“Zack, I don’t want to keep this a secret or anything so that’s why I’m going to be honest with you.”
“What is it?” He prompts me, sitting back down on the sofa.
“I called Jason this afternoon.”
“You did what?”
“Please don’t get mad at me, ok? It was my decision to make and all I did was reach out to my friend.”
“After everything that son of a bitch did to us?” He challenges me, leaping up onto his feet. “He kept us apart for months!”
“Zack, he didn’t force me to run away from you and he knows that lying about you and Rachel being together was wrong.”
“I don’t give a shit if he’s sorry. I don’t want you speaking to him again.”
“You can’t tell me what to do! Not when you’ve just spent the last six hours with the mother of your child.”
“Damn it, I knew this would happen! I knew it was a load of bull shit when you told me that you were ok about this.”
“I’m just saying that you have no right to be mad at me when you’re this late home and spending time with the woman you used to be engaged to.” I argue, storming into the kitchen so I can make a start on the washing up.
Doing the dishes is the only household chore which helps me calm down. Whenever I’m anxious or upset, angry and frustrated, the dishes always get cleaned. Zack used to tease me about it but neither of us finds my silly ritual humorous right now.
“The only reason I’ll have anything to do with her is because of Amber. You already know this, Sam.”
He comes up behind me, taking me by surprise when his arms circle my waist.
“I know you don’t have feelings for her.” I tell him, allowing my body to melt against his touch. “Just like you know I don’t have those type of feelings for Jason.”
He sighs deeply, forcing me to turn around and face him.
“That doesn’t mean I have to like you talking to him behind my back.”
“You weren’t here but I didn’t go behind your back. I was up front and honest with you the second you came through the front door. The only reason we’re having this discussion right now is because I was honest with you.”
He nods his head slowly, stroking the length of my jawline with his thumb.
“You’re right.” He murmurs, lowering his mouth towards mine. “Forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive.” I whisper, pressing my lips against his.
I’m lifted up and placed on the kitchen counter behind me, my legs spread wide so Zack can fit between them.
“I can make this up to you.” “I can make all of this go away.”
“Zack…”
“Don’t say anything.” He begs me. “Please just let me do this.”
I close my eyes and exhale slowly, surrendering myself to the exquisite sensations building up inside of me.
I realise this moment between us won’t last. We can shut the door on the outside world by pretending that everything is fine but we can’t close the door on our problems forever. The truth is… our troubles will still be waiting for us, no matter how hard we try and avoid them.
We can’t outrun them.
They will always catch up with us in the end.
Chapter Nine
The following weeks pass us by, each day blurring into one confusing state of discomfort and solitude as the distance between myself and Zack grows.
He spends so much time with Rachel and Amber, I almost feel like I’m living alone and crave the nights we would stay at home together and talk about our day.
The sad part of it all is… I miss him. I miss him so much that it hurts.
He’s spent time with his daughter every single day since he found out the truth and no matter how hard I try, my envy of her grows more and more.
The DNA results came back, proving Zack to be the father and confirming my worst nightmare. A small part of me was hoping that he wasn’t, praying that the whole thing was some horrible mistake.
Except it wasn’t.
Things changed after we got the DNA results. I couldn’t bring myself to show any more enthusiasm when Zack would come home with stories about Amber, desperate for me to take an interest in his daughter.
Rachel is still determined to keep us apart and has made it clear that I will play no part in her daughter’s life whatsoever. I know this is heart-breaking for Zack but all I can feel is relief.
I don’t want to see her. I don’t want to hear about how beautiful she is or how much she’s grown. I don’t want anything to do with her and for this… I’ve come to hate myself.
I know Zack wants to believe that it will get better. He remains optimistic that Rachel will eventually come around to the idea of me getting to know Amber. He’s hopeful and reluctant to accept that things will stay like this forever.
I’m far more realistic.
He doesn’t seem to understand that the situation we’re struggling with is hopeless. How can any of us move forward from this when we’re still stuck in the past? It’s impossible and the harder I try to figure it out, the more frustrated I become.
It’s taken me a long time but I’ve finally come to a decision. I know what must be done and it has to take place tonight.
I’m doing this for the man I love and the daughter he’s recently discovered.
Zack’s daughter.
She’s also my niece and the one thing which threatens to tear us apart forever. I can't be the reason that she grows up without a father and I refuse to be the obstacle which stands in the way of Zack getting to know his own child. The kindest thing I can do for everyone is disappear and I'm more than willing to sacrifice my own piece of happiness for Zack's if that's what I must do.
This also means I must leave him... for good.
I just pray he will let me go.
He’s out with them tonight, leaving a couple of hours ago so he could meet up with Rachel. I hate the fact that she has to be there whenever Zack wants to spend time with his child. However, I also understand that it’s the way it has to be. As much as I’m jealous of what Rachel has, I know that none of this is her fault. She’s still angry with me and won’t ever forgive me for what I did. I can’t blame her for any of this and want to make amends.
