Somewhere in the midst of her bout of depression, she woke to the feel of someone's hand on her shoulder. It took her a moment to blink her eyes awake. They were crusty and thick from the mix of tears and lack of sleep, and she was forced to rub at them to get herself to finish waking up. When she turned, she saw Warren kneeling next to her, a concerned look on his face. Without thinking, she threw her arms around him and cried into his chest. They looked so alike, and if she didn't think about it, she could pretend he was Adam. However, he didn't smell right or feel right to truly be her husband. Once she found her calm, she pushed away trying to compose herself.
"It took me a while to find you. I didn't expect you to be in here, but I knew you were home. I started to freak out a bit thinking something had happened to you," Warren whispered, helping her to her feet.
They disregarded the clothes on the floor. It was something that could be dealt with another time. Instead, Warren took her hand and led her back to the kitchen. The smell of chicken filled the air making her stomach turn. "I don't know what came over me. I was upset, and then I just couldn't bring myself to do anything else. I wanted to be close to him, and that was the only way I could think to do it. I don't think I can take all of this anymore."
The look Warren gave her made her see he was in the same position. His parents, now his brother, all gone to leave him abandoned and alone in a world none of them had prepared him for. Sure, Warren could have taken more initiative, but they could have tried harder as well. "I know what you mean. How do you think I feel? I look in the mirror and see his eyes, his hair. We look a lot alike, and it freaks me out sometimes. But I also know if I fall apart, so will everything else. So I'm trying really hard to put that mask on and just be the person everyone thought I couldn't be."
Leslie tried to smile for him as she took a seat at the counter, trying her best to fight the desire to throw up at the scent of the food. "You have always been a wild one, but you do good with the company. I think the fact you are a little wild helps keep everything around there fresh and new. Don't beat yourself up over that."
"Then what am I supposed to beat myself up over. I don't have a family anymore, and I have no idea what I'm doing. I swear if I didn't find ways to laugh through the day, I would spend all day crying, and I am not the type of man that sits around crying. Leslie, I know this isn't any easier on you than it is for me, but you have to understand that this is how I deal with things. Well, this is how I'm dealing with things, because I figure I don't have the luxury of doing what I did when my parents died."
It took her a moment to think over what he said. After his parents’ death, he had gotten pretty crazy with all of his partying. Now to have lost his brother on top of that, he had to be lost, and here he was taking care of her. Leslie couldn't understand how it was possible for him to be so strong when he had been shot down so much. Reaching out, she gave him a hug and held him close for a moment. He deserved to have someone caring for him as he did her. She had been selfish, and she realized it.
Letting the hug last a moment, she then pulled away with a smile and a blush. He had been right; he looked so much like his brother that it was hard for her to keep it separated, and with how lost and broken she felt, she could see herself falling into him easily. "I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you are so strong when I feel like my whole world is falling around at my feet. I feel so selfish."
"Hey, don't do that to yourself. I'm not strong. Just for you. That is the only time I am able to do what I need to do. When I am away from you, I'm a fucking mess. I just also know that Adam would have wanted me to take care of you. He would be angry to know that I let you suffer alone in silence," Warren interrupted. It was startling how he was able to do that for her.
"I'm sorry. I can't help it. I feel bad that you are suffering, and you spend your time taking care of me. I should be helping take care of you," Leslie answered.
Something flashed through Warren's eyes a moment before he shook his head and it disappeared. It was an intense look she had never seen on his face before. A shiver ran down her body, and she had to look away to keep from shaking further. "Leslie, when Adam married you, you became the most important person in the world to him. I became second banana. So, no, I should be taking care of you, because it is what he would have wanted and because you have the right to hurt more. He may have been my brother, but he was the love of your life. It would be selfish of me to take that right from you."
The tears in her eyes overflowed, and she fell into him once more, clinging to him as all of her emotions broke free of the icy wall she had built. He held her close; his strong arms wrapped tightly around her, making her feel protected. It was such a sweet relief to just let go and cry. His hand stroked her hair, and he kissed the top of her head, comforting her, whispering to her how he was not going to let anything bad happen to her. Guilt mixed with her overwhelming need to be comforted and loved. Her hands fisted in his shirt as sobs consumed her body. For several long moments, nothing else mattered but being in his arms and letting go of all the pain and frustration she felt over having lost her husband. Warren was right. She was in far more pain than she wanted to believe, and through it all, he had been there for her.
When her strength finally returned, she pulled away, wiping at her eyes and turning to find a tissue to clean her nose. Warren said nothing as he watched her, a strange look in his eyes. Something was different about him, and she simply could not put her finger on it. As she worked to pull herself together, Warren went about setting up dinner so they could eat. The release of the tears allowed her stomach to settle some, and Leslie was glad to finally sit down and eat something. However, within a few bites, Leslie was racing for the bathroom. No amount of hunger was going to let her keep the food down, and she was embarrassed Warren had worked so hard to ensure she had food, just for her to turn around and throw it all up.
