didn't want to leave. I wanted to know why he was acting like this. This wasn't Deke. This wasn't my Deke.

  "I do mean them. Now go! LEAVE! JUST GO AND DON'T COME BACK!"

  I backed up and my back hit the wall and I knew my tears were flooding from my eyes now.

  "Penny? What's he yelling for?" Trixie said from out in parlor. "Penny?"

  Something dark and filmy settled in my heart and my head pounded as thoughts ran through my mind of everything we shared and the hurtful, nasty things he was telling me now. I gritted my teeth and looked him straight in the eye.

  "I hate you."

  "Good."

  I turned and ran, shoving past Trixie, mumbling sorry, but I just couldn't take it. I needed out of here. Johnny was walking in when I ran into him. He tried steadying my shoulders, but I yanked myself away.

  "It's raining out there, Penelope." Hearing my full name from him made me cry even harder.

  "I have to leave, I’m sorry." I pushed past him and opened the door.

  "Let me take you home, honey."

  "NO! Sorry, no thank you. Bye, Johnny."

  "That sounds like a big bye, girl."

  I looked up at him and saw movement in the background. I moved my eyes to see Deke leaning against the parlor office hallway looking at me with disgust. I thought there was pain in his eyes because I’ve seen that look before. But he just snickered and shook his head like I was wanting Johnny to help me.

  I looked back to Johnny and said, "Because it is."

  Then I turned and threw myself out the door and into the hard pattering rain.

  I made it about ten feet when my flops slipped and I tripped, landing hard on the concrete.

  I heard hard steps behind me, then a firm grip on my bicep, hauling me upward.

  "Can't you even fucking walk right? You shouldn’t be in this rain, Penelope. I'll take you home."

  I yanked my arm out of Deke's hand and I couldn't help it, my hand struck out, slapping his wet face hard. The sound rung in my ears and my hand throbbed as a sob flew past my lips.

  "Don't fucking touch me."

  "Don't curse at me. Your brattiness is showing."

  "I don't need or want your help." My heart hurt, but I wasn't going to let him treat me like this. What he did to me cut me to the core. I wasn't going to let him make a bigger fool out of me than he already had.

  He glared at me, his jaw tightening, and locking in place. He spoke hard between his teeth. "I'm taking you home before you hurt yourself."

  My jaw went slack. Was he serious? Ugh!

  The look I gave him must have been projecting what I was about to do because he said, "Don't fucking smack me again, Penelope."

  I smiled sweetly at him. "Don't worry, Deke. I won't." Then I turned, pretending I was going to walk away when I let out a growl and punched him square in the nose.

  "Fuck! Dammit, Penelope!"

  "No. You may call me Penny. Penelope was for the boy I fell in love with all those time ago when he rescued me from being beaten and almost raped. But now, you're not any better than those douchebags that tried to rape me. You're worse. I gave you EVERYTHING! I made a mistake in choosing you. The man I thought made love to me, cherished me, made me feel safe, warm and happy. But that was all window packaging, wasn’t it? Oh no, what did you call it? Fucking? Yeah. I gave you what you thought belonged to you because you were my only friend? That you felt it was what? Your due for being my friend? Your right?" he was standing, holding his bloody nose. And I couldn't help but shove his chest with my hands. "I hate you. Don't ever touch me again. Don't talk to me. Don’t come to my window. Me and my stupid, little flute won't bother you again. I am so sorry for being such a burden to you for such a long time."

  I turned then and ran.

  "Penelope!"

  I didn't turn around. He had no idea how much he hurt me. He hit me exactly where I was weak. My music was the only thing I was ever really good at. And I thought he understood that. I tripped again, and tore the tong from my flop.

  "Dang it!"

  I stood up and flung the other one off. It was useless. I knew I was going to regret it, but I ran barefoot back to my house. Sobbing and drenched, I was about to enter my house when my knees gave out. I fell against the door, and brought up my knees. I bent over them sobbing with everything I had inside me.

  I trusted him. I gave him my heart. And he laughed at me. He knew how playing my flute was my escape. At least, until he came along. I played for him endlessly. He always asked me to play for him. Why did he do this? What did I do that was so wrong?

  Oh, God. Why couldn't I breathe? The small porch awning staved off most of the rain from hitting me but it didn't matter. The storm around me faded into the background as my world quickly became its own hurricane. How was I going to face him now? I saw him every day I walked home from school!

  Did he have to ruin me? Because that's how I felt. Ruined. That happiness I felt earlier faded out like the setting sun. My world turned grey just like the color of his eyes and more pain settled inside me. Ripping me to shreds.

  Chapter 11

  Penelope

  My heart felt empty. An ache settled there and the three weeks that followed until graduation were the three longest weeks of my life. Veradia didn't know what was going on and I was too scared to tell her what I did with Deke. She didn't have a big mouth, but she'd get angry on my behalf and then go to Deke and yell at him for being such a jerk.

  I just didn't get it.

  Veradia lived in the new neighborhood in the nice part of town so it wasn't like we could walk together. She wouldn't see that it took everything out of me to walk past SoIn every day. How my heart stopped for a beat as I tortured myself by looking inside, where at the same time Deke would look outside and our eyes caught. Then he’d glare at me as if I was nothing more than what he accused me of being. A stupid, little girl. Sometimes Johnny was busy outside (although I think he wanted to see me and check up on me) and that first time he said hi, it felt like he was treating me like a bruised and sad little girl. After that, if I saw him outside, I cut through the alley to get home. Which I ran through just in case someone came out b
ack for a smoke. They all knew who I was. I didn't want to see pity or sympathy from them.

  Even when I went to work, my coworkers noticed I had lost the easy-go-lucky type of persona I usually had. It took me that first week to think about what I should do. I don't think I could survive the whole summer being in the same town as Deke.

  My parents had shown me two letters of acceptance for the Music program at Texas State and Arizona State Fine Arts University. Full scholarship for Arizona, partial for Texas. It was a no brainer. Anything to get as far away from here as possible.

  I told my manager when I was supposed to leave for Arizona and he said he'd call the local Chili's there so I had a job waiting for me. Donald was a great General Manager. He knew something was going on and he tried asking me once, but I lied and said I just had a lot of my plate this summer. I don't think he believed me, but he didn't pry any more than what was professional.

  Graduation’s at eleven tomorrow morning and I set out my outfit and made my last run around the house making sure all the doors were locked. It was routine for me even though I knew my dad had checked them before they went to bed. They made sure they had the night off so they could watch me walk the stage. I just turned out my light when I heard a tap on my window. I looked up and crap…I hadn't closed the curtain. The blinds were closed but usually if the curtain was open he could see through the thin slivers of openings.

  Dang it.

  Another tap hit my window and I ignored it. Three weeks. It took him three weeks to come here? What was he going to do? Try and apologize? Did he realize the past three weeks have been torture for me?

  Another tap, more persistent, almost angry in its sound, hit the window. The window panes were thin so I was able to hear him when he spoke.

  "Dammit, Penelope. I saw you shut your light out. Open up."

  Who did he think he was?

  "Open this window or I'm breaking it."

  I let out a growl and the hurt I felt rose to the fore and the bitterness I was beginning to feel sparked out a rage I’ve never felt before. I shoved my blankets off and I didn't give a crap if I was wearing just boy short panties and the tattoo parlor shirt that fit my body like a glove now. I grabbed the blinds cord and yanked it until they were up high, making him flinch backward.