by Kitt, Sandra
Dallas suddenly had a clear insight into family history from her father’s point of view. In many ways he had shown enormous bravery and hope, in defying tradition and marrying her mother. He had been a forerunner, a pioneer in what the world had become. She was a product of his daring. She was the future.
There was such a mood of openness and acceptance that Dallas ventured onto another sensitive topic.
“I read through all of the letters in that box.” He nodded, looking carefully for her reaction. “I wish I’d seen some of those years ago.”
“I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing, putting it all away. You have to understand how all of that past was painful to me. It wasn’t easy. And it took me a long time to get over.”
“I know, Daddy.” She hesitated, gauging his mood. “But … I want to try to find my mother’s family. Some of my cousins. There’s so much I want to know about her. Do you mind?”
“No. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“If I find them, do you want to know?”
Lyle Oliver cleared his throat and shifted in the chair again. “Let me think about it a bit.”
They heard the red Camry pull into the driveway, and Dallas got up to help her stepmother with any packages she might have. There was still a great deal of reserve between the two of them and Dallas hoped that her father was not aware of the strain.
Eleanor’s conversation reminded Dallas of Lillian’s. Nervous behind a facade of calm and routine. The marketing was put away, and family news caught up with. Dallas didn’t know if it was worth touching on the sensitive and still raw issue of the things said between herself and her stepmother when her father had fallen sick. Perhaps it was best to leave well enough alone.
“Eleanor, the front yard looks wonderful. You could see the flowers out front all the way from the corner.”
“Oh, thank you. I put in some new things this year. I really need to get out there and weed,” Eleanor said with a kind of breathy brightness, bustling around the kitchen putting boxes and cans away. “Would you like something from the yard? I think I have an empty clay pot somewhere in the garage. Let me put a cutting in it for you to take home with you.”
Dallas didn’t respond right away. She and her father exchanged surprised looks. “That’s great. I’d like that,” she said.
It was certainly a start.
Megan was supposed to be in bed.
When Valerie heard her daughter in the living room, she came out of the kitchen to see what she was up to. Her daughter had plopped down on the sofa and was punching in numbers on the telephone.
“Megan, who are you calling this late?”
“Aunt Dallas …” She had completed the numbers and put the unit to her ear.
“Put that phone down and go to bed. Right now!”
Megan looked at her, her wide eyes showing her surprise at the tone of her mother’s voice. “But I’m calling Dallas. I want to go and see her this weekend.”
“Megan …” Valerie said in a warning tone. She started across the room at her daughter. “Did you hear what I said?”
Megan stared at her mother in disbelief as Valerie took the unit out of her hands.
“Why don’t you listen to me!”
“Mom …” Megan whined. “What’s the matter with you? I’m supposed to visit Aunt Dallas and I always call first.”
“You’re not calling her because you’re not going into the city.” Valerie detached the hand unit and put the stand on the coffee table. Then she felt foolish. What was she going to do with it? Hide it? Why was she getting angry with Megan? She saw the confusion on her daughter’s face and felt terrible.
Megan bounded up from the sofa and faced off with her mother. “Why? Why can’t I go? You made me go to Grandma Rosemary’s that time and … and I didn’t even want to. I haven’t seen Aunt Dallas … for weeks.”
Valerie watched as the bewilderment and frustration made her daughter whine. She tried to get hold of herself. She’d screamed at Megan like a wild woman. Her child had done nothing wrong.
“I didn’t mean to yell at you, sweetie,” Valerie attempted. “But you didn’t ask to use the phone, and you’re supposed to be in bed by now.”
“That’s not it,” Megan said. “You won’t let me ’cause you’re mad at her.”
“What are you talking about?” Valerie asked, although she flashed back instantly to that awful confrontation in Dallas’s kitchen the month before.
“I heard the way you and she were talking that time at her place. I don’t know why, but you were talking loud. And now you won’t let me see her. That’s not fair! I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Valerie could see that she had mishandled the situation. Maybe she shouldn’t have demanded.
“Honey, of course you didn’t do anything wrong.
There are reasons why you can’t see Dallas. She’s been very busy and …”
“You always say that. It’s not true. She’s never too busy to see me. She told me I can call or come over anytime I want to.” Megan’s voice began to rise to youthful hysteria.
“Calm down.” Valerie put her hand out to her. “Maybe you can go and see her after school is out.”
Megan looked even more astonished. “But … but … what about my graduation? She said she’d come.”
“Maybe. We’ll have to …”
“Nooooo!” Megan began to sob. “I want to talk to her. I want to see her.”
Valerie tried the voice of authority. But she knew she’d already lost it. “Stop it! You’re behaving like a child and I won’t …”
“You’re so unfair!” Megan wailed, out of control.
“That’s it! Enough. Please go to bed like I told you. Maybe you can see Dallas sometime later, but not this weekend.”
Megan began crying in earnest, shaking her head at her mother, her face distorted. She turned and ran back down the hall. “I wish Aunt Dallas was my mother!” she screamed. Her bedroom door slammed.
