Right Girl

by Lauren Crossley

  Audrey still has her house up here so I’ve been staying with her, rushing back and forth between the hospital because I insist on being there each morning.

  Rachel comes by every day, struggling to manage her childcare now she’s spending so much time in hospital. I don’t know who is looking after her daughter but I have a feeling it must be my mum. She hasn’t been since the day we had our altercation and I can only hope that Rachel has told her to keep away.

  I speak with Zack each night before I fall asleep. It doesn’t matter where I am or the fact that he can’t hear me because I know my imploration is still heard.

  “Come back to me.” I whisper, kneeling down in reverence as I place my hands together.

  He has to come back to me…

  He just has to.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Sam, he’s awake.”

  I clutch the phone to my ear, scrambling out of bed as soon as my mind is able to process what Rachel just said to me.

  “What? Since when? Is he ok?”

  “I think you should get down here.” She advises me. “I’ll explain everything to you then.”

  I grab a pair of clothes and speed out the door, reaching the hospital in ten minutes. I barge my way through the doors which lead into the Intensive Care Unit and grab hold of my sister, spinning her around to face me.

  “You got here fast.” She proclaims, staring at me incredulously.

  “How is he? Where is he? Is he still in his room?” I ask, bombarding her with questions as I try and catch my breath.

  “He is but you can’t go in there right now.”

  “Why not? I need to see him!”

  I try to reach him, striding down the corridor as fast as I can but she chases after me and pulls me back.

  “Sam, wait! There’s something you need to know.”

  “What is it?” I snap. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Zack’s awake but… but he’s lost some of his memory.”

  “He’s what?”

  My whole world shifts beneath me, tilting on its axis. My sight goes blurry and my legs give way, forcing me to grab hold of the wall behind me.

  “The doctors call it post-traumatic amnesia.” She informs me, guiding me into a private corner of the waiting room. “They say it’s quite common after someone has suffered from a brain injury as serious as his.”

  “But it will come back, right? His memory will come back eventually?” I cry, tugging my own hair in desperation.

  “They don’t know.” She replies softly. “Nothing is certain right now.”

  “I need to see him!” I wail, trying to get by her once more.

  “Sam, you can’t go in there.” She admonishes me, blocking my path.

  “Why not?!”

  “Because he doesn’t know who you are.”

  Her disclosure hangs between us, causing my actual heart to stop beating for a few moments.

  It really stops.

  I can feel it.

  It’s all I can feel.

  “W-what are you talking about?” I stammer, shaking my head in disbelief.

  “He doesn’t remember you.” She clarifies smoothly, awaiting my response calmly. “The doctors have been questioning him about what he remembers and the last event his memory can locate is him proposing to me. Sam, he doesn’t even know who Amber is. His own daughter is a stranger to him. If you go in there right now, he won’t have a clue who you are and it will only upset him.”

  “I don’t believe you.” I declare boldly, shaking my head as I take a step back.

  “Then speak to his doctors.” She retorts sharply, pointing at one of them as he walks by. “This isn’t a malicious lie which I’ve fabricated to keep you two apart. It’s the truth.”

  I still don’t believe her and refuse to believe anything she says until I discuss it with Zack’s doctors, requesting that one of them explains Zack’s condition to me in private.

  He breaks it to me gently, using a compassionate tone of voice as he confirms that Zack can’t remember anyone he has met within the last three years of his life or anything which took place.

  His last memory is being engaged to Rachel.

  Which means he doesn’t even know I exist.

  He doesn’t know who I am.

  “What can I do? How do I make him remember who I am?” I implore Zack’s doctor, pleading with this professional to tell me what to do.

  “I wish it was that simple but it isn’t. Injuries similar to this can take months, maybe even years to correct themselves and sometimes… the damage might not repair itself.”

  “Are you saying that he might never get his memory back?”

  “It’s a possibility, yes.”

  My teeth begin to chatter as my temperature drops. My whole body is quivering and I can’t remain still. It’s like electric shocks are coursing through my veins and I can’t focus on anything but the excruciating pain inside me as terror consumes me.

  “But he’s only thirty-one! He’s still young and he’s healthy.”

  “I’m afraid a patient’s age and good health doesn’t make much of a difference in cases like this.” He explains.

  “But how can I help him?” I ask. “What can I do?”

  “Don’t show him your frustration.” He instructs me. “Remain calm as well as patient. Zack needs your tolerance right now as well as your understanding. His memory might come back in time and if it doesn’t… he’s going to need his friends and family around to support him.”

  “Does… does he know about his parents and his brother?” I enquire hesitantly.

  “I think your sister broke the news to him this morning.”

  “She did?”

  “She thought it was the right thing to do. She’s the closest person to him now he’s lost his immediate family and she’s one of the people he remembers.”

  I nod my head, wondering if this doctor even knows who I am. I’m sure Rachel hasn’t explained things to him because he can’t seem to comprehend how devastated I am about Zack’s condition.

  “Thank you.” I murmur, leaning back against the wall behind me.