As she leaned over the toilet, she felt strong hands pull her hair from her face and rub her back. "It's okay. Look, I know a doctor you can talk to, and maybe they can give you something for the nausea. You need to be able to eat, or you are never going to heal. Even mental health requires food; besides, if you lose any more weight, nothing is going to fit you."
Pulling back, she took several deep breaths to calm herself as she reached over and flushed the toilet. Warren grabbed a washcloth and soaked it in cold water before handing it to her. She wiped her face then folded it to rest on the back of her neck. "I can't sleep, I can't eat. It is crazy just how badly I feel. I don't know what to do with myself, Warren. I just don't know."
"You don't have to. Come on, go see my doctor and see if they can do anything for you. Get out some of these emotions you are feeling. If you don't, you are going to end up with them tearing you apart. I can help call and set the appointment up for you. Hell, I will even take you to it, just please agree to go." Warren stared at her from where he leaned against the counter. His tall body towered over her making her feel small.
"How is a doctor going to help me? They are just going to put me on a bunch of drugs and send me on my way. I don't want to be drugged up," Leslie protested, bracing herself on the toilet so she could pull herself up.
Warren reached out and helped lift her from the floor. "They can help you. There are doctors who do more than write out scripts. There are doctors who care. Come on, Leslie, give it a try. What is the worst that could happen? I just want you happy, and I want you to feel better. Is that so wrong?"
She knew Warren was doing all he could to make her happy. He was a good man like that, and it meant everything to her that he was so willing to look after him. But the idea of talking to some stranger about missing her husband, and how she suddenly felt like she couldn't take care of herself, was horrifying. She couldn't stand the idea of having to face that and honestly had no desire to try. "Look, I just don't want to do it. Please, drop it, Warren. I'm sure after a couple of days I will feel better and be able to eat. It is just all the stress, especially
with the police coming by and asking so many questions all the time. Give it some time, and I will be fine."
Even she didn't believe her words, and when Warren shook his head and turned to leave the bathroom, she was certain she had offended him. Tears formed again, and she quickly became angry, punching her fist down on the bathroom counter. The one person who seemed to give a damn about her, and she was pushing him away like she was everyone else. Finding her legs, she went to rush after him, but the sound of the front door slamming echoed down the hall before she could reach him, and she knew he was gone.
That intense eerie feeling of being alone hit her hard, and this time she knew it was her own damn fault. If only she could get past all the pain she felt. If only she could find a way to make herself believe that Adam's passing was not the end of the world for her. Maybe if she could do that, she could move on and stop being so hard on the people around her. Even Sharron had stopped coming around because of how unstable Leslie had been. She was sure her friend didn't mean to hurt her, but she also knew she had lashed out at Sharron, just as she had done with Warren. They were only trying to help and she was being a complete bitch.
Shaking her head, she shuffled back down the hall toward the guest bedroom. There was not enough strength in her to sleep in "their" bed, so she would lie down in the guest bed and try to get enough rest to heal. She would need to if she was ever going to get better.
"Baby, I just don't know what to do without you. You are my everything, and now you are gone. How am I supposed to face this life alone like this? I'm losing everyone and everything, and part of me doesn't care. Part of me hopes I will push them so far away that they won't bother to check on me, and then I can join you. I miss you, Adam. I miss you more than I ever thought I would."
Chapter Eleven
Tension built heavy between her legs, and her breath began to deepen as she felt the gentle teasing of a tongue against her clit. Her eyes slowly began to open, and she looked down to see Adam there, licking and sucking on her with such devotion and vigor. Her eyes widened, and she began to pull away, confusion hitting her.
"Adam, what are you doing here? Is it really you?" she asked, her voice coming out a bit higher and breathy than she had intended.
"Of course, it is me. Were you expecting someone else to make love to you?" he asked with that wicked grin on his face. Leslie couldn't believe it. Had all of the past couple of weeks been a nightmare?
Relaxing back into the bed, she arched her back as Adam gripped her hips and began to feverishly feed from the center of her body. He ravished her with tongue and teeth, hitting each and every spot of her that would make her body sing with delight. He gripped tightly to her hip, bringing her higher and higher until her body was writhing, and she began to scream out for him.
He rolled his eyes up to her, watching her as he continued working her through the first orgasm and into another one. His fingers moved from her hip to play with the opening of her body. The moment she began to come for him again, he plunged his fingers deep inside of her pumping them with speed and force. Leslie found herself arching back and grinding herself against her man. She had missed him so much, and her body was throbbing with the need to have more of him.
"I have missed you. You have no idea how much I have missed you, how much I have needed you. Please don't ever leave me again." Leslie's voice came out in strained pants as her hips bucked against his movement.
Adam moved up her body, kissing and licking as he did so. His fingers never stopped their skillful play of her body as he made his way to kiss her. When their lips met, it was like an explosion surged between them, and they were fiercely feeding from each other's mouths. It was the kind of kiss that both hurt and felt incredible, all at once, and it was far more than anything Leslie could have ever dreamed of. He kissed her mouth like he fucked her pussy, making her hotter and wetter, ready for him to invade her body.
When she began to tighten again for her next release, Adam moved his hand and plunged his cock deep inside of her, making her scream out for him. Her body arched elegantly as they moved hard and fast together. "You are my forever girl. I will always love you, Leslie," Adam whispered against her lips as he continued his intense taking of her body.