This is the only way I know how.
The only person who knows what I have planned is Audrey. She’s reluctant to go along with it but I’ve managed to convince her it’s the right thing to do. It took a lot of persuading on my part but she’s agreed to help me, deciding to put my friendship with her above the guilt she’s going to feel when she’s forced to lie for me.
My bags have been packed for half an hour and the letter I’ve wrote for him is on the coffee table. I’m pacing back and forth, wringing my hands together while I wait for my friend to get here.
This is killing me. It’s actually killing me and I don’t know how much longer I can hold it together. My decision to leave Zack has been weighing on my mind and my heart for weeks, stealing every ounce of happiness I once had. I’m a shell of the woman I was all those weeks ago, before I found out the truth.
The sound of a car pulling up outside causes me to race to the window, peeking out through the curtain so I can see who it is.
Audrey.
I breathe a sigh of relief, struggling to control my trembling as I make my way to the front door. Picking up my bags, I take one last look around our apartment. I want to savour every single moment before I leave.
For good.
My heart is breaking as I open the door, closing it behind me for the final time. Each step I take feels like a knife is being plunged into my chest. I can’t think about him or how he’ll react when he comes home to find I’ve gone. I can’t think about his face, his voice, his touch or the love he still has for me. II do… I’ll never leave.
One year ago, I met a man who changed my world. He saw through the façade I wore like armour and recognised my scars, healing them one by one. He took the shatte
red pieces of my soul and promised me he would fight for us.
He did.
He did fight for us and saved me from myself. He rescued me from a past where I was drowning, drowning in my own sadness before he threw me a lifeline.
It wasn’t enough and I won’t drag him down with me.
Not anymore.
Sink or swim, flight or fight… whatever the hell you want to call it.
Let’s see if I can do it on my own.
Starting now.
Chapter Ten
Zack
“So shall we meet up the same time tomorrow?” Rachel asks, turning in her seat to face me.
I’ve just pulled up outside her mum’s house, dropping her off after spending time with her as well as Amber. I switch off the car’s engine, sighing deeply.
“Rachel, you know how much I’ve loved spending time with Amber these past few weeks. It’s meant the world to me and I’m so grateful you’ve allowed me to be a part of her life.”
There’s a momentary pause before she speaks, curious as to where I’m going with this.
“What is it? I feel like you’re about to tell me something bad.”
“No, it’s nothing bad.” I assure her, smiling weakly. “I just think I need to spend some more time with Sam. She’s been really patient and accepting of the fact that I’ve wanted to get to know Amber, meeting up with you each day so I can do that.”
“So now the novelty has worn off, you want to go back to your little girlfriend?” She snaps, narrowing her eyes at me in contempt.
“Of course not. I want to see as much of Amber as I can but I can’t neglect the woman I’m with. She needs to know that she’s still important to me. She’s the centre of my world and I don’t want her to feel pushed out. I’m going to take some time out and spend the next few days with her. I’ll be in touch soon though, I promise.”
“Fine.” She retorts, folding her arms across her chest.
“Rachel, please don’t be like this. I thought we were getting on well, making things work for Amber’s sake.”
“So did I.” She whispers, frowning bitterly.
I glance back at our sleeping daughter, blissfully unaware of our disagreement.
“Let me help you with the car seat and your bags before I go.”
Opening the car door, I make my way to the back and lift her out. She doesn’t even stir as I carry her indoors, placing the baby’s car seat in the hallway.
“Thanks.” Rachel murmurs, somewhat begrudgingly.
“I’ll be in touch in a few days about Amber.” I inform her, taking one last look at my baby. “But call me if you need anything, ok?”
I’m halfway to my car when she calls me back, taking a few steps towards me.
“It’s never going to be the same between us, is it?” She asks, realising this for the first time. “We’re really over, aren’t we?”
“Yes, we’re over.” I admit, gazing down at her intently.
She turns away from me, discreetly composing herself before she heads back towards the house.
I drive home in silence, refusing to switch on the radio so I can reflect on my thoughts instead. I still can’t believe I’ve come to find myself in this situation, torn between the woman I want to be with and the daughter I don’t want to be without.
I know I’ve been neglectful when it comes to Sam recently but I don’t think she understands how delicate the situation with Rachel has been. I needed to find some sort of balance between keeping her happy and appeasing the mother of my child.
I’ve been terrified that Rachel will put a stop to me seeing Amber, scared that a single comment might upset the situation we’ve been working on and ruin everything. However, I now feel I’ve made some headway with her, she seems to understand that the relationship we’re going to have from now on is purely platonic.
My heart is with Samantha and I think Rachel has finally come to accept that.
This is the reason I told her I needed some space tonight. I figured that I’ve made such an effort to spend time with my daughter these past few weeks, she would understand the need I have to do the same with Samantha.