  “I have to go now but you know where I am if you have any more questions” The specialist says, smiling politely.

  “Thank you, Doctor.”

  Rachel comes to fine me a few hours later. She’s been inside with Zack while I’ve been sitting on one of the benches outside. The ICU has a strict policy about their patients having one visitor at a time so there’s been no room for anyone else since Zack woke up. He doesn’t even know who I am so I guess that makes Rachel the priority.

  “The doctor confirmed everything I told you?” She asks, joining me on the bench.

  “That’s right.” I reply dismally, lowering my head.

  “I’m so sorry.” She apologises, placing her hand on top of mine.

  I stare at our hands, wondering how the woman who once despised me can suddenly forgive everything that’s happened.

  “Are you?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at her in scrutiny. “Are you sorry that this is happened?”

  “Don’t.” She warns me. “Don’t even go there with me.”

  “I’m sorry it’s just… I don’t know what to do!” I wail, pacing back and forth in frustration.

  “Sam, I’m not going to lie to you… I’ve spent the majority of the afternoon with Zack and he’s extremely confused right now. He’s exhausted, scared, grief-stricken and lost. I don’t think he can take much more.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I think… I think the best thing for everyone involved right now is for you to go away.”

  I slowly turn around and face her, waiting for the moment I finally wake up from this nightmare.

  “You want me to leave?”

  “It wouldn’t be forever.” She adds hastily. “It would just be until we figure things out. Zack’s rehabilitation is going to be extensive. He needs me to support him right now and I can’t do that if I feel like I hav
e to be supporting you as well.”

  “Who are you trying to kid, Rachel? I know you still hate me for what I did and this is your one and only opportunity to get rid of me for good.” I accuse her bitterly, furious with myself for not seeing it before.

  “You think that’s what I’m trying to do?” She demands, feigning outrage.

  “Yes!”

  “Let me remind you that you were the one who slept with my fiancé behind my back. You tore my whole world apart and broke my heart, yet I still called you when Zack had his accident.”

  “So don’t push me away!” I cry, fighting back my tears. “Please.”

  “Sam, he needs to be around people who are familiar to him right now. He still thinks we’re engaged and he trusts me. Zack and I have a daughter together, an innocent little girl he doesn’t even know. Don’t you think that’s more important?”

  “Yes but-”

  “But nothing.” She interrupts me, her voice assertive and firm. “You’re the one who ran away from him two years ago. You left him broken-hearted and I was the one who had to pick up the pieces. You need to understand that we have a child together. We’re a family. Please don’t come between that... not again”

  The excruciating pain of what she’s saying shatters my heart. It feels like a sharp knife has been plunged into my chest and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

  “Rachel, I love him.” I whisper, taking both of her hands in mine. “Do you really think I would have put either one of us through this if I didn’t?”

  “If you really love him then you need to let him go. It’s the kindest thing you can do for him now. Please don’t break his heart again.”

  “But I wouldn’t.” I object, desperate to convince her. “Besides, you’re with someone else now. Zack told me that you’ve met someone.”

  “It’s hardly serious.” She retorts disdainfully. “He knows what’s happened to Zack and knows my main priority is him.”

  “I see.”

  She wavers for a few moments, hesitating before she continues.

  “You don’t know what he did to Harry, do you?”

  “H-harry?” I repeat, trembling violently.

  “He came to visit about a year ago. He wanted to see me and spend some time with Amber.”

  “What happened?”

  “Zack found out.” She discloses, folding her arms across her chest. “I let it slip that Amber had met her Granddad and he went berserk.”

  “What did he do?” I ask, dreading her answer.

  “Sam, he nearly killed him.”

  “He did what?” I gasp, astonished by her revelation.

  “He nearly went to prison, Sam. The only reason he’s not in jail right now is because I begged Harry to drop the charges against him.”

  “My God…”

  “Look, I’m not saying I don’t believe you. I know my dad must have done something because I now realise you wouldn’t lie about something like that.” She stops, placing a hand on my shoulder and squeezing gently. “What I’m trying to say is it shouldn’t have happened. Zack was never violent when I was with him. He was happy, carefree and ambitious. He’s changed so much since he met you. I’ve never seen him so angry, resentful and… sad.”

  “I don’t know what to say.” I murmur, taking a seat on the bench once more.

  “Let him have this second chance.” She urges me. “Do the right thing.”

  She turns to leave, turning her back on me so she can go on inside.

  “What if I leave and he remembers? His doctor said he might still get his memory back.”

  “Then I’ll tell him.” She assures me. “I’ll tell him that you sacrificed your own happiness for his and I’ll let him know where you are. If fate decides to bring back his memory then I won’t stand in your way.”

  She remains impassive, almost like a statue before she dismisses me for good.

  “You promise you’ll tell him?”

  “I’ll tell him when the time is right.” She says, making it clear that she’s made her decision. “But for now it has to be this way. It’s our one and only chance to move forward and find peace.”

  “You have no idea what you’re asking me to do.” I shudder, wrapping my arms around myself tightly. “I can’t live without him.”

