"Oh, honey! I know how badly you wanted to have a baby. I'm so sorry. Look, give me a few minutes to wrap things up here at work, and I will head over. I should be there in half an hour." The concern in Sharron's voice was strangely comforting. In that moment, Leslie knew just how much she needed her friend.
"That sounds perfect. I will try to pull myself together before you get here," Leslie sighed, glad to know she would not be spending yet another day alone with her thoughts.
"You don't have to pull yourself together for me. I'm your friend. I love you when you are all together, and I love you when you are falling apart. That is part of what being good friends is. Now, I will see you shortly," Sharron said just before hanging up.
More crushing silence, but Leslie figured thirty minutes wouldn't be hard to fill. She had some things she could do around the house to keep her mind from drifting. Remembering the bed, she went to the washer to put the bedding in the dryer. She had already cleaned the mattress and went to open the window to get the smell of bleach out of the room.
Closing the door to keep from having to smell the thick stench of bleach, Leslie then went to wash her hands before braving going into her own room. The night before she had pulled down a lot of Adam's clothes and figured she should do something with them. Part of her was not ready to pack Adam's things away, but she couldn't let them lay wrinkled on the floor either. Slowly she picked up each piece and put it back on a hanger. Her hands shook with each move she made, but it was for the best. One day she would pack them all away. One day she would move on.
She had just finished hanging the last of the clothes when she heard the sound of her doorbell. Grateful for the reprieve, she raced to the front of the house so she could welcome Sharron in. With a squeal of delight mixed with the choking of a cry, Leslie wrapped her arms around her best friend and collapsed into her arms. Sharron held her and petted her back. Soft shushing noises whispered into Leslie's ear, and she felt comforted by them.
When they finally broke apart, Leslie walked with Sharron into the kitchen. "Have you been cleaning?" Sharron asked, her nose wrinkling up from the smell of bleach.
"Oh, yeah, well, I woke up bleeding so I wanted to get the mattress clean. Sorry about the smell," Leslie answered, a light blush rising on her cheeks.
"It's fine. I'm glad to see you are doing something other than lying in bed crying all the time. I know it's hard, but you have to get up and do things. There is no way you will move past it by wallowing in it." Sharron moved over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Moscato Leslie had been saving. Sharron always knew the best way to get her relaxed.
"That is what Warren says too. He is going to help me get an appointment with a doctor so I can start working past all of this. I'm tired of being such a wreck. I miss Adam so much, though." She felt herself starting to cry again but fought it. Tears would do her no good.
"I get that. You should miss him. He was your husband, and the two of you were very much in love, but he is gone, and he wouldn't want to see you like this. He would want you to be happy," Sharron explained, grabbing two crystal glasses and filling them with the wine.
The two of them moved over to the table and took a seat. Leslie spun the glass between her fingers for a moment, watching the liquid slosh around in it. Then she lifted it and took a drink. The heat of the alcohol shot through her, and she felt a little more relaxed with every stip.
"I'm glad Warren is coming over and looking in on you. He surprises me with how much he has been doing for you, but some of it could be because he never got over the fact he is in love with you." Sharron grinned at those words, knowing it was a bit of a touchy subject.
"Warren is not still in love with me. That is just ridiculous. Besides, he has told me he likes to go from woman to woman. I'm sure he has lovely ladies all over him all the time." Leslie giggled a bit, but the idea of still being seen as desirable, even with how much of a mess she has been lately, was exciting.
"You are so blind. That guy has been in love with you from day one. He may fuck around, but that just means he isn't putting the effort into finding someone permanent. He is waiting for you to come around. Warren loves you. Always has, always will, and there is nothing you can do about it. So just get over it. Don't push him away either. He needs you, too." Sharron teased, filling their glasses once more.
"I'm trying hard not to push anyone away. Warren comes over every day, but I don't think he is in love with me. I think he just worries about me and wants to take care of me since Adam can't anymore," Leslie protested, giggling a bit as she went back to drinking her wine.
"You keep telling yourself that. I'm serious. Warren is in love with you, and there is no stopping it. So don't do something stupid, because if you keep pushing him away, he may just decide not to keep coming around. Not to mention, he is a handsome guy." Sharron laughed as well.
Leslie shook her head. Sharron sounded like she was trying to put her together with Warren, and maybe she was. Sharron was a bit of a flirty woman and probably thought if Leslie had someone to distract her she would feel better. Maybe she would. Maybe that was just what she needed. It sounded crazy, but sometimes the best way to get used to the cold water was to dive in. Leslie was afraid of life without Adam. It stood to reason that in order to get over her fears she would need to find a new life without him.
Chapter Twelve
Warren picked her up just after lunch the next day to take her to her first appointment with Dr. Halbert, the psychologist he had told her about. Nervousness surged through her body at the thought of talking to some stranger about what was going on in her head. Dr. Halbert, she was sure, was nice, but she didn't like the idea of feeling crazy, much less actually being crazy. Shifting in her seat, she looked out the window of Warren's car, trying not to let her nervousness show too much.