The announcement rooted Valerie to the spot. Megan might just as well have said that she hated her. She realized she was clutching the telephone receiver against her chest. She stared at it before tossing it on the sofa in disgust. Then she sat down, her hands covering her mouth, and wondered if there was a way out of this mess she’d created.
Chapter Fifteen
DALLAS LAY AWAKE IN the dark.
It was the third night that week that she’d been unable to get through the whole night without her sleep being interrupted by the concerns and vagaries of the day. So much had come about in just two weeks. The result of years, even decades, of events, people, places, and things that now seemed to be turning the course of everyone’s lives upside down.
Dallas still didn’t know what to make of Eleanor’s conciliatory attitude toward her. It was no warmer than Eleanor had ever been toward her, but Dallas couldn’t deny that Eleanor really seemed more aware of her feelings. Even her father, frightened by the prospects of maybe dying suddenly without having resolved his past, had been more open and affectionate, more willing to talk about her mother and their civil rights era romance that had cost them—and her—so much. Dallas had been astounded at the extent of her father’s experiences.
His history quietly was becoming the basis for a book she intended to write.
Dallas shifted positions onto her back and stretched out her legs. She closed her eyes and concentrated on falling asleep. After a few seconds they shot open again and she stared at the ceiling. Her mind wouldn’t stay quiet. Dallas had been thinking for the past week that maybe she should just go ahead and call Valerie and make peace. But no. There was a principle to be maintained. She had not done anything wrong to hurt Valerie, and she resented any implication by Valerie that she had. Yet, Dallas wondered if her standoff with the person who had been her best friend forever was going to seriously affect the future relationship with her godchild. Megan hadn’t called to make arrangements for her usual visit. And Dallas wondered if that wa
s Megan’s decision … or her mother’s.
She shifted positions again.
Then there was Dean. She’d had lunch with him and Alikah just yesterday. Dallas liked her. While it was obvious that Alikah and her brother had a real relationship in progress and not one that was based purely on sex, Dallas thought that Eleanor had overreacted to her son’s recent involvement. Dallas was of the opinion that there could be a few more women before Dean settled down with one.
She gave up.
Throwing off the sheet covering her, Dallas got out of bed. She glanced at the nightstand clock: 2:13 … A.M. In frustration she stood up and stretched, running her fingers through her curly hair. She paced in front of the bed before deciding to get a drink of water. Maybe the brief activity would cut into her restlessness.
She walked barefoot in the dark toward the kitchen. The thin cotton sleep-slip moved softly against her skin. In the kitchen Dallas poured herself a half a glass of milk. She stood there slowly drinking, still reflective. When the buzzer sounded it made her jump so badly she dropped the glass.
Dallas gasped as it shattered on the vinyl tile floor and she felt the spray of cold milk and glass shards on her feet. Her heart thundered. She didn’t know what to do first. Answer the intercom or clean up the mess. Finally she pressed the talk button on her wall system.
“Who is it?” Dallas asked quietly. Pointlessly.
“Dallas … it’s me.”
She didn’t hesitate an instant in pushing the release button for the entrance into the building. Then she turned to the kitchen floor. She had to distract herself. She got paper towels and began to sop up the debris, as if it weren’t the middle of the night and someone had not just rung her apartment for admission. As if she weren’t nervous as a cat … and filled with a perverse excitement. She had most of the floor cleaned up when her doorbell rang. But again she jumped. A small piece of glass bit into her finger as she dumped the bundle of wet towels in the garbage. She still hadn’t turned on the lights.
Dallas sucked on the finger when the spot of blood squeezed through the tiny puncture. She opened the door.
It seemed silly for her and Alex to just stand and stare at one another across the threshold, but that’s what they did. Dallas saw no hesitation in Alex’s eyes. They were alert and focused. He saw her blinking at him in the sudden bright light of the hallway, her expression nonetheless open.
She shook her head. First things first. “It’s not Lillian, is it? Vin?”
Alex stepped right into the apartment, closed the door, and stood looking down on her.
“No,” he murmured, reaching for her in the same breath. “It’s me …”
She made it easy for him to put his arms around her. She reached out to him. She made it easy for him to kiss her. Her lips were already parted and waiting. And she made it easy for Alex to know that this was unimaginably satisfying. She let their tongues dance together in gentle union that clearly was the foreplay for something much grander and more stimulating.
Dallas was so ready she felt wanton.
She didn’t think about what was going on with Valerie and Alex. She believed and trusted that he would not have shown up at her door in the middle of the night unless he was free to do so. She didn’t question this moment at all.
She loved the way he kissed her. It was so deep and slow and thorough, as if he had no intentions of rushing, as if he wanted it to last a lifetime. But Dallas could feel his hardened penis pressed against her loins. She could sense the control of Alex’s desire in the taut sinew of his arms and shoulders. The feel of him was not a surprise. She had always felt perfectly safe and at home in his arms.
Alex pulled his mouth free, but only to make one statement before reclaiming hers again.