We haven’t spent a single day together since I found out about the baby and this is going to change.
Tonight.
Samantha doesn’t know it but I’ve arranged a weekend away for us. A romantic break so we can talk, make plans, make love and reconnect.
I know she’s been feeling left out recently, as well as a little envious about the amount of time I’ve been with Rachel. I also know she hasn’t said anything because she doesn’t want to upset me or come between my newfound relationship with my child. She’s put my own happiness above her own and for this… I have to thank her.
All I want to do is spoil her and make things right, assure her she’s still my main priority and tell her how much I love her.
I can hardly contain my excitement as I pull into our apartment complex, grabbing my wallet before I exit the car and make my way inside.
I unlock the front door, announcing my arrival as I throw my keys down on the coffee table in front of me.
They land on a white envelope with my name on it and I instantly recognise Sam’s handwriting on the front of it.
Wondering why the hell she isn’t here and why she’s wrote a letter to me in the first place, I tear open the envelope. Scanning the words before me, my whole body begins to tremble. My vision blurs and the floor shifts beneath my feet, causing me to fall back against the sofa.
I read it fourteen times.
That’s how many times it takes me to process what it says.
She’s left.
She’s left me.
For good.
My breathing becomes laboured and my chest tightens, my heart begins to race and won’t slow down. My palms turn sweaty and my surroundings spin, swallowing me up. I can’t breathe, I can’t move, I can’t even think.
Before I can control my actions, I tear the letter into shreds. Pieces of paper land like snowflakes, a snowstorm of misery which accompanies the knowledge that it’s over.
My brain won’t function, refusing to take responsibility for what I do next…
The coffee table is the closest thing to me and I grab it, throwing it across the room with so much strength, strength I didn’t even know I had.
I trash the place.
I trash the place we called our home and I do it with a vengeance.
Yanking the mirror off the wall, I hurl it through the TV. Shards of glass crunch beneath my feet as I race into our bedroom so I can destroy everything in it.
That’s when I realise her clothes are gone.
She took everything.
Everything except her ring.
I find it in the box it came in, still waiting in her bedside drawer.
The one and only thing she left behind.
Bitch.
I fucking hate her.
I hate her so much it consumes me... blinding me against the love I once had for her.
The love I still have.
I leave the bedroom, ripping my hands to pieces as I search for my car keys amongst the wreckage. Finding them, I stumble through the front door and head for my car.
Blood is pouring from my fingers but I don’t even feel it.
I’m numb.
I can’t feel anything but rage.
It’s building up inside of me and I can’t control it anymore.
There’s only one person she would go to. There’s only one person she would choose to confide in and that would be Audrey. She has to know where Samantha is and I won’t rest until I find out where that is.
I’m hammering on her door fifteen minutes later, ignoring the fact that the noise I’m making is loud enough to wake the entire neighbourhood.
“Zack, what on earth are you doing?” Audrey demands, flinging her front door open so she can stop me pounding on it.
“Where is she?” I demand, shoving her to the side so I can get inside. �
��Tell me where she is!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” She yells, following me as I start searching every room.
“Don’t lie to me.” I warn her, grabbing hold of her shoulders so she knows I mean business.
I will not leave this house until she tells me where she is. I’m cracking up already, so close to losing my sanity.
“I’m not lying to you.”
“I can see right through you.” I growl, closing in on her in. “And I swear to God I will hurt you if you don’t tell me where she’s is.”
“Zack, she didn’t say anything to me about leaving. This is the first I’ve heard of it.”
I narrow my eyes at her, trying to decipher the truth. I almost believe her… almost.
“Is she up there?” I ask, shoving her backwards so I can get upstairs. “Is she hiding from me?”
“Zack, please!” She begs, chasing after me.
“Sam!” I cry, searching every single room. “Where the fuck are you?!”
“Zack, you have to go or I’ll be forced to call the police.” She informs me, breathing heavily.
I can tell I’ve unnerved her but I’ve gone past the point of reason. I won’t let anyone keep us apart and right now… she’s the only one standing in my way.
“I will destroy this house brick by brick if it means I’ll find her.”
My voice sounds threatening, resembling something dark and frightening. I barely recognise myself but can’t put a stop to it. The physical need I have to find her is all-consuming, controlling my actions as well as my fury.
“She isn’t here, Zack. I swear to you she isn’t.”
“Audrey, I am begging you. Please tell me where she’s gone. I’ll do absolutely anything, I’ll do anything she wants. I’ll give her some space, I’ll leave her alone until she wants to see me, I’ll write her a fucking letter which you can give to her… just don’t keep this from me.”
I implore her to tell me the truth, watching her intently as I wait for her reply.
“I honestly don’t know.” She says, speaking softly. “I really don’t.”
“Swear to me you’re telling me the truth.”
Right Girl Page 6