"Sit still, Leslie, I promise it isn't going to be horrible. Dr. Halbert is awesome and will make sure you feel really comfortable. He talks to you like a friend, not like you are some weirdo. I promise." Warren kept his eyes on the road, but a soft smile spread over his face.
Leslie loved that he was soft with her. She had heard rumors that he could be a hard ass with a lot of other people and often was more direct with the ladies. Of course, she was sure he didn't see her the same way he looked at other girls. "I know, but it is still hard. I have never been like this before, and it is weird to go and admit it to someone I don't even know."
"He is in the business of listening to people admit things they wouldn't normally. It is what he does," Warren explained as he pulled into the parking lot of what looked like an old house. It was a strange place to have a doctor's office, but it seemed like a relaxing place to have their meeting.
Breathing in and out deeply a couple of times, Leslie looked over to Warren and gave him the best smile she could muster. "I know. I am going to try. Will you wait for me, or are you going to come back and pick me up?"
"I told you I would be with you, and that is my plan. I will walk you in and stay with you as long as you want me to. If you want me to leave, then I will. It is all up to you, dear. Now come on, we are going to be late if we stay in the car." Warren smiled, leaned over, kissed her cheek, and got out of the car.
Taking her hand, they made their way to the door, and Warren reached out to open it. The scent of some sort of tropical air freshener wafted out to them, and Leslie relaxed a bit more. The inside of the office was set up to look like a beach cottage rather than a doctor's office, giving off a more relaxed sensation than usual. Looking around, Leslie decided that if the doctor was as comforting as the environment he created, then she would do well being his patient.
Behind a desk was a small, slender woman dressed in a skirt and blouse with her hair pulled up in an artful bun. She looked up from her paperwork and smiled, standing to greet them as Warren led them to the desk. "Hello, do you have an appointment?"
"Yes, this is Leslie Finn; she is here to see Dr. Halbert. We made the appointment yesterday
," Warren answered, picking up a pen and writing her name on a register log.
"Oh, yes, I remember. It is nice to meet you, Leslie, please take a few moments to fill out this paperwork, and Dr. Halbert will be with you shortly," the receptionist said, handing over a clipboard with a small stack of paper on it. For a few moments, she went about answering all the questions and then jumped when someone called her name. Looking across the room, she saw a man in his mid-forties, dressed in slacks and a collared shirt, standing at the open door. With her eyes growing a bit wide in worry, she looked over to Warren then back to the doctor before standing to walk toward him.
Warren followed her, keeping a hand on her back much the way Adam would when they walked through a room. A soft smile graced her lips at the thought, but her mind grew sad, missing her husband more and more. When she got to the door, she gave the man the paperwork and shook his hand. "Hello, I'm Leslie. It is nice to meet you."
"It is nice to meet you as well. Warren, good to see you again. Come on in and make yourselves at home. I am Dr. Halbert, and Warren tells me you are having some troubles with grief." The doctor waited for them to enter before coming in and closing the door.
Inside his actual office was one of those nice wicker patio sets. The table had a tray on it with a tea set and two vases of flowers on either side. The back wall was nothing but windows and showed the brightness of the day. It was too far from the beach to have a beach view, but there was a small park to look at. On one wall there were bookshelves filled with books and a small desk holding a laptop. Leslie took a seat in one of the wicker chairs, and Warren took the seat next to her. Across from them, the doctor took a seat and picked up a notepad, setting the clipboard next to him to look at later.
"Well, the way I do things here is pretty simple. You have an hour, and in that time you can talk as much or as little as you would like. Now and then I will ask you questions about how you are feeling or things you have mentioned, but for the most part, I want you to talk about what you are comfortable talking about. At the end of each session, I will give you some ideas of what I think might help, or even a homework assignment to work on until the next time we meet. Once we have developed a good relationship, I will start going more deeply into the problems you wish to work on. I want you to understand, I am not here to judge you and truly do wish to help you. When you leave today, Reese will give you one of my cards. If you need me at any time, you can call the number and I can be reached. If for some reason I'm not available, I will have a close friend and associate on call for me. They won't have access to your file but can help talk you through something if you are in need. How does all of this sound to you, Mrs. Finn?" Dr. Halbert explained calmly and with a smile on his face.
Leslie could feel the honesty in his words. She wasn't sure she could open up right away, but she was willing to try. "That sounds like something I can do. Thank you for seeing me on such short notice. I am sure you will do all you can."
"That is good. I do wish to try my best. So, how about you tell me a little about yourself," the doctor encouraged, leaning back and getting comfortable while waiting for her to begin speaking.
Leslie's nerves began to spark to life, fear and worry grating at her. She licked her lips and squirmed a bit, unable to figure out where to start. It seemed so easy when he was explaining what they would do; it was quite another challenge now that she was supposed to talk. Taking a few deep breaths, she looked over to Warren, and he squeezed her hand to encourage her. "Well, I had a fairly normal life. I grew up, went to school, things like that. In high school, I met Warren and Adam. They quickly became two of my closest friends. We did a lot of stuff together, along with my best friend, Sharron. We were in college when Adam asked me to marry him. I don't know, I guess we just had a normal life. We bought a house, he worked for his parents. Everything was nice. I have never had anything happen that made me feel this way."