“I don’t need to think about this anymore, Dallas.”
“I know,” she whispered. She’d needed him to make the first move.
Alex hugged her, his hands gliding over her to find ways to bring her closer. There was an urgency that already made his breathing short and hurried. When his hands discovered that she had nothing on beneath the short gown he groaned.
“Oh, man …” he said hoarsely.
Dallas grinned dreamily. “Come on,” she whispered, turning out of his arms and leading him by the hand down the hallway and into her room.
She still had not turned on a single light, and by mutual agreement there didn’t seem to be a need to see what was happening. The feelings vibrating between them in the dark were much more enticing.
Alex began to undress. Dallas imagined she could see him smiling at her.
“Are you going to watch me this time?” he asked, referring to that time in his apartment when she’d come to him.
Dallas blushed.
Alex chuckled and caught her chin. “I was only teasing. I’m sorry. I know this is crazy. It’s after two, but …”
“I was awake.”
He stopped at her reply. He reached to put his hand to the back of her head. His fingers combed into her curls and held her still for a slow, lingering kiss. Their tongues teased, but it wasn’t passionate. Just kind of sweet and gentle.
“Couldn’t sleep either?” Dallas shook her head. “I thought for sure you’d tell me to go home.”
“What if I had?”
“I don’t know. I guess I was counting on you not doing that.”
Alex dropped to the side of her bed and pulled off the cowboy boots, then his jeans. He stood up again with only gray briefs hugging his hips and restraining his erection. Slowly he bent to peel them off and then stood waiting for Dallas to make the next move.
She started by taking off the cotton nightdress and climbing onto the bed. He moved next to her. He reached to take her into his arms as he slid down on the mattress. And then all they did for a while was hug. Perhaps it was an odd way to begin to make love, but now that they were together, the urgency from that fateful morning a few weeks ago disappeared. Instead there was only a sense of relief because the anticipation was over. It had been worth the wait.
After a while Alex finally turned to Dallas and began to kiss her again. For a long time it seemed to be enough. She was grateful for the time to adjust to him. Simply because the first time they’d been together in bed she didn’t know what the hell she was doing.
His stiff member surged against her and signaled the level of his arousal. She tentatively touched him to indicate her own willingness. Alex sighed and moaned.
“Alex? Do you … have anything with you?” she asked, staring at him.
He stroked her stomach. “Plenty.”
He leaned away over the edge of the bed for his jeans and took the packets from his pocket. When he was sheathed and protected, Alex leaned over to whisper in her ear.
“I messed it up for you, didn’t I? I wasn’t any good the first time we were together,” he whispered with regret.
“It wasn’t you.”
“I always wanted a chance to show you what it’s really like.”
“I know what it’s like. I’m more experienced now.”
He carefully lifted his body to rest on top of her. Dallas automatically raised her knees, and his weight spread her legs. “Yeah … but not with me,” Alex said as he directed his penis into her body.
Alex didn’t need to worry, Dallas thought as they settled into a smooth and rhythmic thrusting. She could tell from his control, his timing, that Alex was much more experienced, too. The thing that was different was that it didn’t hurt and she wasn’t scared, and it felt so wonderful to be together again like this. Dallas couldn’t think of a thing they didn’t know about each other.
It had been such a long time. But it couldn’t have taken less time than it had for them to realize they wanted each other. Alex kept the pace steady and gentle. The sensual tension built slowly in their kisses and touch, where their bodies connected. It was so different because they were part of each other. Simpatico. Soul mates.
The silky friction finally culminated in
a release for both of them that was not so much explosive as it was breathless and intense. They lay languishing with their bodies still joined and a sense of peace softening their limbs.
But this had only taken off the edge. They soon started again. The second climax built upon the first, and when the last tremors were wrung out of her, Dallas realized that her toes had curled.
They were together for the next two days.
Dallas thought that the most wonderful thing about it was that they didn’t spend it all in bed. There had been a lot of catching up to do. Mostly they just enjoyed being together. They walked about her neighborhood, strolled Broadway and Riverside Park. They sat in noisy sidewalk bistros with flavored designer coffee and shared muffins or brownies. Doing a lot of normal couple things. They fell into an easy and smooth compatibility, so that when they returned to her apartment, there was heightened excitement and energy to get back together naked in bed.
Dallas had grown into her body and her sexuality. She had learned the things that made her feel good. Hayden had been a selfish lover. Burke had been a great improvement. Alex was totally intuitive about her needs. But it had been him, after all, who had initiated her. And set the standards. He knew instinctively how to search out each and every pleasure point, to press those buttons … ring them bells.
She loved that Alex liked to sleep spooned around her back, that he liked talking in the dark before they made love; before they fell to sleep. She liked that he got up and would begin breakfast—or lunch, whatever the hour called for—without being asked. And he didn’t leave the toilet seat up. Dallas liked that when she really needed a few hours to finish her next article and the proposal for her book offer, Alex disappeared to entertain himself. He returned later with a bottle of wine. And a rented video.