She turned her head to look up into his eyes and gasped as blood tears began to flow from the corners. Pushing at him, she saw those droplets turn to rivers of blood. Fear rose higher in her, and she screamed out. Adam's body became enveloped by blood which flooded over her body and coated the bed. Thick red crimson was everywhere, and she pushed at it, trying to get it off her body. Her hysterical screams filled the room, over and over, until she was sure she would lose her voice.
Sitting straight up in the bed with one final cry of horror, Leslie looked around to find it had all been a dream. She was still nestled in the guest room bed with a blanket around her. A warm surge tingled between her legs, and when she pulled the covers back, she saw her period had started. Her last hope of having something of Adam's to hold on to was gone, and she fell into another bout of tears. Curling in on herself, she held her knees to her chest, shaking and crying, not even caring she was still lying in the bed bleeding.
Giving herself time to grieve what remained of her hope, she then managed to calm herself enough to get out of bed and shower. Once clean and taken care of, she stripped and cleaned the bed before going to start a pot of coffee. She had only managed to sleep a couple of hours before her nightmare had awakened her, but she was sure her thoughts would not allow her to rest again. No, she was awake for another long stretch of time until exhaustion decided to knock her out.
Moving to the back patio, she sat in one of the cushioned chairs with her legs drawn up so she could rest her head on her knees. Her brown hair flowed like a curtain around her face, and she looked up at the sky, watching speckles of color stream across it. The sun was rising on yet another day. A day Adam would not ever see. It was too much, but she was starting to see that she was going crazy. Maybe Warren had been right. Maybe she needed a little more help than she had thought.
***
Hours had passed before Leslie moved from the back patio, her cold coffee still resting between her fingers. The fog she had been in since her dream had cleared some, and she realized she owed Warren a huge apology. He had only been trying to help her, and she had shoved him away like he didn't matter. It had not been fair, and more than that, he had been right. She did need help, and if he could help her, she would do everything she could to get that from him.
Finding her phone on the kitchen counter, she pressed the button to turn it on and saw she had a few missed messages. They didn't matter much to her, so she swiped them away and dialed Warren. Her heart raced with worry she would upset him further, but she had to try to apologize.
Just when she thought he was not going to answer and it would click over to voice mail, he picked up. "Hey, I didn't expect to hear from you today. I figured you were upset with me."
A sigh of relief washed over her, and she leaned back against the counter. "I'm not upset with you. I'm just not all myself. I shouldn't have talked to you that way last night."
"You don't have to apologize. I get it, but I also know that you need some help. I don't want you to draw in on yourself and not be able to find happiness again. You are so young, and what happened was awful, but you can't let it destroy you," Warren answered. She could hear shuffling on the other end of the phone and wondered if she had interrupted him at work.
"I don't deserve you being so nice to me. I have been nothing but selfish and pushed you away." She said, and then sighed. "Look, I was wondering if I could get the number to that counselor you suggested. You were right, I need some help, and I am not going to get it by sitting around here. I just ..."
"Leslie, please don't cry. I know, you miss him. How about this? I will come over after work, and I can help you get an appointment set up. I will even go with you and hold your hand if you want me to. You just go and get cleaned up and try to
eat something, even if it is just a piece of bread. I will see you in a couple of hours." Warren sounded so strong and sure of himself. Leslie couldn't help but wonder how it was possible for him to be so calm about all of this.
"Thank you, Warren. Maybe after the appointment we can go to dinner or something. I need to heal, and maybe if I get around other people it will help. I will see you this afternoon. Don't work too hard." Leslie felt her stomach churn at the idea of food, but the hint of a smile curled on her lips.
"I never do, sweetheart. I never do." Warren hung up the phone.
Crushing silence consumed her the moment he was gone, and Leslie realized that being alone was the part that hurt her the most. She could almost feel normal when she was with him, or anyone, but when she was alone, she was surrounded by ghosts, and she could not seem to fight them away. Desperate to not be alone, Leslie fumbled with her phone until she found Sharron's number. Sharron was another person she had pushed away from during this hard time. She wouldn't blame her if Sharron didn't want to talk to her, but she had to try.
Dialing her up, Leslie paced around the kitchen until she heard the sound of her friend answering the phone. "Hey, Sharron, ummm, I was wondering if maybe you and I could get together today. I just ... I know I haven't been the best person to be around, but this being alone is starting to really get to me."
On the other end of the phone, she heard Sharron sigh deeply. "Leslie, I have been hoping you would call me. I want to be there for you, but I can't if you keep pushing me away. I love you, Leslie."
Leslie could feel her friend's words down in her soul, and it made her want to cry. She hadn't meant to alienate the people who cared about her. Grief had simply made her where she could not function like she once had. Normalcy was something she desperately needed. Tears filling her eyes once more, she wondered if her eyes would ever dry. "I know, I'm sorry I have been doing that. I hadn't meant to. I just don't know how to handle this. Sharron, I got my period today. I have nothing."
Kisses and Revenge Page 8