"And how is it that you feel?" Dr. Halbert asked, uncrossing and recrossing his legs, ankle over knee.
"I don't feel like myself. It is as if my life has just stopped. Since we got married, my life was with Adam. Now I feel like I don't know how to do anything." Leslie couldn't believe she had said it that way, but it was the truth. Adam had taken care of everything, and all she had to do was make sure the house was nice and parties were taken care of. She was a perfect little housewife.
"That is understandable. A good marriage will do that. How long were the two of you married?" the doctor went on to ask.
She tensed up for a moment, memories starting to flash into her mind. Tears came, and she was forced to breathe slowly in order to calm back down. "Nearly six years. We were planning to have a baby. We had gone on a trip to try and get pregnant. It didn't work though."
The tears came harder and faster, but it was actually nice to talk about it. Over the next hour, she began to explain how she had felt the last few months, not going into any details about exactly what had happened. She didn't talk about finding Adam and the blood. Nor did she speak about the few strange things she had done like passing out in the closet or the dream that preluded her period. However, it was nice to start talking about it. Even with how mild the conversation was, it seemed to go by quickly, and the session was over before she knew it.
"Thank you for being so open with me. I can see why you miss your husband. I think this week, I would like you to try and find things you feel comfortable doing on your own that once you did together. I know it will be hard, but if you can find at least one thing, it will help you a lot." Dr. Halbert stood and began to walk toward the door.
Looking to Warren first, Leslie then got up to leave, Warren trailing close behind her. They all exchanged pleasantries and goodbyes before Warren led her to the car. Once inside, they sat there for a few moments, letting the air conditioning cool off the inside.
"So, what did you think?" Warren asked, reaching over and patting her knee.
It took a moment for her to keep her breath from shaking and her body to calm. "He was nice. Thank you for coming with me. I think after a while it will all get a little easier. For now, I think I did well."
"Yes, it will. I'm sure that you will grow more comfortable with each session. So, how about we go and get some lunch, and then I can take you home. You need to start eating more." There was a hint of laughter in his voice as he backed out of the parking spot and merged onto the road.
"I will give it a try, but I make no promises. Eating has not done well for me lately," she answered, but she felt calmer than she had in a long time.
"Well, trying is always good. If you don't manage to eat, I am sure I can find room to finish your plate." This time Warren did laugh, and surprisingly, Leslie managed to laugh with him.
By the time they got to the restaurant, they were both happy and laughing. Warren chose a small place that served fish and light food. Inside he made sure to order them both some wine. She couldn't help but wonder if he ordered it to make sure she loosened up enough to eat. They sat near the window so the light could shine in to them. Warren was good at picking places for them to go that she felt comfortable at. "This is nice. Thank you."
"I didn't figure you would want a crowded bar, but I figured a glass of wine before we ate might make your lunch a bit easier to get down." Warren wiggled his eyebrows at her.
"How do you do that?" she asked, shifting as the wine was poured for them.
"How do I do what?" Warren asked, taking his first sip of the dry red.
"How do you put such a smile on your face or laughter in your voice? I have no idea how to do that anymore." Leslie tried the wine as well before crossing her long legs.
"You do know how. I had you laughing in the car. I honestly think the only time you don't feel that way is when you think too much. You have been alone too much, so I'm going to try and spend more time with you. If you could take your mind off of things more, then maybe you will start to find those happy moments again. Adam would want you happy, you know that, right?" His
words seemed so simple, so real, yet she couldn't see this future he spoke about. Sure she had laughed a moment in the car, but those moments seemed to be very few and far between.
"I don't know. I feel so much better than I did this morning, but I still don't feel like I will ever be happy again," Leslie answered, finishing off her whole glass of wine in one gulp.
"You will, I promise you, you will."
Chapter Thirteen
Over the next couple of weeks, Warren lived up to his promise of coming over as much as he could without missing out too much on work. With Adam gone, Warren was left with a lot of responsibility he wasn't necessarily ready for. Leslie was proud of how hard Warren worked to prove himself. She was just finishing getting the kitchen clean and setting out some glasses for drinks for Warren’s arrival later when a loud knock came to the door. For a moment her heart stopped. The sound of knocking still frightened her from time to time. No matter how much she tried to get better, the fear was still there. Someone had killed her husband, and one day she worried they would come back for her.
Walking to answer the door, she peeked through the peephole and saw one of the police officers who had been out investigating her husband's case. Officer Marker had always been very nice to her when he visited and asked questions. Clicking the lock free, she opened the door. "Hello, Officer Marker. It is nice to see you again. To what do I owe the honor of this visit? Good news, I hope?"
The tall, dark man gave her a wry smile, removing his hat from his head. "It is good to see you in better spirits. May I come in?"
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