  “That’s exactly what you’ve been doing for the past two years.” She reminds me, detached and composed. “You can do it again.”

  “Promise me you’ll tell him.” I plead with her, needing to hear it again.

  “When he’s better.” She replies, entering the building so I’m left alone. “I’ll tell him.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Six months later…

  “Sam, you’re glowing!” Audrey gushes, greeting me with a kiss as I join her.

  We arranged to meet outside a quaint little coffee shop which has outdoor seating, deciding to embrace the warmth of September before it turns colder.

  “I really don’t feel like I am!” I exclaim, brushing my hair back over my shoulder. “I feel bloated, stretched, sore and exhausted.”

  “What a nice combination.” She jokes playfully, sitting back down in her seat.

  “Tell me about it.”

  “Is he still kicking you as much as before?”

  “Yes!” I declare loudly, pretending to be infuriated by this. “And I have no idea why. I swear he’s going to be a footballer when he grows up.”

  “Nice profession.” Audrey adds, rolling her eyes at me.

  “So how are you?” I ask, picking up the menu so I can peruse its contents.

  “Sam, I’m not the one who is important right now. You’re due in eight weeks!”

  “Don’t remind me.” I groan, stroking my stomach.

  “Are you nervous?”

  “Kind of.” I admit, considering my answer. “I guess it’s just the fear of not knowing what to expect.”

  “You… you haven’t heard anything more from Ian since we last spoke?”

  “No, thank goodness. I think he’s finally got the message.”

  “Is he still insisting that you have the DNA test done?”

  “He can have it if he wants.” I reply curtly. “The results will still be the same because he’s not the father.”

  “And you’re certain about that?” She enquires, observing me closely.

  “Audrey, we hadn’t even slept together in two months when Zack found me. It proves that our relationship was failing but neither one of us wanted to face it at the time. My due date proves that Ian can’t be the father and he knows that. He’s just holding onto something false because he can’t accept that we’re over.”

  My statement is true. Ian has been driving me insane these past few months, especially when he found out about my pregnancy. He was convinced I was lying to him about my baby’s father and has been pestering me ever since.

  I’ve promised him a DNA test as soon as my son is born and look forward to the day he will finally move on and leave me alone.

  “Oh, no.” Audrey groans, averting her gaze quickly. “Sam, please don’t look behind you.”

  “Why? What’s wrong?” I demand, automatically turning around so I can see what she’s staring at.

  Oh, God… no.

  Not him.

  It can’t be, can it?

  Zack…

  My stomach churns and my heart feels like it might leap out of my chest. My palms turn sweaty and my whole body starts to shake.

  “Do you want to leave?” Audrey offers, reaching for her handbag so we can make a rapid exit.

  “No, it’s ok.” I whisper, cradling my head in my hands. “It’s just the first time that I’ve seen him since… since his accident.”

  “This must be horrendous for you.” She empathises, placing her hand on top of mine. “Come on, let’s go.”

  She won’t take no for an answer, helping me out of my seat so we can walk in the opposite direction.

  “Who is he with?” I ask, needing to know.

 
; “He’s with her.” She replies solemnly, hurrying me down the street.

  “Rachel?” I blurt out, coming to a standstill. “He’s with her?”

  “And their little girl.” She adds, glancing back over her shoulder.

  I try to resist but find it impossible, doing the exact same so I can gain one last look at him.

  Just one glimpse.

  He is with her, holding hands with my sister and carrying his daughter. They look perfect together, the three of them seem so happy, strolling along the sidewalk without a care in the world.

  “We should go.” I mumble, needing to put as much distance between us as possible.

  “Come on.” Audrey comforts me, placing her arm around my shoulders.

  One glimpse was all I needed of the man I used to love.

  The man I still love.

  The father of my unborn baby.

  The man who didn’t remember.

  Epilogue

  Four years later…

  “Jamie, please slow down!” I beg my four year old, chasing after him in the supermarket.

  My son is like a whirlwind, tearing down each aisle in his important quest for sweets. I can barely keep up with him, terrified he’s going to knock somebody over or upset one of the shelves.

  “Mama, can I have this?” He asks, picking up a jar of blue sweets and looking up at me expectantly.

  “Only if you promise to save them until you’ve had your dinner.” I warn him, using my sternest voice.

  “I do promise.” He says, grinning up at me in triumph.

  “Ok then.” I concede, chuckling lightly. “You can have them.”

  I take the sweets from my son and make my way up to the counter, searching the contents of my handbag in an attempt to locate my purse.

  “Is that all?” The shopkeeper asks me, smiling warmly.

  “I think so.” I answer, glancing down to see if Jamie has picked up something else on our journey.

  Except he isn’t there.

  He’s gone.

  Vanished.

  “Is everything ok?” The friendly cashier questions, noticing my fear.

  “Jamie?!” I cry, racing back down the aisle I just came from. “Jamie, where are you?”

  This is my worst nightmare. The one thing every parent dreads has actually happened.